First, excessive praise is actually a kind of soft violence.
Heim G. Guinot, a famous child psychologist, said, "Praise, like penicillin, should never be used casually." . We should strictly control the use time and dosage of praise-like mental "drugs", otherwise it may cause "allergic" reactions.
Modern educators point out that no matter what children do, parents praise them with "you are great", which is actually a kind of soft violence imposed on children. Children who have been blindly or excessively praised for a long time will lead to narcissism, arrogance, narcissism and unsociable.
Second, excessive praise leads to children's psychological "allergic" reaction.
Let's focus on the "allergic" reaction that will appear after the over-praised children step into the society.
A senior psychological counselor shared such a typical case:
Graduated from Small A University 1 year, and changed four jobs in succession, each unit felt that the work was not satisfactory and was not valued by the unit leaders. In fact, I change jobs frequently, and I have a big problem myself, but his parents just said, "Never mind, my son is always the best!" " "
"After entering the society, I can't get the praise of the company leaders at work, and I have no energy to work at all!" Little a confided to herself. In practical work, it is natural to do a good job within the scope of duties, and it is impossible to let the unit leaders praise everything from time to time!
Adler, a famous child psychologist, said that over-praising children can not improve their self-affirmation, but will deprive them of their sense of independence. We see that children who praise too much always seek the approval of others after entering the society. If they don't get praise, there will be a great psychological gap.
Nowadays, children get too much praise, which leads to the problem that they can't do well without praise and are unhappy without praise. So praise is not necessarily a good thing, and excessive praise will also bring problems. Once children get into the habit of not doing well without praise, they will be in trouble.
Third, praising children is actually a technical job.
Therefore, praising children is a "technical activity" and there are many stresses. It's just that every time you say "you are great" and "really smart", it will bring some psychological harm to your child. So, how should we praise children?
Praise for children must be specific. Parents should remember to encourage them too rudely, and only use general language such as "You are great" and "You are really smart".
Parents should keep in mind the following three basic principles when praising their children:
1 targeted and specific praise
Parents need to say something specific to encourage their children. For example, today, the baby took the initiative to pack toys, and the mother was very happy, letting the children know how to do it and how to work hard.
2 praise the attitude of hard work
Parents need to praise them less for their cleverness and more for their efforts. For example, recently, the baby paid special attention to listening in class, and the teacher said that his grades improved rapidly. The attitude of listening carefully in class is worth studying by her mother.
Praise the process rather than the result.
Parents should pay more attention to the process of baby doing things. For example, the baby's work is done with other friends, and the shape of the work is very creative. Mom found that you had a good time. Would you like to invite other friends to play next time?
Fourthly, the latest ideas about children's education abroad.
The "encouraging" education, which is very popular in China now, is actually a popular idea in Europe, America and other foreign countries in the 1990s. At present, there is an educational thought abroad that parenting education is neither criticized nor praised, especially in Japan.
This educational thought comes from the famous Austrian psychologist Adler. I recommend a very good book, Courage Does Not Teach, to parents. Interested parents can take a look, and the concept of parenting will make you feel refreshed.
How to raise children is a deep art. In view of this popular concept of raising children abroad-based on Adler psychology, it involves parents' non-criticism and non-praise of parenting education and how to communicate with parents and friends. I will continue to have in-depth exchanges with parents and friends.