Learn to understand
Knowing students is the first condition for communication between teachers and students. Knowing every student is a necessary condition for counselors to communicate with students as soon as possible. Because only by understanding the students can we understand them deeply, and on the basis of mutual understanding, we can achieve psychological resonance. This is also the duty of the counselor. Our counselors are not officials, but direct managers of students. So in the eyes of students, we are often condescending, which makes us have a certain gap. In addition, we and students are different in age, growth environment, lifestyle and way of thinking, so it is easy to have differences in understanding. Therefore, when dealing with problems, we are used to solving problems according to our own way of thinking and cognition, and sometimes we will impose our own ideas on students. This further widens the distance between us, which is not conducive to the communication between us and students.
There is a saying in Sun Tzu's Art of War: "Know yourself and know yourself, and you will be invincible." It is necessary to understand all aspects of students, including family background, personality characteristics, ideological status, academic performance, hobbies and so on. Moreover, in the process of communicating with them, if you just stick to the question-and-answer conversation, it is impossible to have a good spiritual communication effect, and it is difficult to really understand them. We should learn to swim among them, such as: carrying out some class activities, in which teachers and students participate together; Or go to the student dormitory after class, really integrate into their daily life, discuss with them and discuss topics of common concern. We should let students feel that the counselor is also a member of the class group and a trusted mentor, so that we can communicate better.
(2) treat it sincerely.
The love of counselors is the fundamental guarantee of communication. Loving students is the core of teachers' professional ethics and the bridge between teachers and students. If teachers can't devote themselves wholeheartedly to their educational objects, how can they communicate with them? Because love can drive counselors to overcome problems in communication with students with maximum patience and tenacity, and at the same time, it can also
Arouse students' sense of closeness and trust in us, so that communication can proceed smoothly. For students, our love is a magical and great power, and it is another kind of great love besides maternal love in the world. This kind of love is selfless. However, teacher's love is different from maternal love, because teacher's love is the blend of reason and mind, and it is a bridge between teachers and students. Sun Tzu once said: "If you treat a chess piece as a baby, you can take it to a deep stream;" Treat a pawn as a son, and you can die with him. "In other words, the general treats foot soldiers like babies, and foot soldiers will go through fire and water with them; Handsome to the foot soldiers is like the apple of your eye, and the foot soldiers live and die with them. This tells us that counselors should treat students as parents treat their children, and they are both strict father and loving mothers. We should not only care about students in every possible way, love them sincerely and trust each other, but also be strict with them and never let go of their shortcomings and mistakes. Suhomlinski said: "The whole secret of education lies in how to care for students." Tao Xingzhi, a famous educator in China, once pointed out: "What is education? Teaching? People? Change? People. Humanized people are also humanized, and the education of love is very important. "As a counselor, we should especially devote sincere love to our students. Only when we treat our students sincerely and let them feel our love for them will they open their hearts, get close to us and trust us. Because education always influences each other, students feel this kind of love and naturally want to communicate with the class teacher or other teachers, so communication is not difficult.
However, it should be emphasized that the following two principles should be implemented in the love for students: first, this kind of love should be unbiased and selfless, not only for a few people, but for all students, and must not be friendly to one side or the other; Second, this kind of love should be rational, and our feelings for students must be able to continuously improve their comprehensive quality. Moreover, this kind of emotion should determine our emotional tendency, expression and discretion according to certain educational purposes, specific environment and students' own characteristics. In short, our love for students should be manifested as love rather than vertical, resentment rather than abandonment. This kind of love can make our education moisten students' hearts like spring rain, and produce a good effect of heart-to-heart harmony and emotional integration between teachers and students, so that we can communicate with students' problems well.
(3) learn to respect
Respect is the premise of effective communication between teachers and students. Because only respect can lead to equality, and only equality can lead to trust. Only with trust can teachers go deep into students' inner world, accurately grasp students' psychological state, communicate with students' hearts, and finally get good results.
1. We should learn to respect students' individuality.
We must regard students as independent people with thoughts, opinions, needs and emotions. We should face up to their existence, understand their wishes, see their efforts and appreciate their achievements. Over time, students will not do anything detrimental to their dignity in order to maintain their personal dignity.
2. Be good at giving students face.
As the saying goes: "people want face, trees want skin." This face refers to people's faces. Everyone has to save face. When encountering embarrassing scenes, everyone will give many reasons to save face for themselves, just to find ways to avoid it.
An embarrassing situation. However, there are not many teachers who are good at giving students face. Some teachers don't get to the bottom of it, sometimes they are too tough and have a bad tone, and sometimes they even criticize students in front of many people. The mood is understandable, but the effect is often not ideal. It is human nature to make mistakes. If when students make mistakes, we don't just criticize them and hurt their self-esteem, but in a different way, we can understand the real reasons, give ourselves a few more minutes to think, then treat them objectively, and finally be able to say a word or two of sympathy to them and understand the attitude of students a little, which will be of great help to alleviate this injury; If we can give more suggestions and less orders when communicating with students, our relationship will be more harmonious. Because the suggested method makes it easy for people to correct their mistakes, it maintains a person's self-esteem, gives them a sense of self-esteem, and urges them to cooperate rather than resist. So be good at giving students face and steps, and students will give you face because they know you understand them.
3. Respect students' parents
Parents are children's first teachers, and their support is important and essential for school education. While respecting students, we should also respect their parents. First of all, different students have different parental status, different positions and different jobs. As teachers, especially counselors, we should not be too poor and love the rich, be enthusiastic about parents with good family conditions, and treat parents with poor family conditions coldly. We should treat things equally and treat others differently. Secondly, because most parents are not experts in educating their children, they tend to go to extremes, either doting on their children or making things worse together. As a teacher, parents should introduce more good ways to educate their children, praise their parents for cooperating with the school to educate their children, and believe that parents will respect you. Facts show that only when teachers sincerely respect their parents and coordinate the relationship between school and family can teachers get strong support from their parents, otherwise, their future work will be full of difficulties.
smile
In interpersonal relationships, the charm of a smile is endless. Teachers should always have a three-point smile on their faces when interacting with students. Only in this way can we leave a good impression on students, and students will feel the respect of teachers and be more willing to accept their education and guidance. "Be a teacher, believe in the way", students like to get in touch with teachers who are warm and amiable and smiling, but hate teachers who look fierce all day. Therefore, we should keep smiling at students. Such a small action can achieve a bumper harvest. Why not? Smile is a kind of mind and an art. Don't be stingy with our smiles and compliments. Even an encouraging look and a knowing smile will make students feel close to us. Now most students are only children and are used to being "little emperors" at home. They are reluctant to accept harsh and blunt preaching. Instead, in a friendly atmosphere, enter what you ask him to do in the form of ordinary dialogue, which is more effective. Therefore, in order to make students like us and trust us, we must learn to smile at them sincerely.
(4) Listen carefully
As a counselor, listening to students attentively and patiently is the most basic requirement for effective communication. There is no real tendency.
Listening will not win the trust of students, nor will it tell us their psychological words and inner feelings. Listening itself shows our understanding and respect for them. If students talk to you, you must listen carefully. Even a person who is full of grievances and grievances, even the most difficult person to deal with, will often "soften" and become reasonable in front of a patient and compassionate audience. No matter how impulsive or angry the scene is, as long as you can listen patiently, the whole atmosphere will ease. After angry or impulsive students express their repressed emotions freely, their psychological pressure is relieved to some extent. And through your careful listening, students feel that their problems have attracted the attention and understanding of teachers, so their spirit has been supported and encouraged. In this case, solving any problem has a good start.
(5) Equal treatment
Fair and equal treatment is the principle that every educator should follow, especially counselors. But it is not easy to do this. As a teacher, it is not difficult to love excellent students, but it is difficult to love poor students.
We should treat students equally, not like them because of their good academic performance, or hate them because of their poor academic performance and bad behavior. If you can't treat each other as equals, you will definitely kiss each other, which is not conducive to the communication of the whole class. On the contrary, it will make relatives have an unhealthy sense of superiority, and the self-esteem of strangers will be seriously damaged, resulting in disunity among classmates. Mr. Tao Xingzhi, a famous educator, once said a famous saying to teachers: "You have Watt under your pointer, Newton in your cold eyes and Edison in your ridicule." This sentence tells us not to look down on the so-called "poor students" in our eyes. With the growth of age, the change of environment and the improvement of our working methods, they will also develop and change. Even if you don't become Watt, Newton or Edison, you should mold them into people who are useful to society.
In a word, education is not just talk. In the process of education, we need love and trust. Only with them can the communication between us and our students be regarded as heartfelt communication. At the same time, our communication with students should be changed from simple preaching to practical activities from the outside to the inside, so that emotion and understanding can interact, and emotion can be promoted to faith, which will become the driving force to improve students' conscious understanding, and finally achieve effective communication and harmonious coexistence with students.