Social education models at different stages
With regard to China's social education model, we have an important conclusion: for infants (about six years old), parents are often generous and even doting; On the contrary, the requirements for older children are very strict, even severely restricted.
The reason why children are tolerant and relaxed is because in the eyes of parents, children of this age can't be reasonable, so children should not be responsible for what they have done wrong, and they can't be asked to behave in line with the expectations of adults.
Parents will also think that we can't expect to make much progress in training babies, because babies are still "small animals" that need to be taken good care of. Babies' needs should be met without delay or hindrance. It seems that mothers are born to be responsible for the comfort and safety of their children, ensuring that they have enough to eat and wear and stay away from danger. Their weaning and defecation training is always gentle and slow. There are no strict rules about sleep time. The physiological functions of babies or young children are not bound by rigid schedules. People don't attach importance to the independence training of babies. In short, infancy and infancy can be regarded as the most indulgent and doting stages for children.
Although babies and young children's appetites can generally be satisfied, parents often oppose and obstruct their children's initiative or exploratory requirements, especially in terms of sex and aggression.
In the process of raising children, sex training is the most severe of all kinds of training. For example, even at home, grandmothers and mothers warn the younger generation that they must never wear clothes. Parents have high anxiety about their children's sexual problems. People in China are seldom willing to discuss sexual issues with each other. Although the relationship between mother and child is very cordial, the physical care and protection for the child often exceeds the psychological and emotional needs. Therefore, tolerance, doting and physical closeness do not mean caring about the real needs of children, nor are they highly sensitive to their emotional expression.
In the process of children's growth, parents' attitudes towards children have formed a sharp contrast. When you are young, you often have fewer constraints; When they grow up, they will begin to hear the reprimand of "don't do this" and begin to feel the severe discipline and even corporal punishment from their relatives, especially their fathers. Compared with the western countries, this strict social education model has bound China people in their childhood, and they have lost a lot of freedom and happiness.
In short, the mode of social education in China society is that when children are "not sensible" and unable to take responsibility for their actions, parents focus on nurturing rather than teaching. As children grow up, teaching becomes more and more important, and parents' attitudes and methods of discipline are also changing suddenly. Therefore, the social education process of children in China can be divided into two stages: ① tolerant infants and early childhood; 2 childhood is serious.
In essence, this strict discipline in the later period is related to parents' expectations of their children's future achievements. According to many research results of psychology, achievement motivation has reached a high level in Chinese mainland. Mcclelland, an American psychologist, also found that in 1950s, the achievement motivation of children in Chinese mainland exceeded the world average.
As we all know, influenced by Confucian culture, China's parents attach great importance to their children's achievements. Therefore, parents will emphasize their children's grades (especially academic performance), love children with good academic performance, be more willing to tolerate their mistakes and show more concern for their children. Similarly, it is precisely because of the mentality of "aspiring to success" that children in China will face severe discipline when they grow up. Sadly, under this discipline, children in China have lost the courage to be independent, active and explore activities.
Strict one-way social education model
China's social education model is also strict and unidirectional.
In the traditional model of "loving mother in strict father", the father plays the role of punisher in the family. When a child has requirements that may offend his father's anger, the mother is often the middleman for the child to convey his feelings to his father. If there is a dispute between parents, the origin of the dispute is often the difference in the method of educating children: the mother is more sympathetic to the wishes of the children, and the father considers it according to his own principles; When the father is angry and wants to spank the child, the child will rely on the mother to intervene. Ironically, it is often the mother who strengthens the child's fear of the father. When a child annoys his father, his mother often becomes his amulet; When the child does something bad, the mother will also threaten the child with words like "If you don't obey again, see how heavy the punishment is".
Interestingly, the model of "loving mother in strict father" will make children feel different about their parents. Generally speaking, mothers are more likable than fathers. Compared with girls, boys feel that their parents are more restrained and arbitrary. Boys will also think more that their father used severe punishment, so their father will be a stricter disciplinarian in their eyes, while their mother will be more considerate. On the whole, the emotional distance between father and son is greater than that between mother and son. This is also in line with the general view: the relationship between children and their mothers in China is warm, but their impression of their father is severe, indifferent and divided.
China's social education model holds that the key to educating the younger generation lies in strict discipline. The main methods of punishment are scolding and corporal punishment, which has always been blameless and even considered necessary. Few children have been beaten by their parents. It's hard to imagine how many times these "dutiful sons" have been beaten with sticks! However, it is doubtful whether this discipline is useful. The study found that parents who are easy-going and use less punishment will make their children independent and confident.
Such strict discipline has caused China's parents not to care about the damage to their children's self-esteem. Even now, it is not uncommon for parents to beat and scold their children in the street. Although corporal punishment in schools has decreased and is only carried out under special circumstances, it has not disappeared. As for corporal punishment of students, it is normal to humiliate and insult students in front of them.
Besides not caring about self-esteem, China's parents also have great influence on their children's important choices such as marriage and employment. China people do not resist long-term dependence on their parents. For example, even as adults, it is common for their children to use family ties to get jobs. Therefore, the authority of parents will not be reduced because their children are adults. Children will continue to obey for a long time
Emphasizing obedience makes it difficult to maintain two-way equality in communication between two generations. One-way social education mode requires that the little guy can only listen with his ears, but not speak with his mouth. Even today, it is not difficult to observe that parents can immediately block their children's mouths by shouting "What does the child know?". . This authoritative way is based on children's point of view. Children are often described as innocent, so their small hearts must be protected from external influences.
In addition, children are considered to be ignorant, so they can only passively listen to the teachings of the adults around them, and adults will instill moral rules and regulations and shape children's character into a shape determined by culture. Therefore, China's social education model is different from the following viewpoints, such as: children's natural growth tendency; Encourage children to explore the world around them; Like children to solve their own difficulties; It is not necessary to meet the needs of children; Children's opinions may not be accepted, but at least they will be respected.