The first knife: nagging-cut off patience and force it to be agitated.
Babbling is the most unacceptable "care" for children. We take children as the center and give them the greatest care, but in the end it becomes the "care" that children dislike the most, even the most unacceptable. All this actually stems from our over-concern for children and over-emphasis on our "care" through language. Unexpectedly, I turned my concern into "nagging". Every time the parents nag, the child's heart will be agitated immediately, and once the pain is contracted, the parents will become the resistance of the child's progress. It doesn't matter what you learn, what matters is what you learn. Irritability is one of the obstacles to learning. If you are fidgety, naturally you can't learn well, and your child's grades may be regressed because of your nagging. When we think about our children's shortcomings in our hearts and intend to vent our nagging with our mouths, we must think that nagging is a knife, which cuts off children's patience and drives them restless. The damage it does to children's minds is equivalent to chronic suicide. You should shut up right now! It's better to shut up than to nag her! Shut up is to cheer for the family's energy field.
The second knife: comparison-cut off self-confidence and force inferiority.
Children's greatest enemy is "other people's children". Children hate that their parents compare themselves with others, and they don't believe or value their feelings. Because of this distrust, parents only "love" other people's children and don't love themselves, giving them resistance and making them more and more incompetent. What we can see is that we compare our children and set a so-called "example" for them. The invisible truth is that by comparing the prestige of other children, we constantly turn their hopes into disappointment, their expectations into helplessness, and their self-confidence into inferiority, thus destroying their children's ambitions. Qualified parents never compare their children with another child, but with their children's past. Excellent parents can constantly discover the uniqueness of their children, make them full of gratitude in the process of growing up and give them unlimited motivation.
The third knife: beating and cursing-cut off self-esteem and force it to collapse.
Everyone, regardless of age, has self-esteem, which is the bottom line of human spiritual life. Once people's self-esteem is hurt, they will instinctively resist in some way. When children have problems, most parents will choose the way of "fighting violence with violence", but they don't know that beating and cursing directly "cuts" their self-esteem and drives them to collapse and give up on themselves! Children whose self-esteem has been hurt for a long time will have despair and revenge. Children who lose self-esteem are most likely to go to extremes, or be world-weary and do nothing. Or you are a pervert and can do anything!
The fourth knife: irony-cut off goodness and go to distortion.
Many parents follow the "challenge method" and think that only by giving back pressure can their children have the motivation to pursue progress, but this is at the expense of their own hearts. On the surface, these words seem to be praise and encouragement to children, but in fact they convey negation and distrust to children, making them feel that you are insincere and untrue, which is worse than directly denying children. We should not let children lose their innocence and kindness, let alone let them lower their status in their peers and their own minds because of irony.
The fifth knife: doubt-cut off hope and move towards depression.
Doubt makes "yes" go to "no", and doubt is the "pushing hand" that makes children go to depression. When the child can't do it, we turn doubt into a firm belief in the child, build an ability field for the child, let the child absorb the motivation of love, and gradually become a good child, and a good child shows faith! Bad boy is worried and suspicious!
The sixth knife: complaining-cutting off happiness and moving towards pain.
Nowadays, many of our parents have gone into a misunderstanding. It seems that they will find fault with education, be responsible for their children and be qualified parents. It's really bad not to find fault with your children. They will complain to vent the imbalance caused by the gap between their inner expectations and their children's actual performance. Children who grow up complaining will never be happy. Complaining will make children more self-blaming, more unconvinced and more painful. Complaining is the most terrible infectious disease. We often complain about children unintentionally, and children learn to complain slowly, and it is difficult to develop other abilities. When we complain about our children, we will eventually make them complain about us, make us suffer from this complaint, and eventually lead to the imbalance of parent-child relationship.
The seventh knife: spoiler-cut off the target and confuse.
We spoil our children's ability and modesty, and make them arrogant and confused! Love can't represent everything, and it can't be an excuse for us to be spoiled. To really cultivate a child is to let the child learn to take responsibility, learn to work hard, learn to grow and challenge, and constantly break through the comfort zone. The process of rebuilding comfort zone is to help children build self-confidence. However, our "help" is getting smaller and smaller, and there are fewer and fewer things that children can bear. Education should be responsible for children, but we just want to be good people now, let children be independent, and we will not have enough ability to support ourselves in the future.
Eighth knife: ignore-cut off safety and move towards fear.
When a child has no shelter in the face of parents' love, she loses the most basic sense of security. Neglect directly "cuts off" the child's sense of security, forcing the child to close his heart and move towards autism and fear! As parents, we must be responsible for our children's voices. We must love and trust each other, so that we can find happiness. No matter how many grievances and pains we have experienced outside, we should adjust our hearts before entering the house. We can be bitter and tired outside, but we can't take it home, otherwise it will be a waste of time. Before going home, you should adjust your role and state, leave the pain outside the door and bring love home. Foreign money and power must give impetus to our growth and children's growth, and must not be an obstacle to our growth. Career is important, family is more important; Golden gun is important, children are more important! We must not lose this foundation and ignore the growth of children.