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Parents keep reasoning with their children. What are the problems?
Nowadays, many post-80s and post-90s parents know that it is wrong to educate their children by beating and cursing, as mentioned in the parenting book.
Therefore, after children make mistakes, these parents will choose the way of preaching to educate their children. However, it will be found that although children are no longer beaten and scolded, didactic education can not achieve the effect they imagined. Children should make mistakes and even make them worse.
This also makes some parents feel very strange. Is it a problem to reason with their children? This is mainly related to the following reasons.
1)
Although the parents told the truth, the children didn't understand.
Some parents, while reasoning with their children, feel that they are working hard and explaining to their children with emotion, thinking that their children should be able to understand their good intentions.
But before long, the children will make the same mistake again. This is actually because although parents moved themselves, they didn't let their children know what their parents meant behind the truth.
Just like some children are only three or five years old, parents like to educate their children by preaching, but children of this age may have difficulty understanding what their parents say, even though they may not know all the Chinese Pinyin.
Therefore, parents will find that they are thirsty for reason, but children don't understand. Therefore, in order to achieve good results, it is more appropriate for parents to adopt other methods.
2) Parents' standards are too high.
When some parents preach to their children, they often ask their children according to their own standards, but there are certain differences between parents and children. It can even be said that parents eat more salt than children eat.
Then it is unrealistic for parents to put all the requirements and standards on their children and ask them to understand what they are saying.
Therefore, in the process of educating children, if parents feel that the way of reasoning is suitable for their own educational philosophy, they may wish to lower their standards, so that when they encounter many problems, they may not necessarily feel that their children are not doing well.
3) Children feel that their parents don't value themselves.
Sometimes, parents' preaching only touches themselves, but ignores the children's feelings. There are many reasons why children make mistakes, and even children lie, sometimes to attract parents' attention.
Then, after the child does something wrong, if the parents reason with the child indiscriminately, it will often make the child feel very sad. I feel that parents don't pay enough attention to themselves and will only reason with themselves.
Therefore, in this case, parents often find out what they are saying, and the children don't listen at all, and even do the same thing again, deliberately making parents angry.
This often makes parents feel that it is better to beat children than to beat them, far better than to waste your breath and reason.
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After a child makes a mistake, how should parents handle it properly?
Then when children make mistakes, parents simply preach, which naturally won't have good results. So how should parents educate their children and let them grow up better?
(1) Communicate with children to understand the reasons for the mistakes.
When a child makes a mistake, the first thing parents do is not to vent their emotions on the child, nor to reason with the child, but to understand why the child made a mistake.
Because after the same thing happens, different children will have different reasons for making mistakes. Therefore, parents should not take it for granted to convict their children, but should think of solutions after fully understanding their children.
Take my colleague Sun Xiao's children as an example. Before that, his children stole Sun Xiao's money, which was a very bad thing.
However, after learning the truth, Sun Xiao preached to the children and praised them.
It turns out that the reason why children want to take money is to buy some nourishment for their mothers who work overtime every day. But during that time, Sun Xiao worked late, so the children couldn't see Sun Xiao, so they came up with the idea.
Later, after Sun Xiao communicated with the child, the child understood his mistake, but he was not accused of being a bad boy and stealing because of stealing money, so it was more appropriate to handle it this way.
Parents should control their temper.
It is also important for parents to control their emotions after seeing their children make mistakes. We should know that many adults, although legally adults, do not mean that they are psychologically adults, or even control their emotions, and remain in primary school. Therefore, when educating children, this emotional lack will often be exposed.
For example, the girlfriend at the beginning of the article, after the child made a mistake, chose a reasonable education method, but because the child felt wronged, after pouting and crying, the girlfriend could not control her temper and shouted at the child. Then this is not what a qualified parent should do.
You know, parents who lose their temper with their children will actually leave a deep psychological shadow in their children's hearts.
Some researchers have done a survey and found that nearly 30% of patients with bad temper have difficulty in controlling their emotions, mainly because of the influence of their parents.
Therefore, whether at home or in public places outside, parents should learn to control their emotions. Parents can control their emotions and protect their children's self-esteem.
3 make rules for children in advance.
Then, whether the child makes a mistake or before the child makes a mistake, parents can often take a better solution if they can make corresponding rules with their children.
For example, children and parents like to make various rules in their daily lives, so children can also know what the punishment for their mistakes is. This can make children understand that if they do something wrong, they have to bear corresponding responsibilities, which is also helpful to cultivate their sense of responsibility.
Then, before the child makes a mistake, if the parents have made rules with the child, it can often make the child understand that doing something wrong costs money. It will make children think about whether they have made a mistake before they make a mistake, and whether they can take responsibility after making a mistake.
Therefore, if parents can make rules with their children in advance, they can also let their children know where the bottom line is. This is far better than parents telling their children that it is wrong after they have done something wrong.
In fact, parents don't have to be too afraid to face their children's mistakes, and they don't have to think that their children have made a mistake, which will give them a stereotype that their children are no longer good children.
After all, people cannot live for decades without making mistakes. Even if the child does something wrong in the process of growing up, as long as the parents treat it with normality and choose the right way to solve the child's mistake, then the child's mistake is not a bad thing, and it can also be a help to the child's growth.
Therefore, it is more important for parents to choose the correct education method after children make mistakes. Because this will determine whether the child will have a good influence or a bad influence after making mistakes. Therefore, parents' position in children's growth is very important, so we should choose the correct education method.