The picture comes from network intrusion.

Introduction:

In the first issue of gold medal mediation, both parents and daughters went to the studio. The relationship between an adult daughter and her parents is very stiff. Parents feel that their daughter is rebellious and can't communicate. Her daughter cried that her parents didn't understand her.

The family is good, and both parents are intellectuals, but the daughter shows a rebellious character and is full of resentment towards her parents. Why is this happening?

At the mediation scene, my daughter said that she was a depressed girl, and her parents always wanted to arrange and interfere in her life, which made her full of resentment and anxiety. The daughter complains that her parents don't understand her, don't understand her, and even want to escape the supervision of her parents.

In fact, this girl already has a happy family. Both parents are highly educated and have stable jobs. As a mother studying medicine, she knows how to care for her daughter in life and let her get a healthier life.

However, the mother's intentions, in the eyes of her daughter, have turned into the performance of her mother's inhumanity: not buying her snacks that others like, not making her "heavy-flavored" food, and making clear soup and less water every day, which makes her lose her appetite.

Parents like reading books after work, and the atmosphere at home is too boring for their daughters. Even on weekends, my mother likes to go to the library.

This makes her daughter feel that her parents are not like other families. Parents like to revolve around their children. On weekends, they either cook for their children or take them out to play. And her mother doesn't seem to have her at all. She only cares about her career.

My daughter feels that she is an unnecessary person at home. Her parents lack the care and companionship she deserves, and even feel that they don't love her at all.

After going to college, my daughter didn't get out of her inner confusion. For a while, my daughter also dropped out of school, and later she returned to school repeatedly. Looking at her daughter's painful appearance, parents are also very anxious and want to communicate well with their children.

But every time the mother gets up the courage to walk into her daughter's heart, she is strongly rejected by her daughter. If the mother leaves here, it will even anger her daughter's mood.

This caused the family to fall into pain and could not extricate themselves. Like hedgehogs, they want to be close, but they repel each other.

Finally, the emotional mediation instructor pointed out that the main responsibility lies with parents. When the child was young, her parents didn't give her enough care and companionship, and didn't give her enough sense of security. As a result, her daughter has formed a sensitive and suspicious personality and is not confident in self-recording.

Later, the mother recalled that when her daughter was very young, she often had to work the night shift. Whenever she wants to go out, her daughter is particularly eager for her mother to be with her. But the mother can't go to work, and naturally she can't meet her daughter's requirements. Every time the mother closes the door, she can hear her daughter crying.

On another occasion, my daughter was ill and hospitalized, and my mother took a leave of absence to accompany her daughter in the hospital for a week. Later, when I needed to go to work, I asked my father to accompany my daughter during the day and my mother to go to the hospital at night. But my daughter still hates that her mother didn't spend more time with her when she needed it most.

If the mother had known to warm, care and accompany her daughter in the gentlest way, there would not be such a heartbreaking situation today.

If the mother can understand the importance of gentle parenting earlier, she can express her love for her daughter in gentle and loving language when she needs her most, but she has to go to work because it is her job.

In fact, these gentle and loving words are what parents should learn and often say to their children. When you say this, you will find that your heart becomes soft and warm, and your children become more lovely in your eyes. Isn't it?

When a daughter hears her mother say this, she will feel that her mother doesn't love her, but because she has her own things to do. Waiting for mom to come back at home will make her like herself more. This is a virtuous circle.

Because in children's cognition, she can't understand the true meaning of parents' words. Only by telling them what children can understand can they really understand.

For example, like this mother, maybe she can explain it clearly to her daughter at first, but when her daughter is still crying, she will say impatiently, "How many times have I told you, why haven't you been obedient?"

But the daughter only cares about her feelings now: she feels that her mother is leaving, which makes her feel uneasy and scared.

Only by using the gentlest language can a mother make her daughter feel that her mother loves her very much and doesn't want to leave her. "Mom also feel the happiest with you! But mom needs to go to work, have fun at home and wait for mom to come. "

The daughter will let go of all the tension and anxiety in the gentle embrace of her mother and let her heart return to calm and satisfaction.

It is said that children who cry often are eager to attract their parents' attention and get their parents' care and care. But many parents don't know this, thinking that children can play by themselves when they are full of food and drink, and parents just need to watch.

As we all know, a child who lacks love in childhood will become anxious when he grows up, and there is always a black hole in his heart. It was the love that her parents owed her when she was a child.

Wu Enying, who is known as the "national parenting tutor" and "God of parenting" in South Korea, her Tender Parenting is a guide to parents' oral parenting.

In this book, the author teaches parents how to change their speaking habits through 130 sentences of parent-child dialogue, so that children can get inner satisfaction in their parents' warm and loving language and gain the joy of growth.

It is said that children are a mirror of their parents. There is something wrong with the mirror, and the responsibility lies with the parents rather than the children. This book is not suitable for children. I hope that every parent can find the problems in his speech in this book, and then improve it to make his speech more gentle and full of love.

In reality, many parents' childhood is also deeply influenced by their family background, and their hearts are often full of anxiety and anxiety. It is manifested in the lack of patience with children and will not calm down and listen to their voices. I just hate iron and don't produce steel, and I want to use high pressure to force my children to accept their own views.

The result is: grumpy parents who bring up their children are either passive Nuo Nuo or rebellious and uncontrollable, which becomes a headache for parents.

I believe that when parents finish reading this book, they can not only heal their childhood, but also know how to care for their children.

This tender education is divided into six parts:

1. Replace familiar words with unfamiliar expressions;

What do we want to hear from our parents when we are as old as children?

3. Warm "understanding"

4. "Listen" with your ears and "listen" with your mouth

Don't be naive, don't forget the original intention.

6. Today is the first day of talking with children.

Every child is born with a blank sheet of paper. Speaking of the starting line, everyone is the same. But why, a few years later, some children are like a thriving sapling, which makes people fondle it; And some children are like wild thorns, which makes people have a headache.

The so-called example is that parents' words and deeds will affect their children's growth and development. When parents use correct and warm words, children feel a kind of happiness of being loved, accepted and recognized.

Many times, parents obviously love their children, but what they say is always insincere, which makes the children very painful.

When children do something wrong and are at a loss, parents can't help but say, "You really let me down!" " " ;

When children's test scores drop, parents will say, "Why can't you fight for breath?" ;

When children encounter difficulties in their studies and feel embarrassed, parents will also say, "Your father and I worked hard to make money, all for you!" "

……

Children have to face their parents' nagging, complaints and accusations every day. In addition to grievances and helplessness, the rest is that they have less and less confidence in themselves, and even doubt their IQ and ability, and then go to the negative treatment of "broken pots and broken falls."

In fact, it is very simple to change this situation, that is, from the daily language that parents and children communicate. The tenderest parenting is a book that teaches you how to use oral parenting correctly.

Thanks for meeting and reading. I'm Jing Yuehe. If you like me, please pay attention to me @ Jing Yuehe.