Donald winnicott

This is a concept put forward by British psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott. He pointed out that everyone is an "individual" and everyone has a "personality", and in a person's childhood, it is a crucial period for his "personality" to be established. In this critical period, the most important person to build a child's "personality" is the mother, and the most important way for a mother to build a child's "personality" is to caress, kiss, gentle eyes and other behaviors that can convey love. In fact, at a young age, this kind of love is actually an "environment", an environment in which a person is in a critical period of self-construction.

But if the mother can't give "the love that the child can accept", the situation will be very different.

Donald Winnicott pointed out that when the "environment" provided can't make children acquire "self-construction" normally and richly, the "imperfect love" expressed by mothers will be alienated from their own spontaneous hearts, and they will establish false contact with their mothers, thus creating an isolated state. At this time, there is a "false self."

In fact, simply speaking, the baby has an "abnormal" development performance according to its own environment, which is the so-called "false self". In people's understanding, this "false self" that covers up the "true self" at the beginning of life is an unreal and invalid behavior. In the subsequent communication, this false self often can't really express himself.

In the words that China people are familiar with, it is "lack of love when I was a child".

"Lack of love in childhood" is usually regarded as a curse, as if to say that a person has no parents, but even if he has parents, he may not really get enough love in childhood.

On the other hand, why do people with depression often mention their childhood experiences? Even a few people who have never mentioned their childhood depression to others, if you ask them, why can they remember some trivial things clearly? Some can even remember what they thought at that time?

In fact, a person's thoughts are established and owned at a very young age. Even children have dignity, shame, shame and so on, but their childhood has not been defined and valued by so-called adults. At this time, if they are stimulated by some irrational things different from ordinary people, they will have a contradiction of their own, which is doomed to some ups and downs or twists and turns in their future thoughts and behaviors.

They will think that the world they understand is different from the real world; They will think that there is a distance between the emotions they have and the emotions they really should have; They think that there is always irreconcilable contradiction between their own affairs and their own thoughts. In fact, this uncoordinated sense of contradiction is a very key reason for a person to have depression.

A person is always moving forward in the process of recalling the past, looking forward to the future and implementing the present. However, if there is a strong difference between this person's past, present and future, especially when the "already owned" emotion can't adapt to the society and reality faced today, he and himself will have a "gap", which is manifested in the patient's own incomprehension of things, others and himself. As a result, a sense of contradiction arises and emotions reach an uncontrollable intensity.

Therefore, whether it is depression or not, no matter how important "love education" is to depression. Even if the scope is expanded, "love" is of vital importance to everyone, which determines whether we can express our true selves and better cope with the unpredictable modern society.

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

Depression mainly has the following reasons:

1. Genetic factors, scientific research shows that people with family history of depression are more likely to get depression than those without family history of depression.

2. Childhood experience, parenting style, attachment and parenting environment have great influence on the formation of personal character and the development of psychological function. Weak psychological function is particularly easy to get mental illness, just as low immune function is easy to get sick.

3. Traumatic events in life will also have an impact on our psychology and induce depression and anxiety!

If you find yourself suffering from depression and it has been going on for some time, you can't solve it in many ways. It is recommended to see a doctor in time.

# The counselor said # # Life Psychology #

There are many factors that cause depression, which are based on the interaction between congenital and acquired, that is to say, it includes both physiological factors, environmental and psychological factors.

1, physiological factors

(1) family gene

Just as hypertension, allergies, asthma and heart disease are passed on to the next generation, so are mental diseases.

If both your parents suffer from depression, or one of your parents suffers from depression, then your risk of depression will increase significantly.

About 20% of the causes of depression are related to genetic inheritance. If both parents or parents' whole family suffer from mental illness such as severe depression, then the proportion of such inheritance may increase. This reminds us that if someone in our family suffers from a certain mental illness, we must take precautions in advance, pay more attention to personal emotional management, make more positive and optimistic friends, and strive to create a good living environment for ourselves, so as to induce less mental illness such as depression and anxiety.

(2) Physical health status

Generally speaking, people with diseases are less likely to control their emotions than healthy people, because they need to share some or most of their willpower to fight physical diseases. If the disease lasts for a long time, physical and mental torture is enough to lead to depression.

In addition, some special periods, such as menopause and women just after giving birth, are particularly prone to depression due to the dramatic changes in hormones in the body.

(3) substance abuse

Faced with anxiety and pain, some people choose alcohol, nicotine, drugs or certain drugs to relieve stress for a long time.

These substances are not only harmful to health, but also affect the emotional function of the brain, making it easy to be too excited or sad and aggravating the performance of depression.

2. Environmental factors

(1) Family growth environment

Many people with depression can be traced back to childhood. They didn't start to be depressed as adults, but developed the habit of depression from childhood, and it didn't break out until adulthood.

When they were young, the unsafe growing environment prevented them from truly expressing their thoughts and feelings, and the wrong defense methods such as escape, repression, denial and obedience became their childhood umbrellas.

It is also after a long period of accumulation that quantitative change has produced qualitative change, and depression has not been alleviated and gradually evolved into depression.

(2) Social environment

In addition to the family environment, a person's school environment, workplace environment and big social environment will also have an important impact on his behavior.

For example, in the same family environment, if a child is bullied on campus and can't get the understanding and help of teachers and parents, then he is more likely to suffer from depression.

For another example, if an employee works in an environment full of competition, high performance requirements and strict grading system for a long time, if he has no ability to resist pressure, he is also prone to depression.

(3) Major trauma

Everyone's psychological endurance is limited. Once we exceed that acceptable limit, our hearts will be greatly traumatized.

These major injuries are usually some extreme negative events in life, such as car accidents, earthquakes, deaths, domestic violence, rape and so on.

Psychological trauma is extremely destructive to body and mind. If it is not timely psychological counseling, it will become a wound that can not be healed for a lifetime, and this wound has also become the source of depression.

3. Psychological factors

(1) Attitude towards setbacks

In addition to biological and environmental factors, psychological factors can also induce depression, the most typical of which is negative thinking.

Normal people will be depressed and pessimistic when facing setbacks, but this negative emotion will not last long. They will quickly adjust their mentality and focus more on how to improve the status quo.

For people who are prone to depression, frustration makes them feel at a loss and makes them involuntarily immersed in infinite negative imagination. The more I think about it, the worse and more serious the problem is, and the more depressed I am; The more depressed you are, the more you can't get out; The more I can't get out, the more desperate I am; The more desperate, the more I want to escape from reality and close myself; This kind of situation is much more, and it is easy to produce learned helplessness. Often feeling helpless is a seed to induce depression.

(2) Self-evaluation

From a person's evaluation of himself, we can see more or less whether this person is prone to depression.

If a person always thinks this is not good, it is not good, but he is obviously good. As long as he is not joking or too modest, it shows that he is an inferiority complex.

People with low self-esteem are prone to depression. Why? Because the lower a person's self-esteem, the more he wants to achieve higher achievements to fill his inner humility, but the pursuit of success is endless. Success is only the fate of a few people, and most people will go to mediocrity.

In the face of failure, people with low self-esteem are used to blaming themselves for it, which will undoubtedly enhance their sense of inferiority, so that once they encounter something that makes them feel incompetent, they will be easily depressed.

Paradoxically, even if many people with low self-esteem have made achievements, their deep sense of lack will make them feel that it is nothing, that they are always "not so good", and even that they have achieved nothing.

Through the above causes of depression, we can better understand depression. It should be noted that depression is very complicated and cunning. Sometimes you feel that depression doesn't seem so serious and you feel a little better, but it doesn't take long for you to be happy and find that depression may come back at any time, ruining your hard-won hope and enthusiasm for life.

The recurrence rate of depression is high, but even so, as long as you have overcome depression once, you must have the confidence to overcome it.

With more and more successful experiences, your self-confidence will become stronger and stronger, and you will find yourself less and less depressed and desperate.

Poor childhood environment will definitely have some influence on the occurrence of depression, but it will not be too big. The appearance of a person's "depression" symptom state is mainly due to his imperfect personality and low intelligence level, which is the main reason for the "depression" symptom state. A person's intelligence level needs lifelong learning and growth before it can be changed and improved.

Depression is a general term for a series of symptoms such as emotion, thinking, thinking and behavior. It is a symptom state that represents a person's life problems. These symptoms can't be cured, but they can be completely solved.

Depression is like a person swimming, falling into a whirlpool and unable to swim out. In that case, it's pain and you can't extricate yourself.

Simply taking medicine to treat depression should not completely solve the problem. There is no example to prove it.

Psychology believes that depression is caused by depression psychological problems, cognitive problems, ideological problems, logical thinking habits, etc., and is caused by a person's low level of wisdom. Imagine: will a person with great wisdom be depressed? Can you get depression? Cleverness is not equal to wisdom. Some people think that it is inappropriate for a person to be clever and have a high level of wisdom.

Practice has proved that the psychological problems causing depression have been completely solved, and his or her symptoms of depression have been solved (disappeared). By learning, growing, changing and improving his or her intelligence level, the psychological problems and symptoms of depression have been completely solved.

Cognition and thinking determine behavior.

Behavior forms habits.

Habit determines and forms character.

Character determines fate.

If you feel that your problems can't be solved by yourself and your relatives, I suggest you seek professional help. I believe the problem can be completely solved.

Solution to the problem:

1: Go to the psychology department of a regular hospital to find a high-level psychologist (psychologist) to determine the nature and degree of the problem. Psychological training, supplemented by drugs, can solve the problem.

2. Seek the help of regular psychological counseling services and high-level psychological counselors to help guide training. By learning, growing and changing, you can completely solve your psychological problems, and you won't relapse after completely solving the problems.

As relatives of patients with depression, we must pay attention to the seriousness of the problem. We should know that patients themselves need the help of relatives and friends, not "complaining" and "blaming", but "just right love" and high-level guidance and training to help depressed patients get out of the quagmire of problems and solve them completely. It takes a process and time.

Hello, my friend. In our life, we can often see that many people blame their relatives or people around them for the root of their pain. Have we ever thought that people with positive thinking can always overcome the same bad thing and become more and more brave until they can tolerate all the people and things in life? As long as people with negative thinking encounter bad things, they often blame others for it and never reflect on themselves. Where are they wrong? The same family, the same situation, others can turn Gan Kun around and live happily, but we are very miserable. Why is this? Which means we're wrong. Only by knowing and correcting your own mistakes can you really live in harmony with people and things around you. If you always fight with negative emotions, you will only make yourself more and more miserable.

When negative emotions come, if we fight them, we will fight them with negative emotions, which will lead to greater negative emotions. When negative emotions come, if you accept them, you agree with your negative emotions and that you can bring negative energy. Over time, although you are used to the pain caused by negative emotions, which may make you feel better, there is actually a great crisis.

How to treat negative emotions correctly? The correct way to deal with negative emotions is to ignore negative emotions, do positive things wholeheartedly and constantly amplify positive energy. All negative energy and negative emotions will dissipate.

I believe that in your life, you can find people who are very positive, and they are happy every day. That kind of happiness is not how good the material living conditions are, but the emission of the inner spirit. We have time to do more positive things that are beneficial to others and society. When we open our hearts and release our love to the world, we are love itself and positive energy, and those negative emotions naturally have nothing to do with us. Our hearts are naturally full of joy and happiness. It's no use talking too much. The key is to really practice it yourself. When you really realize it, you can believe it more and work hard in the right direction. The more you practice, the happier you will be. If you enter the path of positive energy cycle, life will be full of health, happiness and happiness!

Hello, because I am not a professional psychological counselor, and I have only a little knowledge of depression, so let me talk about my understanding!

Let's talk about when I was a child, our family was two daughters, and I was my sister. In the 1990s, my father was a high school student in the village. At that time, the culture was not bad. My father is bent on starting a business. At that time, my father, who just married my mother, disappeared for three years. I didn't come back until later. But my dad is still wandering around the country. To put it bluntly, there are also interesting ingredients in it. At that time, my mother took me alone and vented all her resentment against my father on me. Everyone in the village knows that my mother is a malicious character, and even my grandmother scolds my mother (when I was one year old, my mother asked my grandmother to take care of me, and she went out to work by herself and came back at the age of three or four. The most tragic time was when she came back from work and went to my primary school, with an interval of about three years. Later, my mother gave birth to my sister when I was seven. I have studied steadily for several years, and my grades are not bad. It was not until the first half of the semester that the news came that he wanted to pick me up and live with me, but I dare not refuse. Although I didn't hit me much when I was old, I still felt unfair everywhere. Even my sister will say that my mother doesn't like you (me) and my father won't say anything as long as my mother doesn't go too far. Life at that time was very depressing, unhappy and self-abased. I just wanted to escape from them. In high school, I took a summer job and never went back to school. When I got home, they didn't look for me halfway (I was hungry outside). My mother later revealed to my aunt that she did not have my daughter at that time. Since then, I have never spent a penny at home. I went back to Chongqing at the age of eighteen or nineteen and worked for myself to earn money. At that time, I learned to make myself happy. Maybe I was really happy at that time. If I have money, I will call my father, contact my mother and buy her gifts, clothes and my sister. It seems that the scar has healed and the pain has been forgotten! Now I know that my likable personality was formed in my mother's violence when I was a child!

Besides, now I am married, married to a man who has a son after two marriages! His personality is very similar to my father's, so they can talk! Last September, I gave birth to my daughter, and then I realized how unfortunate it was to find such a man. When I'm outside, I give everything to my friends, food and drink, and I'm on call. I didn't even have a hand when the broom fell at home. I did everything for my daughter alone. At that time, I tried to understand my mother and thought that the relationship could be repaired. It was not until my sister came back from the Chinese New Year holiday and was disillusioned that I realized that my mother might really not love me. Maybe she loved me very little, too little to compare with my love for my daughter! I'm afraid my daughter is as unhappy as I am, and she has a nervous breakdown, good and good, and good and broken. Once, I felt that life was meaningless. It was my daughter's smile that kept me going today!

Speaking of which, tell me my understanding! To outsiders, I am strong and optimistic. Only I know how sad I am. When I was a child, my mother's domestic violence cast a thick shadow on me. If I were a stepmother, I might be able to think about it psychologically, but she is my biological mother! If I get married in the future, my husband is a man who knows the cold and knows the hot, maybe things that happened when I was a child will never happen again (strangely, many things are clear when I was a child now). After I gave birth to a child, there are certain reasons for hormone secretion, my own family and family of origin. In this way, I suspect that I may have mild depression, frequent insomnia, headache, indifference in front of people, and frequent collapse after people!

Finally, friends who have finished reading, thank you!

Hello! I focus on cognitive behavioral therapy @ psychological counselor Xinhai. I'll talk about my point of view according to your question.

Childhood experience is directly related to whether a person will get depression when he grows up. Let me share with you the knowledge of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a psychotherapy technique developed through continuous improvement in the treatment of depression.

In cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), there is a concept of core beliefs, which can be divided into three categories (incompetent, unlovable and worthless). These three kinds of beliefs are the fundamental reasons that lead us to constantly produce negative thoughts and emotions, and finally lead to depression. And these three beliefs are directly related to our childhood.

So how did these three beliefs come into being?

1, incompetent class

This belief is mainly due to too many words that parents beat and belittle in childhood. Parents often compare other brothers and sisters or other people's children with their own children and always say that their children are not as good as others. Over time, I will let my children have the belief that I am not as good as others. I am incompetent and incompetent. Have an inferiority complex

2. The unlovable class

This belief is mainly that children are abandoned by their parents in childhood, or parents go out to work and leave their children at home with the elderly. After a long time, children will lack the care of their parents and feel that their parents don't love themselves. I am not cute. Insecurity, fear of loss.

3. A worthless class

These three core beliefs are all caused by childhood environment and experience. When we grow up, if we don't encounter events about these three beliefs, we won't be affected. When we encounter similar events, our childhood memories of these three beliefs will be activated, and many negative thoughts and emotions will appear, which will lead to long-term depression.

The above is my opinion, I hope it will help you.

Yes! The flowers in the greenhouse can't stand the wind and frost! Depression is weak will and can't see the light. It is a kind of heart disease, but they refuse treatment, fantasize again and again, and are suspicious, so it is easy to give themselves. Both family and society are harmful, so we must pay attention to it! Lao Yan was a victim of depression and almost killed him! And it was my half-brother who hurt me! I don't complain, because I know he is a patient and he can't control himself!

Without the same two leaves, it is even more impossible to have the same two people. Depression is basically related to traumatic events, but when we are young, we are more vulnerable. Maybe a beating, a word or even a look can hurt us. Recently, a high school boy with excellent grades consulted wanted to jump off a building because of his self-mutilation behavior at school, and was stopped by his classmates. His parents took him to several hospitals, including psychiatric hospitals, and he was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. After seeing a lot of side effects of western medicine, parents dare not give it to their children, and seek acupuncture from Chinese medicine, and the acupuncturist introduces them for consultation. Guided Vipassana was used to guide him back to the dispute and struggle with his classmates two years ago. Faced with cleaning, release and cure, he is relieved now and has returned to school to study.