In the play, the mothers who are closely following the competition, the children's sense of superiority of "rushing to run" and the anxiety of backwardness are all concentrated in these four families.
Gu Jiawei and Lin's family is superior, which continues the traditional mode of "the man is the master outside and the woman is the master inside", because the demand for children is perfect, which leads to great family pressure; Awakening and Xi Bin are both social elites, and they are both caught in the predicament of "extreme anxiety" because of their scattered children. He Jinghua and Jiang Bo got married and gave birth to a second child, but they paid little attention to the children, which was simple and rude. Every day, they flew chickens and dogs at home. Shen Xiaoyan and Xiang Li, divorced at home, hard working, cold family relationship, widowed, sensible children heartbreaking. .........................................................................................................................................
"What kind of parents are you?"
"Is your education really good?"
Between the square inches of the screen, it reflects the reality of people outside the game and causes many people to reflect. Everyone wants to make their children excellent and try their best to create better conditions for their future, but the final result may not be satisfactory. What kind of family, what kind of education, sit in the right place, unconsciously everyone seems to see themselves.
"Traditional control" family
Gu Jiawei and Lin formed a typical family in the traditional sense. This family is dominated by men and women. On the surface, life is rich and there are garden houses. It is very modern. But Gu Jiawei is a male chauvinist, monopolizing power at home, while his wife is a full-time mother at home. She has no right to speak, and her status is not as good as that of a nanny.
This superior family condition was earned by Gu Jiawei through hard work for half his life, and he fought back from poverty. Therefore, he also projected the way of thinking developed through hard work on family life and daughter's education. Control is everywhere in this family. Daughter Xinyue is also the puppet of the couple, which makes people suffocate.
In life, Gu Jiawei, who is in charge of economic power, makes his wife only take care of beauty and look like a pet, but he spits at his wife at the dinner table and barks at his wife at home. Lin Renqi was scolded, but he still had to try his best to please him, and his situation was extremely humble. I never thought that this behavior would subvert my daughter's understanding of family.
In education, Gu Jiawei advocated wolf-like parenting, which not only allowed Lin to stay at home full-time with his daughter and learn various talents. He is also very strict with his daughter. "Only the first one is allowed and the second one is not allowed." Xinyue, who just turned five, was asked by her mother to have temperament, learn dance, piano and small languages, and had no free time. She went to bed at ten o'clock at night because her father scolded her for going to bed early.
Yueyue seems to have all the love of her parents and seems to be excellent. In fact, it has never been really understood and respected. Growing up in a high-pressure environment, she learned to look at her face and lie, but she didn't learn to establish a real emotional connection with her parents.
The controlled children are worried about the future.
Kimberly Bryan said in "You are the best toy for children":
Parents' over-planning of their children's education has only two results. Either children will try their best to escape when they grow up, or children will have similar problems of excessive control when establishing relationships with others. Both futures are not worth the loss for children. Change is what this family must do.
"extremely anxious" family
Wake up and Bin, a couple, have stable jobs and harmonious relations, and are typical elite families. However, the educational concepts of husband and wife are completely different. Dad let his son Wang receive Buddhist education and let him grow up "happily" without restriction. But when I woke up, I found that the result of stocking was disappointing.
Usually, because of their busy work, the couple always give their children to the nanny and go to the open day activities of the kindergarten themselves. When other children show their talents in piano, chess, painting and calligraphy, their king of the children will only fall. In contrast, I woke up and realized that I had done something wrong with my children's stocking education. She can't help thinking that Wang has no talent and can't go to a key primary school, so she has already lost at the starting line.
Awakening started the anxiety mode, trying to get Wang to make up his homework quickly and develop his hobbies. I gave Wang Mai all kinds of picture books and study materials, and also signed up for many remedial classes. She and her husband have been arguing over their children's education, and the whole family is shrouded in an atmosphere of "extreme anxiety".
Because of quick success and instant benefit, the ending is not optimistic. "Anxiety" ruined children's happy experience. He was sent to the best training school in the city by his mother, but he suffered from "stuttering" because of too much study pressure. Awakening also because the family business can not be balanced, was dismissed by the unit, lost his job. At this time, she began to reflect that maybe her son didn't need advanced education.
"Anxiety" parenting is a common problem in many families at present. It is often manifested that parents seem to have sacrificed a lot, but adults and children have no room to breathe. Children who lack happy experience will not grow up, but will wither quickly. In the future, successful people's motivation for learning is definitely not from the stimulation of external anxiety, but from parents' trust in their children.
"second marriage and second child" family
He Jinghua and Jiang Bo are typical families with two marriages and two children. The family's economic conditions are average, and the eldest daughter is alienated from her stepfather, lacking fatherly love and rebellious. My son Philip Burkart was brought up by his grandmother and grandfather. He is spoiled, unruly and naughty, but his greatest advantage is his good psychological quality.
He Jinghua insists on the traditional mother's way of disciplining her children. She always can't control her temper and often gets angry with her children. And jiang bo, because of her son-in-law, is not respected by her family and has no right to speak. This family is full of chickens and dogs, and the family relationship is also very tense.
In education, the mother stubbornly believes that the eldest daughter's going to college is the best way out, and the failure of the college entrance examination forces her daughter to go to a review class. Regardless of the child's personal interests, she later found that her daughter's favorite is singing and dancing, so she secretly signed up for a song and dance class. His son Philip Burkart didn't respect his parents and elders, and because he was difficult to manage, he quit the training class many times.
A family that lacks rules and respect is the most terrible. Children who grow up in such an environment will eventually become "Xiong Haizi" if they let their nature develop and have no fear psychologically.
"Family Education" once said: "Freedom with rules is called liveliness, and freedom without rules is called licentiousness." If children want to grow into big trees in the future, they should be given a good framework from the beginning. Let them grow in the direction of light.
Respect is a mutually beneficial thing in family life. Only when parents respect their children can they let them know how to find themselves. Only when children respect their parents can they have smooth communication, empathy, empathy and empathy in future interpersonal communication.
Widowed family
The last couple, Shen Xiaoyan and Xiang Li, have the worst relationship among all couples. This family has ordinary material conditions and complicated family relations. When the two divorced, the custody of the child went to the unreliable father. In order to take care of the children, Shen Xiaoyan was forced to live under the same roof as her ex-husband.
Shen Xiaoyan has no education and no skills. She endured extortion and harassment from her ex-husband every day, and she also held three part-time jobs. Dad, Xiang Li, there is nothing but a school district. He is lazy and only knows to have fun. Having a father is equivalent to being widowed, and he doesn't care about his children's health or their studies. He stole Shen Xiaoyan's money to gamble, encouraged his ex-wife to make mistakes, and ignored his child when he was ill.
His son, Li, saw his mother's hard work and his father's absurdity and inaction. The boy witnessed his parents' unhappy marriage and learned the fact of their divorce in their quarrel. He buried everything in his heart, crying alone, sensitive and self-disciplined, and sensible enough to make people feel distressed.
However, this understanding is not commendable. A twisted heart is Li's disaster. Xiao Xiao once said in "A Wonderful Story": "Why should people be sensible? It is because of the environment that there is no other choice. He must be sensible. " Children who are too sensible, lose themselves and live unhappy, and often have many psychological problems when they grow up.
Child psychology believes that through childhood, children establish a good relationship with their fathers, which will have a positive impact on their future marriage and life. Educating a child is not to make him mature prematurely, but to win the future and let him grow up in an orderly way. Children who are bound by the hardships of life without their fathers need a longer way to heal themselves.
The four families grew up with their children in name, but because of their radical ways, their children's growth went to extremes. In fact, children's psychology is very fragile and can be twisted into anything, and once twisted, it is difficult to recover. Only by fully realizing that children are "independent individuals" can they thrive.
If Gu Jiawei and Lin can let their daughters choose for themselves, they will release their inner pressure; Waking up and Xi Bin can be a little slower, so that their son can take the initiative to learn, and the result may be better; If He Jinghua and Jiang Bo can take responsibility, Philip Burkart will return to the right track in the future; Moreover, children's understanding should not be put on the same day, so that Li will be mentally healthy in the future.
Children's growth is lifelong. As parents, it is not enough to just encourage them to be quick and quick. What we can really help children is nothing more than "guiding" and "setting an example". Inspire your inner self with "guidance" and have the ability to solve problems; Set an example for them with "influence", let them determine their own direction, let them have the strongest armor in the future and embrace the most lasting growth ability.
-End-
Author | Peach Blossom Moon
Editor | Ink Language
Internship Editor | Shu Ge
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