What should our children look like?

They have dignity, discipline, decent behavior and love learning! Good ability to control behavior and emotions, confident and good at thinking. They have no fear, no obedience, no fantasy, no obsession with toys, and no lies. ...

This is not a fantasy, this is the "normal" child that Montessori described to us. Our children can also be such angels, as long as we use the right method!

However, in the process of children's growth, not every parent is an educator and can give appropriate care and love according to their needs. Many things printed in children's minds are inadvertently branded by adults. Under the banner of being good for children, they intentionally or unintentionally suppressed the development of children's personality, which led to the lack of development and growth of many children. Therefore, parents, teachers, including children's grandparents, must work hard to understand children, understand the law of children's growth, and liberate children from their own obstacles. ?

Brief introduction of the author

Maria Montessori

The author maria montessori is the greatest educator in the 20th century. The Montessori education system she founded had a great influence on the world. Montessori devoted his life to children's education and made indelible contributions to world peace and development. It is praised by UNESCO as "a great symbol of education and world peace".

Jinghua Du Jie

The following content is the essence of the book "The Secret of Childhood" for the reference of book lovers. Welcome to share. It shall not be used for commercial purposes without permission.

catalogue

First, children's psychological development

Second, children's family education.

Three. Children and society

Upper guide bearing

First, children's psychological development

The current situation of children

The growth of children is mysterious. Think about it. A little baby who can only eat and drink Lazar has gradually become a big boy who knows everything. This process is really fascinating. People began to understand the mysterious growth process of children through psychological analysis, including two levels. One is the conflict between individuals and the environment, and the other is to constantly explore the conflict between children and adults.

We all know that the psychological disorder or mental illness of adults probably comes from the trauma suffered in infancy, but in Montessori period, this problem has just emerged.

When a child is suppressed by adults in the process of development, his psychological state will be affected.

Usually this "adult" is his mother first, then his father, and finally his teacher. Many parents jumped up as soon as they heard that it was their own problem. You don't say! We all take care of our children wholeheartedly. We won't let him do this for fear that he will get hurt. Parents' mistakes are all caused by "subconscious". Everyone regrets making a conscious mistake. But they are confused and even stubborn about unconscious mistakes.

Adults must turn this unconscious mistake into a conscious one, so that they can change themselves. So you need to know the nature of children and the law of their growth, so that you can know that you are really wrong. To understand the real child, we have to start with the origin of the child.

2. The growth of psychological embryos

How is the fetus formed? Does the fertilized egg itself contain a small proportion of people who grow slowly in the mother's womb? Of course not! In fact, germ cells, like robots, carry out a series of divisions according to their own internal instructions, form complex organs and muscles, and finally form new life. This born life, like germ cells, has its own predetermined psychological function, which will make it adapt to the environment.

When a newborn enters a strange new environment from his mother's comfortable uterus, he must make the greatest efforts to adapt. So, how can we adults "help" him adapt to this environment? After birth, the newborn was tightly wrapped in swaddling clothes, and the young body that had been naturally curled up in the mother's womb was straightened and could not move, as if in plaster. There are many examples of this without considering the baby's own feelings. Can the baby be comfortable like this? Will he be happy? Will this have a bad influence on children's psychology?

So if we want a normal child, then "children's mental health" is a problem that we have to pay attention to.

3. Psychological characteristics in formation?

Sensitive period: before the baby learns to express, his sensitivity leads to the initial psychological structure, although there is no obvious performance. This sensitivity can also be found in the process of biological development. They are temporary phenomena in order to obtain a clear feature. Once this characteristic is obtained, the related sensitivity disappears.

Let's take butterfly larvae as an example. Butterfly larvae must eat very tender leaves. When butterfly larvae emerge from their shells, what tells them where to find young leaves? It's light. Butterfly larvae are particularly sensitive to light. These larvae crawl along the branches, which is the brightest place. When butterfly larvae grow up and eat other foods, their sensitivity to light disappears.

This also clearly tells us that children's psychological development does not happen by accident, nor is it caused by external stimuli, but is guided by children's sensitivity and instinct. When the external environment is contrary to the internal instinct that leads the child's development, it will cause the child's psychological imbalance and distortion, and the result may accompany him all his life.

External order: children always know the surrounding environment through the order of external objects, and understand and perceive the laws and relationships existing in the external world. Children have two senses of order, one is external order and the other is internal order. One of the most striking characteristics of children is their love for order. He hopes that the surrounding environment is orderly, and the disorderly environment will make him uneasy. He will express his dissatisfaction with the disorder by crying, shouting and even getting sick. This is a case of a real baby:

There is a little baby girl who is used to lying on a slightly tilted big bed. Opposite the bed is a table covered with a yellow tablecloth. One day, a guest came to visit, and the guest casually put the parasol on the table. So the baby began to be anxious. She stared at the umbrella and began to cry. Adults thought the little girl wanted this umbrella, and when the guest brought it to her, she pushed it away. The parasol was put back on the table and the little girl continued to cry and struggle. Finally, her mother put the parasol outside the door and she calmed down. The reason why she was anxious was that the parasol was misplaced, which seriously violated the usual order where the little girl needed to remember things.

For children, things should always be put where they belong. Nature endows children with sensitivity to order, enabling them to distinguish the connections between various objects, see the whole environment, and let children adapt to the environment.

Internal orientation: internal order makes children aware of various parts of their bodies and their relative positions, which can be called "internal orientation", that is, children are born with a special sensitivity related to various postures and positions of their bodies. When the original posture and position are disturbed, children will become restless, lose their temper and even get sick. Please look at the following case:

When a nanny left the family where she worked, she found a capable new nanny to replace the children she had taken care of before. The new nanny thought the job was simple, but she had trouble bathing her children. Every time a new nanny bathes a child, the child becomes uneasy and desperate. Not only did he cry, but he also tried to push away the new nanny. The new nanny did everything she could think of, but the children still hated her. But after the former nanny came back, the child became quiet and obviously liked to take a bath. As a result, the previous nanny was extremely patient with the child's incomplete language interpretation. The child has regarded the new nanny as a bad person, but why? Because the new nanny bathed him in the opposite way. So, the two nannies compared the way to bathe their children and found this difference: the first nanny's right hand was close to his head and his left hand was close to his feet; The second nanny is the opposite.

Intellectual development: Some people think that children's intelligence develops slowly from the outside, just like an empty bottle to be filled. It is true that the external environment is very important for children's intellectual development, and so is their inner perception. Children have a gradual sensitive period, which lasts almost until the age of five, helping them to gain a deep impression from the environment. Give him amazing abilities. At first, the child had nothing and moved forward on his own. This is the child's rationality, like a live octopus slowly relaxing.

A four-week-old baby happened to see his father and uncle appear in front of him one day. The two men are similar in height and appearance, so the baby is surprised and scared to see them. His father is aware of this problem, so how can we eliminate the baby's fear? So, before the baby's eyes, they have been separated, one on the left and the other on the right. The baby turned to look at one, stared at him for a while, and then burst out laughing. But then, he suddenly began to worry again. He quickly turned to look at another person. After only looking for a moment, he smiled at another person. He repeatedly turned his head left and right, and expressions of worry and relief appeared alternately on his face until he finally realized that they were two different people.

In this process, babies are in the process of building their own internal models, and they are fixed in memory by recognizing images, so that they can carry out internal construction happily and calmly. We adults shouldn't rudely interrupt him in the process.

4. How do adults hinder children's growth?

When children can walk freely, the conflict between children and adults begins. Adults have a deep defensive mentality towards children and are always worried that something will be destroyed. This conflict between the care of parents and the innocence of children is carried out in the subconscious and hidden state.

We adults often say with peace of mind: "Children don't run around", "Don't touch our adults' things" and "Don't talk loudly" ... Some parents even think that children should eat more and sleep more, but we should also be aware of a limit, and don't force children to sleep and eat more.

Children look like brave soldiers when they start walking, but parents always want to surround them with protective facilities, such as walkers, for defense.

Moreover, adults always subconsciously restrict children's hands-on activities and purposeful activities, impose adults' will on children, and ignore children's love for adults.

One of children's favorite activities is to pick up and cover the lid of an ink bottle or ink box, or open and close the cupboard door. Because it belongs to parents, children are forbidden to touch these things, but these things have a natural attraction to children, and there is a contradiction between children and parents. The result of this conflict often ends with children being considered "disobedient". In fact, children don't really want a bottle. As long as children do the same activity with something, they are satisfied. This is the characteristic of children's growth, but parents don't know it. They just think that children are fooling around.

Although these behaviors of parents are carried out in a subconscious state, they have brought deep harm to children. The behavior that adults should follow should be to give up their advantages and make themselves more suitable for children's development.

Since we are aware of the psychological characteristics of children and the mistakes made unconsciously by adults, is there any realistic education that can help children grow up?

Second, children's family education.

1. Teachers' tasks

Teachers must realize that children have a psychological life, but this psychological life has not attracted people's attention, and his development is often unconsciously destroyed by adults. To help a child, we must provide him with an environment in which he can develop freely.

Teachers' attitude towards children is the most crucial point for them to correctly handle their own educational work. A real teacher is not only a person who constantly strives to make himself better, but also a person who can eliminate his inner obstacles. First, he can fight against these bad temper by himself and try to overcome it. The second is to restrain your bad temper through the correct concept of social environment.

Education needs teachers to be mentally prepared. Teachers must always reflect on themselves, abandon autocracy, get rid of arrogance and anger, become humble and caring, and remember that their mission is to educate children and avoid understanding them from the perspective of adults.

2. Montessori's educational discovery

The educational method advocated by Montessori has three important characteristics: first, it emphasizes the role of environment; Second, attach great importance to and discuss the role of teachers; The third is to respect the child's personality. This kind of education pays special attention to the role exchange between children and adults. Teachers hardly need to teach, but children are the center of activities. They can study by themselves, walk freely and choose their own activities.

In the first Children's Home, Montessori applied these educational methods to practice, and summed up the typical performance and characteristics of children in these practices, mainly in the following aspects:

Repetition: We find that children tend to repeat an activity intently without external interference. And every time children experience this kind of experience, they are happy and energetic. They practice over and over again, which has no external purpose, but an internal need.

Free choice: faced with all kinds of wonderful toys, children can freely choose their favorite teaching AIDS according to their own internal needs. For children, each teaching aid is not only orderly, but also needs to adapt to their internal needs. Only by eliminating the disorder of teaching AIDS and removing unnecessary teaching AIDS can children's interest and concentration be better stimulated.

Sense of order: It has become an attractive job for children to put things in order. They are far more sensitive to order than adults.

Sense of dignity: Children also have a strong sense of personal dignity. If they are scolded and laughed at by adults for not knowing something, it will hurt their feelings. Therefore, adults should put themselves in the children's shoes, and don't yell, insult, intimidate or laugh at them.

Writing and reading: children's reading path is gradual, with a natural heart of exploration, from syllables to writing to reading. If we explain the words in the book to these children too hastily, we may kill their interest and desire to explore. It is not helpful for children to force them to read through books prematurely.

Physical development: In Children's Home, Montessori did nothing to improve the health of these children, but these children are in good health. If psychological depression can affect a person's metabolism, thus reducing his vitality, then a healthy psychological experience can increase the intensity of metabolism, thus improving his physical health.

3. Children's "normalization" education

Montessori's summary of some characteristics of childhood is natural, and they are not the product of any "educational method". Of course, they will be influenced by education to some extent. It's like a gardener can improve the color and fragrance of flowers through proper care and planting techniques, but he can't change the characteristics of flowers. Therefore, a suitable environment, modest teachers and scientific textbooks are three good external conditions for our children's education. Children's own choice is a guiding principle of educational methods. Children's own choices also belong to their natural characteristics, so how can children's natural characteristics be displayed in an abnormal social environment?

In order to take care of the orphans who survived the Messina earthquake, the author created "Children's Home". The earthquake made these children depressed, silent and cold, and it was difficult to eat and sleep. Many nuns who take care of them used to be aristocrats. They teach these children to eat like princes and serve like the best waiters. Although they have lost their natural hunger for food, they are very happy with the new knowledge they have learned and the various activities they have carried out. Gradually, they began to recover, fell asleep soon, and their faces showed changes and happiness. After a spiritual renewal, these children got rid of sadness and laissez-faire and produced joy and purity.

Another kind of children who live in abnormal social environment are children of wealthy families, but it is not so easy to teach them well.

Children born in rich families, because many things are not attractive to them, have no real interest in various sensory materials at first, and it is difficult to concentrate. However, a few days later, it seems that these children are guiding themselves, and they begin to become interested in teaching AIDS that were not valued before. Once children find the teaching AIDS they are interested in, they will overcome this instability and learn to concentrate.

In fact, unfortunate children and children with rich families are psychologically unhealthy. Only after experiencing self-adjustment and external guidance can the unfortunate child get rid of sadness and become happy. Wealthy children get rid of blindness and have concentration, which can be called children's "conversion". The so-called "conversion" is to make children's psychology return from abnormality to normal. For example: neurotic children become calm, depressed children regain their vitality and so on. Therefore, we also call "transformation" "normalization". In children, normal psychological quality is easy to form. At the same time, those abnormal psychological qualities, like symptoms after recovery, all disappeared.

4. Children's psychological distortion

Through the observation of children's characteristics, we find that "normalization" will lead to the disappearance of many psychological characteristics in childhood, including those that are considered as defects and those that are usually regarded as "advantages"

If the child returns to normal, he can focus on some normal actions that connect him with the external display. Then, we can imagine that all children's psychological distortions have one reason: children can't take their unique forms of development because they encounter hostile environment in the process of formation. So what are the manifestations of children's psychological distortion?

Fugue: When children wander aimlessly, they will be in a state of emptiness, daze and confusion. In life, parents always give their children a lot of toys to encourage their creative imagination, but toys can't concentrate their children, on the contrary, they make them fall into a wrong path psychologically. "fugue" represents a subconscious defense of children against themselves, covering up their psychological ability to split.

Obstacles: Teachers found in school that children with great imagination are not the best students in the class as expected, but may be just the opposite. People may think that their great imagination and creative wisdom prevent them from doing practical things. However, in fact, a child with psychological distortion can't control his mind, nor can he give full play to his intelligence, because his mind has fallen into a fantasy world. This distorted psychology will build a high wall by itself, preventing children from understanding and accepting foreign ideas.

We call it "psychological disorder". Children with psychological barriers sometimes don't listen to what others say. At first, he may conflict with one subject, then with other subjects, and then with teachers, schools and other children. This psychological disorder may affect their lives. We found that many people hate math. This is an example. Not only do they not understand mathematics, but they also get anxious when it comes to mathematics.

Attachment: Some children are obedient, and their psychological ability is too weak to resist the influence of adults. Such children will be attached to adults. They ask adults for help, obey the approved orders, ask adults to play with them and tell them stories, and ask adults never to leave them. This will cause the child to fall into a lazy state.

Desire for power: For an abnormal child, he likes to get what he wants with the help of adults, which will be much more than what he can get through his own efforts. In fact, children's desires are endless. After winning the initial victory, the children are eager for more things. Adults always want to satisfy their children's desires, and eventually they all become bitter fruit.

Inferiority: Some controlled adults not only restrict children's actions, but also hinder the continuity of children's behavior because of their subconscious defense. This makes the child believe that not only his behavior is meaningless, but also his character is incompetent and clumsy, which will lead to the child's depression and inferiority.

Psychological distortion will affect health, and the root of many diseases also lies in psychological problems. For example, indigestion is caused by a desire to get more food than the body actually needs. Elevated body temperature and physical dysfunction are due to subconscious psychological disorders, trying to get rid of unpleasant situations and responsibilities. When children can live and move freely in a normal way, many diseases and pathologies will disappear.

Three. Children and society

Conflicts between children and adults.

The conflict between children and adults has caused many problems, some of which are related to their mutual relationship. If an adult has a complicated and intense pattern, it is difficult for him to change himself to adapt to the rhythm and spiritual vision of his children. So what caused this conflict?

The first is the dominant instinct. In the early stage of biology, species preserve themselves through their inherent "dominant instinct". These dominant instincts provide direct guidance and protection for babies in the early stages of life. Although the newborn has no experience at all, he has the ability to adapt himself to the outside world and prevent external injuries. The logic of the adult world is to fight and try to adapt to or conquer the external environment. He will use the same logic to look at children's lives. In terms of "education", he will try to introduce children into his own life track as soon as possible.

The second is work instinct. A child restores himself to a normal state through work, which is one of the most important manifestations of his personality. Because there is no job, he can't form his own personality, which will hinder his normal development. Adults don't realize the importance of work in children's growth, because adults have been led astray by possessiveness, power desire and indifference. Work is just a means of making a living, hard and disgusting.

The third is the purpose principle. In the process of helping children grow up, if adults do things instead of helping children do things themselves, then adults will also become the most hidden and powerful obstacle in children's psychological development.

2. Children's rights and social responsibilities

Whether an adult can succeed and be happy depends on his efforts in childhood, so adults must recognize the inherent laws of human psychological development, pay attention to children and understand them. It is difficult for a child to grow up healthily if he is suppressed by his family and punished by the school. Therefore, we must build a world suitable for children's development and recognize children's social rights.

Parents must realize that you are not his creator or his master, but only his guardian. All parents have a great mission. They must protect and take care of their children. They are the only people who can and must save their children.

conclusion

Educating children is a big project, there is no shortcut, it can't be done quickly, only patience. The advantages and disadvantages of children, the initial and final source are parents. It is the unshirkable responsibility of every adult to guide children to the right path!

If Montessori's educational thought can guide children correctly to the greatest extent, our parents should try their best to practice it!

A leaf, a world, a flower and a bodhi! If you want to see the bright flowers, you should study the theory of watering flowers by heart now. Not everyone who has a watering can become a good gardener!