As the old saying goes, a child's first teacher is his parents, and the child's personality development also depends on his parents. Therefore, parents' words and deeds in daily life will inadvertently affect the development of children's personality.

Some words are taken for granted by many parents, but they are quietly hurting children's self-esteem and making it difficult for children to establish a sense of parent-child security. Let's talk about what these words we try not to say.

Parents' Dictatorship Discourse

Professor Li Meijin once said in a program that if a person is not treated well as a child, he can't expect to be kind to society.

Speaking of "authoritarian" parents, it is not uncommon in ancient and modern times. Most of these parents always treat their children with their own adult thinking and ask them:

"What shall we do!"

"This should not be!"

Parents have the final say in everything, regardless of their children's feelings, and most parents follow it-I am doing it for your own good.

We should know that forcing children to do what their parents ask will not get their real approval, which will only lead to the growing tension and alienation of parent-child relationship, and it is likely to obliterate children's due opinions.

Words of parents' distrust

A 1 1 year-old boy, usually with poor grades, suddenly got a good grade in a final exam. When the report card was taken home, parents who were used to seeing their son's daily grades saw the child's report card issued at the first time: "It's incredible that you did so well in the exam this time, didn't you cheat?" .

This kind of disbelief in the child's grades will make him feel very cold and blow away the self-confidence that the child has built up.

Shouldn't the child's good grades be his own efforts? Just because he doesn't study well doesn't mean he doesn't have bad times.

Parents are the people that children trust most. If parents can't trust their children, they can't get their trust and affirmation in some things or achievements, which is undoubtedly the biggest blow to their self-confidence.

Words of parents' moral kidnapping

"After all I've done for you, you're like this." This is probably the most typical "moral kidnapping" we see in our daily life. In the process of children's growth, parents' contribution to children should not be regarded as a way to satisfy some parents' desires and hopes.

I have a classmate who was born in a single-parent family and has always been an excellent child. From elementary school to high school, she has always made her mother feel at ease. But when I was about to graduate from college, I decided to drop out of school and start a business.

She told me that from childhood, the whole family was telling her how hard her mother worked, and her mother often controlled her by taking her alone to suffer. This time, she really wants to live for herself and fight for her dreams. So I chose such a deviant way.

If parents have such "moral kidnapping" for a long time in the process of their children's growth, they will cause excessive self-blame and guilt, but in order to make their parents "happy", they will sacrifice their emotions and hide their hobbies, habits and nature, and finally their personalities will gradually become deformed, and many flattering personalities will be cultivated in this way.

Compared with "other people's children"

When we were young, we all had a common enemy in our parents: other people's children. I often hear parents say, what about other people's children, and you? How nice their children are. What about you? Perhaps parents want to encourage their children to learn more from others, but as parents, we have grown up and become parents, but these words have continued.

At the beginning, when we were young, we hated what our parents called "other people's children", but now we have to put this word on our baby, which can easily make children feel inferior, cause introversion and hurt their self-esteem.

For every child, they are unique individuals. Even though they all have various advantages and disadvantages, it is also a part of their personality. There are no perfect people in this world. As parents, we should affirm the advantages of children and guide them to improve their shortcomings in time.

How to help children develop a sunny personality?

I use my own parenting experience to sum up the following words, hoping to help your parenting:

Don't be stingy with your appreciation of children, be good at understanding the information conveyed by children, respect the growth rhythm of children, encourage and support children to realize their own ideas, and let children be responsible for their actions.

Finally, educate the child not to deny him and give him the greatest affirmative support, then the child will feel the greatest sense of security around his parents.

Mr. Lu Xun once said in an article: Children's behavior changes because of nature and environment, so Kong Rong will let pears. For children, it is natural to let him grow freely; For parents, reasonable intervention and restraint is the cultivation of children's healthy personality.

In the morning, my mother came to talk:

A second-born mother who started writing in the early hours of the morning, I wrote down my heart by hand, and every bit was my parenting experience with my child. I hope my parenting experience can bring you some help. (The picture in this article comes from the Internet. If there is any infringement, please contact to delete it. )