"If you feel pain in the process of educating your children, then your method must be wrong."

Parents are children's life guides. This book teaches parents: positive discipline, kind and firm parenting environment, and learning skills and methods of dealing with people.

7 Perception ability and skills

1 personal ability perception

My perception of important value, I am valuable to this matter.

Perception of one's power or influence in life will affect what happens to oneself.

4 the ability to introspect, understand your emotions, and use this understanding to achieve self-discipline and self-control.

Strong interpersonal skills, good at cooperating with others, and establishing friendship on the basis of communication, consultation, sharing, cooperation, empathy and listening.

Strong overall grasp ability, with a sense of responsibility, adaptability, flexibility and integrity to deal with various restrictions and behavioral consequences in daily life.

Strong judgment, using wisdom to evaluate the situation according to appropriate values.

All these will lay a solid foundation for children's life.

Education mode:

1 Strict:

Treating children with a strict attitude is only a temporary good. In the long run, children will generally have problems such as resentment, revenge, rebellion and retreat, lacking a sense of responsibility and poor self-discipline. The lower the level of self-esteem, the less self-discipline, and control will make children's self-esteem level very low.

2 arrogance:

The "natural education" claimed by parents will make children lose self-confidence, don't know where their behavior boundaries are, have an addictive personality and lack the care of parents, because parents don't give him enough guidance.

Children's perception ability is particularly strong, but their interpretation ability is particularly poor. If parents can't explain this clearly to their children, then the children don't understand.

3 positive discipline

How to judge whether your parenting style is positive or not?

Yes 1 kind and firm, with unconditional love and appropriate boundaries;

2 whether to give children a sense of belonging and value (the two most important things pursued in childhood, seeking a sense of belonging when crying);

3 Whether this kind of education is effective for a long time;

4 valuable social and life skills and good character;

How can we do positive discipline?

The child replied: You can not respect me if your parents leave first, but I can choose to respect myself. When parents calm down, adjust their mentality and say to their children, "I respect your feelings, but I can't accept what you just did." Whenever you don't respect me in the future, I will walk away for a while. " "I love you, and I want to be with you, so when you can respect me, I will be happy to find something else with you to deal with your anger.

Solve problems calmly and constructively, and let children participate in the process of making rules. He can really do it. If children have love in their hearts, they will not take foreign things so seriously.

Basic concepts of positive discipline

1 Self-esteem is very important. When parents affirm a child, it is the best opportunity to cultivate the child's self-esteem. When affirming, let children realize their sense of value. The more specific the better, he will know where he is doing well.

2 win or not, education is not to win children, if you win children, you will lose. But to win children, let children feel that they have a loving relationship with their parents, and they can make any demands on their parents and respect their opinions.

The most important thing to win is empathy. After listening, you can say, "Dad made such a mistake. What can we learn from it? " ? What is the solution? "In this way, children will turn every mistake into an opportunity to learn, not an opportunity for parents to condemn.

Many parents are eager to criticize their children in order to keep a clear line with them. Parents are subconsciously afraid of making mistakes and being criticized, which is a sign of psychological immaturity. Parents should share this responsibility with their children.

Learn to apologize in education (both parents and children should learn), and take three steps: apologize, admit mistakes, make up, and find ways to solve them. You use your apology to make children learn to apologize.

Teach children a sense of social value, do good deeds every day and improve their sense of self-identity.

5 confidence

What are the bad behaviors of children?

1 excessive attention, crying, separation anxiety.

Seeking rights and fighting for rights in the family, I won't do it if you ask me to. This feeling was laid before I was 3 years old.

3 Retaliation makes parents uncomfortable.

Give up on yourself and make a fool of yourself

The most core and basic solution:

Establish feelings, express appreciation for him, pay more attention to his advantages, praise him more, and let him know that his parents love him unconditionally.

1 Children seeking excessive attention

Solution: you can give your child some definite tasks appropriately, so that he does not seek your attention, but pays attention to the task and has a sense of accomplishment; Hug him; Create some special time, unique happy time, one hour a week, which belongs to children and parents, and no one can disturb us; A knowing smile, a secret code for two people; Avoid special services, don't be overly satisfied, and give her what a normal child should have.

Children seeking power struggle

Solution: Quit the competition; Solve; Determine your own behavior rather than the child's behavior, tell her and implement it; Distinguish between logical results and natural results, logical results tend to evolve into wrong attribution patterns, and natural results are punishment results related to errors; Creative together, come up with solutions, the third choice; Love and care, such a child usually feels that his parents lack love for him.

Children of hatred and revenge.

Solution: Don't fight back, don't argue with your child, respond to your child's feelings in a friendly manner, and invite your child to participate in the solution.

Desperate and helpless children who give up on themselves.

Solution: Give her a simple task and give her encouragement when she finishes it. Don't make higher demands in the future, which will make her feel frustrated. Arrange a small success, give her enough affirmation, give her a sense of accomplishment, and pay more attention to the advantages of children. Refer to the book "Rebellion is not the fault of children". Rebellious children have entered self-abandonment, and the method here is very good.

Active suspension: when problems and contradictions appear, it can be called suspension.

Principle:

1 It takes time to train, not to punish anyone and let everyone recover;

2 children can arrange their own pause areas and calm down;

Active pause is to solve the problem, discuss a solution and put forward heuristic problems; Why not use less is easy to make people feel condemned and want to solve it from the heart; Emphasize his motivation and process, not the result;

4 family meeting, once a week, decided to be carried out in a consistent situation, if there is any inconsistency, discuss why not agree and discuss next week's activities; Discuss next week's entertainment activities, end with warm activities, formal, with host and secretary, pay attention to the order of speech;

Not all children in single-parent families have problems, mainly depending on how parents look at it. If parents can give their children enough love, there will be no problem.

Summary:

1 Making mistakes is a learning process.

What kind of problems children have are all your children. You should give unconditional love, kindness and firmness.

3 Independent and complete self-esteem system

4 choose to deal with problems when you are calm, and don't be taken away by excitement.