This practice of parents is really a good intention to do bad things. This "comparison" is a misplaced parent-child relationship. Parents should know that only by using the correct educational methods can children shine.
A few days ago, I went to my neighbor's house for dinner and saw the neighbor teaching the children to do their homework.
When the neighbor found out that the child had made a simple mistake in the calculation process, he immediately shouted at the child and said, "I have taught you this question many times." How can you be wrong? " Look at your cousin. His grades are much better than yours. He won't make such a low-level mistake. "
In reality, many parents, like my neighbors, always compare their children with others. Even if the child works hard and does well, he can't see the advantages of the child. This phenomenon is inseparable from parents' educational concept.
Why are other people's children always better than themselves? First, high expectations
There are no perfect children. Every parent wants their children to be excellent people, but often they don't use the right education methods.
They will infinitely enlarge their expectations for the perfection of their children. Once children fail to meet the standards, parents want to take various measures to manipulate and reform them.
B, ignoring children's education
Parents do not attach importance to their children's education, and educate their children only to feel that they are "completing the task."
In fact, such neglect of education will make parents unable to have an objective understanding of their children, and naturally they will not find the advantages of their children, but will only think that other children are excellent.
C, interfere with children's lives
Some parents always control their children's actions, interfere in their lives and help them make various life choices in the name of being good to their children. In this process, parents can't treat their children objectively, or even find out their advantages and disadvantages.
In fact, no matter what makes parents feel that other people's children are always better than their own, in the final analysis, it is the "dislocation" of parent-child relationship. Parents' education methods can't fit their children's growth trajectory, and they always educate their children in the wrong way. This led to the deterioration of parent-child relationship.
What are the negative effects of parents' "comparison"? A, let the child's self-esteem decline
Childhood is a critical period for children to form their character and values. During this period, children will be very concerned about others' evaluation of themselves and are easily influenced by external information.
Therefore, if children are often compared with others by their parents, they will have doubts about themselves and feel that they are nothing like others. In the long run, he will live in the shadow of others forever, completely losing himself and not feeling the happiness of growing up.
B, hurting children's self-confidence
Children are very competitive, but they will work harder. Parents should not rush to pursue results. If a child is often compared by his parents, no matter how hard he tries, his parents will pretend not to see it, and gradually the child will relax.
He will feel that no matter what he does, he is not as good as others, and he is not affirmed by his parents. It is better not to work hard. This will make children more and more doubt themselves and gradually become less confident.
C, destroy the parent-child relationship
If we always compare other people's children with our own children, children will also compare us with other people's parents.
Although most parents have good intentions, the result is often counterproductive. Frequent comparisons will only make children more rebellious and disobedient. This not only hurts children's hearts, but also destroys the parent-child relationship.
How can parents correctly handle the parent-child relationship and make their children shine? ★? Spend more time with your children.
Many parent-child relationships have become morbid, and the most fundamental reason is that children lack the companionship of their parents. Many parents don't spend time with their children, which leads to the growing distance between parents and children.
Of course, there are also many parents who often accompany their children, but these companions are of low quality. They are in the same space with their children but don't communicate with each other. They can only be called the lowest level of "companionship".
Therefore, the first way to close the parent-child relationship is companionship. In the fast-paced life, we may not be able to accompany our children for a long time, but this does not prevent us from doing a good job of high-quality companionship.
★★? Satisfying demand method
Everyone is an independent individual, and children are also people with their own ideas. They are not tools for parents to show off. In the process of getting along with children, we should pay attention to their needs.
When children express their physical or psychological needs, we can try our best to meet them. In this way, children will establish the image of tall parents in their hearts, so that parents and children can also enhance their feelings for each other.
★★★? connect
When children express themselves, parents should try to understand the information conveyed by their children. In the process of communication, the most important thing is understanding and empathy.
Parents must learn to think from the child's point of view, so as to effectively reduce the contradiction between parents and children and find the bright spot in children. Communication is a process of mutual understanding. Parents must seize every communication opportunity and don't miss the best parent-child relationship establishment period.