But why can't we solve the problem of educating children? Because educating children is always a two-way street, why do children "pretend" to learn? The fundamental problem lies with parents. It may be because when parents educate their children, they either beat or scold, and children learn to disguise themselves in order to better "protect" themselves; It may also be that I am afraid of my parents' endless nagging, so I am pretending to "escape".
But tracing back to the source, there is only one truth, that is, children do not think that learning is their own business, but that it is the responsibility of their parents.
Children seem to be sitting there studying, but in fact they are "against their will" to satisfy their parents. The child feels in his heart that "I am very happy to study with my parents." "I don't want to learn to pretend to study, and my parents are equally happy."
Because in this way, it is not only to escape the pressure of study, but also to make mom and dad happy, killing two birds with one stone. Parents see their children sitting there "studying", and they are also very satisfied that their children are studying and they have done their duty. At this time, the child's performance was still very poor, and he began to find reasons from the child's innate conditions.
"Children usually work hard and are smart when doing other facts, but there is nothing they can do without learning." At the same time, of course, it is not excluded that some parents who have long seen through their children's "little moves" pretend not to see or know because they really care about their children. However, the children's rankings and achievements have come out, and they are still very anxious.
"Pretending to learn" has no meaning in essence, which not only wastes children's time, but also makes children's attitude no longer correct.
In this process, parents are required to change their methods, turn fake learning into real play, and finally learn through play.
Why do parents pretend to teach?
There is no denying that all parents are very serious from the heart. But in the end, judging from the results of the incident, many parents' practices of educating their children are to seek fish from the edge of the wood, and the actual effect of education is not obvious.
Not long ago, when a father was tutoring a child, his hands were tied because of the child's "safety problem" and he was afraid to do it himself.
Nowadays, many parents unconsciously start to be angry with their children when educating them. In fact, what parents ignore is that the more angry you are, the more mistakes your child will make.
Under the strong pressure of parents, children will only focus on "mistakes" after making mistakes, and will not think about "how to correct them". Therefore, the child's direction and goals began to deviate, resulting in the child eventually unable to correct his mistakes, and the number of repeated problems and mistakes increased. At this time, parents will be more angry, and then form an "infinite loop" that will never stop.
Parents' education method is "pretending to be teaching". Although others think you are very hard-working, judging from the effect your child presents to you, it is basically tantamount to "pretending to learn."
Why do parents always give lessons to their children, but the children just can't remember?
Because in children's minds, children have regarded their parents' anger as an "attack", so sometimes children will have confrontational ideas in their hearts, and children will use their mistakes as tools to yell at you.
In children's minds, children sometimes know where they are prone to make mistakes and where they need to be corrected, but they just don't cooperate at all. Because when children know that they have not made mistakes, parents are either surprised or suspicious. Because the parents' previous behavior has unconsciously labeled the child as a "criminal who habitually makes mistakes", the child also habitually feels that habitual mistakes are the real self.
If you want to change the status quo of parents pretending to teach and children pretending to learn, you must do these two things:
1. Don't always label your child "You always make mistakes"
In fact, why did the father in the above article tie his hands? The answer is obvious. After a period of dependence on educating children, he often gets angry. The children were labeled as you always make mistakes. The end result of this practice is that the more labels you give your child, the more the child feels that he really is himself after labeling. People are lazy. Once parents label their children for a long time, children will gradually adapt to this problem of "labeling life"
2. Words and deeds are more useful than countless times to get angry with children.
First of all, what we have to do is to adjust our mentality and temper. Find more ways to solve children's problems instead of always worrying about "why did you make a mistake?" All people's brains are fully mature after the age of twenty, while children's brains are always developing, so they are not mature enough in rational thinking. When parents educate their children, they always use the standards of adults to ask for a child, so the effect is definitely not ideal.
Parents should correct their mistakes in time and set an example for their children. Parents should correct their attitude first, and children will face learning more easily.