I myself received frequent and tenacious indifference education in my childhood, and some bad experiences led to an indifferent childhood.
It can be said that the change of temperature is the best clue to sum up my life stage before graduation from junior high school. Regarding the form of education that is indifferent to me, at the beginning, my parents were indifferent to me and clearly pointed out that I was a burden. They don't want to care about and help me, but they are reluctant to help me. They also said that they would break up with me when I was an adult, and at the same time dragged me to prevent me from being friends with other children. The reason is that children tend to be indifferent to me, and they will stop paying attention to me because of my poor grades and tell me that they and their children can only choose one. Later, I experienced some setbacks and tried to seek the care, understanding and support of others, but these were not available. Instead, I was criticized and laughed at by them, thus completely closing my heart.
But they asked me to reopen it. I am really disappointed.
I don't know when I started. I refused to care again and again, pushed away the opportunity and ignored others. As a result, I didn't have any friends in kindergarten, and I was bullied and complained many times without results. When I was in primary school, my friends seldom didn't know how to cherish and left several times. At the same time, because friends are rarely bullied by classmates, they still complain many times without results. I told my parents about it, and I also educated my classmates and club partners. I can't make friends with such people because of my poor quality. Only when I get good grades can I get care and love ... If I get bad grades, they won't even look at me. In fact, they are very cold. I had the same idea, and I don't care. At that time, I also understood that my classmates and club partners did have some quality problems, so I pushed them away and formed a very single and one-sided value.
Even so, I occasionally feel lonely when I watch other students play friendly.
When I was in junior high school, I was still very cold, impersonal and almost unsociable. I had to hide when I saw my classmates and teachers. Of course, this is also beneficial. I get more time to concentrate on my studies, and I often rank in the upper-middle class, so I don't need much effort. Moreover, playing games also brings me a lot of happiness. Although I look cold at school, I am a chatterbox in the game, and I keep talking to my intimate friends. I was described as a machine gun. Later, in order to prepare for the senior high school entrance examination, I was not allowed to associate with these good friends at home, nor was I allowed to play games online. My grades are still in the middle and upper reaches, and I can't satisfy them very much. Years of loneliness have gradually entangled me, and I feel that I am gradually drying up.
I have always felt lonely since I was very young. How long ago did it start? I don't really remember. Loneliness gradually penetrated into my heart and bone marrow, but there was nothing I could do. The courage to take the first social step is becoming less and less intermittent. People I don't care about gradually start to envy me; The people I once despised have gradually become my friends (although some of them still have advantages, the relationship is still very good now ... At that time, my evaluation criteria for others were only grades, and the poor grades were directly despised, which was very one-sided). Sometimes in order to make them listen to what I say, to make them respect me, to make them care about me, and to make them look at me, I do not hesitate to make my own efforts. Money, time, even my emotional attitude, the value of existence can be abandoned. Because in my eyes at that time, it didn't matter. I live by my achievements. I hope I can get good grades in the exam so that my parents can care more about me. I am free to buy new clothes, like cartoon characters, play games for fun, and even pursue my dreams (now give up pinching). Students will appreciate me more, ask me to help them solve problems, borrow homework from each other (don't imitate), and take the initiative to come to me as friends. In fact, after working hard day and night, I did it. However, my values still revolve around achievement. Later, I pushed away my friends, even my parents and teachers who wanted to help me too much ... as long as my inner thoughts remain unchanged, these are inevitable. So, I am lonely again. However, although I have suffered retribution and inner pain, I have nothing to complain about.
I have a roommate and classmate named C, whose attitude towards people is just the opposite of mine. She is outgoing, lively and radiant, and I envy her very much. I am jealous of her, obviously her grades are not as happy as mine; I am jealous of her, obviously her grades are not as good as mine and she still receives so much concern; I am jealous of her, obviously her grades are not as good as mine, and she is freer than me. But I was indifferent, I didn't understand at that time, because I couldn't get those things, because I was isolated inside; Because you don't open your heart, you can't get the understanding of others; Because you don't care about him, you can't get others' care (eva body hhh). Her existence is seriously inconsistent with my three views at that time and subversive. I hated her at that time, because even if I got good grades, I couldn't be as free and happy as her. At this time, my parents began to care about other people's children and repeatedly told me to be as optimistic and cheerful as her outgoing sunshine, while affirming her future and denying mine. She robbed me of the opportunity to perform singing programs on the stage for eight consecutive years; There is more than one suite and car at home, and clothes are bought casually; When she moved to the dormitory, almost all her family came and said to her, "Look, W (I) folded the quilt and packed things by myself, but C, you didn't realize that you wanted someone to help you manage things, and you had to drive your family back." I have to sort out a mountain of personal belongings in a short time, so my family won't come. I have to push such a heavy thing from the dormitory building to the school gate in the scorching sun and take a taxi. After an hour and a half by car, I will push them all downstairs and move them to the sixth floor. This is the warm concern of the other parents, but I find it ironic to listen to it myself. Of course, there are many aspects worthy of my envy, and there are many contrasting stories. I won't talk about them here. In short, I am psychologically gloomy, and she also has some shortcomings. Later, it was my fault that the two sides turned against each other, but I don't regret it (it's even worse if you don't turn your face, you will turn your face if you can't turn it over, and you will miss Zisha if you can't turn it over). If I can be less indifferent, but give myself more experiences, understand the true meaning of human feelings, and pursue love and freedom earlier, not just achievements, I will be happier than before.
Then my mental state became worse and worse. I can't learn and communicate, and my kindness is not cherished by others. I try to understand and care about others, but no one does this to myself. So I gradually became disappointed in socializing and gave up socializing. Later, I also gave up my parents (because I later realized that grades were not the only criterion for getting love, they just didn't want to care about and understand me, and they also instilled wrong values in me, so I hated them) and even gave up myself. However, I don't want to move around like a withered flower every day. So, I observed people around me, studied psychology, went online to see a doctor (most paying parents can see my Alipay consumption records, and when I transferred money to others, I began to swear, many of them were free and could not get effective treatment), looking for chicken soup and learning methods, but it was useless. Because my fundamental problem was not solved, I was really like a mental illness (I think it was just that I didn't see a doctor and encountered symptoms), I couldn't find my goal in life, lacked self-confidence, was emotional, maliciously speculated on other people's ideas, and wanted to chop people up and destroy myself. Playing games secretly and watching movies have become one of my few pleasures (music, food, beautiful scenery, talking about cats and reading books). I almost got caught several times. I thought I wouldn't die first, but I didn't dare to die (wait until the opera is updated next week to play games). Although I live in pain, I am glad that I have lived to this day. I met many netizens in the game, but because of my poor physical and mental state, playing the game is very pit. Although the quality of some netizens needs to be improved, there are still friends who don't care that I am easy to play games among scammers, friends who want to contact me actively, and friends who are in the online time of anti-addiction, rain or shine, which makes me very moved and even becomes my reason to live. There are true feelings in the world, and I'm glad to understand this (writing about crying). Later, I saw jojo and got some inspiration. I am also thinking about improving my grades and connecting with others. But I still have questions in my heart, but after countless hard thoughts, I still haven't got an answer. It was not until I saw eva that I found that the characters in it really resembled me! ! ! Shinji, Xiangxiang and Lili's attitude towards people and the problems they face can all be reflected in me. Every important exam seems to be a life-and-death duel under great pressure, just like eva drivers and headquarters facing the apostles. Shinji, like me, only regards career as the meaning of living.
If you can't do this, won't people become machines? Lily said: What is the sky? What is land? What is a cloud? What is a baby? What is a job? You can live without tasks and orders, and then follow your curiosity to explore the answers to these questions. This is life. I hope good morning, good afternoon and good evening. I hope to keep learning, enrich and perfect my heart and human form. I hope to experience my work with passion and enjoy my life with fun. I hope to be with the boy I like.
At least, be a man. "So please look at me", I have had this feeling, expecting others' attention and understanding, and even thinking that if someone is willing to listen to me patiently, instead of directly accusing me of emitting negative energy; Seeing that my tears are comforting instead of complaining, insulting and laughing, and maybe touching my head, I am very happy and satisfied.
So, for a while, I often fantasized that I would enter the second dimension to save the world, be praised and loved by everyone, or live an ordinary and happy life with love and understanding. Dream is the continuation of reality, reality is the end of dream, and one's own truth is based on the connection with others. After watching eva, I accepted my imperfections, allowed myself to make mistakes, and began to face the reality and establish the truth.
When I became no longer easy to refuse others, began to maintain relationships, and even took the initiative to make friends, I found that I was no longer lonely. When I see the flowing Yun He, the bright rosy clouds and dazzling stars in the sky; Seeing my friend's warm smile, I suddenly took out a bunch of flowers from behind and said to me, "Dog King, thank you for your hard work, congratulations on your graduation ~"; See wonderful plots and grand scenes in books and cartoons; Seeing someone encouraging me, he said that he wanted to stand behind me all the time ... the universe is vast, time and space are infinite, and life is meaningless, but it is these wonderful experiences that give life endless meaning and color.
It turns out that the world is so beautiful. But in the process of establishing reality, I met some practical problems.
It's been so many years since I refused others, and my social skills have already degenerated to the original level.
"Don't misunderstand others" is really easier said than done. I often deduct one or two points when I think of comprehension questions in Chinese reading. For example, in the story of Wang Xizhi and the goose, I think that the old lady's killing of the goose is not a misunderstanding that Wang Xizhi wants to eat the goose, but a cruel act like "since I can't get the goose, you can't have it"; Mulan didn't increase her rank and rank, not because she didn't want fame and fortune, but because she was afraid of being found to be a woman and being beheaded for deceiving and confusing the king, and so on. So now I am trying very hard to understand the literal meaning of what others say, instead of trying to decipher it.
I don't know how to express myself at the same time. What I say, what I type, and even some social decisions (such as who to play with, what questions to ask as a topic, how to answer words, etc. Sometimes I don't quite agree with my own mind, which is easy to cause misunderstanding. "think twice before you act", sometimes you think about it and can't think of a satisfactory result. There is also my lack of observation and sensitivity. I have been watching videos of political struggle and chat teaching, summing up some experiences. Hey, take your time! ,
Just like the boy in question, losing an opportunity to hold an umbrella because of indifference education is "indifferent to the kindness and help of others." Without an umbrella in the heavy rain, he is likely to catch a cold and get sick, and even be mistaken for COVID-19 patient because of fever 14 days.
The cost of this behavior is obviously far greater than overcoming social fears and accepting the help of umbrellas. Many things can't be done by one person. This boy is unwilling to help others, and he is unwilling to accept others' help. At this rate, there will be many things he can't do. Even if some of his abilities are outstanding and he doesn't touch the society, he is likely to disappear from everyone, or even his personality is imperfect (lack of full contact and interaction with others) ... If he realizes the problem, actively contacts the society and avoids indifferent education, then he will become.
If we still insist on indifferent education, then he will be isolated and isolated from the rest of society, and his psychological needs can only be met unevenly. In the long run, all kinds of psychological problems, mental disorders and physical diseases are more likely to appear on him than others, which is not good.
The solution, as mentioned above, is to let ta get in touch with the society, establish contact with others or make money and have fun on the premise of protecting children.