Appreciate your children moderately, otherwise it will cause endless harm. Children's education has always been the most concerned issue for parents. Although giving children a certain degree of appreciation can give them confidence and motivation to make progress, they should also have a certain degree of appreciation, otherwise it will be too much and cause endless harm.
Appreciation of children should be 1. Appreciation and punishment are like two sides of the same coin. If the combination is close and the rewards and punishments are appropriate, it will be beneficial to the development of children. But excessive appreciation will only make children vain or arrogant, which is not conducive to their growth.
Proper appreciation can give children confidence and motivation to make progress, and moderate punishment can make children responsible for their mistakes and have a sense of responsibility. In other words, rewards and punishments should be organically combined and complement each other.
Wang Yifan is in the second grade of primary school this year, and her mother is very concerned about Wang Yifan's study. In order to make her behave well in all aspects, her mother kept praising her daughter.
At home, no matter what Wang Yifan did, even if it was just a small thing like helping with chopsticks, the mother should praise her daughter in time and say, "We Wang Yifan people are sensible, and no child can compare with this."
When playing chess, poker or games with dorri, my mother sometimes loses to her on purpose, and she will always give enthusiastic praise: "Wang Yifan is great", "My daughter is really a clever child" and so on. In short, I will say what is the best and what makes my daughter happy. Thanks to her mother's constant praise, Wang Yifan's grades have really improved a lot.
But after a long time, my mother found that if she and her husband don't praise her daughter in time, or their praise can't satisfy her daughter, her daughter will be very unhappy and even lose her temper. What is worrying is that a daughter who is used to "flattery" can't accept their little kind criticism at all. For example, if she does something bad in her study or life, it will make her very unhappy if her mother reminds her patiently. Later, I heard from the teacher that Wang Yifan was the same at school. Obviously, she made a mistake by accident. The teacher called the roll to remind her, but her reaction was so fierce that she even began to cry.
For Wang Yifan's mother, it may never have occurred to him that the reason why her daughter becomes more and more fragile is actually caused by excessive praise.
Appreciation is conditional. There is no scientific basis for this practice of ignoring the actual situation, exaggerating blindly and making nothing out of nothing. It is an idealized practice, which is easy to give children an illusion, but it is not conducive to their growth. Children who are used to hearing "cheap appreciation" at home will be very uncomfortable in society and feel that everyone can't get along with him and it is difficult to survive. Some children who grow up in praise are more likely to lead to "psychological imbalance". Once or twice, the ranking drops, the exam is unfavorable, and it is easy to have suicidal thoughts. Such examples abound. Therefore. In family education, parents should grasp the degree of appreciation, and moderate appreciation will cultivate confident, brave and sensible children.
Appreciate children to some extent. 1. Misunderstanding of "Appreciation Education"
1, misunderstanding 1: unrealistic praise.
Typical state description: Seeing Ningning's paintings, my mother blurted out: "Ningning's paintings are really good! My family Ningning is the best! " After listening to her mother's praise, Ningning, 5, was not happy, but said disdainfully, "Just say' the best'. What's new?" Ningning's mother recognizes the concept of appreciation education very much, so she often puts "You are great!" "Talk about it. Before his son was 3 years old, his "appreciation" seemed to inspire his son's enthusiasm. However, as his son grew older, he became more and more disdainful of his mother's praise. Soul Click: Many parents think that appreciating children means telling them, "You are great! ".In fact, this is a very one-sided understanding. A child can accomplish something easily. If his parents give him unrealistic high-profile praise, he may believe that he is really great when he is still young. But as he grew older, his contact environment became wider and wider. Compared with the children around him, he will find that his parents' praise has a lot of water. Gradually, his parents say, "You are great!" " It's worthless
It seems that this is not a big deal, however, its negative impact on children's growth should not be underestimated.
(1) Children's trust in their parents declines.
(2) Children's sense of self-worth is reduced. Once a child realizes that he is not as good as his parents boast, he will begin to doubt the evaluation of others and feel that everyone is lying to him, so that his sense of self-worth will be reduced and he will become very inferior. At that time, no matter how encouraged by his parents, it was difficult for him to face the outside world with confidence.
(3) Children become arrogant and conceited. Some children may take their parents' "praise" as their own protective layer, preferring to believe these favorable comments and unconsciously shielding the outside information, thus becoming supercilious.
Special reminder: Parents' praise for their children should be real appreciation after careful tasting. Therefore, don't generally praise children for their good paintings, but appreciate his paintings with your heart. You can praise your child for taking the initiative to finish painting, and his attitude is very serious; You can also praise the children's paintings for their progress in handling some details ... Remember: praising the children's motives and attitudes is more important than praising the results.
2. Myth 2: "You are better than them!"
Typical state description: In the community, Xiaomei is competing with several children and singing. Xiaomei is lively and lovely, can sing and dance well, and gets praises from her uncles and aunts from time to time. Xiaomei's mother sees it in her eyes and enjoys it in her heart. She happily pulled Xiaomei to her side and whispered, "Good girl, great! You are better than them! " After listening to her mother's words, Xiaomei "cocked her little tail" and began to point at the performance of other children. Xiaomei is smart, lively and good at expressing. Xiaomei's mother never stints on her daughter's appreciation: "You are doing better than other children! Really give my mother face. " However, Xiaomei did not become better because of her mother's appreciation, but became very fond of comparing with others and jealous. Once you find that other children are doing better than yourself, you will get angry. Heart click: "You are better than them!" " ""you really give me face! "On the surface, it is appreciating children, but actually it runs counter to the true meaning of appreciation education. Appreciation is the heartfelt acceptance and appreciation of children, and this acceptance and appreciation is based on "not comparing with others, respecting that every child is unique and unique".
If parents often say, "You are better than them!" Language such as praise children, then children will:
(1) I think that only if I do better than other children will my parents pay attention to me, admit me and like me.
(2) I think my parents' care and love for me are conditional, and I can't feel my parents' unconditional love.
(3) Self-evaluation is based on comparison with others, and it is difficult to develop a healthy and harmonious peer relationship.
Special reminder: you can praise your child for doing well, such as loud voice and sweet expression. But at the same time, let her see the advantages of other children, so as to broaden their horizons and enhance their awareness of learning.
3. Myth 3: A beautiful man covers a hundred ugliness.
Typical state description: Six-year-old Qi Qi was sued by her parents because she robbed her friend's slingshot. Qi Qi thought he had made a mistake and hid in the corner in dismay. "Why does she have no nose and no face to scold my son?" After the other parents left, they said angrily to the horse. "My son is the smartest, and his academic performance at school is also one of the best. Qiqi is the best. " Qiqi's mother touched her son's head and encouraged him. After listening to his mother's praise, Qi Qi suddenly felt confident: "What's the big deal? I study better than him. Can he compete? " Similar incidents have occurred more than once. Qi Qi's mother admired appreciation education, and with her good academic performance, everything Qi Qi did was perfect in her mother's eyes. However, Kiki, who grew up with her mother's appreciation, was often excluded by her classmates at school.
Mind Click: It is not difficult to see that Qiqi's appreciation of Qiqi is biased. Appreciation does not mean that only praise and criticism are allowed. Appreciation must be based on objectivity and truth. Qiqi made a mistake, but he can ignore it because of his good grades. This kind of appreciation is essentially a way of "protecting calves". With such appreciation, children will be covered with too many beautiful auras, and they will think that one trick (such as studying hard) can eat all over the world. When this sense of superiority is suppressed and can't be expressed, psychological problems often arise: being unconventional, over-respecting, self-indulgence and so on. Because parents care too much, they strengthen their sense of uniqueness, and then make them consciously show their words and deeds to show "uniqueness" and "uniqueness", which often harms the interests of others, making it difficult for children to integrate into society.
Special reminder: appreciation does not mean not criticizing. The core of appreciation lies in full trust in children, including believing that children can face mistakes calmly and take responsibility bravely. Seriously put forward the child's wrong behavior, but at the same time you can tell him that I believe he is a person who knows his mistakes and can correct them, and is brave enough to take responsibility. How to truly appreciate children's appreciation is parents' heartfelt appreciation of their children. This kind of appreciation can be expressed not only through the language of praise, but also inadvertently through expressions and body movements. And these subtle information can be keenly captured by children.
Therefore, the real appreciation education needs parents' self-cultivation and appreciation from the inside out, which can really play the role of appreciation education. Mom and dad can do this-break the rules in their minds, just as everyone has an "ideal me" in their hearts, so all parents have an image of an "ideal child" in their hearts. However, in reality, your children may not be what you want. Therefore, the real appreciation education first requires parents not to use their own rules and regulations as a ruler to measure their children, but to respect their children and proceed from reality. Strengthen the child's "bright spot" Every child is unique, and there must be something different about him. Parents should have a pair of eyes that are good at discovering, discover the "bright spots" of children and strengthen them in time, so that the advantages of children can be carried forward in your appreciation and praise. Appreciate children's efforts rather than cleverness. There is not much difference in the intelligence level of each child, but some people are good at this and others are good at that. These congenital factors are beyond the control of children. And whether a person can develop well in the end depends on hard work. Therefore, parents should appreciate their children's efforts, not their intelligence. With progress, parents should be encouraged in time not to praise their children for doing well, but to find out where their children did better this time, so as to stimulate their motivation and enthusiasm and strive to do better next time. Moreover, encourage children to strike while the iron is hot and praise them in time, so as to prevent children from being disappointed because they are not encouraged in time, thus greatly weakening the appreciation effect. Appreciating children's comments through the mouth of others is an external standard for children to build self-confidence.
Therefore, in the process of children's growth, parents can borrow the mouth of others to establish their own intentions. For example, Uncle XXX thinks you are polite and so on. It is inevitable to find the advantages of children from their mistakes. They grow up in the process of constantly making mistakes and correcting them. Therefore, the question is not whether children make mistakes, but what attitude parents take to make children realize their mistakes and correct them. Being good at finding advantages in children's mistakes and educating children to correct them with appreciation are more useful than serious criticism and abuse. For example, if a child learns to curse, instead of suppressing him, it is better to guide him from another angle: "I find that you learn these new words quickly, but this sentence is not pleasant to hear." Let's stop. " Look, this is an English cartoon I bought for you. I believe you can learn these foreign languages soon. "Of course, when a child dares to take responsibility after making a mistake, don't forget to give praise.