Good children are managed, as the old saying goes: young trees are being cut and children are being managed. Minor children must be disciplined and punished. Through management and teaching, they can help children form the correct three views. It is the biggest irresponsibility to let children make concessions in the name of love.
Kangxi had many children all his life and was very strict with his children. "Court Instructions" contains many admonitions of Kangxi to his sons in his daily life. Today's excerpt is shared with you!
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A method of paying attention to discipline
Children should be in charge, don't impose their ideas on them, don't order them, don't yell at them. Discipline refers to setting an example and helping children to establish a correct view through gentle communication.
Family is a child's first class, and parents are a child's first teacher. Education is not only a technology, but also the result of spiritual communication and love.
Many parents always control their children by yelling and scolding, but in fact they don't know that they often yell and scold loudly, and the more they scold, the less they can hear. When parents scold their children for the first time, they may "do as you wish", but more and more times, just like "going into an abalone shop and hearing about it for a long time", the children gradually become numb to the scolding words.
The body has an escape mechanism. When you scold a child, the child's brain instinctively turns to the escape mechanism and begins to think about how to escape, which will not achieve the purpose of education. In addition, children also have self-esteem, and parents' scolding will dampen their self-esteem and self-confidence to some extent. Good children are boasted, not scolded.
The best way to control children is to set an example and let them receive correct information in their daily life. Emperor Kangxi was very strict with princes. This strictness is not only manifested in his studies, but also requires princes to have a correct attitude towards life.
In Courtyard Training, Kangxi asked the philosophers: treat people's gains and losses as their own gains and losses, listen to the good words of the Kingdom of Ghana and change, be cautious in every detail, have no regrets after careful consideration, constantly strive for self-improvement, treat others in a down-to-earth manner, treat yourself with self-denial first, and don't let it sprout.
Although he was busy with government affairs every day, for a period of time, he personally explained the Four Books and Five Classics to the Crown Prince. Later, he personally selected a master for the vassal, and Master Han taught the vassal state studies and Confucian classics.
When the officials of the DPRK are not early, the day is not bright, and most people are asleep, the princes will study in the study. At this time, Emperor Kangxi was also busy with political affairs, setting an example for the governors.
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Taking care of children is not everything.
It is still important to care about discipline, but if you take care of everything, your child will lose motivation.
Makarenko once said: You (parents) should let him take risks, and you should allow him to take risks to some extent. Good children are managed, and bad habits of children should be broken. It is not always in charge of children. After all, the child is on the road, and parents can't accompany her for life.
It is true that children need the guidance of their parents, but if they are always under the guidance of discipline, they are unlikely to learn self-control and self-guidance.
Good children are managed. On the road of children's growth, parents play the role of this gardener, pruning and weeding, and promoting the vigorous growth of flowering trees through external forces. Emperor Kangxi didn't discipline the princes in everything, but let them explore and give them advice only when they took the wrong road.
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A child can't get used to it, just like killing a child.
1, spoiling children is harming them.
Rousseau, a French educator, said: Do you know any way to make your children unhappy? This method is to be obedient to him.
"If you hold it in your hand, you will be afraid, and if you hold it in your mouth, you will be afraid." Excessive care has become the mainstream of family education. Under the doting care, children can't establish a basic inhibitory reflex, and they can't restrain their self-centeredness and independent instinct well.
Since ancient times, there has been a saying in China that "a loving mother loses more children." The ancients said, "Although you love it, it hurts you.": Although I love it, I actually hate it. " Today, many parents blame their children for not making progress, and let them realize their mistakes after they make mistakes. But on the grounds that "our children are still young" and "it will be fine when they grow up".
Spoiling children can easily lead to their lack of love and selfishness. When a child is surrounded by doting, he only accepts love unilaterally, but he doesn't know how to give it. Parents spoil their children, and children don't get exercise, which will lead to the deterioration of their abilities in all aspects.
Children who grow up in a doting environment are somewhat confused about their values. Children have always accepted that he is the center of the world and everyone serves him. When he goes to the society and leaves home, outsiders will not spoil you, and the world will not revolve around you, which will cause a huge psychological gap for children and impact their original inner views.
Han Feizi said: people don't love their parents, and everyone loves them, which may not be cured. This means that there is nothing like the affection between parents and children, and only love can not educate children well.
Prince Yin Yong lost his mother when he was young, and Kangxi loved him very much. Kangxi went to galdan and missed the Prince very much. He wrote to the Prince and said: It's hot today, so I'll bring you four cotton-padded clothes, gauze clothes and cotton gowns. ) and four jackets. Be sure to choose what you have worn and let the emperor wear it when he misses you.
Kangxi's excessive love for the prince also led to Ewing's arrogant and violent character to a certain extent.
2. Love is not doting.
There is such a fable in "An Overview of Ancient and Modern Talks": A kingfisher started to build a nest in the height of a tree to avoid disaster. After the birds hatched, the kingfisher moved the nest down for fear that the birds would fall from the high nest and die.
When the bird's feathers are very beautiful, the mother kingfisher loves the bird more and more, and she is more and more afraid that the bird will fall from the tree. Once, she moved her nest to a branch near the ground.
In this way, mother kingfisher was relieved. However, when passers-by found this little kingfisher, they just raised their hands and took it away.
The essence of love is to give children freedom, tolerance and appreciation, while the essence of doting is to control, arrange and criticize. ? Many parents can't tell love from doting, and think that they just love their children wholeheartedly. How can they be regarded as doting? Many doting parents don't realize that their children are doting.
Spoiling is more of a distrust of children, depriving them of experience and choice, and it is a kind of possession and control under the cloak of love.
Love is preparing breakfast for children, and doting is feeding breakfast to children's mouths. You must have love, but you can't spoil it.
Good boy is in charge, bad boy is in habit. Pay attention to the ways and means of managing children. Discipline is not yelling. You can spoil your children and do everything according to them, but the world will let them taste the bitter fruit of "love".
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