Children have a natural defensive mentality from birth, and the initial relationship is established with their mothers. So we can see that the baby will cry when he doesn't see his mother for the first time, and will smile happily when he sees his mother.
So the first point is not to let children have fear. The first thing that children are prone to fear is that their parents quarrel.
Some surveys have concluded that children are most worried about their parents quarreling. Indeed, frequent quarrels between husband and wife will often make the family in a state of tension, which will exert great psychological pressure on children, and may eventually lead to nervousness, unconfidence, even indifference and violence.
Unequal treatment between children.
In fact, children's minds are very sensitive. When he feels that he may be left out in the cold, he will form an invisible scar in his heart that will not fade for a long time. Moreover, the eccentricity of parents will lead to the alienation of children from other relationships, especially when they grow up, and it is easy to form the psychology of "not wanting home and not being close".
Often compared and accused.
I believe many adults will also have this experience: when they were young, they often heard their parents praise the children of other friends or relatives, and even were accused in front of everyone: "Look who they are, they won the first place in this exam. Look at you again ... ". I hope to use this article to warn parents and friends not to compare their children with other people's homes, especially to criticize them directly, which will make children feel that they can't do anything, no one appreciates them, and eventually form an inferiority complex. No one is perfect, we should discover the advantages of children in time and enlarge them.
Lack of patience with children
I made a summary with a small sample: compared with those excellent children around me, almost all of them have one or two relatives and are particularly patient. Many times, we always keep enough patience with colleagues, friends or strangers, and give hasty and perfunctory answers when helping our children with their homework or asking them "why".
Parents' impatience will gradually make children lose their enthusiasm to ask questions or concentrate on their studies, thus losing their curiosity and thirst for knowledge. What should we do? First of all, we should be patient and even enthusiastic about children's company, so as to arouse their enthusiasm. Secondly, you can find information with your child if you don't understand the problem. On the one hand, it will not pour some wrong information into children's minds, on the other hand, it will also cultivate children's ability to solve problems. Finally, we should affirm children's practices and encourage them to continue to focus on things.
Parents' excessive love
Loving children is an inevitable emotion of every parent, but if we arbitrarily enlarge this love and don't know how to limit children's desires, it will give children the illusion that "I will do everything". Therefore, for spoiled children, if other factors are added, it will lead to their personality violence, which will lead to their willfulness and bullying in adulthood, and they will easily have revenge and aggression after being rejected.
I hope my answer is helpful to you. Please pay attention. I will continue to update related medical questions. What seemingly inspirational words do parents have that will ruin a child? In fact, there are quite a few such words. Adults always inadvertently hurt children's self-esteem.
When I take my children back to my parents' home, because I always take care of my children by myself, my children's various behavior habits are better. For example, 1 year-old and a half need not breast-feed, but can take a bath by himself at the age of 3. When they see adults carrying many things at work, they will take the initiative to help.
At this time, my sister-in-law felt that her children were not good enough, and my parents felt that my grandson's behavior was too bad. That my nephew often quarrels with his family and even swears a lot. I feel particularly uncomfortable after listening to it. In fact, it is adults who cause children to do this.
Because everyone is used to comparing children with others, it is natural that my nephew is often scolded by adults.
Does it bother you to listen to such nagging every day? Is boring, no one wants to be seen every day, no one wants to be criticized every day, no one can get better in this nagging. There is a nagging drama every day, but children are easy to rebel, but they are easy to get black.
I think these behaviors can easily destroy children:
1, watch your mobile phone instead of reading.
We can often see such a picture: mothers are watching their mobile phones while breastfeeding their children; Dad said he would take his children to play football, but when he got to the stadium, he let them play alone and watch their mobile phones by themselves. When mom asked dad to help bring things, dad said, wait a minute, I'm finished with this game, and so on. These phenomena fill our lives. Of course, I don't deny the convenience that mobile phones bring to our lives, but this can't be the reason why we rely on mobile phones. Some parents will be anxious when their children go to school, and their children will hold their mobile phones all day without doing their homework. We often see media reports that on the buses in Germany, everyone is reading with books, while on our buses, everyone is reading with mobile phones. Therefore, if parents raise their children with mobile phones instead of reading books all day from the birth of their children, then your children will also watch them with mobile phones instead of reading books all day.
2. Take children seriously, and don't take old people seriously.
In daily life, in our ordinary family, there will be such a phenomenon: what to eat today? Ask children what they like to eat. Rest, where to take the children to play? The child's birthday is coming, so it is necessary to plan ahead, how to spend it and what gifts to buy. Children become family centers, and everything is for children. Conversely, what about the old man? What to eat today? Grandma will eat whatever you eat. She is resting, and grandma is afraid that she won't go out to play. Today is grandma's birthday. What should I do? This is a world of ice and fire. If you take the child seriously and ignore the old man, he will do the same in the future.
Always find fault with others, not your own.
When there is a contradiction between family and family, they always find fault with others, and there is nothing wrong with themselves. In the unit, there is friction when working with others. It is always the fault of others, and there is nothing wrong with yourself. On the way, what I saw was someone else's fault, and I was perfect. In fact, such behavior is imperceptibly affecting your children. When you point out what the child did wrong, she always has many reasons to defend. Because of your appearance, it has been affecting her.
"It takes only seven steps to destroy a child". Although it may sound extreme and unpleasant, in fact, 80% of parents are doing it. It should be a wake-up call for everyone!
Because quite a few parents have done or are doing this. ...
1. Let children feel that they can't do anything without themselves.
Sample demonstration
"If it weren't for your father and me, would you be so comfortable today?"
"Look at you like this and you will know that you will definitely fail the college entrance examination."
Always use people who are "better" than him to stimulate him.
Sample demonstration
"Your primary school classmate wang salary 4000 a month. How much do you think you have a month? "
"Do you think Xiao Li next door ever worried his parents?"
3. Describe yourself as a family victim.
Sample demonstration
"We also want to sell iron and eat bran and swallow vegetables for you to go abroad."
"I am tired of worrying about you."
Keep your dignity and don't be polite when you speak.
Sample demonstration
"How did you give birth to such a stupid thing?"
"Who do you think you are talking to now?"
5. Decide and control everything about children.
Sample demonstration
"I don't think your mobile phone is for your own good."
"You will take the civil service exam in the future, and that's settled."
6. Learn to vent your anger and learn to resolve yourself.
Sample demonstration
"Don't eat casually if you don't like it."
"I worked so hard to come back in the unit you don't let me go?
7. Fool your children in public in the name of modesty.
Sample demonstration
"Which have your children? Every exam in my family is countdown. "
"She is nothing like her sister."
8. Take children and grandchildren as the lifelong pursuit and ideal.
Sample demonstration
"When are you going to have children in your twenties?"
"Aunt Li's son next door gave birth to a second child, and I am embarrassed to see her.
9. Give children endless pressure and push them forward.
Sample demonstration
"Your mother and I are your only sons. Who will rely on you in the future? "
"If you don't look for a job now, what will your mother and I eat in the future?"
10. Always emphasize that you know him best.
Sample demonstration
"I am your mother. I don't understand you. Who knows you? "
"How many hairs do you have that I don't know?"
1 1. Interfere with his love with personal preference.
Sample demonstration
"Don't look for those provincial girls. Neither your mother nor I can understand her. "
"Look at her face. Can she be a suitable girl? "
12. Stick to your own knowledge theory system
Sample demonstration
"Nonsense. I have smoked for half my life and haven't seen me. "
"What do you know about fish? It must be steamed to be delicious. "
If you master the above seven rules, you can basically destroy your children! ! !
1. Sleeping late and getting up late affect the growth and development of children. Adults' behavior is particularly easy to affect children. Adults sleep late, and children will sleep late. Adequate sleep is especially important for the baby's growth. Babies with good sleep have better IQ and height development. Studies have proved that about 70% of growth hormone is secreted during deep sleep at night. Sleep also has a great influence on emotional state, whether it is a baby or an older child. If you don't get enough sleep or the quality of sleep is not high, you will be irritable, irritable, behavioral disorders, decreased memory, decreased activity and so on. It is prone to accidents. So a good sleep is very important for children.
For a time, my father and I always liked to watch TV late. Xiaozongzi always goes to bed after we sleep and always wakes up at night. Then we adults adjusted the schedule. When it's time to go to bed, we will tell the baby that it's time to go to bed and turn off the lights. After a while, the baby can finally sleep peacefully!
2. Excessive praise or criticism hurts children's self-esteem and self-confidence. Proper praise helps children build up their self-confidence. However, in real life, influenced by the theory of happy education, some parents usually like to praise their children unprincipled. As a result, children lack self-awareness, attach too much importance to other people's evaluation, and hope to be praised for every little thing they do, otherwise they refuse to do it.
Of course, excessive criticism is also wrong, which will hurt children's self-esteem and make them feel inferior. What parents should do is not to blame their children blindly, but to point out their mistakes when they make mistakes and help them learn from them and correct their shortcomings!
I remember when I was a child, my parents always said that we were inferior to others, and my brother and I would become particularly inferior. We have always felt inferior to others, and our self-esteem is particularly fragile. That feeling was particularly bad, so I vowed that my children would never criticize at will again!
3. Give whatever you want. Everything comes too easily, which will make children not know how to cherish it. They don't know that good things must be won by themselves! Many parents love their children very much and give them whatever they want, even if they want to take off the moon in the sky! But is this really about loving children? This is actually harmful to children. Children will only think that the world belongs to them, and they don't know how to cherish hard-won money. They just ask for it and don't know how to pay!
Recently, in the news, 15-year-old children gave their parents a full-scale martial arts show, kicking and punching. Because his mother didn't have the money to buy him a game console, a man in his thirties committed suicide by jumping off a building. Because his parents didn't have the money to buy him a mobile phone, a famous university graduate killed his mother, so he could go out to play like nothing happened, because his mother didn't meet his requirements for buying a computer and playing games. ...
Therefore, these bad habits must not be allowed, not only hurting children's physical and mental health, but also hurting their own physical and mental health!
Good behavior has a good influence on children. Bad behavior produces bad behavior for children.
So now there is a saying: parents study hard and children make progress every day.
Parents complain, lose their temper, husband and wife quarrel, indifference, resentment, and other negative energy will destroy children to varying degrees.
I've met too many unfortunate people, and they can't live without poor families.
Love between husband and wife is the best education for children.
Children are really a long-term and expensive investment. If you want to make your children better, you should be an active parent.
Children don't have to worry, these are all virtues.
There is no standard answer to this. Every child is different, so what parents say and ask their children will be different. Generally speaking, there are the following points:
First, babies should not be children aged 0 to 3. Children sleep more in the first few months, and they like to observe everything around them after three months. Especially after climbing, parents won't let them take it, and they won't try, saying, "Baby, don't! Baby, danger! Baby, this is so dirty! The child is so naughty at such a young age, and so on. This is how children's interest in exploration is sealed by their parents step by step.
Second, you know how to cry. What is there to cry about? Many parents are only willing to accept their children's happy emotions, but they are unwilling to accept their children's negative emotions. Children's bad emotions can't be solved, which is not good for children's growth in the long run. For example, children cry, lose their temper and have a bad temper. Either coax, or yell, scold, or even hit the child. Will say: "You just know to cry, what's there to cry about!" Nothing! Can you stop crying "and so on.
Third, what's wrong with their children ... Parents like to compare their children with others, rarely compare their advantages with others, and basically compare their own shortcomings, always attacking their children and saying that they can't do this or that. I don't know that in the child's mind, he will also compare his parents with others' parents. Therefore, parents talk too much and lose persuasiveness in front of their children, and children become more and more rebellious and difficult to discipline.
Fourth, I seldom appreciate encouraging children, but always throw cold water on them and dampen their enthusiasm. Some parents tell their children with negative energy every day, complaining about their children and life. "Just for you, otherwise I wouldn't have worked so hard. How can you be so unreasonable and inconsiderate ..." Tell parents where their children behave well and pour a bottle of cold water on them. "What's the big deal? You are far from being excellent. ...
Of course, there are many other words that will do great harm to children. The main thing is that parents should pay attention to their words and deeds in front of their children, and don't let your children be beaten with inferiority and cowardice before they find any problems.
What actions of parents are destroying a child? In today's society, children are happy except enjoyment. They enjoy the care of their parents and family every day, and often receive "gifts" from their families from time to time. Some "gifts" are actually slowly destroying children, but some parents just don't pay attention to them. When they slowly destroy their children, they know their regrets and remorse.
My best friend Xiaomei is a gentle, kind and considerate woman. When I was with Xiaomei, I once imagined that as Xiaomei's child, I must be the happiest child in the world. With a gentle and considerate mother like Xiaomei, life at ordinary times must be particularly pleasant. When Xiaomei wishes to get married and get pregnant, I often feel sorry for Xiaomei and often say to Xiaomei, "It is the happiest thing in the world to be reborn as a baby in your name." Every time Xiaomei just laughs quietly.
But when the baby is really born, when it comes to education, I don't think Xiaomei really loves children. Her excessive tenderness and love for children is actually destroying them bit by bit. In this regard, Xiaomei has been mentioned many times, but Xiaomei always says "you don't have children, you don't understand" and will reply. Although I don't have children, as an outsider, I can take things seriously, like Xiaomei is completely fascinated by the authorities.
Once, I asked Xiaomei to go shopping. Xiaomei didn't trust to leave her children at home, so she took a "little devil" when she went out. Xiaomei's baby was four and a half years old. I think four-and-a-half-year-old children have a certain understanding of right and wrong, but Xiaomei's children, like a "leaf" without leaves, look not only ignorant, but also weak-tempered. It is obvious that a boy gave birth to a girl's delicate character. When passing by the playground, I want my nephew to experience the coolness of "little people".
However, Xiaomei's children are extremely timid and need their mothers to accompany them everywhere. Xiaomei is also humble everywhere. When playing in the playground, she only pestered Xiaomei to play together, and she simply "dared" to play with other children. Even when riding a merry-go-round, Xiaomei will accompany her. If Xiaomei refuses, she will cry loudly. When the child is crying, he can't feel his timid and introverted personality at all. It can be said that the little nephew's personality is specifically aimed at his mother's irrationality and sloppy.
Sometimes I nag Xiaomei, thinking that Xiaomei's protection and love for children will gradually destroy them, because children dare not say anything in the outside world, and soon they will be middle class. How can such a character not be bullied by other children at school? Even the best academic performance in the future will be delayed because of introversion. However, Xiaomei has always said that "the child is a' gift' from God, and she should be given the best' gift' in return. There is nothing wrong with giving children the best "gifts", but some "gifts" will slowly destroy children. Parents should stop loving them in time anyway, and parents should never take them to heart.
1. What kind of "talent" is slowly destroying children?
1, reluctant to let children "suffer"
Many parents are reluctant to let their children "suffer hardships" when they grow up. My best friend Xiaomei is such a spoiled parent. He does almost everything for his little nephew, even small things like brushing his teeth and washing his face must be done by himself. Such pampering has made my nephew not brush his teeth and wash his face by himself until now, and he usually eats with a mouthful of food.
For this problem, Xiaomei was criticized by name at the parent-teacher meeting. When Xiaomei really wants to cultivate children's independence, she finds it extremely difficult. If Xiaomei doesn't wash her face and brush her teeth, her nephew won't do it himself. Similarly, when Xiaomei didn't feed her nephew, his nephew was also deadlocked and hungry. When the child cried hungry, Xiaomei couldn't bear to starve the child and broke the bottom line again and again.
2. Realize children's various "wishes"
Xiaomei is not only hands-on about children's affairs, but also tries her best to satisfy their various "wishes". I remember my nephew wanted an iPad when he was 4 years old, and Xiaomei was still very satisfied. The reason for her satisfaction is that "children can cultivate their painting ability with iPad". In fact, to cultivate children's painting ability, you can take them to some interest classes. Exposing children to electronic products will not only make them addicted to the world of electronic products, but also hurt their eyesight invisibly.
3. Unconditional obedience to children
Xiaomei is because she satisfies her children's wishes again and again. Up to now, if children are not satisfied with one thing, they will roll around at home in various ways. Although Xiaomei is an introverted child outside, she is a "tiger" at home and has no respect and satisfaction for her family. In fact, the current situation has something to do with Xiaomei's belief that the best "gift" is for children. These "gifts" seem to show love for children, but they are actually slowly destroying children.
If children don't even have a simple attitude of independence, respect for their families and satisfaction, they will be as weak as newly hatched chickens when they study and live independently in the future. These weaknesses may be understood and humbled by family members at home, but once they enter school and society, children's weaknesses will only be bullied and eliminated by others. Therefore, if parents have the above three kinds of "gifts" for their children, they must stop in time, and don't wait until the child is injured before they know they regret it.
Second, how to prevent these "gifts" from getting close to children?
1, "brutally" cultivate children's independence
In order to prevent the above-mentioned "gifts" from getting close to children, mothers must be cruel to cultivate their children's independence. Children should be cultivated from an early age, and the principle of "doing your own thing" should be fulfilled.
2. Unreasonable "wishes" should be ignored
When children put forward "unreasonable wishes", parents should not compromise because of their coquetry. Once satisfied, children will only have more wishes, and parents will fall into endless satisfaction.
3. Take more children to participate in other children's games.
Parents should usually take their children to play with other children and let them actively participate in other children's games. Let children have a childlike life and cultivate more interpersonal relationships.
Conclusion: To love children, we should give them the right training, not connivance and doting. Parents should never be "stubborn" in this respect. It is very important to be an understanding parent. Finally, I also hope that every child can grow into a towering tree and become the pride of parents and the motherland.
We see too much problem children, but I still don't think it's the children's fault. The source of the problem is not children, but parents.
Children's babbling begins with the words and deeds of their parents around them. This is survival instinct. Parents give their instincts directly to their children, but people's instincts in society often need to be restrained, cultivated and confronted.
In family education, parents have an attitude before they solve their children's problems in family education, and they will naturally develop their wisdom. Living in a smart family, children's growth will have unlimited possibilities.
Parents are children's mirrors. Be what you want your children to be! Therefore, parents should restrain themselves if they don't want their children to develop bad habits!
Usually swearing, bad temper, playing mobile phones, playing games, greedy for petty gains and other common details in life are easier for children to follow suit.
Therefore, in life, we should seriously develop good habits, set a good example for our children, pass positive energy every day, don't complain, be cheerful and optimistic!
While considering the family environment, we should also consider the social environment in which children live. School classmates, playmates and playmates usually have the greatest influence on children! Therefore, it is also important for children to teach positive energy friends and not to contact people with bad hobbies!