As parents, the success of any career can't compare with the failure of children's education, but it is not enough to educate children with love, but also to know how to love. Children's growth has its own characteristics and laws, and we must learn from them. We can't tolerate driving without a license and grope for progress.
Educating children to keep up with the development of the times, abandoning backward educational concepts and repeating old practices will only get old results. Any innovative method will have one more chance of success than the inherent method.
NLP Parent-child Wisdom is the first comprehensive skill book about parent-child relationship in China that systematizes and localizes NLP and Satya parent-child courses. It doesn't have much theory and preaching, but more practical skills and methods. Thousands of parents get spiritual growth and effective changes because of NLP every year. I believe you will be the next person to change.
Parents change a little, and children grow up a big step.
Hello, everyone, parenting vagrancy, sorrow is solved in China.
Welcome to study in China. I'm Frida, a teacher from China. In the next 7 days, let's learn NLP parent-child wisdom together.
NLP originated in America, and now it has become popular all over the world. It is known as the DNA of human wisdom and the "user manual" of the brain. It is a high-end psychology based on gestalt therapy, combining Eriksson hypnotherapy and Satya family therapy.
At present, thousands of people gain spiritual growth and effective changes by learning NLP every year.
NLP is the abbreviation of three English words, which is translated into Chinese as "neuro-language programming" or "psychosomatic language programming", and it is a subject that studies the laws between human thought and behavior.
N, the corresponding English word is Neuro, which means: nerve chain.
Generally speaking, our experiences, self-cognition, beliefs, values, habits and personalities are all a combination of one or more nerve chains. As long as we change the way we input, process and save information, we can change our ideas and feelings, and then change our behavior, habits, personality and even fate.
L, the corresponding English word is linguistics, meaning: language.
Language is an important way for us to communicate. Language also implies our thinking mode, belief and inner state. We can gain insight into each other's inner world through language, exert the power of language and have an impact on body and mind.
P, the corresponding English word is Porgramming, which means: program.
Each of us has our own set of thinking patterns and behavior habits, which are internal procedures. You can learn excellent and diverse thinking modes, constantly optimize and upgrade your internal procedures, and keep the best state.
Generally speaking, the human brain is like a computer. Our bodies are like computer hardware, and our minds are like software. It is not enough to have hardware, but also to install software, which is not enough. We should constantly upgrade and often learn new knowledge and new ideas from some successful people;
The computer will slow down when it runs for a long time, so it needs to clean up the cache garbage and throw away those backward ideas; Sometimes the computer will be poisoned when it is running, that is, there is something wrong with our thinking and we need antivirus. If we don't kill virus, the computer may "crash".
The significance of learning NLP is that you can manage your emotions while controlling your own thinking, and your reactions, attitudes, behaviors and even thoughts in the face of things can be promoted to a higher level.
Having finished the basic concepts of NLP, let's pay attention to some core concepts in NLP. After understanding and understanding these core concepts, it is easier for us to understand why NLP is called "the user's manual for the brain".
The first core concept: consciousness and subconscious.
The human brain is divided into conscious state and subconscious state. We are used to calling the left brain consciousness and the right brain subconscious or instinct.
Consciousness can be perceived, that is, the state we can perceive, just like an iceberg on the sea level, while the subconscious mind is a mysterious force hidden below, which is not easy to be perceived, just like when we walk with our left foot or right foot first, whether our left thumb is on it or our right thumb is on it is unconscious.
Consciousness and subconsciousness cooperate and restrict each other.
When we know what consciousness and subconsciousness are, and the operating rules between them, we can apply them to life and work, and apply them to parenting education to reason with children. This is the level of consciousness. We can use NLP's subconscious communication skills to make education more effective. For example, the skill of body and mind can make children do things consciously and spontaneously, and the skill of heart anchor can help children manage their emotions.
The second core concept: NLP comprehension level.
The level of understanding was put forward by Robert Dilts in 1980s according to Gregory Bateson's logic type theory. Understanding level, also called logical level, refers to the logical level of our brain thinking and processing things.
The level of knowledge is a pyramid structure, from bottom to top: environment, behavior, ability (also called habit), belief/values, and identity.
Environment, behavior and ability belong to the level of brain consciousness, which can be seen and often discussed as a lower level of understanding. In daily life, most problems belong to these three levels.
Beliefs/values and identity belong to the subconscious level of the brain and are not easy to be detected. They belong to the higher level, are the decision makers and driving forces behind the lower level, and are the basis that affects the ability to play and the use of external resources.
According to the level of understanding, all languages and problems can be classified into a certain level of the model. When you encounter a problem, if you can find the difficulty, you can find a solution to the problem quickly and efficiently.
For this level of understanding, you only need to remember this sentence: environment affects behavior, repetition of behavior forms habits, habits form character (beliefs/values), and character determines fate (identity).
Give an example to explain briefly:
The child failed in the exam. Let's see how the teacher explains it from different levels.
Environmental level: it's not the child's fault. The classroom is too messy, and the school often organizes activities that have nothing to do with learning, which is too distracting for children.
Behavioral level: children are not fully prepared for this exam.
Ability level: children's understanding ability is relatively poor.
Belief level: the result of an exam can't explain anything, what matters is his interest in learning.
State level: children are not suitable for learning. They are too stupid to learn.
Generally speaking, a low-level problem is easy to find a solution at a higher level. If it is a high-level problem, it is likely to be ineffective to use the same or lower-level solutions.
Therefore, as parents, we must be careful not to label our children, because this is an evaluation of their identity and beliefs, which will affect people's life.
The third core concept: the three most destructive beliefs.
Where does faith come from? A person's belief mainly comes from his own study, the indoctrination of his parents and teachers, and the observation of others' behavior.
In life, some parents' bad behaviors and wrong educational methods will directly lead children to form some beliefs that limit their self-growth, among which the most destructive ones are hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness.
The so-called hopelessness means that no matter what your ability is, the goal you are pursuing cannot be achieved.
Just now we talked about not labeling children, such as "How can you be so stupid", "You are hopeless" and "You are as stupid as a pig" and so on.
When these criticisms continue, children will gradually absorb them and think that they are such people, and gradually learn to be "hopeless"-no matter how hard they try, they can't meet their parents' requirements and there is no way to satisfy them. If it continues to develop in the future, hopelessness will turn into despair, and then children will stop trying, learn to give up and break the jar.
In fact, it is not the children who are at fault, but some irresponsible parents who have trained these children who feel hopeless.
Helplessness means that the goal you are pursuing can be achieved, but you can't.
When we have the ability, but we are not allowed to use our own ability to solve some things, we will lose the ability to develop and solve problems for a long time. I don't know what to do if I encounter similar problems again. At this time, we will have a strong sense of helplessness.
Many parents worry that their children can't do this or any of them well. They tell children what to do, do everything, and don't let them try and practice by themselves, which makes them lose the opportunity to exercise and develop their abilities. As a result, their children will never do anything and can't do anything well.
As parents, let children do things and give them a chance to try without worrying about making mistakes. Making mistakes is for not making mistakes in the future, but for better growth.
Worthless means that you don't deserve something for some reason.
Generally speaking, children will not think logically before the age of 7, and will not judge that their mothers are lying. Because of this, it becomes terrible.
You know, children are born to love their parents, so they will accept whatever their parents say. When parents don't say what they do, they start to contradict each other. This contradiction is carried out subconsciously, because they will think that what their mother said and did is right. Since her mother is right, is that right?
Children will naturally think that they are wrong, that is, they have problems. My mother bought it for herself, but not for me. This means that my mother is more important than me. My mother's importance means I'm not important. I'm not important. I'm worthless
Because children will learn the most destructive beliefs-worthless and unqualified, he can't think of these contents. These are the feelings that the subconscious gave him, and he couldn't say it.
Psychological research shows that 0~6 years old is a critical period for children's growth, and their personality is basically stereotyped at this stage. If we miss this stage, many things will be irreparable or seriously affected for a lifetime.
After talking about the three most destructive beliefs, let's learn the fourth core concept: the belief system of excellent parents.
We often say that you will become what you believe. If you believe, you will consciously design your own thinking direction and behavior.
So what kind of belief system should parents who want to cultivate an excellent child have?
Rule 1: A child is a seed.
A child is like a small tree. If you water it in time, it will naturally grow in the direction of the sun. But for children, most of our parents only know how to take care of their own bodies, but they don't know that children also need psychological nutrition.
Master several key periods in children's life, so as to give them all kinds of nutrition in time.
Rule number two: children will never have problems.
Satya, a famous family therapist, said: There is nothing wrong with the child. If there is any problem, it must be the parents' problem.
The birth of a child is like a blank sheet of paper. What is family and what is it for him? Every child is a mirror of the family.
There is a stain on the "face" in the mirror, which is not a mirror problem, but a human problem.
Article 3: There are positive intentions behind all actions.
Everyone does things to meet their inner needs. Subconsciously, everyone's motivation is the most in line with their own interests at that time, but the method is not appropriate.
When a child makes a mistake, our first reaction is: the child has a problem and the child is disobedient.
At that time, when you read the motives behind children's behavior wisely, you will find that children actually want to help others. Or curious about things, or want to learn, the essence is not intentional destruction, making adults angry.
There is nothing wrong with emotions and motives, but the behavior is invalid or unacceptable, which hurts the environment, hurts others and hurts yourself.
Article 4: Where there is focus, there is growth.
A person's time and attention are the focus of this person. Where you focus, the result is there.
If parents focus on the problem, repeatedly accusing and punishing the child's problem is behavior, while ignoring good behavior, children who have not been affirmed by their parents for a long time will feel more and more inferior, have less confidence in solving the problem, feel inferior seriously, and even give up life.
When parents find that this criticism and education is ineffective, their emotions will continue to expand, and under the influence of emotions, the problem will be further aggravated, forming a vicious circle.
Only by paying attention to good behavior will good behavior increase. There are more good behaviors, and the problem behaviors will naturally decrease. A person's habits are often not changed, but replaced.
Article 5: If you repeat the old practices, you can only get the old results.
It is absurd to do the same thing in the same way and expect different results. This is a famous saying of Einstein.
In the process of educating children, when you find that your methods are ineffective, you should take the initiative to change. If you change, the child hasn't changed. What does that mean?
It means that your method has no effect, but it also means that you have failed. There are more than three solutions to everything. This is called choice.
If your method doesn't work at present, it means that you haven't found a really effective method.
All learning in life is improved through constant revision. If you are unwilling to accept the possibility of failure, you are not qualified to enjoy the chance of success.
At this point, we have finished today's learning content. Let me briefly summarize what we talked about. First, we discussed the basic concepts of NLP. Secondly, we talked about the four core concepts of NLP, namely, consciousness and subconsciousness, the level of understanding, the three most destructive beliefs and the core beliefs of excellent parents.