Solve the differences between husband and wife in educating their children
When there are differences between husband and wife in family education, the child will encounter the same situation again, and he simply doesn't know what he should do, let alone consciously correct his behavior. Many successful examples of family education show that the consistency of educational views and methods between husband and wife is a necessary prerequisite for educating children well. It can be seen that it is very important for couples to agree when educating their children.
We believe that active communication is the key to solving problems, and effective skills must be mastered at the same time. Both husband and wife maintain a calm communication mentality, remain curious, explore each other's family culture and growth experience, and appreciate each other's excellent parts; Then the two sides learn the new concept of parenting education together, and finally make a parenting education plan together according to the characteristics of children, reach a consensus, and always maintain the same attitude towards children.
First of all, parents should discuss with their children to make study plans and reward programs. The reward scheme should reach a consensus in advance, fully respect the children's autonomy, and maintain a boundary; Secondly, we should take the initiative to understand the motivation behind the child's needs, give her full love, respect and freedom, and let the child know that parents may not be able to meet all her needs; When the child fails to reach the reward goal, it also encourages the knowledge and skills that the child has learned in this process and affirms the achievements that the child has made.
In addition, some parents suggested that the following five points can effectively change this problem, so that the less children grow, the better.
When there are differences between husband and wife in family education, the child will encounter the same situation again, and he simply doesn't know what he should do, let alone consciously correct his behavior. Many successful examples of family education show that the consistency of educational views and methods between husband and wife is a necessary prerequisite for educating children well. It can be seen that it is very important for couples to agree when educating their children.
1, whoever is the most stubborn will teach first, and if the other party can't teach well, you can teach again. Avoid teaching children in different ways at the same time. In the face of children's same problems, you teach this way and he teaches that way. This kind of education has no effect, but it makes children more ignorant.
In front of children, parents should try to be consistent. Even if you don't agree, you don't need it Rough? . Husband and wife should always communicate their children's growth, such as school performance, study, discipline and conduct. Analyze the educational status of your children comprehensively and objectively, and communicate with your children after reaching an agreement on any issue.
3. When children are present, try to avoid confrontation.
Although the other party's method of educating children is improper, you should not easily blame the other party. Accusations can never convince people. Especially in the presence of children, both husband and wife have psychological needs to safeguard their dignity and authority. Simple accusations will not only lead to each other? War? There will be no other gains. Therefore, when there are children present, we must restrain each other. Less positive conflicts will have less negative impact on children's education.
4. Don't be angry. Don't let the other person not teach you, and don't teach you to break the jar when you are angry. The responsibility of educating children is not 50% for both parents, but 100% for both parents, not to mention speaking ill of each other in front of children, which is very fatal. When the other party is angry and does not teach the child, you must not let the child not teach because the other party does not care. This is an extremely irresponsible educational behavior. It is the fundamental responsibility of parents and educators to take the initiative to assume their own 100% educational responsibility regardless of whether the other party teaches or not.
5. When educating children, don't? Big mouth? , reduce the interruption. Both husband and wife can give priority to communicating with their children, and the other party should listen to avoid conflicts. This better be an agreement that both sides should abide by when educating their children.
6. When a couple quarrels or fights because of two people or family matters, if the child is on the scene, it is necessary to consider the child's psychological reaction and feelings. Don't focus on your emotions and feelings. Stop quarreling between husband and wife. At the same time, talk to your child in time, tell your child the reason or specific things that you quarreled with your lover just now, tell your child whether the quarrel is right or wrong, and let your child look at the problem objectively.
We should control our emotions, learn to compromise and tolerate, avoid strong confrontation, and then make up for it at an appropriate time.
7, learn to listen to each other's reasons, understand each other's real thoughts, and then convince each other.
8. Look for suitable opportunities afterwards and express your views in a suggested way.
To avoid confrontation, don't give up, but actively look for suitable opportunities and methods. There are always opportunities for husband and wife to exchange ideas and discuss problems. The other party's method of educating children is not appropriate. You should look for suitable opportunities afterwards and express your suggestions or opinions in a calm way. For example, if a wife forces her children to write and do arithmetic, you don't have to point it out on the spot, although you don't agree. You can ask such questions in a discussion tone when your wife is in a happy mood. What is the focus of education at this stage for the healthy growth of children? What is the positive significance of forcing children to write and do arithmetic? What are the negative effects? Through your careful guidance and repeated running-in, the two will inevitably gradually converge on the issue of educating their children.
9. Calm down and listen to the children's statements together. Don't rush to ask questions or blame. In the face of unexpected events or thorny problems that happen to children, if they can't reach an agreement in time, both sides should first calm down and control their emotions. Don't rush to say anything to you or me in front of the children, so that the children are at a loss. After the problem is clarified, both husband and wife must avoid the children to exchange views, reach a consensus and help the children.
10 is to inspire each other with vivid facts and raise awareness.
The fundamental difference between husband and wife in treating their children lies in their different understanding. If you think the other person has a wrong understanding of educating children, it is not enough for you to be reasonable. The reality is often that you have your reasons and he/she has his/her reasons. To increase persuasiveness, there are many vivid examples, which are often more effective than abstract truth. Therefore, you should read more books and periodicals about family education, collect more successful cases of educating children, and pay more attention to other people's successful practices and experiences in this area within your familiar range. When your heart is full of vivid examples of educating your children, you will not only benefit a lot from yourself, but also effectively influence your wife (husband).
1 1. Daily and effective communication between husband and wife is very important. In the eyes of many children, there is no place where mom and dad really love each other. Because in daily life, they often feel that their parents are busy and have little time to get together and chat. The lack of effective communication between husband and wife will directly lead to quarrels as soon as they communicate. Therefore, no matter how busy the husband and wife are, it is very effective to take some time to talk about their families before going to bed every day, which creates a harmonious environment for the communication between the two sides, and the differences in education can also be solved amicably in this environment.
12, strive for the recognition of the other party with a positive attitude and successful educational practice.
Successful education needs to establish a correct educational concept, and it also needs to be reflected in concrete words and deeds anytime and anywhere. If you are sure that your educational philosophy is correct, then you should take active actions and tell your wife (husband) what you want to do, what goals you want to achieve and what results you want to achieve. As long as you have a serious attitude, clear goals, detailed consideration and full confidence, the other party will not throw cold water on you, at least not resolutely stop you. And once you have achieved good results, the other party will suddenly realize in front of the facts, and their thoughts and understanding will be consistent.
13, in the face of children's problems, you and your husband can distinguish responsibilities. Don't disturb the harmonious atmosphere between husband and wife in order to let the children sleep, eat and bathe. Everyone has a clear responsibility in educating children and cooperate with each other so that they will not be confused and make a fool of themselves in front of children.
As the saying goes, teach children to teach women first and teach themselves first. To teach children well, we must first improve ourselves and learn well by ourselves, so as to set a good example.
The influence of the difference between husband and wife in educating their children on parent-child relationship
First, the contradiction and conflict between husband and wife's family education concepts will lead to the dual personality of children.
Through the observation of some children, it is found that many children are often obedient and in a good mood when they get along with their father or mother alone. But once children and parents are together at the same time, problems will follow, either willful, disobedient or even unreasonable, which is puzzling. Why?
Through a large number of comparisons, it is found that the original problem stems from the inconsistency and even conflict of parents' educational concepts. It is not difficult to understand that in today's families in China, mother education is still the absolute mainstream, and many mothers have different educational abilities. The common education in mother education is mainly nanny education, which is what we commonly call it? Old hen? This kind of education confuses children's life with the cultivation of ability, and some even ignore the cultivation of children's independent self-service and thinking ability. Whether the content is scientific, whether the educational method is correct, whether the children accept it, and whether the educational effect is effective are mainly subjective. For father, due to long-term suffering? Men are in charge and women are in charge? The influence of ideas often leads to extensive education for children. Male chauvinism? Family education, this concept often ignores the attention to children's education and guidance details.
Through the analysis of the above reasons, and then looking back at the first part of the case, it is not difficult to see that individual children have a double personality in the contradictory interweaving of their parents' family education concepts, which has both a mild and sunny side, a smart and lively side, and an emotional instability, rudeness and willfulness, and a selfish and indifferent side. This double-faced personality will lay a hidden danger for future healthy growth, interpersonal communication, marriage and family, career and so on.
Second, the differences in the concept of family education between husband and wife will affect the cultivation of children's good habits.
We often see some parents quarreling because of their different family education concepts. Although in most cases, one party temporarily gives up the argument and acquiesces to the other party to implement its own educational method, this temporarily reserved educational method will still have the opportunity to be implemented, for example, when getting along with children alone. The two educational methods are between right and wrong, rational and irrational, and the result is to let children accept two different educational methods. When there is a big difference between the two educational methods, children will be at a loss. Who should they listen to? Is dad right or mom right?
In fact, many times, the result of this educational difference is to let children take advantage of family education. For example, good habits are being cultivated and consolidated, but they are intermittent because of the differences between mom and dad, which brings difficulties to cultivation. For example, the cultivation of manners and etiquette, some children will save trouble or be ignored in an indifferent attitude. For example, if one parent criticizes education, the child will seek protection from the other, and the opportunity to criticize education will be missed.
Third, the difference in family education between husband and wife is not conducive to children's equal treatment and respect for others.
In the cases of some powerful mothers and some simple and rude fathers I contacted, I learned about the family education history of these parents. Most of them grew up in a strong or rough family education environment, which shows that the inheritance of family education must be rooted in the soil of family tradition.
When children receive the wrong family education from their parents when they are very young, strong or simple and rude behavior will be formed in their young minds imperceptibly. This kind of behavior often leads to children's inability to treat their families equally, respect others and develop a self-centered behavior. In the future, they will encounter setbacks due to personality defects. If it cannot be corrected when the child is very young, it will accompany the child's life and will continue to be passed down from generation to generation.
Fourth, the differences in family education between husband and wife are not conducive to the establishment of parental authority.
In many cases of differences in family education between husband and wife, it is often seen that one party accuses the other. If these accusations are made in front of children, the authority of parents will be greatly reduced. Because the accusation will make children see the other side of their parents' shortcomings, and these shortcomings have little impact, but due to poor emotional management of husband and wife, the shortcomings or deficiencies of the other party will be infinitely magnified. When children face these magnified shortcomings of their parents, they will confuse the criteria for judging right and wrong, make them at a loss, hinder the in-depth development of children's self-evaluation and self-education, and even make them stick to their mistakes and escape from fear. In this way, children will re-examine their parents, some children will have a negative understanding of their parents, and some will even look at their parents with new eyes. Imagine that when children's impression of their parents is no longer respect, they are no longer so tall, and their parents' authority will be lost a little, which will have a very adverse impact on their correct education and guidance. Fifth, the differences in family education between husband and wife will miss the opportunity to educate their children because of mutual prevarication.
Because of differences of opinion, emotional couples are often unable to examine each other rationally and face their children rationally. When some couples have serious differences, they will shirk the responsibility of educating their children. When there is a serious phenomenon of shirking responsibility, they will leave their children in a state of no one to take care of, no one to ask and no one to teach. This vacuum will make innocent children become real victims.
Couples have different suggestions on educating their children.
First of all, differences are allowed on small matters.
Neither spouse can control everything, so you must accept the fact that things will not go your way when your spouse is in power.
Prut said? What might be the instructions given by mothers? There are no sledges on that mountain? 、? No skateboarding? Father usually thinks it's okay to take a little risk. Parents only need to agree on major safety issues, such as wearing seat belts, holding their parents' hands when crossing the street, and so on. ?
Second, mutual respect and unity.
Communication between people needs equality and trust, and whether couples can reach a unified opinion depends on respect, not who has the final say. There will always be opportunities for couples to exchange ideas and discuss problems with each other. What needs attention is not to entangle with each other in details, but to talk about big goals. ? What do you think parents should do to their children? What kind of person do you raise your children? What efforts need to be made under this premise? What are the requirements? At what point does the divergent thing violate such a goal and draw a scientific parenting experience.
Third, avoid confrontation in front of children.
Although the other party's method of educating children is improper, you should not easily blame the other party. Accusations can never convince people. Especially in the presence of children, both husband and wife have psychological needs to safeguard their dignity and authority. Simple accusations will not only lead to each other? War? There will be no other gains. Therefore, when there are children present, we must restrain each other. Less positive conflicts will have less negative impact on children's education.
Four, even if the divorce, education policy should maintain a certain consistency.
If both parents are divorced, it is best to keep some of the same educational policies at home, such as letting children do some housework and go to bed on time. But this state is not always realized. If you have a bad relationship with your ex and can't communicate, at least educate your children at home and let them know what you want from them.
Fifth, give priority to one opinion first.
When the two sides hold opposite opinions, one of them can be given priority at this time, so that the child can have a code of conduct to follow, and then communicate well without the child present. If the consensus reached by two people after discussion is different from the rules that children should abide by before, don't be embarrassed and apologize to their children, because children can learn to bravely admit their mistakes and tell them the new rules when their parents apologize, which is also a very good learning opportunity for children.