When China's economic growth rate is higher than 8% every year, our social environment and quality of life are also undergoing earth-shaking changes. Children live in modern society, and the gap between them and their parents is still quite large. The changes in the content and methods of the education system and educators, the changes in cultural media, the emergence of new networks and modes of communication, and the fierce competition in the future society have made parents rack their brains for how to prevent their children from losing at the starting line.
How to do a good job in family education? In the face of such a question, the answers will be varied, because the family, as the cell that constitutes society, has different composition. I remember that Cui Yongyuan, a famous host of CCTV, once talked about all kinds of life puzzles that caused him insomnia. One of his sighs was: "I can't even shape my own daughter, so I can only leave it to the society to shape it." . People's knowledge and personality are very different, so the way parents educate their children is even different. But one thing is the same, that is, parents have dignity. On one occasion, the author once talked with an excellent teacher about why children sometimes listen to their teachers rather than their parents. She replied: the teacher is reasonable and has no shelf. Teachers don't always look at shortcomings. Teachers are always polite because they are supervised by a group. Her words may vaguely reveal the commonness of some problems in family education.
Different parents have different life experiences, different social environments, different knowledge backgrounds, different economic incomes, different harmony levels, different pressures of life and work, and different communities where they live, which will lead to different investment in children's education and different methods of educating children. For these eager parents, how to better educate their children, is there a common law worthy of respect in family education? This must start with the key elements in the process of children's growth.
What is the most important thing in the process of children's growth?
Usually, parents always show a strong state in the family. They will ask their children to do this and that at will. The more stable the family relationship, the higher the education level of this power to children. Strong education is actually shaping children, so what kind of family education is what children really need?
From babbling babies to adults, children are influenced by three aspects, namely, school, family, circle of friends and social experience.
Now our country's schools impart more knowledge, so that students can pass the exam with higher scores. For many excellent students, the senior high school entrance examination and college entrance examination are a wooden bridge, and children can only come to their own free kingdom through it painfully. Although the tone of quality education is very high at present, it is insignificant compared with the actual pressure of enrollment rate, so most parents choose schools for their children based on enrollment rate. An expert once said that the current school education is more about cultivating students into problem-solving machines. The better the students, the heavier the academic responsibility and pressure, and the heavier the psychological burden. Children don't lack the memory of knowledge in school, but they probably lack the ability to use knowledge. Most of our parents will cooperate with all aspects of school education to improve students' grades, and take grades as an important criterion to measure their children's progress. Ranking and report cards have become the most talked about topics among parents.
However, we should note that a person's success does not depend only on what they have learned. Some research results show that a person's success quotient can be summarized as IQ, EQ and adversity quotient. In English, IQ, EQ and AQ are called 3Q respectively, and their contribution rates to success are 15%, 80% and 5% respectively. IQ makes people discover opportunities, EQ makes people take advantage of opportunities, and adversity quotient makes people not give up opportunities easily. The most important thing here is emotional intelligence, that is, people's ability to deal with their emotions. Generally speaking, it is the child's psychological state. Does he have a problem with that? Is there an ideal? Is he active or passive? Are you good at physical examination and adapt to the new environment quickly? Are you good at communication? See if the problem is extreme? What happens when you encounter difficulties? Do you have the ability to move independently? Can you often tell the confusion in your heart? Are you good at communicating with others through language? Are you enlightened? These should be the main goals of family education. And this is precisely the problem that many parents have seriously ignored now.
Parents often demand their children with their love for e. Sometimes it will form oppression on children's study with the school and get good grades; Sometimes children are forced to learn various skills. The author does not object to these learning forms and contents, but these must be subject to the cultivation of children's psychology, or emotional intelligence. A well-trained student's EQ will definitely exert the highest potential in his study. He will finish his studies well and do it easily. If he is forced to study, he will have great psychological pressure, and even be seriously tired of learning, emotionally unstable and his grades unstable.
Our present school education is also a strong education. The so-called strong education means that education is not based on students, but on teachers. Under the oppression of family and school education, the only equal opportunity for children is friends and society.
A good teacher can communicate with students, because a good teacher is equal to students in thought and there is no distance; Equally excellent parents will also communicate with their children's hearts. Many teachers and parents don't know what their students and children want and why, because the relationship between them is unequal. Without equality, there can be no communication.
Sooner or later, children will grow up and face everything independently. Instead of letting them leave their parents' hands after entering the university, why not let them receive family education in an equal environment from an early age? The result of dependent and unequal family education is to let children experience and accumulate all kinds of social experiences they should have in a state of social equality after they are independent from the family, which actually makes the child's growth process take a detour.
Second, how to establish an equal and harmonious family education relationship
The children of the poor are in charge early. It is because poor families have no time to design their children's future and take care of them. Because of poor family background, children have been bearing the burden of supporting their families since childhood, so they have been in contact with society independently for a long time. In the history of modern human science, someone made a survey. They found that many scientists were brought up by their mothers in the early stage of scientific development, and the independence of children in families without fathers would be established very early. The sooner children's independence is established, the better for their future growth, that is to say, the sooner they get equal opportunities for action, the better. Therefore, a harmonious family education relationship is not entirely meticulous care, let alone the wishful appreciation or discipline of parents. So what should our parents do to establish this equal family education relationship? How can poor children take care of themselves early?
(1) Parents must apologize to their children when they do something wrong and allow them to criticize their parents.
The first thing parents should do is to change their ideas. How to change it, for example, should parents criticize children for doing something wrong? Criticism is affirmative; On the other hand, if parents make mistakes, such as misunderstanding their children in the process of discipline, will parents apologize and admit their mistakes? Do parents allow their children to criticize themselves calmly? (In most cases, when children quarrel with their parents, they will shout out all the twists and turns buried in their hearts. )
With this relationship, the child relaxed psychologically at the beginning, and was no longer afraid of making mistakes, because he found that adults also made mistakes, so he just had to apologize and correct them. In this way, he won't be careful when he does things in the future, and he won't look at other people's faces carefully all day for fear of doing something wrong. His style will be generous and decent from an early age, and he will be bolder than other children.
When you do this, you respect your children to the greatest extent, and the children learn to respect others. You apologize to your child and accept criticism, which shows that parents are tolerant of themselves, which also helps children learn how to tolerate others to the greatest extent.
(2) Some difficult children only know how to solve them when they encounter them, and some wrong children have to experience them to realize that they are mistakes.
The more successful parents are, the more they want to copy their experiences to their children completely and correctly, so that children can avoid detours. They even sum up their half-life experiences and design life paths for their children. They devote their affection and life-long efforts to their children selflessly-this is probably what Cui Yongyuan called shaping. The original intention is good, but it may not get a good result.
Why is this? Because there is a lot of experience, it is incomprehensible without personal experience. Therefore, another aspect of equal family education is to respect children realistically and allow them to make mistakes that you think they should not make. At the same time, it also includes making them make mistakes and letting them experience the consequences of their mistakes. We sometimes call this method frustration education.
You give up the idea of shaping children and let them experience right and wrong more through practice. In fact, parents are taking off the huge umbrella on their children's heads, and children don't have to rely on their parents' successful experience, thus forming their own independent thinking as soon as possible.
(C) Do not blindly believe in appreciation education
There are many parents who want to shape their children now. When children can't complete their own ideas, they will be disappointed and criticize them more severely. Especially when children make mistakes again, the criticism will be more severe. In fact, we adults sometimes make the same mistakes repeatedly, but we can forgive ourselves, but we can't forgive our children. So experts found that instead of repeatedly criticizing children's self-esteem and confidence, it is better to praise them. Appreciation and praise can make children forge ahead and shorten the distance between parents and children.
Admittedly, appreciation education plays an important role in family education, but it has great limitations. This limitation mainly comes from the fact that it has not really changed the strong position of parent education, that is, the appreciation of parents is not the appreciation of equal relations in most cases, but the condescending appreciation. This kind of appreciation will make children feel humiliated. They are good students at school and praised at home.
Therefore, appreciation should not be a tool or method of family education, but a positive exchange of mutual trust between parents and children on an equal footing.
(4) In the communication with children, you will also find that there are some places worth learning in children.
The knowledge you have is different from what children learn at school now. Your circle of friends is different from your child's circle of friends. The child is focused, has amazing memory and is full of energy. They accept new ideas and new things faster than their parents. The children are very curious. He wants to know everything except what the teacher said in class and what he heard from his circle of friends. In fact, he also wants to know about his parents' work and career, so it is necessary for parents and children to communicate equally. Older children should participate in some family decisions.
In the communication with children, you can not only know what the child is thinking, what his wishes are, what music he likes to listen to and who he worships. These are many common things of their generation. Parents always find their children worth learning. The simplest things, such as your computer level is not good, or you can't play the newly bought mobile phone, naturally ask your child for advice.
(5) Equality in family education is to let children gain psychological independence and freedom earlier, instead of indulging their thoughts and behaviors blindly.
In family education, some rules must be forced to form. They become habits and habits become nature. Children must be allowed to form some good habits. Compulsory education for children will not hinder the concept of family equality education. World-famous big companies have strict management systems, but at the same time they show great respect for their employees. Strict management will not hinder their enthusiasm and creativity.
In short, the future society needs high-quality members, and a child's future success depends not only on his excellent academic performance, but also on his good mental state and ability to do things. Only a few or a dozen people in a city can be admitted to Tsinghua Peking University every year. But among the tens of thousands of industries in this city, it is the best in the industry. Maybe parents can't help their children pass the college entrance examination, but they can certainly make their children grow into a capable person, a useful person to society and a person who can grasp a happy life.