Children's mistakes must be pointed out and corrected in time. Fiona Fang can't be made without rules, so the most important thing to discipline children is to set rules for them.
Some time ago, a friend complained to me that his children were getting more and more lawless. He doesn't listen to anything his parents say, but what he says must be answered immediately by his parents. If his demands are not met, he will have to roll around and make a scene.
The children's grandparents also suffered greatly. If they are not satisfied at all, they can beat their elders and have a particularly bad temper. The family seems to be on standby 24 hours a day like his slaves.
"I wonder why you don't teach." "Not to say that we should respect children. Moreover, I can't bear to scold or fight. " "I didn't say I wanted to beat my children and scold them. I just wanted to set rules for my children."
Children must have a sense of rules and boundaries, which requires parents to cultivate their children, otherwise they will be really lawless.
Self-centered, arrogant and unconstrained when making mistakes, such children will have big problems in the future. So, why did it happen to children?
1.Children make mistakes, probably because their parents don't have good rules.
Parents are now encouraged to be friends with their children and respect their independent human rights and freedoms, which has also led to many parents' misunderstanding that children should release their nature and should not be bound. In fact, this is not correct.
Parents should do their duty first, and then be their children's friends, and they must be based on rules. Otherwise, children can't see their own mistakes at home and let them be presumptuous at home. Then when they enter the school, they will disobey the teacher's instructions and can't stand criticism. When you reach adulthood, you will also become a lawbreaking citizen.
Some parents said that I set rules for my children, but the children didn't follow them. That's because the rules are made in the wrong way. Common errors are as follows:
▲ I was shocked.
Scaring children will only aggravate their fears and undermine their sense of security. "If you don't listen, mom won't love you." "If you do this again, mom will leave." "If you watch TV again, you can't eat snacks." This method will only bring many side effects and destroy children's trust in their parents.
▲ snoring.
If a child makes a mistake, he will be beaten, scolded and punished. Beating and scolding will only make children yield because of pain and blindly obey their parents, but why do they do this? What should we do in similar situations? The child doesn't know yet. It will also make children rebellious and deliberately oppose their parents everywhere.
▲ Always say "no".
"No", "No" and "No" are what many parents often say to their children. It is difficult to make rules for their children in this way. The more parents say "no", the more mistakes children make. Parents should find that the more they disagree, the more they want to try. If parents are used to saying no to everything, children will become more and more careless and have big problems at critical and necessary moments.
2. Instead of useless violent punishment, it is better to establish a sense of rules for children.
Let children fear you, not fear you.
The so-called awe means that children should know how to respect their parents, respect and fear. Parents are children's first teachers and lifelong teachers. Parents must have a sense of authority that cannot be trampled on and let their children know where the bottom line is. Some children don't listen to outsiders, but they will listen to their parents. In the face of how much you like to eat, if there is no parental consent, the child will definitely not reach for it. This is the most basic sense of rules.
Everything must have rules, and you can't be free and loose.
With such children, they can eat well in kindergarten and behave well at every meal, but when they get home, they often say they want to feed them, because their parents say they have to eat independently in kindergarten and no one can feed you. At home, parents can feed them after eating. It is precisely because parents set rules and boundaries for him that children will not be unreasonable, but will be properly spoiled.
Set rules, be gentle and firm.
Tender is not angry, not angry, not angry. Teach your child calmly and let him know that you love him, understand him and respect him. Firmness is the principle. Just because the child cried badly this time, it won't work next time.
This is also why some parents say that their children go out to buy toys, and they are forced by their children every time. That's because you gave in to your child's hysterical cries again and again. The child knows that he will always get what he wants, so he will do it again next time. Parents can appease their children, but they can't give up the rules.
Making rules is more effective than dealing with children's mistakes with violence. Rules allow children to judge their own words and deeds, know good or bad, right or wrong, which is also very helpful for children to deal with interpersonal relationships in the future. In addition, parents can better educate their children by adopting the method of "positive discipline".
№3. How do parents educate their children through "positive discipline"
The way of "positive discipline" can be in the form of family meeting, and the rules can be formulated by brainstorming principle, so that children can participate in the formulation process, which will help children to clarify their responsibilities and know how to bear the consequences.
Neither arrogant nor punitive.
Pay attention to cultivating children's self-discipline quality. If children are spoiled, unpredictable behavior boundaries will be formed, then the rules are useless, useless. Children can't be independent and lack a sense of responsibility. Everything just depends on parents, self-centered, lack of self-esteem. If the child violates the rules and punishes the child, it will lead to the child's bad personality of anger, rebellion, revenge and retreat.
Children participate together.
This is very important. Children naturally have the right to know and participate in the rules formulated by children, which will help children to cooperate in the implementation process. It is also to let children understand the meaning and significance of the rules. We often say that parents should put themselves in their children's shoes and let them think from their parents' point of view. This is the true meaning of equality.
Parents become role models.
If children identify with their parents from the bottom of their hearts, they will know how to respect their parents and be willing to obey. Therefore, parents play a key role in positive discipline, and parents should be stricter in the implementation of rules.
For example, it's time to rest and sleep, so parents shouldn't keep watching with their mobile phones. You must do what you promised to your child, and give reasonable explanations for what you can't do, so that your child will know the importance of your promise and you can do your best to fulfill your child's promise to your parents.
Active discipline advocates that parents and children should pay attention to solving problems together, and children need the correct guidance of parents to learn what is right and what is wrong.
Parents' approval and encouragement can help children to establish self-affirmation and security, and cultivate their independent thinking and cooperative spirit. Parents should use more positive language to educate their children and help them build self-confidence and self-discipline on the road of growth.