First of all, we should understand that resisting setbacks is a very complicated matter, which is related to children's internal ability, self-confidence, moral character and past experience, as well as external social ties such as family relations, teacher-student relations and peer relations. How do so many factors interact to form frustration resistance? Refer to the picture below, which is a bit complicated. Let's analyze it carefully:

Is it a little confusing to see this picture? I just saw it. I'm a little confused But when I draw on paper. I found its law: self-confidence is the core, and we all know that self-confidence greatly affects children's resistance to setbacks. The biggest factor affecting self-confidence is ability. Careful observation of all the arrows pointing to ability, whether direct or indirect, all come from the same factor → social connection.

Social connection is all the relationships between children and this society, such as parent-child relationship, teacher-student relationship, peer relationship and so on. Let's think about which roles we play directly and which roles we play indirectly in these relationships. It is not difficult to see that only parent-child relationship is directly influenced by our parents.

Therefore, establishing a good parent-child relationship is the basis for improving children's ability to resist setbacks. This is also the premise and core of all parenting.

Second, in addition to grasping the core of parent-child relationship, we can also do the following things to help children build resilience:

1. Allow children to try and make mistakes.

The ability to resist setbacks is not innate. A child with a good ability to resist setbacks must be guided correctly when facing setbacks. Therefore, it is no exaggeration to say that children's ability to resist setbacks is established by us.

Naturally, the ability to resist setbacks must be forged in setbacks. But you must not think that frustration education is to create more setbacks and dig more holes for children.

I mean, you must let go and allow your children to try and make mistakes. For example, when children have the need to dress and eat by themselves. You should encourage your child, not deprive him of his rights for fear that he will not do well.

In these processes, children begin to experience the key anti-frustration path of "ability-confidence-control". In other words, use your own strength to overcome difficulties, do one thing successfully, gain self-confidence, and have the confidence to choose and control your behavior.

We should control our desire to help and wait patiently. It is in this bit by bit that a man who has little resistance to setbacks is forged.

2. Cultivate children's growth thinking.

A child with growth thinking is more frustrated and brave when encountering difficulties. Because what makes him feel a sense of accomplishment is his hard work and persistence, not the result.

Therefore, when we praise children, we praise hard work and process, not characteristics, speed or correctness.

Many parenting coffees recommend toy building blocks, but how many cases are like this: parents are particularly excited to buy them home, but the baby is completely uninterested? Apart from my son's initial observation, I found the entrance to this matter. The most important reason is that I have been using this matter to consciously cultivate his growth thinking.

I wonder if what my son is doing now is better at this age. But one thing is certain, he likes and devotes himself to building blocks. This is a positive cycle: the child's input and enjoyment help him overcome the difficulties in the process; The process of overcoming difficulties brings children a sense of accomplishment; The sense of accomplishment once again urges children to invest, which is a closed loop.

The above is the child's first year's spelling, and I will pay attention to encouraging him to adhere to quality, not effect and pattern. So at present, he is more persistent about this matter, and even regards demolition and reconstruction as a pleasure.

3. Record the moment when children overcome difficulties.

You can use pictures or videos. If you are 18 years old, give your child a photo album full of sense of accomplishment. What does this mean for children?

You can look back at my article "Is your child timid? ",I recorded it in my son's growth album.

In the process of parenting, you can never leave two tools.

1 picture book: I have been looking for a picture book APP to classify picture books according to the quality of children in different dimensions. For example, the ability to resist setbacks, the cultivation of good habits, the cultivation of emotional intelligence ... this will save a lot of trouble and make me easily balance reading.

The second is the game: to find a game that can improve your ability to resist setbacks.

5. I will also consciously record my sense of accomplishment and share it with my children as a story.

For example, you will never know that this article is my second version. It was not saved because of the 1 version. Can you imagine my depression at that time? Holding a can of beer, I insisted on drinking it (wry smile).

My son likes listening to my story very much. Then I have to use it on impulse.

Finally, I want to say: I love you, son, not just saying it. Perhaps only on that day, when you are a parent, will you understand and understand the setbacks that mom and dad have faced and the courage to persevere. I think that might be the best motivation for you.