With the popularization of education in China, parents are generally highly educated and pay more attention to education. Children's education has received unprecedented attention and even been magnified. Paying attention to children's education is a good thing, but the frequency of anxiety and worry must be adjusted. Children are natural observers. Their language ability is weak, but they have strong sensitivity and observation. The emotions of parents and teachers will directly affect their growth.

The current situation is: some parents are very patient and responsible, and their daily companionship is what others call "spoiled children"; Some parents think that "a loving mother often defeats her child" and strict discipline of her children has brought out an inactive but well-behaved child; There are also parents whose education methods are not uniform, and the red face and white face cooperate with each other, so that children are sometimes obedient and sometimes furious; There are few free-range children, and parents don't accompany their children, which makes them feel insecure and unable to adapt to the new environment. ...

Many parents are wondering why the problem of education is getting more and more serious today when more and more attention is paid to education. When we were young, we didn't have so many ideas and methods. Didn't we grow up well? What's the problem? As the title of the chapter "Positive Discipline" says, "I am neither strict nor arrogant. What should I do?"

? Paying attention to children's education is the progress of mankind.

Many parents will compare their childhood with their children now. On this issue, I really want to say that society is progressing and so is mankind. Everyone is born with the nature of pursuing Excellence and progress, and human beings are fighting against inferiority and seeking their sense of belonging and value in this life. So compared with the past, it is absolutely meaningless. All education has the characteristics of the times and needs to cultivate future-oriented social adults. Children are not the "private property" of parents. Every parent assumes social responsibility from the moment he becomes a parent. It is both an obligation and a responsibility to cultivate a person who can adapt to society in the future. Adler said in Children's Personality Education: "No child should put all his interests and attention on his mother, because what a mother should do most is to extend her children's interests and trust to other peers." Parents are also a profession, because they have the mission and responsibility to train future people for society. Any occupation needs targeted study and training. Therefore, attaching importance to education is the basic accomplishment of attaching importance to parents' profession. Now the profession of parents is called "parenting".

Everything is difficult at the beginning, even mixed fish and dragons. When a large number of foreign theories hit, parents' anxiety can be easily exploited. The problem of education is magnified in this anxiety and worry, and there will be more and more negative news about children's education, resulting in more worries and even fears. In this case, the love, freedom and positive energy that children need most for growth are deprived.

I have come into contact with many educational methods and theories, and what I appreciate and recognize most is positive discipline. On the one hand, I have been "cured" by Adler's individual psychology. On the other hand, my way of treating children is to treat them as equal people. Many times I communicate with my children as equal friends, and it turns out that they really like this way of communication. I like positive discipline, attach importance to the sociality of education, respect people and situations, and have a kind and firm attitude.

Four Standards of Positive Discipline and Effective Discipline

1. Do kindness and firmness go hand in hand (respect and encouragement for children)

2. Does it help children to have a sense of belonging and value? (spiritual bond)

3. Is it effective for a long time? Punishment is effective in the short term, but it has long-term negative effects.

4. Can you teach children valuable social skills and life skills and cultivate their good character? Respect others, care about others, be good at solving problems, dare to take responsibility, and be willing to contribute and cooperate.

Respect is the premise of children's education

"Positive discipline is a method that is neither strict nor arrogant. How is this method different from other methods of discipline? When one of them is different, positive discipline will not bring shame to children who drink adults. Positive discipline is based on mutual respect and cooperation. Positive discipline combines kindness and firmness, and takes this as the cornerstone to cultivate children's various life abilities on the basis of self-control. "

Three aspects of positive discipline: respect for children, respect for oneself and respect for situations.

"Those controlling parents often blame their children for being irresponsible, but they don't realize that they are cultivating their children to be irresponsible. The same arrogance is also teaching children to be irresponsible, because children and adults have given up their responsibilities. One of the most important concepts to understand positive discipline is that children are more willing to abide by the rules they participate in making. When children learn to be members who contribute to their families, classes and society, they will become efficient decision makers with a healthy self-concept. This is an important long-term effect that positive discipline should achieve. "

Therefore, when we educate children, we must practice respect. Respect is not doting and conniving, but the key to truly combining kindness and firmness.

Respect includes respect for children, respect for oneself and respect for the situation.

● Respect yourself.

Now most parents can really 100% respect their children but forget to respect themselves. It is very important that we can't let children disrespect themselves. This kind of education can make children have the quality of respecting others and adapt to the future social environment. I want to put respect for myself first, because I see more mothers forget to respect themselves and take care of their feelings. People are equal, so are adults and children. We need to respect and love ourselves at all times. Believe me, as long as we do it, the children will do it. Many times, the mother's blind concession and connivance will make the child who instinctively respects others become the overlord who has always challenged adults.

Don't let children disrespect themselves, not punish them. We can't guarantee that everyone around us will respect us, but we should respect ourselves, which is also setting an example for our children.

As the book Positive Discipline says, "Honey, I'm sorry you're so angry. I respect your feelings, but I can't accept what you just did. In the future, whenever you don't respect me, I will walk away for a while. I love you and want to be with you, so when you think you can show respect, just tell me, and I'll be happy to find other ways to deal with your anger with you. Then, we can focus on finding a solution that respects both of us. "

There is an old saying in China that "If you add wings to a tiger, you will grow old with your son". In fact, behind this, the father is setting an example for the children. The dignity and even majesty of the father was unshakable in ancient society, and this great respect for himself also made the children see the importance of respecting themselves. Similarly, they will respect others. However, if everything goes too far, too much respect for yourself will lead to power, and children will easily get no respect. So respect now includes not only respect for yourself, but also respect for children and situations.

● Respect children.

The importance of kindness lies in respect for children. However, many parents confuse kindness with doting after learning positive discipline. Arrogance brought by impunity is another kind of disrespect.

Be kind to children to please them or not to disappoint them. This is not kindness, this is arrogance. Kindness means respecting your children and yourself. To spoil children is to disrespect them. It is disrespectful not to let children have any disappointment, and it deprives them of the opportunity to cultivate their ability to resist setbacks. Expressing your understanding of your child in words is respect for your child: "I can see that you are disappointed (or angry, upset, etc.). ). "Then, I believe that children can bear setbacks and cultivate confidence in themselves, which is also respect for children.

What children need is not the satisfaction and love of their parents all the time. They also hope that they can achieve something, learn something and become excellent like adults. I can see that children often want to eat by themselves, go to the toilet by themselves and tidy things by themselves, just because they can't do these things for a long time. Therefore, many children choose to shrink back, cry and spoil. Everything stems from my incompetence. If you really respect children, then please believe that children have the ability of "I can do it" and really let them exercise, face setbacks and be full of courage!

The same applies to parents. I hope we can respect and trust our children and let them grow up bravely.

"Once children are deprived of confidence in the future, they will retreat in reality and pursue some useless and useless things in life as compensation. The most sacred duty of educators, or what they should do most, is to ensure that every child will not lose courage and let those students who lose courage regain their confidence through correct education. This is the unshirkable responsibility of every educator, because only by making children full of hope and courage for the future can our education succeed. "

● Respect the situation.

Respecting the situation is the key to gradually cultivate children's sociality. Because people have many restrictions in society, how to accept and abide by some reasonable restrictions is the core of a person's literacy education. "I am like this!" Aizaza! "There are many adults in this heart, and so must their descendants. Personality is the core of creativity, not synonymous with lack of education.

Parents and children should respect the situation, such as: don't make loud noises in public places, don't interfere with others, don't beat and scold others, put things back in their original places and so on. These all need children to abide by and respect. Because we have the responsibility of guardianship for our children, there must be various restrictions on their lives. We can't "do whatever we want" to respect ourselves or children. It is necessary to know that the purpose of undertaking the responsibility of implementing restrictions is to ensure the safety of children and to adapt children to society. How to make children establish a sense of rules and implement the set restrictions requires the use of various tools for active discipline.

An effective method is to involve children in the process of formulating and implementing restrictions. Incorporate respect into everything in life.

"For example, we can brainstorm together and restrict children from watching TV, going out to play at night or doing homework. Let children participate in the discussion (which means that children should talk more than you, at least as much as you) why restrictions are important, what restrictions are needed, and what responsibilities everyone should bear when implementing these restrictions. "

If children understand the necessity of setting restrictions and their responsibilities in them, and participate in setting restrictions on this basis, they will be more willing to abide by them.

Patient parents don't take the time to communicate with their children. Don't punish or preach when children violate the restrictions. We should continue to respect children. It is the key moment of education to let children express their ideas more and guide them in time. As parents, it is difficult to command children without standing at the commanding heights, and it is difficult to serve children without standing at their feet. Since we have the responsibility to cultivate a new generation in the new era, we must master and learn new educational methods and skills. This is the common mission of parents and educators.

I hope that parents and educators can realize their own growth while accompanying their children to grow up, and each of us can become richer and stronger in a loving environment.

I hope that the child's growth process will get enough respect, get enough courage, and have a strong and anti-frustration heart. I have the ability to be happy all my life, and I have the ability to live according to my own wishes no matter how things change.

I hope you won't be punished or spoiled, and you will always get respect and love with a kind and firm attitude, gain the survival ability you desire and gain more life skills.

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● Kind and firm idioms

It's your turn in a minute.

I know you can show respect for others in another way.

I care about you, and I will wait until we can respect each other.

I know you can come up with a good idea.

Do it, don't say it (for example, ask my child's hand calmly and let the child demonstrate how to do it. )

We'll talk later. Time to get in the car.

(When the child loses his temper in the shop) "Let's leave the shop now and come back later (or tomorrow)."