Just two years ago, 24-year-old Tao Xingzhi went to the United States for further study with a pure heart. Like his fellow countryman Hu Shi, he was worshipped by Dewey, a famous American educator. During this period, he devoted himself to study; After returning from his studies, he improved Dewey's educational thought and practice and introduced it to China. His educational theory was later called "life education". He integrated education into his life, and it still has an important enlightening effect on education in China.
So what is "life education"? Simply put, education should be carried out in life, and children should also receive education in life. Many students, who study hard, can take exams but can't learn, but can read but can't use it in reality. Even after graduating from college, they don't even have the ability to adapt to society. Why on earth is this? In the final analysis, it is this kind of education that is divorced from life and too far away from life. Mr. Tao Xingzhi believes that with life education, the problem of "dead reading, dead reading and dead reading" can be solved; With life education, you can "master all knowledge and skills at will", and with life education, you can "increase your knowledge, strengthen your strength and strengthen your faith".
Let's first listen to a short story about Mr. Tao Xingzhi's education of children.
When Mr. Tao Xingzhi was the principal of Cai Ying Primary School, one day, on campus, he saw a boy trying to hit another classmate with mud. Teacher Tao Xingzhi hurried forward, stopped the student in time and called him to the office.
After understanding the relevant situation, Mr. Tao Xingzhi returned to the office and found the boy waiting for him in the office. At this time, Tao Xingzhi took a candy out of his pocket and handed it to him, saying, "This is a reward for you, because you arrived on time than me." After the boy took the candy, Mr. Wang took out the second candy and said, "this is also a reward for you." I won't let you hit people, so you stopped at once, which shows that you respect me very much. " The boy hesitated with candy. Although he didn't know what medicine the headmaster was selling, he was moved by the headmaster's practice.
Tao Xingzhi then took out the third candy. He said, "I looked into it. You hit those boys with mud because they bully girls. " You smash them, which shows that you are honest and kind, and you have the courage to fight against the bad guys. You deserve a reward. "Then the boy suddenly began to cry. He said, "Principal, I was wrong. They are not bad people. Anyway, it is wrong for me to hit my classmates with mud. " Tao Xingzhi then took out the fourth candy and said, "I'll give you another candy so that you can correctly understand your mistakes." I don't have any candy, so we can end our conversation. "
It is common for children to hit people like this at school and at home. In this case, parents and teachers are often furious and choose to punish their children directly.
Teacher Tao Xingzhi, on the other hand, uses life-oriented scenes to "positively discipline" children. He did not directly criticize the students who beat people, but after understanding the situation, he affirmed the positive performance of the children in the whole thing in turn through rewards. Let children be encouraged in this scene-based education process and have a thorough understanding of their mistakes.
This "positive discipline" method was summed up by Tao Xingzhi as "six minutes", namely: one minute listening, one minute showing love, one minute participating, one minute praising, one minute encouraging and one minute correcting.
In other words, in the process of educating children, we try to spare some time every day to do this: listen to the voice of children for one minute; One minute, express care for children; One minute, participate in the child's life; One minute, praise the child; Encourage your child for another minute; Finally, take a minute to correct the child's mistakes.
This is the method used by Tao Xingzhi in the story of four sweets just told.
For example, after he stopped hitting the child, he was called to the office, which seemed to be critical. However, he did not criticize directly in words and actions, but let the children feel the seriousness of the matter themselves.
After that, he gave the children "four sweets", all of which were full of profound meaning-for example, the first candy was to reward the children for not running away, but to get to the office before Tao Xingzhi; The second candy is to reward the child for not continuing to hit people after being stopped; The third candy is to praise the child's sense of justice. These three sweets all reflect his love and praise for children. When the child realized his mistake, Tao Xingzhi handed him the fourth candy and encouraged him to continue this attitude of correcting mistakes. We can see that in this whole process, Tao Xingzhi did not criticize the children, but actively participated in guiding them to reflect on their mistakes.
Traditional parents, when educating their children, will criticize and accuse their children of wrong behavior more, and even beat them.
Mr. Tao Xingzhi told parents that "disciplining" children is not only a way of beating, scolding, punishing and controlling-it is also a way of positive discipline. This method has nothing to do with beating, scolding, punishment and management, but consciously guides, educates and trains children, helps them understand mistakes, think about reality and cultivate skills.
For example, your child is very naughty. You just bought a watch, but the child secretly broke it. What will you do at this time? The vast majority of parents are furious and scold their children, even like the parents in "Family with Children", they give a "mixed pair" to a disobedient child like Liu Xing.
Tao Xingzhi also encountered similar things-but he did this:
Once, Tao Xingzhi went to a friend's house to play and saw his friend's children squatting under a big tree in the yard to watch the ants move. After the mother saw it, she raised her hand and hit the child. Tao Xingzhi stopped his friend, and then he learned that the child was curious about how the "tick" in the watch came out, so he took down the watch he just bought at home. He was just scolded by his mother and almost beaten.
So, Tao Xingzhi came to the watch repair shop with a broken watch and a child in her arms.
The watch repairman looked at the broken watch and said that it needed a repair fee of one yuan and sixty cents. You know, prices at that time were expensive. Tao Xingzhi didn't bargain, just said, "How much money is up to you, but I have one condition, that is, I must let my child see you repair it and let him learn a lot." The master agreed. Tao Xingzhi and his children stood by and watched the master repair the watch with great interest. See how he takes it apart and how to soak the parts in the potion one by one; And see how he assembles parts after refueling. I watched it from beginning to end for over an hour. After all the watches were installed, the master wound up the spring and the watch made a clear "tick" sound. The child shouted happily, "bell, bell, the watch is fixed!" " "When Tao Xingzhi left, he spent another yuan to buy an old clock and gave it to the child to take back and let him open it. The child thanked him again and again: "Thank you, Uncle! Thank you, uncle! Uncle, how nice! "
In this story, Tao Xingzhi did not criticize the child directly like his mother did. On the contrary, he expressed his love, praise and encouragement to children everywhere. He also took the children to the watch repair shop and let them participate in the watch repair work. When he left, he bought an old clock for the child and asked him to go back and open it. In Tao Xingzhi's view, the reason why children want to remove watches is because of strong curiosity. Is this behavior wrong? Should I criticize?
Tao Xingzhi once said such meaningful words: "You have Watt under your pointer, Newton in your cold eyes, and Edison in your ridicule. Don't rush to drive them away. "
Therefore, he believes that children should not be directly scolded and punished, but should be guided slowly on the basis of understanding the real situation, develop their curiosity, imagination and sense of justice, help them understand their mistakes, and explore their unique advantages and talents.
You see, this is the meaning and value of "positive discipline"
Then, in life, how should we implement "positive discipline" for children according to this educational concept of Tao Xingzhi?
First of all, as parents, we should understand that "life is education".
In other words, education should be carried out in life, and children should also receive education in life.
Many parents believe that the real responsibility for education must lie with schools and teachers. If a child makes a mistake, then the task of parents is to criticize. As for how to educate children to improve, how to teach them to be human, and even how to teach them knowledge, it is all a teacher's business.
Tao Xingzhi tells us that education is everywhere, and education happens in life. Don't let go of every little mistake your child makes in life, create conditions in the scene and educate your child positively.
Secondly, when children do something wrong, what we should do is to look at the mistakes made by children with a positive attitude, guide children to reflect on themselves and develop their potential, rather than directly beating, punishing and controlling children.
For example, in the story of "Four Sweets", although the child did make the action of hitting people, in Tao Xingzhi's view, the child contains a sense of justice and can stop infringing on others and reflect on his mistakes in time; In the story of "disassembling the watch", Tao Xingzhi did not blame the child like his mother, but discovered the child's curiosity and imagination.
In life, when we find some wrong behaviors of children, we should not criticize them in a hurry, but first understand the situation-you can think like this: Why do children do this? What does he hope to get from this behavior? What was going on in his mind when he did this?
When you think like this, you will know how to communicate with your child next, and you will know more about the real purpose of your child's doing so. At this time, you can "reel off the cocoon", find the bright spot reflected in the child in the incident, and then implement guidance, so that the child's mistakes will be reduced and the advantages will be expanded.
Finally, for parents, the ultimate significance of positive discipline lies in liberating children's thoughts, hands, time and space, thus giving them a completely free life.
Our contemporary parents generally make many hard and fast rules for their children. For example, never fight; Never damage the items at home; Never play games or anything. However, growing up under such restrictive conditions, although children will not make big mistakes on the surface, their sense of justice, creativity, imagination, practical ability and their potential may be buried.
Therefore, what parents should do is to create opportunities and conditions for their children, not to restrict their growth. In life, parents can make more use of "six minutes" to interact with their children, thus paying attention to their real needs.
Mr. Tao Xingzhi said: "Everyone says that children are small and children are not small. If you think your child is young, you are younger than your child. " We always feel that children are still young, ignorant and need strict constraints; We always think that disobedient children are easy to go bad, so we should criticize and punish them to remember. Although children are small, they also have their own way of thinking and behavior. When you educate your children in the simplest and rudest way, you may not only make them realize their mistakes, but also kill their nature and talent.
German educator Dostoevsky once said: "The art of teaching is not to impart skills, but to inspire, awaken and encourage." Perhaps this is the real purpose of education.