With internal drive, regardless of external rewards and temptations, a person can maintain a high degree of enthusiasm, actively participate in what he wants to do, and will not give up easily. This is a powerful inner strength.
Those children who rely on external driving force may be excellent for a while, but when the external driving force is insufficient or disappears one day, the children will be at a loss, lose their way and even stagnate.
Therefore, in the process of educating children, parents should pay attention to protecting their children's internal drive and avoid the following three ways to destroy their internal drive.
0 1 Lack of sense of boundary, excessive participation and control.
Dr William Stix Rudd, a clinical neuropsychologist, and Ned Johnson, an expert in parent-child interaction and anxiety management education, put forward in the book Self-driven Growth:
If parents want to cultivate their children's self-control and stimulate their inner motivation, they should regard themselves as their children's "consultants" rather than their children's "bosses or managers".
Only when parents don't participate excessively and make children realize that learning is their own business can he be truly responsible for his own learning and be more independent and conscious.
Therefore, parents should grasp the boundaries and deeply realize that children and themselves are independent individuals. Children should do their own things and learn to take responsibility from an early age.
In learning, don't over-intervene and control, and give children appropriate freedom to manage themselves; When encountering problems, encourage him to think for himself and find the fun of learning.
02 improper use of external power supply
Two psychologists from Stanford and the University of Michigan have done a famous "painting experiment":
Children who used to like painting will take the initiative to paint after school without any intervention.
However, if the reward mechanism is deliberately set up, these children are divided into "reward group" and "no reward group", 16.7% choose painting and "no reward group". Only 8.6% of the children in the "reward group" draw pictures.
Children were originally interested, but after the introduction of rewards, their motivation was greatly reduced.
Material incentives can be used appropriately, but it is important to make children feel that parents buy things for him because they love and encourage him, rather than using rewards as a bargaining chip to achieve the next goal.
If you really want children to do something voluntarily and persistently, it is mainly to guide them to explore the fun and feel a sense of accomplishment and self-confidence in the process, instead of always relying on external forces to push them too hard.
03 negative emotions affect children
In children's study, it is difficult for many parents to maintain emotional stability. When you see that your child's grades are not as good as others, or you fail in the exam, you immediately think of bad results, and you are anxious, either sighing and sad, or losing your temper with your child.
As parents, it is not the children's behavior that affects our emotions, but our evaluation and views on children's behavior. We should learn to be responsible for our emotions.
In the process of educating their children, it is better for parents to adjust their mentality and way of looking at problems, keep their emotions stable and peaceful, and let their children feel that you trust him and that he can do it.
Parents convey positive and optimistic emotions to their children, which is more conducive to their growth and progress.
In a relaxed, happy and stable environment, children can concentrate on what they do and develop their own internal drive.