How to educate children about setbacks and make them smarter and smarter? Growth is a sweet and difficult process. At the same time, many parents believe that the more outstanding the child's ability, the better. Improving children's immunity requires a balanced diet. Here, you can learn how to educate your children to face setbacks.

How to give children frustration education 1 frustration education is to teach children how to deal with setbacks, cultivate their strong will and improve their frustration tolerance. Moderate setbacks are conducive to the cultivation of frustration tolerance, but if the intensity of setbacks is too high or the frequency of setbacks is too high, it will be counterproductive, which will cause children's sense of inferiority, make children afraid of setbacks, dare not do things, and become timid. Some children may even become indifferent, melancholy and overly nervous. Therefore, we must pay attention to the child's ability to accept and avoid unnecessary setbacks.

Unrealistic expectations

"My son should be a painter."

"My daughter will be a pianist in the future."

"Playing the piano, drawing, dancing and English, a daughter should learn everything and not lag behind others at all."

Feifei is busier than usual on weekends and holidays. She has just started Grade One, and she has a lot of homework every day. She has a full schedule for two days at the weekend. She learns painting on Saturday morning, English in the afternoon, computer on Sunday morning and piano in the afternoon. Feifei feels too tired and hard, and her head is dizzy all day.

"Mom, I study too much and have no time to finish my school homework."

"Come on, stop playing."

"I don't have time to play. I didn't play. "

"Yes, learn the skills first, and then you will succeed."

"Mom, I'm upset. I won't learn that much. "

"It's no use! When we were young, where did you have such good conditions? Mom saves money for you to learn, but you can't learn! "

Feifei crustily skin of head and tried to do what her mother asked, but she always felt that she could not fulfill her mother's request. She doesn't pay attention when playing computer, and her English pronunciation is wrong, so she gets tired of playing the piano for a while. The more her mother blames her, the worse she does.

"Waste!" Mom said angrily. With the failure of each study, Feifei also feels that her mother is right and she is a waste.

Childhood children don't judge themselves. They often take their parents' expectations as the standard to measure their achievements, words and deeds, and thus draw the conclusion of their own quality and ability. Parents put too high demands on their children, and children will feel frustrated because they can't meet their parents' expectations, draw the conclusion of "incompetence" and feel inferior. If you don't pay attention to children's age characteristics and hobbies, and blindly ask too many and too strict, children will feel that everything has failed. This failure again and again is like a broken ant nest, eroding children's self-confidence.

Self-consolation after frustration

Mother thinks it strange that Feifei doesn't like to do anything recently. She just likes to eat. The more you scold her, the more she loves to eat, the more she eats and the fatter she grows. As we all know, when children are frustrated, they will feel depressed, nervous and impatient if they are not understood and comforted by others. In children's memory, sucking milk is happy and can make them feel relieved. The joy of sucking milk, the good memories and associations held by the mother in her arms, prompted the children to seek comfort from food. Therefore, Feifei likes to eat when she is frustrated. "The food tastes good and she will feel comfortable immediately after eating it." Of course, different children comfort themselves in different ways. For example, when Wei Wei is frustrated, she sucks her fingers desperately; I just like biting my nails; Liangliang likes to bite the pencil rod.

actual requirement

Children rarely question our expectations, but often just doubt their own abilities. When our expectations are too high, it will make our children feel depressed. If we understand the growth process of children and pay attention to their hobbies, and then make a request, this request is realistic and feasible. Let children give full play to their talents, don't follow their parents' fantasies, or fulfill their parents' unfulfilled dreams as children, so as to reduce the degree of frustration.

Analyze children's needs

In order to avoid unreasonable frustration caused by unrealistic high expectations, we should always reflect on whether our requirements for children are appropriate. Through reflection, we may find that some of our vague understandings have influenced our attitude towards children. Only in this way can we correct it, instead of blindly imposing our own wrong demands on children.

Sometimes we don't want to reflect, because reflection may bring things we don't want to face, but it is the first step to change or stick to certain concepts. On the basis of objective analysis, how to help children establish firm confidence and avoid unnecessary setbacks? This is where we started.

How to educate children about setbacks II. Frustration experience

Consciously create some difficulties for children and let them experience frustration. Children may not like the experience of frustration, but just like many nutritious vegetables that children don't like, we still have to find ways to let them try. Parents may wish to try the following three tips:

1, let children have a psychological construction process.

In daily life, parents should subtly let their children indirectly contact and perceive setbacks, so that children can have a concrete image of setbacks. For example, you can watch The Lion King with your children and tell them a short story like The Adventures of Tom. You can describe the suffering of the protagonist in the story in an exaggerated tone, and at the same time encourage children to learn from the protagonist in the story and their courage. These virtual and vivid ways of frustration can let children have a preliminary understanding of setbacks and let them know that there are many difficulties and challenges in life. Don't be timid in the face of them, but face them bravely in order to reap the joy of success. Experiencing difficulties and setbacks from stories can give children a good psychological construction process, and parents should accompany their children.

2. Let children experience setbacks from life.

Children can't tie their shoelaces well, and mom and dad help; Children and partners have conflicts, and grandparents protect them; Children and cousins grab gifts, and a group of people help. Imagine that such a child who is happy about everything may be so happy all his life. If you have been such a "helper" as a parent, leave such a "helper team" as soon as possible. Because, in this way, your child can avoid hitting a wall everywhere in his later life.

Letting children tie their own shoelaces may be a "great" difficulty at first, but if they are left alone to face this difficulty, they will learn to think about their own solutions. After failing to taste, they will think of other ways to finally solve the problem. When a child proudly sticks out his little feet to "show off" his shoelaces, I feel that this joy and confidence can't be replaced by anything else.

3. Give the child a little trouble.

In addition to some natural difficulties, parents sometimes deliberately give their children "difficulties" to improve their children's tolerance for setbacks. For some requirements of children, parents should not agree immediately, but delay meeting them. This process can make children learn to wait and endure, and let them know that everything is hard to come by. When getting along with children or playing games, set some small difficulties, don't follow his wishes everywhere, and let children initially realize that there will be friction between people, and unexpected problems and setbacks will occur in interpersonal communication.

Second, the degree of depression.

As we all know, to make a good dish, besides fresh ingredients, seasoning is also very important. It can make dishes delicious and difficult to swallow. What kind of influence will frustration education have on children, whether to push them forward or "dampen" their self-confidence, the key is to grasp the degree of frustration education.

4, pay attention, not heavy

Good frustration education must be based on an appropriate level of education. When educating children about setbacks, we should consider two factors-the child's age and his tolerance. Children of all ages have different levels of development. In addition, each child's psychological endurance to setbacks varies with personality and environment. Some children will be sensitive to a certain aspect or have poor tolerance, so parents should not blindly sacrifice their happiness and health in order to cultivate their children's strength. There are countless examples of children's inferiority caused by excessive frustration education.

Linlin is a poor child. Dad often lets him run 1000 meters in order to exercise him, which is really an unreasonable requirement for a 6-year-old child with poor physical fitness. Lin Lin often runs 300 meters, panting and pale, and her father severely criticizes her. Over time, Linlin didn't see a strong body, but his personality became very withdrawn, and some aggressive behaviors appeared in private, such as smashing things at home and so on.

In fact, just like cooking, it is impossible to pour all the salt in. Too strict and frequent frustration education not only failed to help Linlin, but made him more cowardly and withdrawn, so that he could vent his negative emotions by smashing things.

Parents should grasp the principle of moderation in frustration education and don't set "impossible tasks" for their children.

Third, encourage and set an example

Dishes made with only main ingredients and seasonings always make people feel that something is missing, such as some reasonable side dishes, which are not only rich in color, but also more comprehensive and balanced in nutrition. The role of encouragement and example is an indispensable side dish in frustration education.

5. Set an example for your children.

Children's thinking is intuitive, and people and things around them will have a profound impact on children. Parents play a very important role in frustration education, so parents should first set an example. When you face setbacks, you should relax and let your children feel your determination and strong will to overcome difficulties. You might as well say something to make yourself happy in front of the children. Don't underestimate these self-encouraging words. Children can learn from you the mentality of self-encouragement and peace.