The difference between a successful parent and a failed parent is that the former picks out what is right and what is his advantage, while an unwise parent sees the child's shortcomings at a glance.
Praise is undeniable, but pay attention to the method. I found an article for you, which will be attached below. I personally agree with Reid's point of view, that is, praise by means.
As for encountering setbacks, I think it is definitely a good thing. When encountering setbacks, encourage children to face them. Moreover, when he really bravely faces them and defeats them, you should praise him and give him confidence. At the same time, guide him to sum up his setbacks, gain even a little experience from them, and gradually accumulate, your child will be excellent.
The following is an article I saw in the process of looking up information, and I agree with it very much.
Praise children's language art
In the best-selling parenting book "Give me your hand, son", there is a very apt metaphor to praise children-"Praise is like penicillin, never use it casually. The use of potent drugs has certain standards and needs to be cautious. Standards include time and dosage, because it may cause allergic reactions. "
Three principles
1. Exaggerate the concrete rather than the whole.
"Great baby", such praise is really familiar to parents. In the eyes of parents, every detail of the child's growth is admirable-the baby will laugh, the baby will turn over, the baby will jump, and the baby will talk ... It is in this constant surprise that parents are used to saying "Great!" For their children. "How nice!" Such an evaluation, even a gentle "ah", is full of appreciation.
Parents praise casually, and may not realize what kind of negative impact it will bring, until one day, they find that their children become afraid of failure and can't stand a little frustration. ...
Always praise children in general, for example, you are great, which will make children feel at a loss. Maybe the child just had a meal once. Instead of happily saying "Good boy, you are great", mother might as well tell him "Thank you for helping her cook, her mother is very happy". Targeted and specific praise will make it easier for children to understand and know what to do and how to work hard in the future.
Praise hard work, but don't praise cleverness.
"You are so smart!" -Another comment used by parents. If parents use "intelligence" to define their children's progress, the result can only be that children feel that good grades are equal to intelligence. On the one hand, they will become "conceited" rather than "confident". On the other hand, they will avoid challenges because they don't want to have results that are inconsistent with intelligence.
American researchers asked kindergarten children to solve some difficult problems, and then said to half the children, "You answered eight questions correctly. You are very clever. " Say to the other half, "You answered 8 questions correctly, and you worked hard." Then give them two task choices: one is a task that may make some mistakes, but eventually learn something new; The other one will definitely do well. Results Two-thirds of the children who were praised as smart chose the easy ones. Children who are praised for their hard work, 90% choose challenging tasks.
3. Praise the facts, but not the personality.
"Good baby" is a typical "boastful personality", which parents will inadvertently talk about. But "good" is a very empty concept. If a child always wears such a big hat, it is a kind of pressure for him.
The same is true for adults. When leaders praise you constantly, they will be complacent at first, but gradually they will feel pressure and even don't want to be perfect in order to get a break.
If parents' praise is always "exaggerated", children will also be under pressure and feel that they don't deserve such praise. What will they do? Just when you praised him, he did something that gave you a headache to show "sincerity".
Three suggestions
1. Pay attention to children's efforts
In order to achieve the goal of inspiring children and truly "praise the concrete" and "praise the hard work", parents must first understand the whole process of their children's work. Sometimes you can see the children's good intentions and efforts with your own eyes. When summing up your child's achievements, you may wish to describe in detail what you have seen and heard. For example, after a child finishes writing a composition, you can say, "The beginning of the article is very good, and it is really not easy for you to come up with such a beginning;" The middle description can feel that you have been carefully observed. The sentence at the end is also wonderful, and it is very appropriate to use it to point out the topic ... "In this way, you will tell the children's hard work in composition one by one, and the happy and confident smile will immediately overflow their faces.
It doesn't matter if you don't see the child's efforts with your own eyes. By asking questions, children can tell the process of their efforts, make appropriate comments without losing time, and also give them a useful compliment.
Don't talk too much when praising children.
After careful analysis, parents' attitude towards praise is indeed a little casual, even a little absent-minded. When children behave well, parents' first reaction is "You are great", which seems to be both convenient and in line with the spirit of encouraging education. In fact, such praise means much more to children.
Therefore, when understanding the principle of "exaggerating concreteness", many parents begin to find it difficult to adapt and don't know what else to say. It's simple. I'll teach you a trick-don't say too many good things. Look at the useful compliments mentioned above. Which one is better than "You are great"? This means using more words to describe children's efforts, and the result will naturally resonate with children and achieve the purpose of praise.
3. Treat praise as a "vaccine"
Praise is not just an affirmation of children afterwards. Sometimes, when you foresee that your child may be resistant to certain things, you can praise your child in advance and use praise to prevent problems before they happen, which may have unexpected "curative effects."
In his new book Deep in Happiness, actor Song Dandan said: Once my son Batu was ill, I said to my little aunt, "I found Batu is different from other children. Other children cry when they take medicine, but he never cries. He is not afraid of taking medicine. This is really different from other children. " Then I brought him Chinese medicine. He held the bowl, his red face looked very nervous, closed his eyes and drank the medicine in one breath. We are all full of praise. From then on, he was not afraid of any bitter medicine.
Try praising children like this?
Useful compliment: I like your card. Beautiful and funny.
(child's feeling): I have good taste, and I can trust my choice.
Useless compliment: You are always so considerate.
Useful compliment: Thank you very much for washing dishes today.
(child's feeling): I am very responsible.
Useless praise: you did better than others.
● Useful praise: Your composition has several new ideas.
(Feelings of children): I can be creative, too.
Useless compliment: you wrote well. Of course, you have a lot to learn.
Descriptive sentences and children's positive conclusions are the cornerstones of mental health. Children draw conclusions about themselves from our words and will silently reiterate them to themselves afterwards. It will give them a positive view of themselves and the world around them.
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I hope my answer can help you.