The core of internal motivation is feeling. Good feelings can generate motivation, and bad feelings can generate resistance.
Every child is born with intrinsic motivation. For example, when children are young, they want to do everything by themselves. He will be very happy if he is allowed to do it. If he is not allowed to do it, he will cry and make a scene. How did the internal power change from standard to luxury later?
The author lists some manifestations that undermine internal motivation, such as children wearing shoes themselves, but adults think that children wear shoes slowly and do it for them; The child is timid and afraid of being bullied, always encouraging him to return; I feel that my child is too strong and afraid of being beaten in the future. I'll hold it for a while. I'll always bring the children. The child is lively, afraid that he will not concentrate and practice calligraphy quietly; The child was quiet, but he was afraid that he would become a bookworm, forcing him to go downstairs for a walk. ...
Children learn to walk. After the surprise, all kinds of disgusting voices are heard: don't move, get up quickly, brush your teeth quickly, don't play with water, be polite and say hello to everyone. How many times have I told you to put away your toys? Don't run around and have a good meal. ...
Finally, I went to primary school, and my mother supervised my homework: pay attention to the structure of writing, sit up straight, and be serious if you can't.
In short, it is to do, nag and preach for you. ...
Of course, no parents deliberately undermine their children's internal motivation, but do bad things with kindness because of their eagerness to achieve success and lack of educational ability. It is obviously useless to blame yourself and regret. What we are most concerned about is whether the child's internal motivation can be repaired. The answer is, of course, yes.
How to fix it? Why can the author solve this problem?
The whole course revolves around the feeling line. In fact, this business is not mysterious. Just ask one more question about the child's negative or positive behavior: how does he feel at the moment?
If you can see this line, you can also see all its directions, so that you can choose the best path to your child's heart and know how to respond, how to move forward and how to let go.
I think educating children is really a delicate job. If you don't pay attention to it, it will run counter to your educational goals. To skillfully complete this delicate work, parents need to be very empathetic and keen, able to capture every subtle psychological change of their children, and comfort and guide them in time. And most of the time I am simple and rude to my children.