It is incomprehensible that some parents may forget that they are in public places such as the school gate or the street, but they may be too emotional because their children do not do well in the exam. They think that they subconsciously yell at their children in their own homes, and the children should respond to the abnormal eyes cast by the surrounding groups, or bow their heads, as if they had become accustomed to it; Or flushed and full of tears, I can't wait to disappear in the crosswalk at once.
In the subconscious of many parents, they feel that strict management is necessary to train their children into useful people. He missed the old saying left by his ancestors that "scolding children can accomplish great things". Great minds think alike, so parents can stand on their feet. They don't want to treat their children, but they want to cultivate them into talents. Does being strict with children necessarily mean scolding and scolding children? If parents have such an idea, it is obviously incorrect to understand the so-called "strictness".
What many people didn't expect was that some parents' words that hurt their children's self-esteem have gradually carved into their children's hearts and cultivated their characters and habits that ultimately endanger their lives. Some children will turn their parents' reprimand and scolding into a kind of self-suggestion and feel that they are useless and annoying poor students in the class. Once this kind of self-denial, doubt and negative emotion grows and spreads, it will make children develop into people with inferiority, inferiority and low sense of value. Isn't this putting the cart before the horse our parents' teaching intention?
In fact, the real "strictness" is "strictness and dignity", insisting on and gently educating children about appreciation. As parents, they will naturally not sit idly by and do something wrong or need to be solved. They just need to do it when they have to. It's just that this hand is definitely not for reprimanding and scolding children, but for talking to children. In essence, this way of speaking is just like talking to a friend. We communicate with children with sincerity. When children let go of the self-protection mechanism, they are more receptive.
02 Forbidden Area 2: Promote children's reading and learning with material rewards. "Daily necessities, study hard. If you get the first place, mom will buy you your favorite candy!" As long as you can understand this book, dad will let you play your favorite XX mobile game! Many parents say this on the basis of making their children fascinated with learning and growth in reading, but the expected effect has been affected. According to the working experience of ordinary people, we may think that material rewards will harm children's learning, but in fact, the well-known psychological experiment-"Desi effect" reveals a fact: when a person carries out a relaxed and happy activity, giving him a conclusion of material rewards will actually reduce the influence of this theme activity on her nature.
In other words, it is not a good thing for parents to simply reward their children with ingredients, especially for children who are already enjoying reading and studying. In fact, it will distort the driving force of children's learning and reading, so that the mountain spring of children's learning motivation is no longer as clear and full of vitality as usual. After a long time, it will become a muddy water that can't stir the waves.
Reading and learning are children's own business, and the biggest reward should be to let children get happiness from reading and learning. If our material rewards exceed the fun children have in reading and learning, students' attention will be attracted by material rewards. Even if they can still sit in their seats and study as before, their purpose has long changed, and they have become studying and studying in order to win prizes, and then they have lost the motivation to improve their studies and can't continue from now on.
So how can we make children have the motivation to learn and learn? I think we should start by shaping children's interests. No matter what we want our children to do, it is an effective way to shape their interests. Until the child has an interest, further develop the interest, and then let the child get the successful experience of shaping the interest. Such a wonderful experience will further promote the rapid development of children's interests and form a steady development.
For example, under my early intentional shaping, my daughter turned reading and learning into a great requirement, just like eating every day. I have never thought of encouraging children to study with material rewards, but I attach great importance to cultivating children's study habits from interest enlightenment education and clear rewards and punishments, and finally I have received good results.