I have kept a diary for several years, but I never want to recall my childhood. Last time I was on a business trip, I was bored at night, and somehow I remembered my childhood.
What impressed me most in my childhood was not the poverty of life, nor the bitterness of not working, but my father's reprimand and abuse. According to my mother, after I was born, my father liked me very much and often made me happy. He occasionally buys me a twist when he goes to the market town. But as long as I can remember, I have no impression that my father never hugged me, praised me or even smiled at me. I spent most of my childhood in fear, wondering when my father would lose his temper and why he was beaten. Later, when I grew up, my father stopped hitting me, but I still couldn't see his smile. Sometimes I clearly hear him humming a tune outside, and his voice is very nice, but when he enters the door, his face is overcast. As soon as I saw my father, I was afraid to go out at once, for fear that I would be severely scolded if I made a mistake.
When I was a child, the person I feared and hated most was my father. I secretly vowed that I would never marry someone like my father when I grew up. When filling in volunteers in secondary schools, the only criterion is: as far away from home as possible on the premise of being admitted!
My father used to be a private teacher in a rural primary school. Later, he was transferred to a public office after the senior high school entrance examination, and then transferred to a town center primary school. Now he is a county education institution. He is gentle to his students and warm to his colleagues. I used to envy his students and colleagues because my father was so amiable in front of them!
As my younger brother and I grew up and left home, my father's character gradually became gentle and began to talk and laugh with us. After marriage, every time I left home, he showed reluctance and made me sad. But until now, my father and I have been unable to express our feelings to each other. I dare not say anything sweet and greasy, for fear that he will be bored, so I have to push the children to laugh and play in front of him and feel his warmth from his love for them.
It is easy to find the reason for reflecting on his father's character in adulthood: his character comes from his lonely childhood and from his parents' indifference and irresponsibility. About three or four years old, his parents divorced, remarried and gave birth to several children, but he left him over one year old to his widowed grandmother and never cared about him again. My father and grandmother lived together since childhood. When I was over one year old, my father's grandmother passed away. Since then, he has lost his last spiritual support.
As I get older, I understand my father more and more. Every time I think of his childhood, I feel distressed. At that time, how should a child like an orphan live? How to seek comfort when wronged? As an adult, I lost the most important relative in my life, and I have to bear the heavy responsibility of supporting my family alone in order to be heartbroken. Lonely and helpless childhood left him no chance to learn how to express his love, whether for his lover or for his children. The pressure of life and emotional closure made him unable to find a suitable expression, so he vented all his emotions on his children. Like most traditional men, he is not good at expressing his feelings, let alone thinking about how to communicate with children. It was not easy to earn money to support a family at that time.
Because of this, my father has become an extremely responsible father. Even though he divorced his mother (and later remarried), it had no effect on me and my brother. Thirty years ago, the rural conditions were extremely difficult, but he still created the best conditions for our brothers and sisters within his power, insisted on providing us with opportunities to go to school and worked hard for us.
Today, my father still loses his temper from time to time, but I have been able to tolerate it. I know he is not expressing his sincerity! When it's all over, he will be the most loving father again.
Recalling my childhood, I suddenly found myself trying to escape from my father's influence. In fact, my father left an indelible mark on me.
I have been studying hard since I was a child, hoping to win my father's praise with my grades. More than 30 years have passed, and I have tried my best, but I still can't get half of my father's affirmation. Objectively speaking, I benefited a lot from it, got excellent grades along the way, and finally changed my destiny through reading. But in my decades of life, I have never been confident. I always hope to win others' goodwill, make others happy, care too much about others' comments, and often live too tired.
More than ten years ago, I got married quickly, and even when I got angry, I didn't inform my parents (mainly gambling with my father). A week later, the two families had dinner together, and I saw my father crying at the dinner table for the first time. At that moment, I felt that my father cared about me. But in these 20 years, I need to tell myself in a deductive way: my father loves me, he supports me, and no parents don't love their children. I have been thinking about why I married Wood with my eyes closed in the first place. Finally, I came to a conclusion, because he and his father are almost opposite in character. He has advantages that his father doesn't have (tolerance, no temper) and disadvantages that his father doesn't have (not careful enough, muddling along, not pursuing excellent habits, etc.). ). In my subconscious, he is still too rebellious to his father!
After graduating from junior high school, at the urging of my father, I was forced to give up high school and go to a secondary school. Since then, I have lost the chance to go to college normally. After countless experiences in Lacrimosa, I feel that my life is meaningless. After work, I study hard by myself. After ten years, I finally returned to the campus for postgraduate study. Everyone says I have perseverance. Only I know that what I lose is always the most precious! Those who are forced to give up are more likely to get upset! I often think, if my father hadn't made that decision, would I still be admitted to college after finishing high school normally? Would you like to continue studying after graduating from college?
Under the desire of being praised by my father, I worked hard since I was a child, and my grades ranked first in my grade. Under the strict requirements of my father, I will do nothing and go all out. But looking at my first thirty years, I don't think I am happy. I spent my whole childhood in fear and trembling. I studied in Hunan for four years, and most of the time I was immersed in the shadow of inferiority that I felt poor and rustic. After work, it hurts me to watch my peers go to college with schoolbags on their backs. After I got married, I felt doomed to failure and cried all night. After my master's degree, I want to stay in the coastal area, but I dare not go out in the face of ridicule and ridicule from others all day. With children, I was unable to support myself, helpless and desperate, and wanted to commit suicide many times ... In retrospect, I felt that I had obsessive-compulsive disorder in those years. I feel that life is hopeless when I am not satisfied at all, and I often despair of life and often get hysterical.
Reflecting on myself, I don't read much, but I have such an unhealthy mentality. Even if I reach the peak of knowledge, what can I do? Power, money, fame and fortune contain knowledge, which everyone longs for, but what's the use of having more if you lack the ability to perceive happiness and happiness?
I am glad that I still have a trace of faith, and I have finally passed countless hurdles. I'm glad I met wood. After decades of tolerance and waiting, I finally changed from violent as a lion to generous as a Buddha! I am glad that I have two children. The pain of raising children that once made me feel wronged, hated and even cursed now seems to be the wealth of growth. After countless times of despair, pain and exhaustion, I finally gave up my life and learned to find happiness, appreciate possession and accept the established facts. Don't talk about suicide now, I can't think of anything to be angry about.
If my father was violent and overbearing when he was young, it also gave me the tenacity and perseverance to get out of it! Suffering ends when my mind changes, but tenacity and perseverance will accompany me all my life.
My father gave me everything, and now I influence my children.
I try not to beat and scold my children (although this is inevitable), try to communicate with them on an equal footing, and try to give them the opportunity to make decisions, even if they will endure endless troubles.
I have never felt the affection of my grandparents since I was a child. Every time I see my parents-in-law's intimacy with onion and garlic, I feel gratified. Although they are old and strong, they can give me very limited help, but even if they can do nothing but give their children a kind smile, I feel very warm. Whether out of morality or out of love, I am willing to give them the greatest tolerance and try my best to make them happy!
I don't expect my children to get good grades in school, and I won't ask them to get more points in exams or subjects in the future, let alone force them to pursue so-called success. On the contrary, I will try my best to make them happy and encourage them to do what they like. Even if they only become ordinary cooks or repairmen in the future, I won't feel embarrassed, as long as they feel happy.
Maybe this is a typical psychological compensation. What you can't get when you are a child, you will try your best to stuff it into your children when you are an adult.
I don't know, what regrets will my children have when they grow up? After a few years, will they blame me: Mom, why didn't you force me to study hard when I was a child? Why not force me to learn piano, chess, calligraphy and painting? How can you tolerate me being so mediocre?
If they really ask, maybe I will answer: son, I think happiness is more important than Excellence. If you want to be an excellent person, it's never too late to start!
Writing about one's childhood for the first time is not liquidation, but more rational thinking. I hope I can feel the influence of parents on children's personality and even the whole life from the experience of the last two generations, so that I can have more reference when considering how to treat children.
I can't imagine what impact I will have on my children in 30 years. I can only try my best to do what is in front of me and let it be! No one can grow up in an ideal environment, and all the positive and negative effects, perhaps, are doomed by children!
These are my real experiences and feelings, and I hope I can help you. Finally, I wish you all the best and all the best!
The pain caused by origin and extinction needs to be healed in a lifetime, and the love brought by origin and extinction can heal other pains encountered in a lifetime.
The influence of family background on children should mainly refer to the influence on personality and thinking. This is a very complicated topic and a hotbed for the formation of children's basic personality, but it is not absolute. I mainly want to talk about non-absoluteness.
First, the same family will have children with different personalities and ideas. I have seen a case before, which tells that in a family, the father is always a domestic violence mother, and his three sons have been in the same environment for a long time, but they have formed different views on their future marriage. The eldest son began to imitate his father's wife after domestic violence. The second son began to be disappointed with his marriage and decided not to marry for life. The third son felt sorry for his mother and vowed never to let his wife be the second mother after marriage.
Second, the influence of family background on children is only a part of many influences on children. The influence of school and society on children is also very important. Children will constantly adjust their personal cognition by contacting different people, encountering different things, learning different knowledge.
But despite this, family background is still an important factor affecting a child's life. Try to create a benign family environment for children, and the rest depends on the children themselves.
My husband and I are two completely different personalities. I am sensitive and exquisite, pursuing perfection, and always like others to say that I am good. My husband lives a real and unpretentious life and never looks at other people's eyebrows. From my point of view, I just have no vision, but I am sincere and kind, which may be based on this. We argued for decades, but it didn't affect our relationship at all.
Slowly, I am also thinking, why do I always want to make everything perfect and make myself nervous and tired? My old mother is over 80 years old, and my brothers and sisters take turns taking care of her. In the days when I get along with my mother day and night, I found that my mother is very demanding of us, even the smallest things are not let go. I used to think that because my mother is a very capable person, she always despises what we do. Now my mother is aging, and we have grown into unique individuals, but we still can't meet her various requirements. It suddenly dawned on me that this is not strict, but critical. This is her "unique" way of communicating with us. She thinks that she won't communicate with us except in such a critical way, which comes from her family, a poor and violent mother with an unfortunate marriage life. Under such circumstances, she will feel insecure because of her extreme self-confidence and lack of love. Her mother won her mother's attention and love with all kinds of capable performances! Then we are all very capable, diligent and pursuing perfection, but we are too tired.
For example, every time something happens, no matter how big or small, I think about it in advance, make all kinds of preparations, how many solutions there are, and how to solve it best. I always make myself very tired and the effect is not always good. My husband eats well and sleeps well. When the problem comes, he hardly gives himself trouble in advance and does nothing without delay. Different personalities, different educational environments and the influence of different primitive families have caused different personality differences.
Knowing this, I understood my old mother and tried to break this way of getting along. When she found fault with me, she solved it in a humorous way. She was angry that I pretended nothing had happened, and my old mother gradually became humorous. Life is so beautiful, there are not many things that need to be serious, especially those closest to me. Trying to change them will get better and better.
Parents are children's first teachers, and the "brand" of genes first affects personality, then attitude, and finally affects life.
1: Growing up in a loving family, children will have a strong sense of happiness, know how to cherish, know how to be grateful and know how to pay.
2. Personality cultivation, most children in happy families are cheerful and lively, like to help others, and are more caring.
3. Marriage concept, we often hear girls (boys) say that I want to find someone like my father (mother) to marry, which is the expectation of a happy life. If the child's family is not harmonious and parents often quarrel, the child will be full of fear of future marriage.
4. Psychological quality, the psychological quality of children in a harmonious family is very healthy, happy and positive. On the contrary, it will make children have some distorted ideas and negative emotions.
It's really important for a child to come from a family. Parents' words and deeds have a great influence on their children's future. Because children are copies of parents' words and deeds, children are learning all the time, so it is very important for parents to set an example. This year, deputies to the National People's Congress made a very emotional remark. They only know that parents who watch mobile phones all day can't raise children who love reading. What they said is really right. Moreover, many children's bad behaviors are caused by their parents' bad behaviors. For example, parents always quarrel, which leads to their addiction and inferiority. Parents are irritable, and children are irritable. Parents are used to beating their children at home to solve problems, and children will also be used to fighting at school to solve problems. Parents don't care about their children's feelings, and children don't care about others' feelings. On the contrary, parents love reading and children love reading. Parents are polite to others, and children are polite to others. Parents often communicate with their children, and children love to communicate with others. Parents have a rich language knowledge system, and so does their children's language knowledge system. Therefore, when educating children, we must pay attention to our words and deeds. Don't think that it is the teacher's responsibility to throw children to school, and the role of parents is far greater than that of teachers.
As the saying goes, a dragon begets a dragon, a phoenix begets a phoenix, and a mouse's son can make a hole. It can be seen that the influence of family background on children.
There is also a saying called "golden phoenix flies out of the henhouse", which shows that this influence actually varies from person to person, and it cannot fully interpret a person's success or failure, happiness or misfortune.
A baby is born into this world, and that cute little head is like a video camera. It shoots what it sees and hears indiscriminately and stores it all in its brain. Every time parents caress their children, their father's devotion to their career and their mother's devotion to their family are absorbed in their minds, including their helplessness in the face of difficulties, their excitement when they finally got out of trouble, their father's regret after their quarrel, and their mother's tears. These shots are all in the child's mind.
These shots accumulated in the brain record how parents live, how to face difficulties, how to be happy or unhappy, constitute the child's subconscious, guide and influence the child's thinking and actions, and form the child's initial personality and habits.
Therefore, the importance of being born in a family lies in the shaping of children's character and the formation of habits.
Those who are confident and positive must have grown up in a family with harmonious and loving parents. On the contrary, those who are self-abased and irritable come from families, and they are definitely loveless.
The pain of being born in a family will take a lifetime to heal. Family of origin's love will heal the pain of a lifetime.
It is undeniable that the shaping of personality also has the influence of schools and society.
Therefore, some bad temper brought by many bad families can be gradually improved through the tempering of schools and society. People with strong self-repair ability can completely get rid of the bad influence of family and get rid of the pain of being born in a family.
Therefore, we can't completely blame our misfortunes and failures on our family background. You know, parents can't choose, they can change.
Being born in a family is like an invisible kite line, seemingly invisible, but it quietly affects and controls your flying direction. However, tough people will break free and fly freely.
I am Zen Run. I'm glad to answer your question.
Satya, a famous American family therapist, believes that a person is inextricably linked with his family, which may affect his life.
I have a friend who has had a bad relationship with his parents since he was a child. Fighting is common. It can be said that talking at ordinary times is not a quarrel, and it is a piece of cake to start without bloodshed. He has grown up. Witnessed all his parents' quarrels and fights. But parents just don't divorce.
But this friend is ok, and his character is not crooked, but he is an out-and-out unmarried person in his treatment of marriage. I dare not be interested in all feelings and avoid talking about them.
He said that even if he has a crush on women, he dare not touch them. He is afraid that once he talks about feelings, all that remains is endless quarrels, so it is better to wait and see from a distance. Even after his parents lived in harmony in their later years, he had no hope for his feelings. He said he would rather be single all his life.
Being born in a family has a great influence on a person, especially in childhood. Once there is a shadow, it may never be made up.
If parents can't give their children a good family, it is better to separate or reorganize the family.
I hope it helps you.
Being born in a family has a great influence on a person's growth, which is too important. Maybe everyone can be a parent, but how many people are really good parents? Too many people can't cure the harm their parents have done to their children all their lives. My mother-in-law is a strong woman. No matter what everyone in the family does, she likes to take care of things. No matter what happens, it is always someone else's fault. My husband used to be her carbon copy. After giving birth to a child for so many years, I slowly changed him with carrots and sticks, but the process was really painful. The influence of family background on a person is really ingrained for life.
Being born in a family has a great influence on a person! Tell you a story about me. My parents divorced when I was eight. He was awarded to his father and his brother to his mother! Dad wanted to make money to support his family, but he didn't have time to take care of Xiao, so he sent him to his grandparents' house and let him live with them. Soon after, my father remarried and my stepmother had a son, but she didn't bring him. Xiao grew up in this environment, and later he went to be a soldier. In his words, during the long and hard training time of the army, my father never called to care about him. As for him, he is getting used to this kind of life. His mother, too, wandered around, busy with her own business and didn't care much about him. Fortunately, he met the girl he liked, got married and had children, and everything went well. But it didn't last long. Xiao began to travel all over the north and south like his mother, always thinking that the outside world is more exciting and the money outside is better to earn. "Aim high, but aim high" is the best description of him. A job never lasts more than three months. Have no patience and responsibility for family and children. I can't earn money, I can't support my family, and I'm still having an affair outside. After numerous quarrels, Xiao divorced his wife and the child was awarded to him. He himself said that this is how he grew up, as long as the children are not hungry or frozen. Listen, this is what a father said. He doesn't love his children at all. He was the one who suffered this injustice since childhood, and he felt that the child could survive. Later, he found many girlfriends, and none of them got married. He is completely playing with others. This is the influence of family background on a person. But as long as parents give their children more care, give them more guidance on the direction of life, and establish a correct three views for their children, they will not lose themselves. I hope all the children in the world will be treated gently! Grow up in a harmonious family!