Her mother always thinks that children can't have secrets, and it is natural for her to read their diaries, which makes her very uncomfortable and inferior. But there is nothing she can do, because her mother thinks it is normal to inquire about the child's secret, and she is also very upset and helpless.
We often hear such examples. Many parents will try their best to find out the secret of their children and confidently think that they are right. Children can't have secrets. Only by mastering the secrets of the children's team can they know enough about the children, which is good for the children. They think it is a kind of love for the children.
But in fact, children attach great importance to their secrets. Children don't want their secrets to be seen by others, and even parents can't always pry into their secrets. Children need secrets, they should have secrets, and adults should respect and protect secrets instead of trying to find out their secrets and see what they are doing.
Neil Pozmann said in The Passage of Childhood: "Without secrets, there is no childhood." Psychology shows that children aged 2-3 begin to have self-awareness. With self-awareness, it gradually forms an inviolable inner space for others. In their inner space, they learn how to get along with themselves.
A child's secret space is a place to store emotions. Children will have their own small space as a carrier for dialogue with themselves. In their own secret space, children can handle their emotions well and get happiness from them. If an outsider intrudes into this secret space, the child will feel hurt. Therefore, when parents treat their children's personal space, they should treat them as "adults", give them more private space and don't easily break into their secret world.
1, like reading children's diaries.
Some parents think that there are secrets in their children's diaries. As parents, it is necessary to master their children's words and deeds in order to better monitor their children, find their problems in time and solve them in time.
Parents read their children's diaries and take it for granted, euphemistically calling it good for their children. However, parents never thought that secrets became secrets because they didn't want others to know. Parents always pry into their children's secrets, but children are actually unwilling, and this kind of behavior is also undesirable.
We all know that other people's privacy can't be read, especially diaries, but can it be kept on parents and children? No, children are also independent individuals, so you can't just read the diary.
2. There is no sense of distance to children.
Some parents often lack a proper sense of distance when dealing with their children. Parents can enter their children's rooms at will and look through their things at will. Children's classmates, friends and parents should also know that parents want to know all the information about their children.
When parents find that children sometimes want to have their own space and do their own things, they will begin to wonder if there is anything wrong with their children, so they should understand it quickly. In fact, as an independent individual, children will also have their own social and emotional. We should allow children to have independent space and let them handle their own affairs, instead of always needing parents' intervention to solve them.
3. Keep staring at the child.
No one wants to live under surveillance all the time, but some people do passively live under the surveillance of others. I once saw a news that a father installed a monitor in his child's room to monitor his child's behavior and urge him to study because his grades were not satisfactory. Later, the child couldn't stand it and called the police, but the father still felt that he was right.
I believe many parents have done such a thing. Let's put ourselves in others' shoes. If someone is monitoring our daily household appliances life, we will be scolded if we don't do what the monitor says. How do we feel? We monitor our children, thinking that this way can effectively urge them, but it is actually a nightmare for them. Therefore, parents who still want to do this now should stop hurting their children.
1, prying into children's secrets too much will make children lose their personal space.
Excessive interference from parents is always a child's nightmare. Originally, the child wanted to write down secrets that he didn't want to tell others in his diary and write down his feelings, but his parents saw it. Sometimes, if you write down something that adults think is bad in your diary, such as a vague dependence on the opposite sex, your parents will even give you a lesson.
Originally, children's diaries were used to pour out and hide their voices, but they became evidence for parents to teach themselves, which led children to give up their personal space automatically and put their worries in their hearts. If parents spy too much, the child's personal space will not exist, and the child's heart will not know who to tell.
2. Excessive control causes children to "grow up"
Children always interfere in children's affairs and their grades drop. Parents have to find ways to solve the problems between children and other children, and parents have to solve them quickly. What children do is under the control of their parents, and they will always pay attention to their children. Once the children have any problems, their parents will help them solve them. Children who grow up in such an atmosphere will be more dependent on their parents. Such children will never "grow up" and always need their parents behind them.
Children may be cultivated into likable characters.
Parents spy on their children's secrets, and once the children do something wrong, they will teach themselves a lesson. Therefore, children must please their parents in order to win their parents' good attitude and not be scolded by their parents. Children who grow up under the supervision of their parents for a long time are generally more sensitive. They need to look at other people's faces and are afraid of being criticized and dissatisfied. These children's personalities often turn into "likable personalities" later.
1. Smart parents will know how to treat their children as "adults"
Treating children as "adults" may be the best respect for children. Treat children like adults, don't get involved in their lives easily, give them more freedom, let them allocate their time and space and deal with their own affairs and emotions like adults.
Treat children as adults, and ask parents not to read their diaries, not to interfere in their social activities, to respect their private space, and to let them handle their own affairs. Parents only give their children some help when they need it.
2. Give children enough personal space.
Giving children enough space is the most basic protection for children. This requires parents not to enter and leave their children's rooms at will. When children feel that their parents' existence annoys them, parents should leave them properly and leave them alone. When children grow up, parents should let them have their own independent rooms and independent time, allow them to live in their own world, and parents should not disturb them easily.
Parents should keep their children's secrets.
The child's secret is sacred to the child, which represents the softest oriental feelings and feelings in the child's heart. Once this area is destroyed, children will feel great harm, so parents should pay attention to their children's secrets and protect them.
Parents should allow their children to have their own time alone and their own private space. At the same time, don't take the child's private situation as your own talk without the child's consent, and always talk about the child everywhere. This is disrespectful to children.
I am the nurse of Nini's mother and the mother of a five-year-old baby. You can ask me any questions in the process of raising and educating children. I hope my advice can help you solve the confusion and troubles in the process of taking care of your baby and let our children grow up better!