To educate children, we must first educate ourselves. Parents are always very cautious about the cultivation of their children. Parents should unite with their children, overcome difficulties and improve their ability to resist stress. Never use corporal punishment to train children, which will make them grow up better in the future. The following are ways to educate children first.

To educate children, we must first educate ourselves 1 1. Why are we so anxious about education?

Most parents lack a lasting and in-depth understanding of children and education. I suddenly realized that I had to deal with it quickly. Seeing the children's disappointments, I began to worry about their college entrance examination ten years later, their marriage fifteen years later and their career twenty years later. ...

And this kind of worry itself will ruin the child's future.

Parents are worried because they have been paying attention to their children intermittently. If children have problems, they will pay more attention. If there are no obvious problems, they will pay less attention. There is a lack of macro control over children's education. I have no idea what to do and what not to do. Therefore, there is a lack of certainty about the future development of children. If you're not sure, panic.

So, why are many parents not sure and sure?

Many parents, after finishing their study career, have jobs, families and children, all of which have reached a superficial "perfection" and given up self-exploration. Life follows the "most comfortable principle" and looks carefree, relaxed, free, stable and enviable. In fact, many life problems have not been completed, but have just been put aside.

For example, this is like a "growth cliff". Many parents think that they have chosen a comfortable road, but as a result, they are passively trapped in the predicament. In the end, it was not less, but more.

2. "Some people give up drawing maps after puberty."

I have many friends who are about ten years older than me. They often chat together and talk about the status of their peers. It is found that people around the age of forty are particularly easy to go in two directions, or they are getting richer and more attractive; Either the horizon is getting narrower and narrower, and it is very alienated from the outside world. A sharp female writer even described this state as "dying at forty and being buried at eighty", which made people sad to read.

Of course, it is not a mistake to choose the most comfortable living condition. However, the topic of life will not stay away because of our avoidance. Parker wrote in his "The Road Few People Walk":

Our concept of reality is like a map, with which we constantly compromise and negotiate with the topography of life. If the map is accurate, we can determine our position and know where to go and how to get there. The map is full of holes, and we will get lost.

Some people give up drawing maps after puberty. Most people are past middle age and have little interest in new information and appear exhausted. Only a few lucky people can continue to work hard. They continue to explore, expand and update their understanding of the world until the end of their lives.

Our life map should be located through at least three groups of relationships, namely, our relationship with ourselves, others and the world. If we don't want to draw a "life map", there are many ways to escape. The easiest way is to retreat and keep the status quo.

Many people don't accept themselves, often deny themselves and attack themselves, but give up internal exploration and choose patience and escape. In the face of obstacles in interpersonal relationships, we don't solve them, but simplify interpersonal relationships, and some of them simply have family ties. In front of your family, even if you are willful, you will be tolerant. However, the view of the world remains unchanged, and I am no longer curious about the world.

Many mothers are immersed in the life of daily necessities and avoid these three groups of relationships to the maximum extent.

Parker's other words are concise: the tendency to avoid problems and pain is the root of human mental illness.

3. Parent-child relationship is not a completely equal interpersonal relationship.

If we say that in most cases, we can escape, then the arrival of children will make mothers have nowhere to escape. Relatives and friends will tolerate us, but children only live by nature and intuition, and parent-child relationship is not a completely equal interpersonal relationship. Our emotions and maturity, our understanding and attitude towards life, and our ability to deal with intimate relationships are all reflected in this small life.

In a sense, children are parents' teachers. He came to this world to urge his parents to make up the courses they had neglected before and constantly improve their life map. If we can't handle the relationship with ourselves and others, how can we handle the relationship with our children? If we are no longer curious about the world, how can we keep our children curious?

A mother said with emotion: I understand the sentence "children are angels" now. If I hadn't encountered difficulties in raising him, I wouldn't have explored and deeply reflected on my growth process and thinking mode. Now, my life is open, which is the change brought by children.

If we resist growth, we will pass on the task of growth to our children. If we can't accept ourselves and are not satisfied with ourselves, we need a satisfied child even more. If we can't handle the parent-child relationship well, we will have an image of an "ideal child" in our hearts, hoping that the child will actively meet our expectations.

As a result, I was almost tied up with my children, advancing and retreating together, sharing joys and sorrows.

The child was praised by the teacher and had a good day. When the child failed in the exam, his mood suddenly became low. In this way, children will become the biggest "band-aid" in life. It is difficult for a child to undertake the task of two people growing up. This state is bound to go wrong.

Choosing to grow up with children means re-examining the three most basic relationships, facing life problems, seeking answers and improving yourself.

We are either 18 years old or adults in the true sense. At some point, we are just super children. We have accumulated a lot of hidden injuries in our growth, and many growth tasks have not been completed. Getting along with children once again surfaced, which is also a good clue.

When we feel sleepy and at a loss, we might as well stop and see what is holding us back.

4. The upbringing of children is the skill of parents.

When we stop escaping and face the problem bravely, it means leaving the psychological comfort zone and entering an uncertain state. The most beautiful flowers in the world bloom on the hardest branches, and growth is the process of breaking cocoons into butterflies. Growth means adventure and pain, which is the main reason why we avoid growth.

In this process, there will be pain, confusion and anxiety, but as long as you keep thinking, you will eventually find a solution. In the face of confusion, reading will open a window, so it is necessary for us to know some psychological knowledge. Fortunately, the quality of popular psychology works is getting higher and higher now. We will find that after each problem is solved, our life will become more transparent and smoother, and we will not trip over the same stone again.

Behind every dilemma, there is a hidden gift of life.

I always feel that the methods and skills of education are just the tip of the iceberg for children to become successful. Sometimes, children's education is about basic skills, as well as parents' attitude towards life and feelings about life. In other words, parents will participate in education for life.

Judging from the current situation, mothers have a heavier educational responsibility. So I always advised my mother that when people reach middle age, the road should be wider and wider. It is a very happy thing to wash your hands and cook soup until it falls into the dust. However, just knowing the daily necessities will get farther and farther away from the children's spiritual world.

The king of educating children is to cultivate themselves persistently.

The most ideal state-what children know, we understand; What children don't understand, we do. At least, we have to have an intersection with children. This long search process is not only for yourself, but also for children. Children's starting point is their parents' shoulders. Therefore, children will never have the same starting line.

To educate children, we must first educate ourselves. To educate children, we should not only have love, but also know the law of children's growth in order to give them a bright future. What our country needs education most is not children, but us as parents!

First, having children means taking responsibility!

Zheng Tony said: educating children is the most sacred mission of mankind and the most arduous task. Parents are the head teachers in their children's lives. Responsible for the child's life. No matter how successful the parents' career is, it can't make up for the failure of their children's education. It is a tragedy for many families to train children from genius to mediocrity. Therefore, the key to the most successful family education is the success of educating children.

Second, don't miss the critical period of children's growth.

The critical period we are talking about here refers to: the critical period for children to master skills and knowledge, and the impact on children at that time.

So, how much do you know about the critical period of children's growth?

The critical period for children to learn to chew (6 months).

Critical period of order specification (2.5~6 years old). This stage is a critical period for children to form behavior habits, and it will remain unchanged for life. That's why there is a saying that "you look at the old at the age of three and look at the old at the age of seven"! "

The critical period of language development (3~6 years old).

The critical period of imagination development (2~8 years old).

Cultural sensitive period (6~ 10 years old): children in this period are extremely quick-thinking, curious about everything and want to ask why. Therefore, for children in this period, we should try our best to satisfy their thirst for knowledge.

Golden reading period (8~4 years old): This stage is a good time to cultivate children's reading ability and habits. Once you miss it. Children will have regrets when they grow up all their lives!

Critical period of independence (12~ 15 years old): We should do a good job at this stage. If we don't master it well, the child will never grow up.

Third, teach children to re-understand maternal love and fatherly love.

Motherly love: it affects children's virtue, etiquette, character and temperament. It can be seen that mothers have a great influence on children's infancy and childhood.

Fatherly love: it affects children's directional guidance and rational behavior. A successful father must be a lifelong mentor and ideological guide for his children.

Law: The maternal love that children need to grow up is decreasing, while the paternal love is increasing.

Children in primary and secondary schools are the beginning of their transition from romantic stage to precise stage. It is also a transitional period from maternal love to paternal love. During this period, maternal love will gradually decrease and paternal love will increase.

Fourth, advice to dad:

1, the first way to get off work should be to go home; As a qualified father, you must realize that you are a father and have the responsibility to educate your children. According to relevant data, children who have a harmonious relationship with their parents will be better in the future!

2, the foundation of education-parents lead by example, children will make progress every day; If you want to be a qualified parent, please grow up with your children first. The formation of many "problem children" in China is mainly caused by parents' improper education. Parents must reflect on their children's problems. Only when parents change, children will change. So parents are a good school. It is also the best specimen for children. Examples speak louder than words.

3. The premise of educating children-understanding children; As parents, we must understand the growth law of children and understand them. Find a breakthrough in intimate communication with children. Pay attention to treasure "words" as gold. Mature parents should know more about their children's pedagogy and psychology. Understand the law of children's growth at different stages, learn to communicate well with children, and always understand what children think and want to do.

4, the key to education-the key to managing children is how to manage; The fundamental purpose of education is to cultivate a normal person. Educate children in different ways, and strive to learn the methods of Harvard's Mitobo's educational philosophy.

5. Be a loving parent; Few parents really love their children. Many parents love their children wrongly and excessively. It can be seen that love is an art that needs expression and action. Sometimes a hug is worth a thousand words. Love should be moderate, not coquetry, and the result of coquetry is injury.

6. Don't educate children in public; Children will inevitably do the worst, but they should also be educated behind closed doors. You shouldn't beat and scold in public. This kind of education will have serious consequences. Therefore, the premise of educating children well is to respect their personality and protect their hearts. If we can't do this, there will be no real education.

7. You can't give your child to your elders or others completely; The child's heart is extremely eager to be loved and safe. Between these two factors, the lack of one will cause indelible damage to the growth of children.

8. Praise the teacher in front of the children; Parents and teachers are good teachers for children's education and allies in the same boat. Therefore, if a parent always says that the teacher is not good in front of his children, or even conflicts with the teacher, it will strengthen the child's prejudice against the teacher. After a long time, the children are the most injured, and the parents are the most disadvantaged.

9, sex education, to speak early; Usually, girls begin puberty at around 1 1 year, and boys at around1year. Therefore, in this respect, instead of being vague, it is better to tell the children directly. Choose a healthy adolescent textbook for your child. Take the interaction between children and the opposite sex as puppy love without prejudice.

10, don't miss the golden period of children's reading; 13 years old is the most important reading golden age in a person's life. Once you miss this stage, your child's growth will be a lifelong regret.

As parents, treat children as their friends.

Mr. Tony Zheng, the educational tutor of Harvard, believes that if parents treat their children as friends, children will treat their parents as friends. This is also the highest level of parenting. Being friends will make children very independent in the future.

Independence is to help children form an independent personality. We should not only love him, but also give him corresponding respect and trust. Only by respecting children will children be strongly aware of this and respect their parents.

The soul emphasized here is to treat the child as a soul. However, most parents regard their children as pets or even tools to realize their dreams. In this way, their children's independent personality is virtually stifled, leading them to become a flexible, shrinking and incomplete person.

Parents and children are two independent souls, and their relationship should be equal. On the one hand, there should be an atmosphere of discussion between the two. As long as it is a child's own business, parents should not interfere, but pay attention to it and discuss it with love and equality. When the child's understanding ability reaches a certain level, it is advisable to seek the child's opinions in family affairs and parents' affairs. Doing so can make children feel involved and trusted.

At the same time, parents and children should have an atmosphere of communication, often communicate with each other and discuss topics of common interest. If the child is willing, he can help the child share his worries. Enjoy each other's happiness and feel each other's hearts together.

Sixth, really learn to love children and make them really happy!

All parents are full of deep love for their children, but love should have character, not making all decisions for them under the banner of loving children and being good for them. People who really love children should make them feel happy from now on. Let him grow up healthily and happily.

If a child is unhappy, his personality is distorted. You may be more painful in the future. If parents don't realize this, it may harm their children for life.

Parents' love is not only reflected in material things, but also in spiritual care.

Seven, let the child become a kind, rich and noble person.

We can't decide the future of our children. Some parents think that children are born bright and don't know the difference between stars and meteors. Some parents think that their children are ordinary and have a confused future. Don't you know that although he is a grain of sand, if he is cared for by a clam, he will eventually become a dazzling pearl.

So a person's attitude towards life can be seen from the way he educates his children. Parents who force their children to participate in various competitions in life are actually too eager for quick success. On the contrary, a person who despises fame and fortune will follow the nature of children.

To this end, Mr. Tony Zheng gave parents several famous educational sayings:

The first sentence: Good parents are learned.

Successful parents are constantly learning and improving their educational achievements. No one is born successful, and no one is born without learning. No one teaches children to succeed easily.

In the era of modern science and technology, the information society has higher and higher requirements for people's quality and for any post. But it seems that only educating children does not require any training and assessment. In fact, this kind of cognition is wrong.

The second sentence: Good children are taught.

Among all excellent parents, they have one thing in common: they have made great efforts in educating their children. Just like the outstanding mother Shen Liping. If she didn't tell everyone, No one would have thought that she had paid so much for educating her son.

Some people may say, don't so many illiterate parents educate good children? But illiteracy does not mean that children will not receive education. These parents are also experts in educating their children.

The third sentence: Good habits are cultivated.

Many parents blame schools, teachers and children for the failure of education. But I don't blame myself.

In fact, most of children's habits come from our parents themselves. In life, parents' habits will affect similar children intentionally or unintentionally.

It can be seen that parents are the biggest producers in problem children. It is also an obstacle to changing children's shortcomings. So now, before we educate our children, please educate yourself first. Parents don't change, and children are hard to change. There are no children who don't want to learn well, only children who don't learn well. There are no children with poor education, only parents who can't educate. Before criticizing children, please scold yourself and reflect on yourself. Only in this way can children's bad behavior habits be completely changed.

The fourth sentence: good grades are all help.

As parents, we should have a correct understanding of quality education and exam-oriented education. Examination-oriented education is an unavoidable problem for parents, which needs the joint adaptation of schools and parents. There is no contradiction between exam-oriented education and quality education, and quality education without exam-oriented ability cannot produce real quality education.

Therefore, it is also the responsibility and obligation of our parents to help children adapt to exam-oriented education. Only when our parents increase the burden can we better help our children reduce the burden.

The fifth sentence: Good communication is all heard.

When children enter adolescence, they are generally rebellious and it is difficult to communicate with their parents. Especially menopausal mothers. Not only because of psychological turmoil, the most important thing is that both of them have great external pressure. Children are under great pressure to go to school, and mothers are under great pressure in their careers. Therefore, it is more necessary to strengthen communication.

The sixth sentence: Good grades are made by education.

Will is more important than intelligence, mind is more important than will, and character is more important than mind!