Daniel Siegel, an internationally renowned educator, mentioned in his book The Whole Brain Education Law that the brain is divided into two parts. The left brain loves order and pays attention to logic, order, truth and language. The right brain cares about the meaning and feelings of experience and the emotions and experiences in interpersonal relationships.
In other words, the left brain is related to the logical thinking in our lives, while the right brain dominates our emotions. If the brain can't integrate the left and right, and only gain experience from one side, there will be problems.
If we only think with the right brain when we encounter problems, then I will ignore the truth and be overwhelmed by my own imagination and boundless emotions. It's like arguing with someone. People will say anything when they are angry, and some unintentional hurtful words will blurt out. At this time, we just look at the problem with our right brain and completely ignore the truth.
Similarly, if you only think with your left brain, then life will have only a rigid impression and no emotion. Just like if a person is too strong on the surface, it doesn't matter if he encounters unhappy things. This is deliberately thinking with the left brain and suppressing the emotions of the right brain.
How to use your brain correctly?
The way Shuo Yang treats his son is to let him think with his left brain. If he is a boy, he must be strong and should not cry. However, people have all kinds of moods. If you just avoid emotions and let children control themselves not to express them, negative emotions will accumulate, but it will be too easy to fold and hurt children.
When a child loses his temper, his parents' behavior directly affects his future character. The following three different treatment methods are worth thinking about. Let's have a look!
1. Connect the left and right brains to adjust themselves.
Since we know something about the structure of the human brain, we might as well start with our own changes. Looking back, have we ever been driven by trivial things in our lives and lost control of our emotions? Or are you at a loss when you are crying, and you can't understand his emotions at all?
This is because our own brains are not well connected, and the left and right brains can't cooperate well to deal with one thing, which leads to our inability to give full play to the role of our brains at critical times.
For example, if a child tells you in tears that he is unhappy today, your comfort and advice are useless. At this time, parents should keep in mind a principle: "understand first, then solve."
Use the right brain to understand the child's emotions, and then use the left brain to guide him to think. This kind of left-right brain connection needs us to practice constantly, and it will be smoother to use. Parent-child relationship will be improved and become more intimate.
2. Identify children's emotions
Have you ever been in such a situation? The child complained to you with a lost face: "You only care about your brother/sister and don't consider my feelings at all. You don't love me at all! " "
When you hear this, please don't be surprised, angry or explain, because you are competing with the child's wrong logic with your left brain. What you get is not the child's approval, but his right brain's more intense counterattack (remember? The left brain is logic and the right brain is emotion.
Ps: The child may have some rational right brain completely disappeared. Finally, you two had a fierce quarrel, and both of you were hurting each other with "unreal emotions".
Dealing with emotional problems is divided into two steps.
Daniel Gorman mentioned in EQ: If you can't manage your negative emotions, if you can't push yourself and others, and if you can't have effective interpersonal relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you can't go far.
Step 1: Start the right brain.
At this time, try to keep yourself awake and realize that the child is venting his emotions with your right brain! So you also activate the right brain and connect it with the child's right brain.
Ask him why he said such a thing first. Remember, no matter what your child complains to you, don't interrupt trying to explain or deny him, because a right-brained child may be distorted.
Just listen to him and agree with his mood. Whether he is disappointed or angry, this is his mood. There is no right or wrong emotion, first identify with his feelings.
Step 2: Guide to the Left Brain.
Wait for the child to vent almost, and then start left brain reasoning. Because the child is generally rational at this time, he is more likely to start left brain thinking. After you make things clear, remember to discuss with him the countermeasures to solve the problem. For example, what does the child think of the mother's eccentricity, and what does the mother need to do to achieve balance? Children who are respected and listened to are often considerate beyond your expectations.