Older children are often too successful to bear the small disappointments in life, so they can't afford to lose and have poor anti-frustration ability. ?
For example:
? There used to be a five-year-old classmate named Chen Chen. I like playing chess with my father, but after all, I am too young to catch up with adults in IQ, although my father occasionally puts water on him to make him happy.
? But Chen just couldn't accept the reality of losing chess, and cried when he lost, which made his parents very upset. How can a child bear such a big loss?
Today's children are surrounded by the careful care of their parents from birth. The new generation of young parents know how to love education more, and let their children grow up with encouragement and praise.
Afraid of hurting children, young hearts. ? But more and more preschool teachers find that. ? There are quite a few children in kindergarten who are very self-centered. They should put me first in everything and care about winning or losing.
? You can't lose a game, even a game. If you lose, you cheat and don't want to play. Some children think that activities or tasks are difficult, so they can't stand a little frustration. I may not be able to do it well, so I just gave up and didn't even have the will to try.
Why do children care so much about winning or losing? How is this caused?
? 1. The degree of persistence determines the degree of completion of children's work.
Experts believe that as far as a child's quality is concerned, the degree of persistence determines the result of his completion of a thing. Children with high persistence must finish everything, otherwise they will never stop, and they are often a little picky and pursue perfection. It is easy for a child with low persistence to do things halfway or hastily, which makes people feel that he is not attentive or hardworking enough.
2. Environment makes people's character.
Children will observe or imitate how their parents deal with failure or frustration. If parents always emphasize or imply that they should strive for everything in their daily lives, children will definitely take this as a criterion.
? If parents praise their children when they are outstanding, they will show disappointment in their brow when their children are not amazing.
Children will feel that their self-esteem has been hurt and wonder if their parents don't love me. Based on this, children will try to behave more.
? Only by asking yourself to succeed without failure can you win the approval of your parents. After a long time, children will have this fear of loss. If they lose, they will be afraid that their parents will be unhappy and will be afraid that their parents will blame them. So it will get worse. More and more fragile.
How to help children improve their ability to resist setbacks?
Then, try the following three steps to help improve your child's adaptability.
Step 1: Respect children's individual differences.
Poor pressure resistance and frustration resistance are common problems of modern children. If your baby belongs to the uncompromising type of not playing if you can't win.
? That is to say, children with high persistence will definitely win. Then as parents, stop fanning the flames. It is required to be better on a good basis. Enough is enough, let children try to bear some failures and let them know that there are many people who are better than themselves;
Where are your children? It belongs to the type that both expects and fears being hurt. Then parents should encourage their children to try more. The best way is to put standards first.
Put it down. When encountering difficulties, we should gently insist on encouraging children to complete tasks. Once children have a successful experience, they will work towards their goals step by step. Their society will be more willing to make efforts. You will gradually understand that you should never give up easily, and you can only see a happy ending if you persist until the end.
Step 2: Give children the courage to face setbacks.
Parents always think that it is too early for young babies to experience setbacks. Therefore, when the baby encounters setbacks, parents will feel extremely distressed. They should first find the reasons for the baby's frustration, or help the child make up for the mistakes and take care to avoid the child's failure here.
In this way, children can't understand the meaning of true success and the value of failure, and they can't and can't help them learn to face failure and success. These parents don't understand that these failed experiences are a very important lesson in life.
Like that morning in our previous example, can his father do better? His father might as well tell him that you can play chess with adults when you are only five years old. Dad likes playing chess with you, especially when you are absorbed.
I'm happier. I can pretend to lose to you, but that's a lie. Meaningless. Do you want dad to pretend to lose to you? Or do you keep challenging me, and one day you will beat me!
Give your child the courage to face failure and let him get up again after falling. Such success will be more effective for himself.
The third step is to reflect on success and failure and decide that children can't afford to lose and can't face the result of failure. This kind of heart may come from the definition of failure and success given by parents.
So do you have to beat others to succeed? Parents should tell their children the meaning of success in plain language. Success is to complete one thing wholeheartedly, not to beat others and let the children understand. The completion of the matter itself is a reward for yourself, and it does not necessarily require external recognition.
At the same time, let the children know that failure may just fail to achieve this predetermined goal, but failure sometimes makes us get more. Failure is the mother of success. Don't always think that children don't understand. He may not understand when discussing with children.
? In fact, frustration education should start at an early age. It is better to try to keep children away from disappointment and teach them how to cheer up after setbacks. You know, children who have the ability to cope with disappointment are often more likely to be happy and successful.
? What kinds of situations usually occur when children face failure?
? The first kind of behavior: emotional If the child's response to disappointment is crying loudly, or lying on the ground, the emotional response is very strong, then parents should first let him know.
? What can be changed and what cannot be changed. Secondly, let him know that nothing unreasonable can bring what she wants. But it should be noted that.
Parents must not let their children's bad emotions affect them, but put pressure on their children and get angry with them. I don't know if you have met it. If we don't buy something for the child, he will either cheat or cry.
Then at this time, you can tell your child that you know his sense of loss very well and comfort her. It doesn't matter if you feel lost, because I will be lost in this case. Let children know that disappointment is normal.
? Then, discuss with him the effective ways to solve the problem, or let the child participate in various activities until he finds what he likes. Or the brain distracted him.
If a child can find pleasure in what he is good at, then he knows that he has the ability to control some things. This kind of training can usually be a child's thinking mode, which quickly changes from disappointment to willingness to do other things.
? The second behavior: getting angry alone.
Such children generally don't cry when they are disappointed. But this emotion is brewing anger on the side. In fact, at this time, parents should help their children get rid of this bad mood and remind them to do something else.
Do you have any good ideas? Doing so can convince children that they can find a solution to the problem and have the ability to make a bad situation better. ?
Parents are advised to give their children a choice. For example, if it rains, we can't play in the park. Shall we play with your favorite toys at home?
Or you can ask the baby if he wants to go again next Sunday, or ask him to help you when preparing dinner, although it will make you more busy. But it helps to adjust the child's mood and recover from pessimism with a positive attitude.
? The third behavior: turn to forget.
Although such children don't take disappointment too seriously, when they know that they can't go to the park, they will immediately ask for another project to play, but as parents, they still need to help their children master more ways to resist setbacks.
The first method: We can create a circle of interpersonal communication for children.
Let the children ask them for help when they get lost. In this circle, there can be not only parents, but also other relatives at home.
? Or other children, classmates and so on. Research shows that children who can recover quickly from lost emotions are usually able to ask others to help them. In addition, they can ask some suggestive questions to inspire children to learn to cope with the disappointment they face.
The second method: set an example. This method is to warn our parents to stay calm when things go wrong.
? Don't get angry easily, so the children next to you will imitate you. Gradually, it will also improve the emotional intelligence of children.
The third method: to enrich vocabulary, it is certainly better to say it with your mouth than to throw a chair, kick someone and other violent acts.
? We can teach children some words, such as magic, anger, evil, madness and so on. What words are used to describe their anger?
Or by telling stories, let children vent their emotions, so as to help children through the shadow of disappointment or failure.
Conclusion: In fact, many parents have a deep understanding of this fear and frustration of failure. After reading this article, you can try to change it to help children improve their ability in this area.
? What should children do if they want to give up when they encounter setbacks?
Many parents are very upset when their children encounter setbacks and want to give up. Give it up,
Worried that children will develop habits in the future; Asking children to persist will often cause children's fierce resistance.
Tools/raw materials
Children education
? pedagogy
Methods/steps
First, leave the children alone.
Explore opportunities and successful experiences Explore those children who flinch and want to give up when things happen, and you will find that they have a common feature, that is, they have no self-confidence.
? What is confidence? Generally speaking, I think I can do it. How to cultivate self-confidence?
? Two steps. First of all, it worked.
Secondly, I did it because my confidence didn't come out of thin air. It's not that you say you love children very much, so you have children.
Tie children to successful events. The more "I can" experiences children get, the stronger their self-confidence. So, parents who love their children, please stop your over-arrangement and substitution.
? As a result of your excessive intervention in children, children either think they are omnipotent or useless. Both of these self-perceptions will lead to inferiority complex.
2. Second, understand and support more, criticize and accuse less, and inspire children to change their cognition. If you find that children often think "I can't",
? We need to reflect on whether it is too strict and picky with children at ordinary times, which leads to children's wrong self-cognition. If you are not confident enough to do things, you must change your child's cognition and just say "You are great!" "You can do it!" Waiting like that is not enough.
We also need to carefully observe every little progress made by children, find out what they have done well, and tell them sincerely, so that they can gradually restore their self-confidence and change their original wrong self-cognition, for example, when children play a piece of music many times and can't play it well.
? If we just say, "Come on, you can definitely play well!" Children may shout angrily, "I just can't play well!" "
? We can try to say to our children, "I can see that it is really not easy to play this song well." You have practiced so many times and made some progress. "
? There are still some areas that can be improved. Let's see what we can do. "
If we empathize with children's feelings in this way, they will feel that they have our understanding and support, and it is easier for them to regain their confidence, continue to work hard and not give up easily.
Third, give children a moderately difficult task and let them "jump" to the concept of "zone of proximal development" put forward by Vygotsky, a psychologist in the former Soviet Union.
The so-called "zone of proximal development" is the gap between the actual development level of children's independent problem solving and the potential development level of children's problem solving under the guidance of adults or with the cooperation of capable peers.
To put it simply, the tasks we provide to children are higher than their current level, and they can be achieved by "jumping" instead of "shrinking".
? Therefore, when we see that children are unwilling to try, we can also reflect on whether the task is too difficult for children or whether children really need our help.
? Maybe we can adjust the difficulty of the task, or give the child appropriate help, and the child can move on and achieve the goal.
Fourth, encourage children to work hard and praise their intelligence and achievements less. Improper praise may hinder children's courage to try in the face of difficulties.
? So how can we motivate children to stick to it? Rudolph, American child psychologist and educator? Drexel said in his book Children: Challenges: "Children need encouragement just as plants need water.
Without encouragement, children's personality can't develop healthily, and children have no sense of belonging.
Encouragement is different from praise. Encouragement is the process and attitude towards children.
For example, "mom saw you doing your homework carefully this week and was proud of you." Praise is more about results.
For example: "Mom saw that you got 100 in the English exam this week, and she was happy for you."
? Fifth, encourage children to make more friends. Facts have proved that people who have a fixed life and interpersonal circle and can often drop in and play together will be healthier and happier.
? So are children. Children who stay at home all day may become more and more introverted, timid and depressed.
Interpersonal communication itself can bring children more sense of existence and belonging, feel love and being loved, need and be needed.
When children have their own circle of friends, they can have more opportunities to talk, get comfort and support, and enhancing the courage to face setbacks is actually the fundamental way to fight setbacks.
It is to let children learn self-motivation and learn to use their own sunshine to dispel negativity and darkness, rather than relying solely on parents and external forces.
Be a sun that automatically glows and heats, not a moon that reflects sunlight, so that children have the ability to resist setbacks ~
How to educate children about setbacks
Children will encounter many setbacks in their daily life.
For example, there are contradictions when getting along with friends, and I didn't do well in the exam.
If children are not properly guided after setbacks, they will often lose self-confidence, have a sense of withdrawal, and even become weaker and weaker;
If properly guided, children will face setbacks calmly and gradually cultivate endurance and willpower to setbacks.
Parents can try to cultivate their children's frustration tolerance from the following five kinds of frustration education!
Step one:
Counseling and timely counseling can help children analyze the causes of setbacks and find out the crux of failure, thus avoiding serious emotional setbacks for children.
? Let children realize that only by overcoming difficulties can they move forward;
We should always influence and infect children with an optimistic and positive attitude towards life, enrich their life experiences and let them learn to look at things in life objectively.
Step two:
? Encouragement means encouraging children to summon up courage and work hard.
? When children make efforts to achieve certain results, they should be affirmed in time, so that children can see their abilities and be more confident to face new difficulties.
? Encouragement is especially suitable for timid, timid and introverted children.
Step 3: Enlighten and try.
? Children sometimes refuse to try new things or things that they think are difficult, such as asking children "what do you think should be done?" ,
Allow children to make mistakes and correct them in the process of trying, and even if they fail, let them feel that they have gained something from it.
? Only in this way can children learn to adjust their mentality and overcome difficulties to pursue the next goal.
Step 4: Leverage
Children's self-confidence and endurance are based on various advantages.
Full self-confidence in one aspect can help children better face setbacks from other aspects.
? If the child has left his own advantages behind in the face of setbacks, you must not forget to remind him and encourage him to use his advantages to change his weak confidence.
? Generally speaking, children with poor frustration tolerance are psychologically fragile, have no confidence in themselves, and can't see their own bright spots and advantages over others.
? It is necessary to immediately affirm children's achievements and let them experience success, so as to be more confident in facing new challenges.
Step 5: Environment
Patient parents and democratic upbringing are conducive to cultivating children's lively, cheerful, studious and honest character, thus enhancing their frustration tolerance.
At the same time, communication with peers can make children experience some setbacks, such as disagreement and being in a leading position, and can let children learn how to get along and cooperate with their peers through constant tempering, so as to better safeguard their position among peers.
Moreover, mutual communication and guidance between peers can also help children overcome difficulties and solve problems better.
In communication with peers, we can find different views from ourselves, so as to better understand others and ourselves and overcome the shortcomings of self-centeredness.
? These are conducive to the cultivation of children's frustration tolerance.
Children also have the desire to win, and they hope to succeed in doing something, but they are also afraid of failure. Faced with failure, children's mentality is roughly the same.
? There are two kinds. First, face it frankly and think that failure is normal. Just try your best next time.
Secondly, children don't even want to try, because they are convinced that they will fail, how embarrassing it will be, and simply choose to give up.
The reason why children are unwilling to try is that they are afraid of failure. Don't let your child "fail".
? Naturally, what we want to study is the second type. The fundamental reason why children are unwilling to try is that they can't accept the result of failure.
Why are children afraid of failure? Nothing more than these reasons:
1, regularity comparison
Most parents like to compare their children with other children, no matter what, as long as they are in their hearts.
This is the normal psychology of parents, which is understandable, but some parents go too far. They not only keep up with the competition, but also say directly in front of the children: "Look at the children in the aunt's house next door, and their scores in each exam are above 90."
What about you? I really can't do anything well "?
? This comparison mentality of parents has deeply hit the children. At the same time, it also planted the psychology of "no matter what you do, you will fail" in the child's subconscious. Therefore, when children face new challenges,
? Their first subjective thought is to deny themselves. How can children dare to challenge under this kind of psychology?
Put too many "negative labels" on children.
In life, many parents like to "label" their children, especially when they do something wrong. For example, if their children are afraid to go to the toilet at night, parents will label their children as "cowards".
Moreover, this matter will be put on the table again and again. Finally, even the children themselves got used to this label. How does the affirmation of their negative behavior subvert their idea of "no" It is even more impossible to do something that challenges new problems.
In view of this, how should parents guide their children?
(1) belongs correctly. Some parents always attribute their children's failures internally, such as low IQ and lack of intelligence.
? In fact, the correct approach should be to help children make correct attribution, not only to find their own problems, but also to let children know.
? In fact, success is also influenced by other factors, such as luck, timing and objective environmental factors. Only in this way can children not have too many negative feelings about themselves.
(2) Tell children that failure is worth experiencing. Children blindly deny failure because they think it is shameful and meaningless.
? Therefore, parents need to tell their children that failure has its value, and there are too many things learned from failure. Only by accumulating experience from failure can success be possible!
? Finally, parents have to accompany their children to experience failures, analyze failures and overcome them. Children who are new here naturally need guidance. As parents, we do not help guide them. Who wants to be the guide?