What is the first way for parents to educate their children? Unconditional love?
It is our nature to love children as parents, but consciously loving children is the most important way to cultivate children. When a person is unconditionally loved, his self-confidence will greatly increase! I will respect myself and others. In his mind, he will feel the generation of self-worth, that is, the sense of self-worth begins to sprout. And unconditional love for children is the most important way to cultivate children's sense of security and courage.
And second? Encourage?
A great American educator once said a very extreme sentence:? I don't know any other way to educate children except encouragement! ? I think this sentence is eighty percent true. Education and encouragement are things to be done every day. Tell your children: no problem! Dad believes you! ? You should keep consolidating every day. But most parents are just the opposite. You just can't. All the children are much better than you! ? These parents seem to be committed to dissuading their children. Every parent should remember that children's courage and self-confidence are encouraged, and encouragement is something that needs to be done every day! ?
What's the third? Like?
When children do the right thing and get good grades, praise is the core way to cheer them up. When a child does something right, we can only praise him in time to repair his behavior and let him do it next time. Praise is what parents often do. Children always have good behaviors every day and every week, or make small achievements, such as putting used things back in their original places. Parents should praise in time, and praise will set the behavior. Praise is the sunshine of children's life growth. For a child, being praised means that something is done right and recognized, and the sense of self-worth will rise and self-confidence will be enhanced.
What is the fourth one? Confirm?
A child whose behavior is right and whose irregularity is wrong doesn't know. Parents should tell their children what is right and what is wrong. There is no distinction between praise and criticism here. Parents should objectively help their children distinguish right from wrong. In fact, confirmation is a series of processes for parents to help their children cultivate values. So parents should know that children will not automatically know what is right and what is wrong. These are all learned and the result of our parents' constant indoctrination. For example, the American Twin Towers were bombed by a quilt last year, and my daughter's class had an understanding debate. She came home and told me: Dad, you scared me to death! ? I said:? What happened? She said:? Today, our teacher said that students should discuss whether the Twin Towers should be bombed. Boys in our class shout together? It should blow up! ? Then the teacher said:? I think we should blow it up, too? A girl in our class stood up and said, teacher, I don't think it should be bombed! There are so many innocent people in it, which is an act against the government. They should not bomb innocent civilians! ? The boys in our class shouted together: Down with * * *? . Our teacher not only didn't stop it, but also said? I think America is so irritating! It should blow up! ? I asked my daughter: what do you think? She said:? It shouldn't be blown up! Teachers should not say that! ? I told her: you are right, terrorists are the enemy of mankind! Hurt innocent people, this is the destruction of life! ? Therefore, our parents should help children distinguish right from wrong, good and evil, and establish correct values.
What is the fifth? Do you understand?
Some parents came to me for consultation and told me that the children just wouldn't talk to me. Recently, my academic performance has declined. I rebelled against my teacher at school and didn't tell me when I came back! I asked why? He said he didn't know. If you go to see a doctor and the doctor gives you medicine without asking anything, then he is a 100% quack! There may be twenty reasons for a child's behavior deviation. Do you want to ask the secret recipe? Can drugs treat diseases without symptoms? Many people ask me to make a simple secret recipe. Am I kidding? Fight? . There are many schools? Parent-teacher conference? That's how you give your parents the secret recipe! So arbitrary! Make fun of others. It's not that simple. The relationship between parents and children is equal. We must establish an unbreakable concept that a child is born with the same personality as you. If you don't put him on your equal! In terms of ability, we should consider that children are to be cultivated, and they are small animals that need your constant cultivation. Many of our parents are just the other way around: they can't treat their children equally in character, but they are very demanding of their children in ability! Parents need it? Do you understand? This tool enters the child's mind, which is no longer criticism or criticism. If you say you are in trouble at work, come and talk to me. I don't ask anything, and I will scold you. You must think there's something wrong with Mr. Dong. If you don't know what's going on, scold me! However, many of our parents don't ask the reasons for their children, but just recognize them. Are you online? Do you understand? On the issue, parents should treat their children as equal people, without any value judgment, and simply listen to their reasons. I ask parents to remember one sentence:? Anyone who does anything has an absolute reason in his own opinion! ? The child's behavior always has his own reasons in his own eyes, but these reasons are wrong in the eyes of adults! Or it is not established. If you don't know what his reasons are, it is impossible to change his shortcomings. If you don't listen to the other person, you can't figure out the reason for his behavior. This is one aspect. On the other hand, by? Do you understand? Build a child's sense of self-esteem, he can establish contact with others, feel that he has the ability to communicate and that there is energy flow between them. At this time, the parent-child relationship is stable.
What is the sixth one? Companionship?
Children don't need our money, they need their parents! In senior three, I read a letter from Suhomlinski to my son. It was this book that triggered my thinking about education and prompted me to start my research on educating children for so many years. At that time, I was only in my twenties, and I only felt that one sentence was very profound. This sentence is extremely simple: people need people! ? It means that if a person wants to grow into a complete person, he must be in a person's environment, that is, he needs the existence of others to confirm, understand and encourage him, and finally he can establish an independent personality! After the child is born, he will grow up in an isolated state, and he will be lonely, helpless and insecure, and need the company of his parents. Otherwise, he will gradually develop fear and helplessness about life, and there is no way to grow up. Too many parents spend money to send their children away because they are too busy. Actually, it's all wet. Suppose at this moment, let the child choose to give him 100 yuan or his parents accompany him 1 hour, and he may choose to accompany him 1 hour. This is because he doesn't know what his real needs are. His subconscious needs his parents to confirm his value with 1 hour to accompany him to grow up! We should not only treat the child as an equal person in the subject qualification, but also consider his personality and ability to be developed in the way of thinking, and we can't fully understand what we mean. This is also the reason why pediatricians are difficult. Children only cry when they are very young, and they don't know what's wrong with them. Doctors must observe and understand like veterinarians treat small animals. The child lacks the love of his parents, and he doesn't even know it, let alone express it. This does not require our parents to experience and accompany their children! Understand children through companionship and eliminate their fears through companionship.
What is the seventh one? Criticism?
This is a tool that should be used with care. ? Criticism? Only by targeting the behavior itself can it work. The premise of using this tool is: parents and children understand each other, support each other, care about each other and have a stable relationship! This kind of comment on writing is effective. If parents and children don't understand and trust each other, even if the criticism is correct, targeted at behavior and harmless to personality, children will not accept your criticism, and then criticism will only have side effects. Criticism is a very professional thing. Without training, few people will criticize correctly. Therefore, the safest way is to try not to criticize.
On parents' methods of educating their children. Love should be appropriate and strict.
Mentors often exist? Polarization? . Love her to death or be cruel. Parents who love their children too much often do everything for their children, so that children can't learn to overcome difficulties on their own from an early age, don't do their own things, and take the help of others for granted. Some parents use it? Love? For some reasons, he is too strict with children, often scolding them and even hitting them. Such children are often obedient, but gradually lose self-esteem, self-confidence, courage and perseverance, as well as the desire to dare to tell the truth. What should be the ideal tutor? Good and strict love? Parents should say more encouraging words to their children, share happy times with them and give them more room for development. I believe that children must be the best.
2. Don't take the place of children's choice.
Parents in China often treat their children in one way? Don't worry? Psychology, many things are to help children. Help children dress since childhood, let children sleep with adults since childhood, help children go to school, check stationery books, and prevent children from doing housework. Even when I grow up, I have to find a job and get married. Under this arrangement, children's curiosity and psychology of trying are obliterated, and they become lazy, dependent, afraid of hardship and fatigue, indecisive and irresponsible. Let children do what they can as soon as possible. The key choice is to let the children choose by themselves, which can increase their sense of responsibility and self-confidence.
3. Understanding of multiple intelligences.
Howard Gadner, a psychologist and professor at Harvard University, put forward the theory of human multiple intelligences, which holds that people have at least seven intelligences independently, namely, speech? Language intelligence, music? Rhythm intelligence, logic? Mathematical intelligence, vision? Spatial intelligence, body? Sports intelligence, self-awareness? Introspective intelligence, communication? Exchange information, etc. These intelligences are intricately combined in different ways and degrees in different people, so that everyone's intelligence has unique performance and characteristics. Therefore, we should be soberly aware that intelligence is multifaceted and has different forms of expression, and the criteria for judging a person's intelligence and success should also be varied. Don't jump to conclusions about children. Teach children to be good at discovering their own strengths, and explore and develop them so that every child can succeed in the end.
4. Mistakes are as important as success.
Most parents always think? Isn't it good for children to make mistakes? But for children's growth, mistakes are as inevitable and meaningful as success. The process of children making mistakes is the process of children constantly trying, innovating and growing up. Because children are afraid of making mistakes, they dare not try anything, and grow up cautiously and with trepidation. This is the biggest failure. Mistakes are also a kind of beauty and a kind of success. When children make mistakes, parents must be calm. When this is a good thing and an opportunity for children to progress and grow, don't make a fuss, don't blame, and don't give children a chance to try and practice because they are afraid of making mistakes.
5. Learn to praise children.
Now everyone understands appreciation education, but praising children is also a science and an art, and only when it is used properly can the ideal effect be achieved. First of all, praise should be fair and reasonable, realistic, not exaggerated and not narrow-minded. If praise is inaccurate, children will have doubts and will not be motivated. If praise is wrong, children will think it is right and have a bad influence. Secondly, praise should be true. Only by sincerely praising can children respond positively. Absent-minded and perfunctory, children often feel that they are lying to him. Parents give sincere praise to their children's every progress, which will make them infected by sincerity and affection. I want to do better in the future? Determination and confidence. Third, praise should be timely, otherwise things will change. Without the atmosphere at that time, the role of praise will be reduced. There are many forms of praise: in addition to sincere language, there are admiring eyes and smiles, kind hugs, gentle touches, and so on. Children can't grow up overnight. Parents should always pay attention to their children's behaviors, often praise their advantages and progress, and let them fully feel their parents' trust and encouragement.
6. Teach children to appreciate others and not be self-centered.
Only children are often surrounded by others. They seldom consider others, let alone appreciate them. Naturally, there is no cooperation, which brings troubles to interpersonal relationships and is unfavorable to your future career. Parents should educate their children to appreciate others, so that children can treat themselves correctly and cooperate well with others. You can often invite other children to participate in activities with your own children and guide them to appreciate others. If we can educate our children to learn an advantage from everyone they meet at an early age, then our children will be excellent.
Knowledge expansion: recommend the performance and main education methods of five common types of children;
1. Children with excess energy.
These children are mainly fond of playing and fighting, and difficult to discipline, but they are smart, active, quick-witted and receptive.
The main methods of education:
1 establish good interpersonal relationships with children and let them know that they are not one? A disobedient child? So that they can easily receive psychological education and guidance.
2 Let go and discipline properly. If the discipline is too strict, it will be counterproductive if it is not in line with their personality. Give him some freedom, some time and space for activities.
3 patient teaching: patient education and persuasion, so that children can understand themselves through reasoning? Independent? Not so good, not so in line with social ethics and norms, so as to give up on yourself? Independent? , to overcome their own problems, and gradually move towards the road of growth.
2. Children who are not attentive in class.
Such children are mainly active, fun and talkative in class, and even absent-minded when studying at home. Regarding the education of these children, some parents say that it is a school matter. I'm not responsible. I can't sit next to the children. ? In fact, to cultivate children to concentrate on listening, we should start from daily life, because living habits and study habits are closely related.
The main methods of education:
Parents should train their children to listen once and do it at once.
In life, parents can consciously train their children's obedient ability, such as arranging three or four things, what to do first, what to do later and what to do finally. Parents should observe whether their children are like this.
Parents should consciously train their children's attention, talk to them, and make sure that they look at your face and listen.
Parents can also tell their children some tips for attending classes.
Parents should try to let their children retell the contents of the class, or talk about the most impressive problems in the class.
3. Children who pursue money and material comforts.
What are the main performances of such children? Wear famous brands and eat fine products. Pay attention to food and clothing, and some ride motorcycles or tricycles to school.
The main methods of education:
1 Parents should set an example, be diligent and simple, and tell their childhood life experiences and stories.
Parents should tell their children about their family income and expenditure plans and seek their children's opinions appropriately.
Effectively educate children to spend money in a planned way and educate children with typical examples.
4. Children who don't care about their elders' education.
Such children turn a deaf ear to the education of their parents and teachers.
The main methods of education:
1 Let children understand the painstaking efforts of their parents, and understand that any kind of education by parents and teachers is for the healthy growth of children.
Education should be carried out in a harmonious atmosphere to eliminate their feelings? Hostility? Make them willing to listen to instructions.
Give the child the right to speak and let him give reasons, even if it is incorrect or untrue.
Be more tolerant. After education, you will do something wrong. You should be given a chance to correct it and wait patiently.
Fifth, the tone of educating children should be firm, and the tone of parents should be consistent. Some parents are joking, some are careless, some are understated, and some are boastful, which is not conducive to education.
5. Children with serious inertia.
This kind of children are mainly manifested in passive learning, incomplete or plagiarized homework, which leads to blank test papers or cheating in exams and lax life.
The main methods of education:
1 start training from the usual housework, and don't let the children reach for food and clothes.
The second is to help children make plans and strengthen supervision and inspection.
Parents should set an example and set an example for everything.
4. Cultivate the habit of diligence from the daily chores that children can do, persevere and insist on training.
What wisdom do you need to know to educate your children? Once wisdom knows what children need.
Every parent wants their children to be excellent, but few people know what their children can do. Okay？ . What if? Okay？ Means success and happiness, so what qualities do children need to have to win their own success and happiness?
Many parents set their educational goals at? College entrance examination? Let's go In fact, you don't have to go to college to have a chance, and you don't have to go to college to have a chance. Only paying attention to the pursuit of academic qualifications is actually turning a blind eye and not seeing Mount Tai!
A healthy personality, a positive attitude, the ability to adapt to the environment and seize opportunities are the most basic guarantees for happiness in life.
Wisdom 2 knows what your words and deeds mean to your children.
Children feel too much about us, without deliberate observation, imitating too many attitudes, without deliberate imitation. It doesn't matter what we want, what children see from our behavior and what they learn are important! In front of children, we should not live and do things without thinking. We must be careful and consider what this means to children.
Wisdom three knows how to do it.
Knowing what to do is called having a direction; Knowing how to do it is called having the ability; Without direction, effort and speed are meaningless; Only direction, no method, direction itself is meaningless. Parents are not easy to be, but they must be good. There is a solution to everything. We should not give up because of difficulties. We must explore how to solve it. Please see? What should I do when I have no choice? Part.
Wisdom four knows that being a man is being a parent.
Since education is to make children live better in the future, then life is the direction of education. What we need in life is what our children need in the future; What tests us now will test our children in the future. All the troubles, challenges and opportunities we face will be faced by our children in the future. Although the climate of the times is constantly changing, the basic problems such as getting along with people, digesting pressure, resisting inertia and weakness, restraining desire, self-improvement, opening up the situation and grasping opportunities are eternal. We handle our own affairs well and do ourselves well, which not only provides children with experience worth learning, but also conveys a positive attitude to them. Therefore, when we are human beings, we are also parents, and the process of our life is always to educate our children.
Parents' healthy values and outlook on life are one of the most important conditions for the success of family education. Parents make demands on their children, get along with each other day and night, and infiltrate their values and outlook on life into their children all the time. Values and outlook on life determine the direction of children's life and the way of feeling the world.
In life, parents demonstrate to their children through their own practice, put forward suggestions and requirements to their children according to the specific situation they face, and create a better family atmosphere and living environment for their children, thus realizing their education. Therefore, the boundary of life is the boundary of education, and the process of life is the process of education.
What are the five wisdom? Growing consciousness?
From the moment the child was born, our life began to change because of the child. Some people become unexpectedly good, while others become unexpectedly bad. Children lead the whole family to grow up together. The direction of children's growth is to grow up, and the direction of adults' growth is to parents. We expect our children to grow up healthily, and we should have them ourselves? Grow up? Consciousness, parents are? Study? If you try, you won't be able to do it at first, and you won't be able to do it soon. You have to practice your parenting skills slowly. With this sense of growth, there will be no loss and self-pity.
Wisdom 6 understands the necessity of self-doubt
The actual situation of children in our eyes is often very different from that of children. Our understanding of children is not always reliable because of our own experiences and ways of understanding. Knowing self-doubt, preventing opinionated opinions, holding the attitude that there is no right to speak without investigation, always being cautious and perceiving children in a more diversified way will open up a brand-new parent-child relationship and educational realm.
Wisdom seven education is to help, not to shape.
Education is to help a child become what he could have been. Smart parents know how to observe and discover their children's nature with their children. If children are more calculating and ambitious, then children may become people in a certain field.
Excellent talents are also easy to bear pressure and suffer setbacks because they worry too much; Then, while helping him achieve his goal, he should pay attention to persuading his children not to be dragged down by his own ambitions. Life can't be perfect. Learn to choose and let go. If the child is an optimist and doesn't care about anything, then such a child will be happy easily, without worrying about falling into a dead end. Instead, he will be enterprising, unlearned and live in a lower social level in the future. At this time, it is necessary to help children establish a certain degree of enterprise.
Many parents often say: children are all the same, how can it be so complicated? This is a kind of? Amateur? The performance of. People are born different, each with its own strengths and weaknesses. Wise parents will help their children foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, but only if they find out their own advantages and disadvantages first. A child is not a stone that we can carve at will, but an individual with his own unique nature. The responsibility of parents is to help their children develop their natural advantages and overcome their shortcomings. According to the nature of children to help, it will be as easy as knowing cows; And against the nature of children, according to their own wishes to shape, it will be like overreaching.
Wisdom eight knows the boundaries of education.
Everyone has their own limitations, so everyone's education for children must also have their own limitations. Therefore, we should give children room to absorb new ideas.