How to educate adolescent children and change control into respect?
Adolescence is a period of rapid physical and psychological development for middle school students. Physical maturity makes them feel like adults psychologically, and they are eager to get some rights of adults, such as independence, privacy and the right to speak. Looking for new standards of behavior, eager to change social roles. Therefore, parents should regard this psychological need as a normal psychological need, understand and respect their children, try to be as little as possible, and give their children certain autonomy and decision-making power. The role of parents should be changed from mentor to assistant.
2. Turn preaching into an example.
Preaching is easy to become a lesson, because the attitude of preaching is condescending, and the premise of preaching is to take one's own words as truth, and children must listen. But in fact, many adolescent children are disgusted with their parents' preaching. What is more powerful than preaching is to set an example. Set an example by example. Practice showing it to children, not talking to them endlessly. Don't turn a warm family into a lecture class. It is better to talk less and do more for children.
3, change the command discussion
Autocratic parents like to order their children to take their own wishes as the direction of action. But adolescent children are no longer afraid of your deterrence and begin to disobey or openly resist such mandatory orders. It is also respect for children to discuss with them. If you talk to your child in a gentle tone, you can ease the contradiction between parents and children and have a constructive and good parent-child relationship.
4. From front to back.
When children are young, parents should stand in front and lead them. When the child grows up, parents should stand behind the child, follow the child and watch the child go. Just give him a hand at the critical moment. When children were young, their parents were front desk. Command? As children grow up and grow up, they should move themselves behind the scenes and let themselves play life on the stage. This abdication is very important. It gives respect, democracy, equality and trust, psychological space for children to grow up, independent rights and choices for children, and responsibilities for children. If you don't give in like this, children will either grow up or protest with rebellion and opposition for their own growth.
5. Learn to communicate and be friends.
Adolescent children may sometimes talk badly? Rush? Confronting you for no reason is also a feature of children's growth stage. Therefore, parents should learn to tolerate their children, put down their shelves and put down their parental awareness. Make friends with children and communicate with them equally. As Dong Jinyu, an education expert, said: The ideal parent-child relationship should be intimate, caring for each other like friends, and putting humanity, dignity and equality in the highest position. ? If you can't do it at the moment, try to imagine that the child standing in front of you is not your child, but your colleague. In this way, you will reduce your anger and dissatisfaction and respect your children, so that good communication can continue.
How to educate adolescent children? 1. Reasonable material demand
Material needs are the eternal theme of life. After children enter adolescence, there is still demand for clothing, snacks, toys and stationery on the surface, but the real demand is quietly changing. Just entering adolescence, there are fewer children who pursue individuality, and more are asking themselves to follow the crowd. Conformity makes you feel safe and integrated into the circle of classmates, which is not obvious. With the growth of age, familiar with the surrounding environment, understanding the personality of classmates and friends, children began to show their personality and secretly compete in groups. This comparison is of positive significance. Children gain experience and find their place in the group.
Don't be surprised if a girl refuses to wear pink clothes on the first day and insists on a pink scarf a year or two later. This is a requirement for children to grow up and become mature. Reject pink because you want to reject naivety, and accept pink to show your independence and maturity. At this time, the child is surprisingly disobedient in front of his parents. Boys want a pair of brand-name shoes today and come back tomorrow to tell their parents that XXX has a new mobile phone. The schoolbags of boys and girls are covered with photos of stars. Whose birthday is it today? Invite everyone to dinner? Many boys will learn to smoke and drink collectively. Girls learn to make up and dye their hair. In fact, they want to look like adults, flaunt themselves and show themselves in small groups through these ceremonies. Adults feel that they are trying to be brave.
Parental support and guidance methods
Our social level is improving, and our parents also have the mentality of keeping up with the joneses. While decorating their homes, they also improve their children's living standards, dress them up beautifully and put money in their pockets. Imagine that when children have money in their pockets, they always think about how to spend it in class, which will inevitably affect their study. Parents should guard against the consequences of the expansion of children's material needs, but they have to give material satisfaction. What should they do? We believe that parents should learn to judge whether their children's needs are normal. The standard of children's normal needs is mainly from two aspects: one is to take the average or lower average of classmates' material needs. Another criterion is to look at the family's economic situation. If your family's economic situation is moderate or good, it is better to make your child's living standard lower. If your financial situation is not very good, then don't force your children to enjoy high consumption for fear of being wronged. This face-saving approach will not only make children confident, but also make them worse without considering their parents' financial ability.
Second, the communication needs of friends.
Around puberty, junior high school life begins. Children seem to have entered a brand-new world, contacting new faces, new habits and new ways of learning. This is a visible change, and there is an invisible change, that is, the transfer of thoughts and emotions of children entering adolescence.
Before puberty, children depend on their parents. When you enter adolescence, you begin to transfer to your friends, and then to your friends of the opposite sex. Finally, fix on the opposite sex, get married and have children, and enter a new cycle. This is the only way for human growth and an irresistible force.
The children began to make friends. For friends, they can wait at the school gate, go shopping with classmates and go to Internet cafes. Because friends can stay at school to play basketball or even fight, they don't care about their parents' faces when they come home late, even if they are scolded by their parents. What makes children take risks? This is a question of children's psychological needs.
Out of the family, children's horizons are broadened and their contact with society is broadened. It is no longer a way of behavior in which home and school are connected in a line. They will appear in places they have never been before and encounter problems they have never encountered. At this time, friends are the most direct helpers and can replace the support and help of parents.
Children's thoughts are no longer simple, which even they can feel. Sometimes they think, sometimes they are worried, sometimes they are overjoyed. These feelings are not suitable for sharing with parents, because parents will be nervous and worried immediately, criticism and education are essential, and follow-up monitoring will follow. Therefore, parents are not the choice for children to talk about their hearts. The best and safest thing is friends around them. In this period, children often choose teachers as friends and let them share their joys and sorrows, because teachers are still sacred and credible in children's hearts. So, do children need parents in their hearts? Children need it from the bottom of their hearts, but what makes them shrink back is their parents' worry and distrust.
Parental support and guidance methods
Parents have to continue to educate their children because they are worried, even by beating and cursing. Moreover, parents listen to the opinions of teachers and others unilaterally, preventing their children from making friends normally, fearing that their children will not study well, which will affect their studies and waste time. Some parents make friends with their children, those who are allowed to make friends and those who can't. Children absolutely don't accept it, so they naturally stay away from their parents and don't communicate with them.
What should parents do? First of all, let the child trust you and be willing to tell you all the problems he has encountered. This requires parents to learn to listen and not to rush to criticize and correct. Listening to children's complaints is also an opportunity to vent their emotions and reduce their psychological burden. After listening, parents look for opportunities to give advice to their children. Over time, parents and children have become the most trustworthy friends.
Parents support their children to make friends, and at the same time put forward specific and simple bottom line requirements. For example, people who lead you to do bad things can't be friends; Very selfish people can't be friends; Self-righteous people can't be friends? In addition, children often think that friends are eternal, so there is no need to tell them that the relationship between friends will change from time to time, and it is possible to break off diplomatic relations. Be prepared psychologically. In short, you should be a friend that children need.
Third, attention needs from the opposite sex.
When a child enters adolescence, there will be subtle changes in contact with the opposite sex. They began to pay attention to the opposite sex quietly. Attention often just stays on the outside. For example, girls pay attention to handsome and tall boys. The girls get together to comment and have some fresh and exciting feelings. Boys also pay attention to girls, and occasionally talk about some girls in a teasing way. Even if they have weak love, they know they are dreaming. Boys and girls will be stiff. This is just the primary learning stage for children to get out of the family circle and enter the society to know the opposite sex. As time goes by, children become more and more aware of what kind of opposite sex they like and want to get close to him or her. The initial form can be slapstick, simple question and answer, or work exchange with class activities as the theme. Many children can get to know the opposite sex through such simple communication. Many children know that this is not love, just classmates. They think that the beautiful love they expected has not arrived, so more people choose to wait and wait for themselves to grow up.
There are children in love, these? Love? It often starts with misunderstanding, pressure and loss of family. Xiao Ai is a chubby junior two girl. Recently, a little change has taken place in Xiao Ai. After careful observation, we finally found the clue. There is a boy beside Xiao Ai. His name is Fengfeng. When class is over, Fengfeng will sit in front of Xiao Ai, and the two of them will have a hot chat. I also invited them to have dinner together and go after school. The whole class heard about them. Peach news? Finally, one day, the class teacher Zhang called the police, and the teacher informed the parents of two children about it. In fact, parents also found out. Every night, Xiao Ai and Feng Feng have to contact each other by phone. The talk time is more than one hour, and they have to contact each other three or four times a day on holidays. At first, my parents didn't take it seriously, but after a long time, no parents could be suspicious. Xiao Ai's parents asked Xiao Ai, and Xiao Ai said? Don't think so complicated, we are good friends. ?
Adolescence is a prelude to love, a prelude to love. It is inevitable for children to fall in love, and our parents want their children to be later. How can we do that?
Parental support and guidance methods
First of all, shouldn't our parents encourage their children to start with misunderstandings and misunderstandings? Love? . Parents' innuendo criticism, distrust interrogation, spying on children's privacy secretly and worrying nagging reminders make children fidgety and aggravate their rebellious psychology. Children who have contact with friends of the opposite sex will be very careful. In order to avoid exposing their feelings because of a small note and an unexpected single contact, parents will step up communication and contact. As a result, the two people are getting closer and closer, supporting and trusting each other more and more, and finally making the fake come true. Parents played a role in fueling the flames here, but they didn't realize it. Secondly, the pressure of study and life, children need someone to share, parents will only pressure, not decompression, children will resist their parents. Lack of understanding, intolerance and endless criticism of children make children seek understanding and sympathy, which is also the reason why children fall in love. Moreover, affection is a safe haven for children. If the family can't give affection to children, children can easily find affection from the opposite sex. Husband and wife are at odds all the year round, fighting and divorcing, and children are the most difficult to accept and the most insecure. Parents travel all the year round and can't take care of their children. Children look at others and then at themselves, feeling lonely and easy to find comfort.
Adolescent children will mention a certain opposite sex in front of their parents when they begin to pay attention to the opposite sex. Don't make a fuss and blame your child for not paying attention to his studies or taking it lightly. Instead, listen to the child patiently, then ask about the situation, and then find ways to guide the child. It's not too late to talk when you think it over. The benefits of this are as follows: 1. Children can tell their parents about such things, and parents will not criticize them. In the future, he will ask his parents for help and give them a chance to understand and help their children. Secondly, children understand that the ideas they get from their parents are better than those they get from their classmates or themselves. Only when parents don't scare their children away will they come for help. In the process of children's growth, it is good for children's healthy growth that parents can make efforts.
Fourth, need help.
When a child enters adolescence, his personality becomes extroverted, easily exaggerated by things, and easily reckless. They are dealing with problems more and more independently, and the things they encounter are becoming more and more complicated. They are young, facing the unknown world, full of curiosity, doubt and fear. They really want bodyguards around, don't they? A knowledgeable person? , is it? Robot cat? Of course, it's good to have a lot of money in your pocket. And all this is gone, what should I do if I encounter problems? Children need help.
In the interaction with classmates, many things make them feel very difficult. Children don't know how to deal with new classmates and teachers; Do not know how to control their emotions, and often have conflicts with teachers and classmates; Being criticized, I don't know what I did wrong, and how to communicate with the teacher. They need help.
Children's activities are getting wider and wider, and many times they will encounter things that are unsatisfactory, wronged and bullied. It happened suddenly, and then it ended like that, leaving only chagrin, injustice and humiliation, but there was no chance to fight back and vent, and even no place to make sense. Like a dumb person eating coptis chinensis, there was unspeakable suffering. At this time, the child needs help.
For example, during the exam, children must compete with their classmates in academic performance. Many times, they have to accept the criticism of adults and accept their fate. How did they improve their grades? They need help. Why do people live? Why do I have to face everything now? What if life is not satisfactory? What is the outlook on life? What is happiness? Where do I want happiness? Children have a lot of confusion. I hope someone can help them clear the fog and solve the mystery. They still need help.
Parental support and guidance methods
It should be said that children need help in all aspects, from material satisfaction to spiritual guidance. In this way, children can gradually get rid of innocence, establish a realistic and objective ideological system, and truly get out of the fantasy-filled, unrestrained, irresponsible, carefree and surreal adolescence, and step into youth and adulthood.
Parents often take their own will as the center, thinking that caring for their children is help, but they don't know that excessive care and care make their children's hands-on ability poor and clumsy among their classmates. Many parents think that criticism is help, which arouses children's rebellious psychology and accelerates the growth of children's rebellious psychology.
Parents are willing to help their children. Children don't accept help from everyone, including their parents. There is a prerequisite for a child to get help, and it must be someone he trusts. In learning, children need the help of trustworthy people who know their own subject knowledge. They need the help of talented and persuasive people in their outlook on life. When they need encouragement and support, they should also be the people they like and need.
Getting help from parents should be the most convenient, direct and safe for children. However, as far as we know, the older children refuse to help their parents. Experience tells them that adults are unreliable. Therefore, parents should pay attention to the fact that children are growing up and need equal (not commanding), effective (operable, problem-solving) and concrete (not empty talk) help.
How to educate adolescent children? First, enter the world of children.
The premise of entering the children's world is to understand children. First of all, we must understand the child's physiological changes. After children go to middle school, their height increases obviously and their sexual physiology matures day by day. Both boys and girls will have secondary sexual characteristics. At this time, parents should help their children correctly understand and accept their own physiological changes and cherish their sexual characteristics. In addition, the child's brain and nerves are gradually developing, and his emotions are prone to fluctuations and his feelings are very fragile. At this time, parents and teachers need to cooperate and guide and help in time. Secondly, we should understand the psychological changes of children. After entering junior high school, the child began to have a sense of adulthood, hoping that others would treat him as an adult, and his self-awareness developed rapidly. The independence and criticism of thinking have developed significantly, but the ability is not strong, and it is still one-sided and superficial. I began to realize the relationship between the two sexes and sprouted the demand for love; Interpersonal relationships are becoming more frequent, and they are eager to find friends with the same thoughts and feelings, but they are not good at combining feelings with reason. This requires the guidance and help of parents. Parents should always communicate with their children and understand their thoughts and actions before they can enter their world.
Second, be a child's bosom friend.
1 If you want to enter a child's world, you must first be a child's bosom friend. How can I become a child's bosom friend? Correct mentality and treat everyone equally. Many parents? Parental awareness? Especially strong, I hope that children will absolutely obey their parents' will. Although they try their best to give their children material satisfaction, they still. Disobedient? . Why? Because they ignore children's spiritual needs. Children hope that their parents treat them as adults, respect their personality and will, and hope that their parents can exchange ideas with them. But some parents say: I do talk to my children all the time. Why doesn't it work? It turns out that these parents neglected a link in the conversation, that is, the way of language. Parents usually talk in lectures or one-way ways, such as? You should have someone else's children? You wait. Children nod when they listen and forget when they leave, because this one-way indoctrination conversation can't touch children's hearts, can't resonate with children, and can't let children get inner experience. What should parents do if they use it? I think you think that if you communicate with him in this sentence pattern, the child will experience the respect of his parents and realize his own personality value from the tone of discussion between his parents and him, and the child will be willing to open the door to his parents.
2. Don't shy away from talking about sexual knowledge. Many parents avoid answering questions about their children's sexual relations. In fact, the mystery caused by this kind of closure will arouse children's curiosity and even lead to deviant behavior, which is unnecessary. For example, some parents will take their children to weddings as often as other parents, but the difference is that this parent is good at grasping opportunities and educating their children during adolescence. This paper expounds the sexual knowledge problems raised by children from the physiological angle of human evolution, the basis of marriage and the realization of life value. It not only dilutes children's curiosity, but also helps children to establish a correct world outlook and outlook on life.
3. Be familiar with children's hobbies. If parents want to be bosom friends of their children, they must have a common language with their children. It is necessary to be able to talk about topics that children are familiar with and want to know, and then expand and guide deepening. For example, a student was disciplined for violating the rules and regulations of the school, and the parents were so angry that they beat and scolded the child, but the child still refused to change his teachings and got deeper and deeper. What to do. Parents examine themselves and begin to adjust their mentality. After I calmed down, I looked up at the child and found that there were indeed many bright spots in the child. When I think from other people's point of view, I find that the child is lonely inside. Children have no friends to talk to, so they either nod or remain silent in front of their parents. Will children suffer because they are not understood by their parents? The mother is determined to put down her airs and walk into the children's world. In order to find a common language, she put aside foreign literature and praised Jin Yong, Gu Long and Liang Yusheng. Put away the classical music and put it on? Four kings? Ask the child if you don't understand. The child was surprised at first, and then felt that his mother was sincere, so he began to talk to his mother by dancing. His eyes are no longer angry and dull, but simple and gentle. Gradually, there are more and more topics between children and mothers. Children constantly recommend new books to their mothers, and mothers also recommend famous books to their children. The unexpected gain is that children are also fascinated by world famous books. It can be seen that equality is not only easy for people to communicate, but also easy to influence each other.
Third, guide children to correctly handle interpersonal relationships.
One of the talent standards in 2 1 century is to have the spirit of cooperation. Most of the children who entered adolescence in the 1990s were specially cared for. The special status of the family cultivated the children's aloof and selfish personality, which will inevitably affect their future development. Therefore, parents must guide their children to correctly handle interpersonal relationships. First of all, we must teach children to learn to be human. That is to be a person who can think of others first in the face of conflicts of interest. Parents are the most important people in children's minds, so it is necessary to cultivate the habit of children thinking for their parents when they are in trouble. Only those who can think of their parents can think of people outside. Secondly, give children an open space. Encourage children to associate with classmates, unite and help each other, and be willing to let children? Lose money? . Of course, we should also cultivate children's critical thinking psychology and learn to speak? No? . When underachievers send inappropriate invitations to children, children should have the ability to distinguish right from wrong and the ability to refuse skillfully.
Fourth, help children build self-confidence.
1. Cultivate children's self-esteem. Some parents often humiliate their children in public, which is absolutely impossible. Once a child has no sense of shame, it will be difficult to pull ten cows back, education will look pale and weak, and children will give up on themselves.
2. Let children know their abilities. For example, students A and B both got 60 points from 50 points in this exam. Different treatment and evaluation methods have obviously different results. A parent saw this and sighed:? Alas, only 10 points. What a fool! ? B parents are all smiles:? Hey! Improved 10 points, not bad. If you work harder, a score of 10 will be average. ? As a result, A failed in the exam again, because it was useless because it was not affirmed by parents. B really got 70 points in the next exam. The former is from negation to negation, and children can't see hope. The latter definitely denies it and gradually raises the requirements. Therefore, children realize their abilities and enhance their self-confidence in the joy of parents' recognition and appreciation.
3. Cultivate children's sense of responsibility. Arrange children's work properly and let them bear certain responsibilities. Although there is pressure, they will experience the happiness of being respected, valued and recognized. What is their psychological language? I can do it. I can do it. . Self-confidence is enhanced, the sense of responsibility is enhanced, and the ability will be improved in the workplace.