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Edit | Little T(TOPKID_CN)

A mother said:

"I found that my children, whether playing games or having fun, are not allowed to fail. I think if I lose, I will lose the whole world. I will be very frustrated and unhappy, and sometimes I will lose my temper.

I think it is wrong for him to lose, and I don't know how to make him understand failure correctly. Knowing that failure is not terrible.

But I'm afraid he won't live up to expectations, and that degree is difficult to deal with. 」

Another mother said that no matter playing chess or games, children will cry when they lose. In fact, this has something to do with children's adversity quotient.

Whether playing competitive games or playing chess. Don't care too much about winning or losing. Tell your child that you just want to spend more time with him.

This is a great turning point-let the children calmly accept the loss (failure).

In a survey of 10,000 people published in Shanghai, more than half of parents want their children to be "strong inside" when they grow up.

Over the years, children have been doing stupid things because of a little thing.

? A boy of 10 in Guangzhou was absent from school with a fever one day and asked to play computer, but his mother refused.

Because of this, the boy simply didn't eat or take medicine, and finally his condition deteriorated and he was sent to the hospital.

? A boy of 10 in Chongqing, because his parents forbade him to watch TV, refused to receive education and left home in a rage.

? An 8-year-old girl in Chengdu, because her mother scolded her a few words, the child was angry and smashed her home while her mother was away.

These children are rejected (frustrated) by common sense in extremely ordinary trivial matters, and then respond to their loving families in extreme ways, leaving endless sadness and tears that they can't bear.

Why is the child so depressed? What's wrong?

In fact, in the final analysis, these children are trapped in their own "low frustration quotient", and their frustration is stronger in the face of the smallest frustration. They can't let go for a while and go to extremes.

Psychologists say that the cultivation of frustration quotient is urgent and needs to be carried out in the early stage of children's growth.

Adversity quotient is the full name of adversity quotient, and English is adversity quotient (AQ). It is a concept put forward by American professional trainer Paul Stotz, also known as frustration quotient or adversity quotient, which refers to the ability to face setbacks, get rid of difficulties and surmount difficulties.

Everyone will face many setbacks in his life. Some people are frustrated, some are indifferent, and some are prone to collapse.

Some time ago, a class teacher confiscated a student's mobile phone, and he didn't call or scold. Later, he called his parents and told them that the student had jumped from his house.

June 5438+February last year, a child was scolded by his mother for doing his homework, so he climbed to the window silently and prepared to jump. Fortunately, his mother reacted quickly and grabbed the child, otherwise the consequences would be unimaginable.

Where is Dad Going 1 There is a pig race. Jimmy, the son of Jimmy Lin, was afraid to take part in the competition for fear of losing, and even cried.

Many children are short of adversity quotient now. There are probably three reasons:

? Life is so smooth.

Children are too well protected by their families, raising the problem of little princess and young master, and can't tolerate things that don't meet their wishes; People who live too smoothly will easily be unable to face setbacks if they are suddenly changed.

? Lack of ways to release emotions

If the atmosphere at home is too heavy and parents are too serious, it is easy for children to stay in their own world or hide their negative emotions.

Slight external stimuli can touch children's most sensitive nerves. Whether it is grades, family changes, or just a sentence that parents or teachers don't like, it can overwhelm children's last straw.

? Lack of life education

Many of our parents' generation grew up in hardships, so it is not easy to live hard and cherish their own lives.

Today's children are rich in material things, but lacking in spiritual world. They are always indifferent to their own lives, do not understand the meaning of their own lives, and tend to go to extremes.

Every child will always face difficulties when growing up. How to survive and progress in adversity is also a lesson that children need to learn.

Only those with high adversity quotient and strong heart can go further and more steadily in the future.

Help your children exercise adversity quotient. As a parent, you can do the following:

? First of all, parents should give their children a correct understanding of setbacks.

Growing up, we often meet some old people. When the child bumped lightly, he slapped the floor, walls, tables and chairs and said, "It's all his fault. He hit our baby! 」

We should also avoid emphasizing children's talents, and don't attribute children's achievements to such factors as "intelligence", "beauty" and "artistic talent", because some things are innate and difficult to change.

If we give children the wrong understanding, then when they face setbacks, they will blame others for the failure, lack of talent and other external reasons, and it is easy to give up on themselves.

And if the child can attribute the failure to the wrong method or insufficient efforts, then the child will have the motivation to further grow and improve.

? Face setbacks with them with "empathy"

Children of every age have different difficulties and setbacks. The adversity he faced may not be worth mentioning at all in front of adults, but it is a huge blow to children. Learn to face it with empathy.

For example, it is unacceptable for children's pets that have been kept for a long time to suddenly lose or die. We should grieve with him, at the same time, tell the children the law of life, help him out of grief, don't ignore it, let alone laugh at it, and let them suffer more blows.

Another example is Mao Mao above. When he doesn't want to learn Taekwondo, what his family should do is to comfort and encourage him to stick to it and accompany him through this hurdle, instead of stopping in the face of difficulties.

Many times, the company of parents and family can give them more courage to face setbacks.

? Learn to wait and pay, not easily meet the requirements.

Consciously train children to learn to "wait and pay" from an early age;

For example, if you want to eat rice, you must learn to wait for the process of cooking; If you want to eat candy, tell him you need to peel it patiently. ...

Let children understand that it takes a process to get anything.

Experiments show that those children who can delay gratification have stronger self-control ability, and they can control and adjust their behaviors properly, restrain impulses, resist temptations and persistently ensure the realization of their goals without external supervision.

? Don't be too obedient to children.

As the saying goes: national laws, family rules. In order to educate children well, rules are essential.

When every child faces the world, human instinct is self-centered and eager to enjoy.

However, children should not be willful, selfish and afraid of hardship and fatigue. Instead, let them actively abide by family rules, encourage them to express their daily feelings, praise positive emotions and guide negative things.

Clear rewards and punishments will make children more active.

Parents should try their best to accept their children's sweat and hardships and shape their children's psychological resilience.

Many parents are unwilling to let their children suffer. So I have been thinking about removing all obstacles for my children since I was a child.

Pixar has a wonderful cartoon "Sniper", which won the best animated short film at the 89th Oscar.

Here, even in the face of the storm, the little piper's mother dares to let go and is willing to trust her children and accompany them silently. Little Piper can experience the storm, welcome and enjoy the beautiful sea world.

The wisdom here is worth learning and learning from, and thinking about how to cultivate children's ability to resist setbacks.

Cultivating children's adversity quotient begins with parents' acceptance and children's self-acceptance. Because it means I respect you and love you.

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