1. The importance of self-worth

2. What is self-worth

3. The significance of self-worth in parents' education

4. Children with low self-worth may have mental health when they grow up.

5. Behavior patterns of children with low self-worth when they grow up.

6. How to improve children's sense of self-worth? First, build yourself for your child, don't infringe on your child's self, and start with improving self-confidence and building self-esteem and self-love.

7. Awakening is the highest position of self-worth.

First, the importance of self-worth.

It is the pillar of a person's foothold in this world, and all people's activities are to establish their own self-worth. If a person has no self-worth, he will not have the motivation to survive.

Second, what is self-worth?

The first level: in the traditional sense, what kind of material, ability, wealth and status do you have to identify a person's value. I have many abilities, high status, a lot of wealth, good reputation and high value, so I am valuable. Therefore, many people keep gaining material and fame, thinking that the more they have, the greater their self-worth. This is the recognition of self-worth by most of us, and it is also the first level of self-worth cognition.

The second level: when a person obtains material money status, he doesn't really own it. Is there a functional difference between the Hermè s bag of 20,000 yuan and that of 200 yuan? No, but it gives you a completely different feeling. When you carry a Hermes bag, you will be seen and noticed. You will be appreciated and even valued. Being cared for and cared for by some men, we get anything external and tangible to meet some needs of self-worth. That is the second level of self-worth. Self-worth is a feeling, which consists of these factors: being needed, being responded, being seen, being recognized, being cared for, being cared for, being understood, being trusted, being affirmed, being valued, being accepted, being cared for, being appreciated, being treated fairly. Next, we continue to discuss what we get these feelings for, and do we feel for the sake of feeling? In fact, only by satisfying these feelings can we build a core part of higher self-worth.

The third level: then let's explore it through appearances. Why do many people have a lot of things and are still needed? For example, some stars have everything, but their self-evaluation is not high, they are not confident, inferior and dissatisfied. They need to have more, become better, be more capable and be more concerned. Some people, in fact, are not outstanding in appearance, have no specialties or abilities, and few people pay attention to them, but they feel good about themselves. Why? That's what we often call the third level of self-worth. Three core pillars of self-worth: self-confidence, self-esteem and self-love. We gain confidence by being needed, seen, recognized, affirmed, trusted and valued; We gain self-esteem by being understood, cared for, appreciated, respected, treated fairly and accepted; We gain self-love by being cared for, cared for, appreciated and responded, just like human body parts, which are the most critical body parts.

Next, we deeply analyze the three levels of self-worth:

Have you noticed? The self-worth brought by the first level is actually very fragile. Highly dependent on external materials, abilities, conditions and status, once you lose your self-worth, you will collapse and directly lead to doubts about life. Therefore, we modern people constantly gain external material, prestige, fame and fortune or the attention and care given by others in exchange for self-worth chips, which is also the reason why we modern people live so tired, because we want to pursue more, stronger and better, and we want to maintain the current quality of life. We can't afford to lose! We are too afraid of losing. When we have material and status, our sense of self-worth scores higher. When we lose these things, our self-worth plummets. Once we lose these external things, we lose our self-worth. Without value, there is no self. I don't exist. Is it necessary to live?

The second layer is also very fragile. For example, some civil servants are in an environment where others need, pay attention to, respect, praise and recognize them every day when they are in office. Then he has a very high sense of self-worth. He suddenly retired one day, or was accidentally detained. Then when all this was suddenly lost, he was in a state of collapse. There are also some girls who have received unprecedented attention, care and care in the romantic period of love, and their self-worth has expanded to a super high state. Everyone smiles when they see flowers bloom. Suddenly one day, she was abandoned by the other side, lost her past attention, care and care, and suddenly fell from the sky to the bottom, heartbroken. That's because they completely lost their self-worth, as if the whole person had been hollowed out, just like Guo Meimei's state. When we are in power, we are cocky, and when we are not in power, we are ashamed, which leads many people to control their lovers and their friends to pay attention to themselves. The farther we go, the more confused we feel, because everything we do every day seems to have nothing to do with ourselves. What is even more ridiculous is that even if we have great achievements, it is only a temporary excitement, and this feeling will soon be gone.

When a person can develop his self-worth to the third level, the whole person's mental outlook is basically in a relatively sunny and cheerful state. However, many people will be unstable in their hearts, often influenced by material wealth, career and status outside, and will always be needed, paid attention to and respected. These are all involved. The other three pillars are the core of self-worth, among which self-confidence, self-esteem and self-love are indispensable. Any lack of it will lead to the crumbling of the overall self-worth, and in serious cases, it will collapse and collapse.

Then, without relying on any external material and others, without self-esteem, self-love and self-confidence, can we gain higher self-worth simply by ourselves? No problem at all, that's the highest level of self-worth-the fourth level. True value has nothing to do with others. Whether we are married or single, whether we are rich or poor, whether someone loves us or not, whether we have several cars, whether we are happy or not, whether we are sound or not, whether people around us recognize us or not, our values are not affected, and our self-worth is completely separated from these things.

What is real value?

My existence is the value, this is the true self, and I am the truth. The existence of a cat does not need the approval of another cat. A cat won't live because I can't do this. I'm not beautiful, so I won't live. This is the noumenon, the real me. The way of existence and display has nothing to do with all external value evaluation, it belongs to the truth of natural existence, and all these inward-looking behaviors are aimed at discovering this value and recognizing their own value. It is a fundamental cognition that you become valuable not because of what you have, but because you admit that you are a kind of value.

This is the four stages of self-worth development and four different levels. Everyone corresponds to different levels at different stages of growth. Most of us reach the first and second stages, a few people enter the third stage, and few people can go through the fourth stage. It would be great if children could enter the third stage under our guidance. Of course, the premise is that parents' consciousness level must be able to reach the third stage.

Third, the significance of self-worth in parenting education.

There is a great difference between children's sense of self-worth and adults' sense of self-worth: we adults have a sense of self-worth, and we can consciously adjust it to gain self-confidence and self-love through our own affirmation, recognition and dialogue, although it is difficult to adjust. The establishment of children's self-worth is in a very passive position. It can even be said that most of the children's self-worth is decided by their parents. If he can get enough respect, trust, love and acceptance from his parents, then he can build up enough self-worth, and only when this self-worth is built up can he really wake up internally. If a child cannot establish these self-values, then his inner self is empty, completely in a superficial state, or even an empty shell. Without the trust of parents, children can't build self-confidence. Because without self-confidence, he can't choose himself, he can't be responsible for himself, and he can't do anything slightly challenging. He is very afraid of competition. He is afraid of failing in the competition. He has no confidence to achieve his goal and live a happy life. Therefore, parents should consciously build self-worth with their children. If our parents have no self-awareness, we will intentionally or unintentionally belittle their children's self-worth, and their children will be in a state of low self-worth for a long time.

Fourthly, children with low self-worth may have mental health problems when they grow up.

1) The values of "I am not as good as others" and "I am not worthy" are deeply imprinted in his mind, and he will suffer from mental illness such as depression and anxiety. 2) When people with low self-worth become adults, they are very afraid of each other's departure, abandonment and strong dependence in intimate relationships (marriage, friends, colleagues, top-down leaders) and various interpersonal relationships. 3) People with extreme self-worth will commit compulsive suicide and hurt themselves, and have all kinds of self-destructive thoughts, plans and actions.

Verb (abbreviation for verb) The behavior pattern of children with low self-worth when they grow up.

People who are seriously lacking in self-worth either show off their own strength or try to reduce the strength of others. Their behavior patterns can be divided into four types: 1. They will readily agree to anything, like to brag and exaggerate, deny mistakes, care nothing, show off their wealth, status and pursue material enjoyment. Teenagers like to be aggressive, make trouble and deliberately break the rules. 2. I like to get something for nothing and increase my strength with small fights. Illegal fund-raising in society is typical of getting something for nothing. And gambling, this is a typical behavior of insufficient self-worth, because gambling is to be small and broad. 3. You will do things that hurt, destroy and slander others. Because they can belittle others, just like themselves, these people like to gossip, play tricks on others, spread rumors and slander, criticize, accuse and deny others unscrupulously with the help of language violence, and are unwilling to affirm others, and even more unwilling to accept others' kindness to themselves. This is a very typical manifestation of their lack of self-worth. 4. This is called self-transcendence. Often through some other ways to make up for the improvement of self-worth, such as appearance, money, knowledge, degree, social status, as well as the status of spouse and showing off friends, through these to make up for themselves.

6. If parents improve their children's sense of self-worth?

How to let children build themselves? Then you must first establish self-boundaries for your children. Many children have no ego at all. A very important reason is that in the process of children's growth, parents did not help their children to establish their own boundaries. It can even be said that their boundaries are often trampled by their parents. Without boundaries, there is no self, no self-awareness, no self-worth. The so-called self-boundary is a person's psychological boundary. According to this boundary, we have determined who we are and what I should be responsible for. If life is a garden, then the boundary is the soil in the garden.

What is the typical performance of a child as an adult when he lacks boundaries? 1. Can't say the 2nd. I can't stand waiting for the reward of being late. 3. Poor execution, unable to complete the target task. Being responsible for others is a typical plot to save the world and help others. 5. There are always problems in the interaction of intimate relationships, and it is impossible to get true love. 6. It is the victim's mentality and always feels hurt. Therefore, our core key is to establish self-boundaries for children.

How do we establish self-boundaries for our children? Step one: stop hitting children. We use the identity and authority of the father or mother to beat the child, which is essentially a serious violation of his physical and psychological boundaries. Because he will feel that his body has no boundaries and he can't control himself. He is worthless and can be beaten by you and violated by his parents at any time. In this way, you will not be able to establish your own physical boundaries, nor will you care for your body from the heart. Realizing that one's body is inviolable is a necessary condition for establishing a sense of boundaries. At the same time, there is another completely opposite situation, which is to spoil children too much and do everything. Bathing, dressing, feeding and packing are all for children, especially some parents are chasing after them. If you want your children to build themselves, don't raise them as disabled people. Children will naturally eat when they are hungry. The reason why he doesn't want to eat now is because he just ate a lot of snacks. It is most important to establish good eating habits. These are small details that make children lose their self-boundaries. Psychological and physical separation from parents is the key point for children to grow up. The most effective way to help children establish boundaries is to clarify the cause and effect of behavior, clarify self-responsibility and attach importance to autonomy. Let him know who he is. Know what kind of responsibility you should bear, have the ability to make choices, and bear all kinds of results brought by choices. Make it clear that you can take care of your life without borrowing others' hands. Only by establishing a child's self-boundary, can he have self-awareness, and with self-awareness, can he have self-value. This is a very strict logical relationship. Please parents. Be careful! ! ! (self-boundary > self-awareness > self-worth)

Then the second step to improve self-worth is to improve self-confidence and build a high degree of self-confidence, self-esteem and self-love for children. Self-worth includes three parts: self-esteem, self-love and self-confidence. Self-esteem means respecting yourself, self-love means loving yourself, and self-confidence means believing in yourself.

What is the first step to respect children? We should learn to listen. When a child is five to ten years old, he will express his views on something or he has some needs of his own, and he will say it. Many times, when he speaks, many of our parents may be communicating with other adults, or they may be doing things, even playing with their mobile phones and thinking about things. Our parents basically don't respond, even if they respond, they are absent-minded, don't listen to their children, and even teach them "What are adults talking about?" They ignore the child's needs, and the child is very upset, so he cries, which is a typical disrespect for the child. Many parents will respect an adult, why not respect a child? We will smile patiently at a stranger, why not give our children a good face? Why do we disrespect and distrust people the closer we get to them? The fundamental reason is that we find our own shadow in children, who are our projections, and the shortcomings presented in children are actually our own shortcomings. When you see your own shortcomings, your heart is very unacceptable, so we will continue to express our anger to our children. In fact, the deep reason is that we are not satisfied with ourselves! We should respect children's expression and their psychological needs. Only when we respect children enough can children really learn to respect themselves, and only when children learn to respect themselves can they respect others. This is a virtuous circle.

Self-confidence means believing in your own ability. A person has the ability to do something, and needs to be affirmed in time after doing it. Only the ability to be affirmed in time can form self-confidence, so when your child needs your timely affirmation in the process of doing or doing something, he can only be confident if he is affirmed. So we should start with improving children's self-confidence. A child's self-worth first comes from the evaluation of others, and the most important thing is the evaluation of parents. Through children's affirmation and confirmation, let children have a correct self-evaluation and realize that they can do it. Then the only way is to let children do more things, participate in more activities, experience more life, constantly improve and accumulate their ability to do things, and enhance their self-confidence. Because he has done one thing, constantly affirming himself and forming a virtuous circle, his self-worth will continue to rise. The universal formula to improve self-confidence is: do more+do+timely affirmation = self-confidence. So we must find out what the child is doing in time with an observing eye. Did you do it? We do it in time in order to affirm him and form self-confidence. (Universal formula for improving self-confidence: doing things+doing things+timely affirmation = self-confidence)

A child's self-love comes from his parents' unconditional love for him. Unconditional love is simple to say, but how many people can do it? Is it difficult? What kind of behavior do many parents take towards their children? They just reward and punish them. You meet my expectations, you meet the best social rules I think, I will reward you, I will appreciate you, I will agree with you, and I will give you what you want. If I ask you to do something and you don't do it, I hope you go in this direction. If you don't go, then I will punish you, belittle you, threaten you, and even sanction you. Because you are not what I thought, I pointed out the best direction for you. Why don't you go in my direction? Why don't you listen to me? I did it for your own good. Don't you know? If you meet this requirement, I love you. If you don't meet this requirement, I'm sorry, I don't love you. Yes, that's why so many children have low self-worth and can't love themselves. I have repeatedly stressed that our parents must give their children unconditional love, unconditional trust and unconditional respect. Why do children need these? Because he really doesn't have the ability to survive on his own, all his survival bases come from his parents. I am his only protection and dependence. He can't jump out of this environment. He can't leave. He can't leave this environment. If one day he thinks he can live independently, he will run away from home for the first time because he is really fed up. Therefore, our parents should not exchange their children's survival, really not. Don't threaten children at every turn. If you don't behave yourself, get out. If you don't listen, I won't give you food. Why are we China people not creative? All children's personalities have been obliterated by this way of discipline. Raising and educating children is the responsibility of parents. Therefore, as parents, the most important thing is to give their children unconditional love, unlimited respect and unlimited trust.

Parents should be able to accept their children's emotions. Parents must learn to accept their children's emotional venting and expression. When children show negative emotions such as anger, disgust and fear, if parents criticize and suppress them, children will be troubled by self-critical thinking when they grow up. They will think, "What I did was wrong" and "How stupid was I to do this?" I shouldn't lose my temper. "Children who are not accepted only allow their own good side. Not accepting their own bad side, such children dare not take risks, dare not try boldly, are very afraid of failure, always worry about what others think of them, will suffer from obsessive-compulsive disorder, find fault with others, easily see their own shortcomings and pursue perfection.

Some parents whisper about my children in their hearts, which is very uncooperative. If you want him to face east, he will face west. If you want him to do this, he will do it. If you let him ride a horse, he will ride an ox. Where is there so much patience? Our parents have a lot of things to do, and they have a lot of things to be busy. He just wants to achieve his goal. Won't this spoil his temper? If you don't want to do it, you'll just cry. Otherwise, you will roll on the ground, so you don't follow the rules. You can't go to heaven when you grow up. What did you say?/Sorry? This situation is really common, which is also the core problem of many parents and children. The solution is this.

Some children are in a good mood. If they don't give him anything or get what they want, they will cry, right? Many parents will talk to their children politely at first, but the children just won't listen. What should they do?

The first is to determine whether the nature of the child's crying will achieve his goal. Do you cry temporarily or periodically? If it is temporary, for example, you don't wear rain boots and don't want to go out, first of all, you must insist until the child knows that the choice is hers. For example, she didn't have breakfast, didn't need to eat for a while, or played for too long while eating, indicating that the baby was not hungry and the meal was about to be taken away. With the natural result method, the child can clearly see the causal relationship, and he can decide whether to want A or B first.

If it is a periodic crying and the crying problem appears repeatedly, it must be like this: set the rules and stick to them gently.

Setting rules allows children to understand the causal relationship of things and can predict the future. Rules should be made in consultation with children to avoid unilateral decisions by parents. Once the rules are made, they should be adhered to and implemented consistently. Some families make rules for their children, but when children cry, some parents compromise and regress, so this situation is worse than no rules, because it sends a message to children that "rules can be changed in the case of crying", thus strengthening children's crying behavior.

Gentle persistence includes two aspects: emotional support and obedience to boundaries. Emotional support is to be able to empathize with children, understand the feelings of respected children, and allow them to accept their own emotional expressions; And observing the border means that everything is still in accordance with the rules. Our parents should learn to accept any emotional happiness, sadness, anger and pain of their children while obeying the rules. If a child's emotions are ignored, he will feel worthless, and subconsciously he will form such thoughts as "I am not good enough", "I am not worthy of attention" and "I am worthless". Children's high sense of self-worth comes from their parents' unconditional acceptance of his emotions, thus establishing the following belief: no matter how I behave, they all love me and I am valuable. When children grow up, they are not afraid of failure and dare to try everything possible. Love him as he is, not as you wish. Love him as he is, not as you wish.

16 Necessary elements to supplement children's self-worth: 1. Be needed? 2. being responded? 3. being seen? 4. be recognized? 5. being taken care of? 6. being taken care of? 7. be understood? 8. Be trusted. Affirmed 10. Appraised 1 1. Accepting 12 Be followed 13. Appreciated 14. Respected 15. Thank you very much 16. Be treated fairly.

Finally, the fastest and most powerful way to improve children's sense of self-worth is to supplement the sixteen essential elements of the second level of children's sense of self-worth: being needed, being responded, being seen, being recognized, being cared for, being understood, being trusted, being affirmed, being valued, being accepted, being cared for, being appreciated, being treated fairly and being responsive.

For example, being needed is an important psychological need, but our parents almost never consider that a child has the need to be needed. When a child is needed by an adult, he will feel the greatness of his young life. Only when he is needed, he will feel his own value, and valuable people will have vitality. But in real life, how do we do it? Don't let children do this, and don't let children do that. They will only say to their children, "Have you finished your homework? Read a book! " "I can only play games." "You don't have to intervene, you can't do it well!" "If you study well, your grades are like everything." The spark that children need in their hearts is always extinguished invisibly by our parents, and children will feel that the value of their existence is: getting high marks in key schools. For some people who can't get into college, some children commit suicide after getting into college. Why? Because he feels worthless. Some parents are too kind to their children, often depriving them of their survival instinct and ability to work. Let children play when it is time to play, and wash socks when it is time to wash, so that children can know to do different things at different times. In order to let children feel the value, parents should create opportunities and work together to do one thing, which will bring high-quality satisfaction and sense of accomplishment to children and cultivate the habit of doing what they can. Accompanied by children is not a child sitting next to a mobile phone, but a child with a tablet. Accompanying children means inviting them to come into their own lives and enjoy them. Both adults and children can be needed by others and feel their own value strongly. Parents who love their children often deliberately show their weakness in front of their children, thus giving them the opportunity to be needed and create value. Therefore, as parents, we must learn to change, and don't always regard ourselves as mountains and children as fragile grass. Change your position, your change will make your child grow into a mountain, and your weakness will make your child grow into a big umbrella to shelter from the wind and rain.

If you want to destroy the child's self-worth, you only need to take away these sixteen elements, and the child's self-worth will collapse immediately and doubt life immediately. This is the child's following behavior. What kind of behavior? Isolation, abandonment, indifference, non-response, neglect, jealousy, persecution, abuse, misunderstanding, misinterpretation, doubt, denial, contempt, rejection, neglect, denial, blame, trample, belittle and injustice. Please sit down and see if you often exercise the above behaviors on your children intentionally or unintentionally. Do our parents actually love their children? We all love each other very much, but the way we express ourselves always backfires. We have accumulated so many family and social problems from generation to generation. This is our human experience. We must correct our behavior through knowledge and knowledge, thus breaking the cycle. Of course, when some children grow up to a certain stage, they will enter a state of awakening because of some opportunities to learn and understand the truth of life. When a child is fully awake, his self-worth will no longer be affected by these external substances, status, reputation and any elements, nor will it affect his self-worth. My existence is valuable, which is the highest state of self-worth. We don't need much support.

I sincerely hope that parents can adhere to the universal values of fairness and equality, capture the sixteen elements of children's needs by being kind to friends and strangers, and build self-confidence, self-esteem, self-love and self-acceptance for their children from the heart, so that children can have a high sense of self-worth and let our children really walk calmly, confidently and independently in the world. Don't forget that we were all children once. May children be treated gently by the world!