When mothers chat together, they often sigh that God is unfair: It's also a mother. Why are some mothers so relaxed and just follow behind? Some mothers work so hard, but they are indifferent to the baby driving behind Xiong Haizi ...
Don't worry, it's really not as simple as "talking casually" when a mother talks to her baby-the emotional intelligence of the child may be what you said or what you said.
The life sitcom of three mothers
These three mothers are all my neighbors, and these scenes restore their real lives.
Situation 1: The more bedtime, the more hi the baby plays.
It's time for bed, but Eva has a good time. What should I do?
Three mothers enlarge the photos.
Chen Chen's mother: "Baby, it's time for bed. Go to bed, hurry up! Don't always let mom rush you! "
Xiao Rui's mother: "Mom is so sleepy. Will the baby come to accompany her? " If you don't come, mom will have to sleep with your stuffed bear ... "
Linlin's mother: "Baby, what are you playing? Show it to mom ... it's so fun, shall we play together? Come, let's go to bed to play, and then mom can tell you stories ... "
Scene 2: Eva refuses to give in to home plate.
Time to eat. Eva sat in the dining chair and looked at the food. Her mood is obviously not high. After barely feeding a few mouthfuls, she began to dodge and cry and waved the spoon away.
Three mothers enlarge the photos.
Chenchen's mother stood up as soon as she struck the table: "You worked so hard to get you food. This is your attitude! Love to eat or not, hungry or not! "
Xiao Rui's mother: "Baby, don't lose your temper. Why don't we watch an animation on the ipad? But you have to finish your meal! "
Linlin's mother: "Baby, mom thinks it's delicious. Try again ... Are you sure you don't like it? " Mom got it. You're a little angry because it's not what you want. Can you tell mom what you want? Why don't we roll rice balls with seaweed? Look, roll like this ... Do you want to have a try? "
Situation 3: The baby is crying and crying to buy something.
Before going out, I had been vaccinated: "Baby, we just went out for a walk today and didn't buy anything." However, when passing by a fancy stall, the baby can't move at once, so he wants this or that, or he will cry if he doesn't buy it.
Three mothers enlarge the photos.
Chen Chen's mother turned to leave: "If you say no, you won't buy it. If you say yes, there is no reason to be angry. "
Little Mary: "Don't cry, don't cry. This thing is of poor quality. Don't buy it. Go back and buy a good one ... "
Linlin's mother: "Baby, you really want this thing. Are you disappointed that you can't buy it?" But before we went out, we agreed not to buy anything today. Mom wants to keep this agreement with you ... You are sad and want to cry, right? Mom will accompany you ... why don't we go to the bookstore to read you a story, or go to the park to swing for a while, which do you prefer? "
Which of the three parenting attitudes do you like?
Chen Chen's mother is the one who often laments that other people's babies are easy to take care of. She felt that Chen Chen really didn't understand. Everything was hard and her self-control was very low.
Xiaoruima is a "master of coaxing babies", and children can basically solve problems through coaxing. However, as Xiao Rui is 3 years old, it becomes more and more difficult to coax. She always takes her mother's words with a grain of salt.
Linlin's mother is called "lucky mother". Linlin is more sensible than other children of the same age, and has good expressive ability, understanding ability and self-control ability. Before the age of 3, he took the initiative to take care of people around him, and his emotional intelligence was not a little high.
Three mothers represent three parenting attitudes, and different parenting attitudes affect children's emotional intelligence.
Chen Chen's mother is a typical hardliner. She is strict with her children and makes sense with facts. Although everything is reasonable, she is helpless. With the mother's attitude becoming more and more simple and rude, children also believe that their mother does not understand themselves, and there are more and more contradictions between mother and child.
Little Rui Ma is good at playing tricks and rarely solves problems head-on. She always uses children's characteristics to arouse their jealousy, divert their attention, and even pretend to compromise to induce them to complete their tasks. This practice is very effective for the baby, but as the child becomes more and more independent, the mother's tricks are easy to be seen through, and the most important thing in the parent-child relationship-trust is seriously affected.
Linlin's mother is very good at empathy. She can consider things from the perspective of children and try to meet their reasonable needs. She is willing to accept children's negative emotions, and at the same time help children understand their emotions and help them find solutions to problems. With such a mother with high emotional intelligence, it is no wonder that Linlin is so "easy to mess with".
How do children with high emotional intelligence develop?
Children under 3 years old, the neural circuits in the cerebral cortex are not fully developed and do not have the ability to control emotions. At this stage, parents give their children feelings through language and ways, which affects the development direction of children's brain circuits. It can be said that emotions are innate, and emotional intelligence is developed by us to help children.
To cultivate children's emotional intelligence, we must first treat children's emotions correctly. They don't confront their parents with emotions, but communicate with their parents with emotions. When the child lost his temper, he did not bother us, but came to us for help.
1, the child lost his temper?
The child lost his temper. Don't worry. We can try to name his mood first. "You don't feel comfortable staying like this, do you?" "Dad just took your toy, so you are not happy, are you?" Under this guidance, children will gradually understand their emotions: "Yes, that's why I feel unhappy."
When a child feels that his emotions are understood and accepted, he will gradually calm down. On the other hand, if we use anger to deal with children's emotions, children will only think that adults don't understand their own ideas, then he will continue to lose his temper until we understand what he means.
If the child can already talk, we can also let him try to talk about his feelings and give him the right to express his emotions. Deal with children's emotions first, then deal with things. What we have to do is not to prevent the child from losing his temper, but to prevent the child from losing his temper.
2. Is the child not confident?
Nowadays, "appreciation education" is popular, and children are constantly praised. In fact, blindly praising and never criticizing can easily make children become arrogant and turn to inferiority after being frustrated. Both praise and criticism are needed, but we must master the correct way.
The child got a little red flower in kindergarten, and when he got home, his parents might say, "You are great! How clever! " This vague praise can't strengthen children's understanding of their behavior. Why don't we ask the baby what he did and get a special reward? If it is because of helping children, we can say, Great, you like helping others. Being helpful is a virtue ... it helps children understand their behavior. When he thinks he is helpful, he will continue to help others.
If there is a conflict between the child and the child while playing, and the child is pushed down, what the mother wants to say is not "Why are you so violent", but "Baby, it is wrong for you to push the child, and the child will get hurt. Next time you encounter this situation, you can tell your child what you think ... "Such criticism can let the child know clearly what kind of behavior he is wrong and what is the correct way; Mom is angry not because she doesn't like herself, but because she doesn't like what she just did. This understanding helps to cultivate children's self-esteem, self-confidence and sense of security.
3. Is the child's self-control poor?
Chen Chen's mother took a cold attitude towards the children when they were crying for something. This will make children feel that it is wrong to have emotions. Children who grow up in this state are used to suppressing and ignoring emotions, neither expressing their feelings nor paying attention to others' feelings.
Little Rui Ma blindly appeases and compromises the child's dissatisfaction, does not help the child learn what to do under what circumstances, and deprives the child of the opportunity to grow up. And unprincipled compromise is the easiest way to cultivate children without self-control.
Only Linlin's mother tries to accept her children's emotions and make rules for them. She also wisely provided other options for her children: reading stories or playing on the swings. Children under 4 years old have weak self-control, and even if they know what to do, they will still be very sad. This "two-to-one" approach allows children to regain the initiative and is also a good way to help children train self-control.
Is it necessary for you to feel anxious about your child's emotional intelligence?
Children of different ages have different emotional intelligence development goals.
Children aged 0-2 need parents' comfort to help them know and understand their emotions, and then understand their relationship with the world.
Children aged 2-3 need their parents to help them understand all kinds of emotions and integrate into the surrounding environment, so that they can get along with people they don't know.
Children aged 3-4 need to start to cultivate self-confidence, independence and empathy. Children aged 4-5 need to strengthen their resilience and self-control. Children aged 5-6 need to establish a cooperative spirit and an optimistic attitude.
We don't have to worry that children don't have the emotional intelligence of older children. Talk to him every day when he is growing up. Of course, you can help him develop his EQ.
How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence
You also need people to mix well and have high emotional intelligence. If you want your baby to have high emotional intelligence, you have to start from an early age. The following methods can help you cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence.
How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence
Steps/methods
Help children identify their emotions.
A child came back from school and said to you: A classmate hit me at school today! His father skillfully replied, Are you all right? Some classmates hit you, and you are wronged?
This answer not only helps children identify their emotional state, but also brings two major benefits. First of all, children can learn from it, and then they have to deal with their own emotions, not that other person. In other words, what we should really do now is not to go to the other party for theory because we feel wronged, but to realize that the real trouble is actually our emotional response, so what we should strive for later is how to debug our emotions and make appropriate responses.
Secondly, children can learn empathy from it. I feel uncomfortable being beaten this time. We'll find out later. If I hit someone, others will feel the same way. This kind of profound emotional experience is helpful to improve children's ability of empathy. Therefore, from the perspective of emotional intelligence education, it will kill two birds with one stone.
After helping children identify emotions, parents can ask again: Do you want to tell me what happened? This is a very important way of parent-child communication. When parents learn to ask questions and listen, children will be willing to speak, cultivate good communication habits between parents and children, and let each other communicate smoothly.
How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence
Help children build self-confidence.
Self-confidence is the cornerstone of emotional intelligence. Confident children can be calm and correct in the face of malicious attacks from others, have good anti-frustration and anti-pressure ability, and will be handy in interpersonal communication.
Parents' evaluation of children directly affects their self-confidence. Therefore, if you only criticize and rarely praise, parents will unconsciously shape their children's poor self-image. Therefore, it is suggested that parents can sit down and write down the advantages that children deserve to appreciate. What I want to remind parents in particular here is that these advantages should not be the result of comparison between children and others, but the characteristics of children themselves.
For example, it is very caring and good for small animals; Very polite, will take the initiative to greet friends and other personality characteristics, rather than being among the best every time and other results based on comparison. If you want to praise your child's academic performance, it will be a good reason to study hard and push yourself. Encouraging and affirming children to have proper confidence in themselves will greatly improve their emotional intelligence.
How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence
Management skills to help children develop negative emotions.
In some primary and secondary schools in the United States, meditation exercises are added to the curriculum, so that children can sit down, close their eyes and concentrate for 20 minutes. However, recent experiments have found that meditation helps to reduce one's anxiety, strengthen one's attention and further improve learning efficiency. These relaxation techniques, properly designed, are suitable for children, and if they are learned early, they will be helpful for children's future stress resistance.
Parents can encourage their children to develop healthy hobbies and help them relieve stress, such as taking their children to exercise, painting and singing. Psychological research shows that doing exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress. Doing aerobic exercise for more than 20 minutes will promote the secretion of endorphins in the brain, thus playing a physiological role in relieving stress.
How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence
Cultivate children's interpersonal skills.
Nowadays, children are all only children, so parents should arrange more opportunities to welcome their children's playmates to play, study and spend important moments in life (such as birthdays). Parents who attach importance to emotional intelligence will not pay attention to the comparison results between their children and others when their children participate in these group activities.
What parents should observe is whether children take the initiative to talk to others when interacting with others. Or are you too shy to talk? How does he react when people talk to him? And in the case of conflict with others, how did he deal with it? In order to prevent themselves from falling into the inertial thinking of competing with others, parents may wish to prepare a small notebook to remind themselves of the key points of observation and make records.
How to cultivate a child with high emotional intelligence
Cultivate children's optimistic and positive attitude.
Psychological research has found that as long as a child has a positive view of himself and an optimistic attitude towards the future, parents can rest assured that this child will not be too far away from happiness in this life.
Know how to look at things positively. There is a child whose teacher once criticized his historical achievements in public. Most children will be embarrassed by this. However, he made a psychological adjustment and said to his mother with a smile: Fortunately, the teacher criticized my worst subject. If my best subject is criticized by him, I will be even worse.
Having such positive thinking ability is a wonderful display of optimism. Because he knows how to see the positive side of things in any environment, so as to avoid the improper interference of negative emotions and find the motivation to motivate himself.
In order to help children learn to see the bright side of things, parents should always use positive questions to inspire their children's thinking. For example, what do you think of this new classmate you met today?
When encountering setbacks, such as children's unsatisfactory performance on the stage, parents should not say: What's wrong with you today? You behaved badly, but you may let yourself down this time. Do you think there is anything worthy of recognition? In this way, children have the ability to think positive answers, such as making a little progress than last time, or learning important experiences, so they should be more fully prepared for the next stage.
Positive thinking ability is formed over time. Parents can help their children develop optimistic and positive thinking habits as long as they spend more time.
Four great tricks to cultivate children's high emotional intelligence
Sometimes, they are like happy angels, and the world is just their playground; Sometimes, they are like an angry little lion, crying for a while, throwing toys for a while, and even wanting to bite people ... By the age of two or three, the main problem that parents need to face has shifted from feeding to education. How to help children learn to deal with their emotions and how to help them build a healthy emotional awareness may be more important than learning children's songs and listening to music for a lifetime.
Give your children true and sympathetic listening.
"Mom!" Obviously, some unhappy Xiao Bo sat among a pile of toys and shouted, "Mom! You come! " The mother, who had just sent off her period and her little cousin, answered, "Ah? What is it? " I don't like my cousin! Mom knew that Xiaobo was jealous: "Don't be so stingy, baby! Mom will cook braised pork for you tonight! " Amid all the noise, my mother disappeared into the kitchen in an instant. That night, mom and dad always wondered why Xiaobo didn't eat his favorite braised pork. No one expected that this was the direct result of Xiao Bo feeling left out.
When a child confides his feelings to you, you should use your sympathy to give him a feeling like looking in a mirror, so that his soothing little heart can be fully understood, valued and sympathized.
If you know that he is distracted by his jealous cousin, then you can express his feelings about him clearly (because two or three-year-old children may not be able to express them clearly in words) and ask him if this is the case. If he agrees, you can tell him, "Yes, mom may pay less attention to you during the day!" " "Then, tell him with some life examples that you can understand his feelings. Tell him that when his mother was young, he would feel unhappy if his period followed his father to the park. Tell children that they also like their parents to focus all their attention on themselves. Your sincere understanding will tell your children that everyone may have such feelings or emotions, and they will eventually get through it.
Help children understand their emotions.
Dad didn't pay attention. Feifei, who was playing on the slide, came to him crying. "What's the matter?" Dad doesn't know why. "I fell!" Looking at Feifei's leg that was not badly broken, Dad wanted to give him a manly encouragement: "Nothing! This little injury is nothing! " "Children push!" Feifei's crying is getting louder and louder. "Well ..." Although dad is a little distressed, he still hopes that the child will not be ashamed. "Nothing! Nothing! " Feifei's crying is even louder! The crying attracted everyone's attention to Feifei's father. Feifei's father felt ashamed and had to drag Feifei home without a good spirit. As a result, Feifei kept crying, which made the whole family panic. ...
Children of two or three years old often have too few words, and their understanding of causality is simple and limited, so they can't describe their feelings and feelings clearly. When he is confused by this emotion, he will be at a loss.
Therefore, you should help your children build up the accumulation of "emotional vocabulary". For example, if he fell and cried, you ask him, "Does it hurt?" ? The baby fell and hurt, and cried! Isn't it? "The child is very painful. Being pushed down by a child will not only hurt your leg, but also feel wronged. At this time, you should tell your child: "Do you feel a little wronged because you were pushed by your child? Dad understands you! However, when we play together, it is inevitable that we will bump into each other and get a little hurt. Boys should be strong! Be generous! Dad cheers for the baby! "In this way, the child can not only comfort you to know his" pain ",but also understand the discomfort caused by his" grievance "in his heart, and at the same time get the understanding and support of his father, and he is also trying to learn what is called" strength ".
Teach children how to deal with emotions in specific conflicts.
"hate it! ! "Chen Chen couldn't help shouting at the child who always made trouble for him and crushed his sand rice balls:" Bah! " Chenchen was furious, and seemed to have the impulse to beat him up, but his heart was more aggrieved and distressed by his "rice ball", and of course he was afraid of this unreasonable person. Chenchen was so angry that he stood there and stared at the child mercilessly. He was so angry that he didn't know what to do except shout "hate" ...
When the conflict makes the child reach an emotional limit, what parents should do at this time is to help him ease this tense state, and use this specific situation to give the child the correct way to deal with emotions or solve problems.
Comfort and ask the child: "Did he crush your rice ball and make you sad?" Angry? However, you can't hit people, because hitting people is a worse behavior. So, what do you think you should do? "After all, two or three-year-old children are too young to know what to do. Lynne Namka, an American anger control expert, suggested that parents should do the following: First, try to let their children check their abdomen, chin and fists to see if they are all nervous or tense. If so, let them take a deep breath, relax these parts and exhale that anger. After that, let the children speak out their dissatisfaction seriously and loudly, such as "I finally made a rice ball, and he kept crushing it for me." I am so angry! "..." In such venting, children can understand that my emotions have such normal logic. Let children no longer be troubled by emotions. At the same time, with your analysis and explanation, children will not take this anger as a legitimate reason to fight back or hit people.
Parental introspection: how can I control my emotions?
The family sat together to discuss Xixi's recent performance: he cried when he met something he could do nothing about; Lose your temper when you are dissatisfied; She always talks about things that bother her and will never forget them ... Suddenly, everyone yearns for each other. If they realize something-when mom and dad quarrel, they always cry in front of Xixi; Dad brings home his troubles at work and often gets angry over a little thing; Grandma, muttering all day about whose old lady didn't call her at cards. ...
A child is a mirror, which largely reflects the personality, literacy, habits of family members and the culture of the whole family. Of course, including each of you emotional intelligence reaction.
When you are angry because your child has done something wrong, try to use "What you have done (concrete things) simply makes me angry!" " "instead of saying" you are so annoying! I can't stand it! "In this way, the child will understand that you are dissatisfied with his practice, not against him. We must try our best to avoid such words that will hurt children's self-esteem and self-confidence, and at the same time avoid giving children an influence that is "directed at people" rather than "directed at things".
On the other hand, parents also hide their feelings. Obviously, he is unhappy, unclear, acting strangely and prone to losing his temper. This will also cause trouble for children. The best way is to tell your child, let him feel your emotions and watch how you get through your emotional difficulties.
How to cultivate children with high emotional intelligence? Teach you to cultivate children's high emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the key to better contact with people around you in life. For children, how to improve their emotional intelligence? How to cultivate "emotional intelligence"?
What is EQ?
Emotional intelligence refers to emotional intelligence, which is the ability of human beings to know, control and adjust their emotions. In short, it is the ability to feel and feel.
Is EQ innate?
Compared with IQ, the genetic component of EQ is much less. However, some abilities of EQ are related to heredity. For example, some children are quiet when they are born, and some children are easily woken up and lose their temper. IQ is probably fixed in adolescence, so it is difficult to improve it any more. Emotional intelligence is a kind of inheritance that acquired is greater than innate, and it can be learned and promoted to old age.
Before the age of 6, it is a critical period to cultivate children's emotional intelligence.
Parents' EQ can be passed on to their children. The tenderness and deep affection between parents will inevitably have a positive impact on children. In order to improve children's emotional intelligence, psychologists put forward the following suggestions:
Always express your love. Both physical contact and eye contact help to improve children's emotional intelligence. Often expressing love in playing, eating and talking can cultivate children's healthy emotions.
Help children express their feelings. It is also important to help children understand and identify various emotional expressions. Many times children are angry because they don't know how to control their emotions.
Teach children to make their own decisions. Independence is the most important aspect of emotional intelligence. Only by letting them learn to make their own decisions from an early age can they cultivate their independent personality.
Affirm the child's mood. Allow children to express their anger instead of telling them "don't be angry." In addition, it is important to ask them why they are angry and help them control their emotions. Remember not to try to suppress children's emotions when they are angry.
Acknowledge their achievements. Always affirm children's intelligence and avoid belittling their actions, otherwise children will lose the ability to accept failure. Teach children to respond positively to setbacks and overcome negative emotions.
Give more positive encouragement to children. The philosopher James said, "The most eager requirement in human nature is: the desire to be affirmed." Appreciation, praise and encouragement are the concrete manifestations of a person (especially a child) and are necessary to help children build self-confidence. In daily life, we should be good at discovering the advantages and strengths of children. For example, to show your confidence in your child, you can say to him, "I believe you can do it"; When pointing out the advantages of children, parents can say: "I think your math ability is very good", "You will take the initiative to tidy your room, which is a good advantage" and "Your handwriting is neat and looks comfortable."
Ability to manage emotions. The ability to manage emotions means that children should be the masters of emotions. Managing emotions includes two aspects. First, you can fully express your emotions and not suppress them. The second aspect is to be good at restraining one's emotions and grasp the discretion of expressing emotions. Here, children express anger as an example to illustrate. When some parents criticize and punish their children, they are not allowed to explain, cry or even express some dissatisfaction. Over time, such children will become resigned, depressed, or passive to Nuo Nuo's face, but will vent their anger in extreme ways, which is not conducive to the cultivation of children's emotional intelligence.
The correct way is to allow the child to explain and let him tell his own truth when criticizing the child. When a child is punished, he should also be allowed to cry, and he should also be allowed to be dissatisfied and angry. Both parents and teachers should put away the dignity of teachers, let children fully express their emotions, and don't suppress him. We don't want to make the child angry, but we just want to teach him how to express his anger appropriately. Only through constant expression can children gradually learn to express their emotions in a reasonable way.