Parents have children every day, and for a while, they will feel angry and crazy about some of their children. I can't wait to crush it. This has two results. First, if the child is afraid or embarrassed, correct his behavior. However, in this way, it only solves the current dilemma. In the long run, we add more trouble to ourselves. For example, the deterioration of father-son relationship, such as future children, I like to use this violent means to solve it.
The second kind is even worse, that is, children are not only afraid or neglected to correct their own behaviors, but also cause their own rebellious feelings, which becomes progress.
Step two: I want to think about why we are angry.
After the first step is to calm down, you can consider it. What is the reason why we are so angry? For example, why am I angry with my two daughters?
Because they don't care that dad needs a quiet working environment, and they don't care about the end of the final exam. Even if they don't care, they will speak loudly. They will make a mess of the living room.
However, obviously, we have no warning effect on their two threats. Because this is almost everyone's resonance, it can't arouse each other's needs when being accused. So, they did their best.
Step 3: Experience your needs.
Dr. Marshall Luxembourg told us that we hope to fully express your anger, instead of criticizing and accusing others, but we should first experience their needs and then tell each other. Only in this way can we really solve this problem.
So, after the first and second steps, I began to enter the third step. What are my needs? Actually, I wish these two daughters would be quiet. Don't argue about work, and the exam is over. I hope they can pay more attention to this. You'd better always be the living room. I'll clean it up. It is not easy.
Step 4: Listen to others.
Knowing your own needs, the next step is actually to express your needs and feelings with each other in a peaceful language in order to gain their understanding and support. But many times, before I express myself, we need more steps: listening to others. Because only when we listen to others attentively can he understand his feelings and truly understand our needs and feelings.
So I went to my two daughters and asked them kindly, "Why can't you do this when I call quietly?" What do you think? Can you tell me? "
Because we, we maintain good communication, so the two daughters are more in line with my communication. They answered me, "Because we both want each other to stop magic, I don't want to be hurt by magic." It turns out that the two little guys will be immersed in the pretend magic world, and they hope that the other side can stop magic and not let me get hurt.