mood

When parents educate their children, they will encounter the problem of being unable to communicate, especially in adolescence, when children are no longer willing to share their own things with their parents. This refers to the psychological defense mechanism behind emotions.

Psychological defense mechanism

Parents' attitude is very important because their children failed the exam.

Children could have reflected on the reasons why they didn't do well in the exam and found the correct way to solve the problem.

If parents transmit anxiety, worry and atmosphere to their children, then both parents and children will face an irrational psychological defense mechanism dominated by emotions.

This leads parents to lose control and influence over their children again and again in similar situations, and children will no longer trust their parents, thus bringing endless conflicts, quarrels or cold wars to the parent-child relationship.

Three situations of psychological defense mechanism

1. Immature psychological defense mechanism

force

If the child doesn't do well in the exam, he will be forced to forget this bad experience after being criticized by his parents.

negate

If the child refuses to admit that he has stolen something, it is a typical denial of facts and seeking inner balance.

illusion

For example, children who are weak and often bullied often fantasize about becoming Hercules and make others afraid of themselves.

Behavior retrogression

For example, when adults suffer unbearable pain, they sometimes cover themselves with quilts and refuse to see people.

Release from the bondage of.

If you are unhappy, you will overeat and drown your sorrows by drinking.

2. Neutral psychological defense mechanism

transfer

If some people are wronged outside, go home and vent their grievances on their families and children.

restrain

For example, if a child makes mistakes again and again, in the eyes of psychologists, it may be a psychological inhibition mechanism at work.

Reverse behavior expression

Do exaggerated behavior contrary to your actual thoughts to avoid some dangerous thoughts.

throw

If children cheat in the exam, think that those children with good grades also cheat. At this time, we should understand the child's projection psychology, so as not to think that the child has personality problems such as moral corruption. This is a psychological need that is extremely eager to be accepted, recognized and loved.

Rationalize

The common expression is "sour grape psychology", which is to downplay the anxiety that you can't get something. Another performance is "sweet lemon psychology", which is not completely bad. Sometimes it can stimulate optimism, but excessive irrationality is harmful.

3. Mature psychological defense mechanism

different

Anyone who has been injured can reduce inner conflicts as long as he calmly reviews the causes and background of his injury and summarizes some methods to prevent this kind of injury. For example, Jews during World War II could reduce their sufferings by writing a diary after the war.

compensation

To learn from each other's strengths, for example, some children with insufficient talents will take the initiative to find content that is more in line with their talents to communicate with their parents and make corresponding achievements.

sublimate

For example, when you are jealous that others study better than you or earn more than you, you can surpass each other by improving yourself. Get rid of negative emotions and become strong.

Humorous

Use relaxed and humorous language to resolve inner anxiety, pain and other emotions.

Altruistic public welfare behavior

Do public welfare and get happiness from helping others.

For children, the easiest psychological defense mechanisms to use are usually denial, behavioral retrogression and projection.

* Help children know themselves, know their behaviors and emotions, guide children to learn to live in harmony with negative emotions, and establish a positive psychological defense mechanism.

* Learn to cope with the uncertainty in life. Barbara frederickson, a famous expert in emotional research, put forward 10 extremely important positive emotions: joy, gratitude, tranquility, interest, hope, pride, humor, encouragement, admiration and kindness.

* Guide children to find more hobbies and pay attention to the wider world. When a child can identify himself from the heart and have correct expectations for himself, this positive emotion will have far-reaching significance for him to better adapt to society and achieve greater success in the future.

words and deeds

When communicating with children, more positive, optimistic and positive words will stimulate children's positive emotions and feel relaxed and happy.

Shen Shi

Clapping when you win, hugging and high-fiving when you are happy, can all bring a happy experience. When the child is unhappy, holding the child's hand, stroking the child's head or hugging the child can promote the generation of positive emotions.

Sports and games can make children's brains secrete positive chemicals.

Eye application

Have a pair of eyes that pay attention to life changes and see beautiful things.

Yanshi

"Dixiang Smile", the famous psychologist Paul ekman turned all sincere smiles with wrinkles around his eyes into "Dixiang Smile". There are three characteristics: the mouth muscles rise, the cheekbones muscles rise, and the canthus muscles contract. People who have this kind of smile have higher happiness and higher happiness index.

Give the soul

Feel with your heart.

To correctly handle children's negative emotions, we need to guide children to face up to their emotions and express them correctly.

Reading experience

Through the study of this chapter, I understand emotions and the psychological defense mechanism behind them, which needs to stimulate positive emotions. Parents are important participants in accompanying their children to grow up, and their emotions affect their children's physical and mental health. Therefore, parents should manage negative emotions and guide their children's emotions correctly. Parent-child relationship will be more harmonious when parents treat their children with a problem-solving attitude instead of venting their emotions.