My five-year-old daughter had a nightmare. That day, at three in the morning, my daughter suddenly sat up with a scream. Her little hand clung to me, shaking all over, and her face cried out in horror, "Mom! Mom! I dreamed that monsters chased me ... "
I quickly comforted her: "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid, mom is here." But my daughter didn't respond, she was still shouting and shaking all over. After a few minutes, she stopped shouting and went back to sleep. It was a long time before she fell asleep peacefully.
When I woke up in the morning, she told me that she dreamed of a one-eyed monster last night with a ferocious expression. "I'm afraid. I dare not sleep. "
She told me with a sad face, "This is a terrible dream, and I dare not close my eyes." After listening to my daughter, I suddenly realized the seriousness of the problem.
Sometimes when I wake up in the middle of the night, my daughter will go to the bathroom by herself and then come back to sleep. It's really good, but this time, I'm afraid of having nightmares.
I found paper and a brush to encourage my daughter to draw the monster in her dream. My daughter drew slowly while recalling.
I studied my daughter's painting carefully and said easily, "This is what the little monster in your dream looks like. Well, it's a little scary, but mom has an idea. "
The daughter asked curiously, "Mom, what can I do?" I took out my brush, added something, and said to my daughter, "Little monster, stay in the cage. From now on, I won't run into my dreams casually."
My daughter looked at the picture and then looked at me and smiled. Since then, my daughter has slept soundly.
First, why do children have nightmares?
Children have nightmares, the medical term is "nightmare", also known as dream anxiety. It means that children wake up from nightmares, scream or cry, have a fearful expression, and their hearts beat faster, and often recall horrible dreams, causing anxiety or fear attacks.
So why do children have nightmares?
1, psychological perspective
Mahler's theory of separation and individualization points out that although children are physically separated from their mothers at birth, psychological separation still takes some time, during which children learn to form concepts and see the world from their own point of view.
For example, leaving my mother and starting to go to kindergarten independently; There are new members in the family: brother's family or sister's family, for some reason, the caregiver has changed, and so on. Such insecurity is likely to be the source of nightmares.
2. Physiological angle
Child psychologists point out that when children begin to have imagination, they will connect fantasy with reality.
In other words, children will confuse imaginary things with reality, and will confuse illusory scenes in dreams with reality.
Alexander is a six-year-old boy. He has always had nightmares recently because he heard the news of his uncle's death. Adults always tell him not to worry, because his uncle looks "as if he is asleep."
From then on, Alexander linked sleep with death, which led to his constant nightmares.
Children in this period can easily combine what they have seen and heard with the hallucinations in their own minds, thus leading to the source of nightmares.
3. Bad sleeping posture and environment
Poor sleeping posture can also make children sleep restlessly, and may have nightmares, especially when the head or chest is compressed.
Zhang Silai, a famous pediatrician, said: "Parents should avoid covering their children with too thick quilts, which will oppress their chests. They should also avoid sleeping with their heads down and their bodies up. Instead, they should focus on sleeping positions such as their heads and let their children sleep in a comfortable position, so that they can have a good sleep. "
Speaking of nightmares, I have to mention night terrors here, because the two will be easily confused, and some parents will be confused. The American Academy of Pediatrics Parenting Encyclopedia introduces the differences in detail.
In fact, in any case, parents should observe and wait before they can choose the correct appeasement method, and the wrong appeasement method will leave a psychological shadow on their children.
Second, the parents' wrong appeasement left a psychological shadow on the children.
Laura is a five-year-old girl. Since seeing a horror movie three weeks ago, she has been having nightmares and can't sleep well at night.
She usually wakes up at three in the morning and cries for her parents. When her parents walked into her bedroom, they always found her awake, very alert and trembling, obviously out of fear.
The content of her dream is not fixed, but it is more or less related to that horror movie. Her parents always stay in her bedroom for a while and then leave, and they don't allow her to sleep in their bed because they don't want to indulge her in bad habits.
However, this lack of help will only make her fear deeper and deeper, and she will soon have resistance to going to bed. Once her parents enter her room, she will try her best to let them spend more time with herself.
Child psychologists believe that as children begin to understand past experiences, their own misconceptions and concepts will bring new fears to children.
In other words, children with insufficient judgment and understanding ability are easy to form a wrong understanding of the stimuli in the environment. Obviously, 5-year-old Laura mistakenly thought that "ghosts" in horror movies would appear in real life, which led to nightmares.
Seeing this, some people will ask: Do children want to sleep with their children after having nightmares? Faced with this problem, experts pointed out that when children have nightmares, they very much hope that their parents will comfort themselves, but it is not the only way for them to sleep with themselves.
What parents should do is to teach their children how to face nightmares and actively solve problems. This is the long-term solution.
Third, what should parents do in the face of children having nightmares?
First, parents should learn to listen and guide their children to tell their dreams.
Sun Ruixue, a famous educator, once said that adults need enough patience and sensitivity to help children understand and cope with fear.
When the child is awakened by a nightmare, the mother can take it with her, pat him on the back to comfort him, or hug her until the child can calm down and know that sleeping is comfortable and safe.
British psychoanalyst Bion Alpha's functional theory holds that good parents can conceptualize emotional experiences that children can't bear, and then return more digestible content to their children.
Simply put, if the child firmly believes that bad things will happen in the nightmare, the mother can ask him to describe his dream carefully.
For example, if a child dreams of a monster, let her tell you what the monster looks like and what kind of sound it will make. We all know that there is a saying that "it would be better to say it". The more fully your child talks to you, the easier it is to eliminate the fear of nightmares.
Secondly, parents let their children study and comfort themselves after having nightmares.
When a child has nightmares, parents can let the child comfort himself after the nightmares, such as teaching him to hug and kiss a little doll, or changing his sleeping position.
Then imagine happy things in your mind and replace nightmares with scenes of the whole family going out to play together.
If the child says all this is useless, you can tell her: "It doesn't matter, mom had nightmares when she was a child, so we should practice more." Let children have confidence in themselves and learn to deal with their own emotions.
As parents, try not to say "nothing to be afraid of" to children. Denying their feelings won't help, it will only make them doubt themselves.
Finally, parents should help their children find an exit.
If young children are still afraid of having nightmares, parents can help them cope with their fears in ways that children can understand more easily.
Anita Yuen once revealed in a variety show that her son would have nightmares for a period of time, so she and her husband came up with an idea. They went to her son's room and wrote a notice with him, "No monsters allowed".
Stick it on the door of the room with your son, and then guide your son to draw the scene in the nightmare. When he saw what his son had painted, Anita Yuen said, it turned out to be this little monster. Let's hang it on the door, too
Through these methods, children's sense of control can be enhanced, and their fears can also be vented. Since then, Anita Yuen's son has never had nightmares.
To tell the truth, when I saw my daughter tortured by nightmares, I was a little scared and didn't know how to solve it. So I consulted a lot of books and materials, and guided my daughter bit by bit, telling her not to be afraid. Nightmares are normal.
After this period of time, I found that at every stage, children will have problems of one kind or another. As parents, only by continuous learning can children grow up healthily and happily.