It is not surprising that netizens have this idea, because I used to think so.
Do parents educate their children like me?
I call this educational idea "negative education". Obviously, this educational concept is to point out the shortcomings of children, and then correct them through education to make children become excellent.
Parents expect that by pointing out their children's shortcomings, they will make them aware of their own problems and then correct them. This kind of "negative education" thought is logically correct, and it will certainly become excellent after correcting its shortcomings.
But in the specific operation, we will find that this kind of education effect is not ideal.
Point out the child's shortcomings and the child will correct the mistakes?
Simply put, our "negative education" that points out children's shortcomings is ineffective. Because it is ineffective, parents are caught in the process of fighting wits and wits with their children every day: staring at their children without playing mobile phones, not paying attention to their homework, completing the plan on time ... repeating the same work every day and revising the questions over and over again. Parents are very tired, and children are not easy.
Let's take a step back. Even if this kind of education method does not have a good educational effect, even if it can slightly change children, make them work harder and make a little progress, parents' efforts will be rewarded. But there is a high probability that children will not progress, but will regress.
Because parents will be forced to take some drastic measures to correct their children's problems, such as criticism and abuse. But who likes to be controlled by others? Who likes to be criticized and scolded by parents? As a result, the parent-child relationship deteriorates, and children will have rebellious psychology and take the initiative to confront their parents. The more parents don't let them do this, the more they do it.
Once an adolescent told me: I'm going to stop playing with my mobile phone and do my homework for the time being, but then my mother came over and said, "Stop playing and do your homework quickly." After hearing this, I don't want to write, just want to continue playing with my mobile phone, because if I do, it's like she won and was controlled by her.
In other words, under the concept of "negative education", children's problems are not only not corrected, but the parent-child relationship is destroyed and the problem is getting more and more serious.
So why does "negative education" not work?
It is very simple, because the shortcomings pointed out by parents are not that children don't want to change, but that children are limited by their own instincts and it is difficult to change.
For example, do children want to indulge in mobile phones? They don't want to, but mobile phones are really attractive, and not only children, but also adults themselves are inevitably addicted. Then parents want to change their children by pointing out their shortcomings. Do parents think it is possible? Are parents addicted to mobile phones? Don't you know you have such a problem? Did you change it?
For example, if the child is absent from homework, is the child willing to be absent? The child doesn't want to, but he is young, his physiological function is not perfect and he can't control his desertion. This kind of physical problem can be changed by parents pointing it out? Why not expect children to go directly to college?
Therefore, "negative education" only wants to solve the problem by simply pointing out and relying on the children themselves, which is unrealistic in itself and doomed to be ineffective.
Moreover, because parents don't realize the disadvantages of "negative education" and think that children don't change because they have subjective problems, they will feel that children don't change after repeated education, and they can't help but get angry with their children and impose stricter education.
As for children, they are not aware of their physical and psychological limitations. They will only see that they are really addicted to mobile phones and wander off as their parents say. It seems that they can't change it, and eventually they will really break the jar.
Now do you understand why I say that the problem of contemporary education is that parents love to point out their children's shortcomings? Such an educational concept will not only help children correct problems, but will make them more serious.
This is the problem. How to educate children without pointing out their shortcomings? This requires applying my concept of "positive education".
Corresponding to "negative education" is "positive education" Based on years of educational experience, I have summed up the concept of "positive education".
With the help of "positive parenting", we don't need to point out children's shortcomings. We just need to conform to them and guide them appropriately, so that their advantages will be amplified and they will take the initiative to correct their own shortcomings.
Of course, the process of positive education is not as simple as I said, and it needs many methods and skills. Due to the limitation of space, I can't explain it completely. If you are interested, you can read my column or my official WeChat account with the same name.
This is why I say "positive education is the most ideal education", which can not only solve the problems of children, but also solve the problems of parents, and finally achieve a win-win situation.