A (singing) Only sons are good in the world, and Laozi with sons is like grass; Hold your son's tiger brain, his son is a treasure. Only sons are good in the world, and Laozi with sons is not afraid of old age. As long as my son has a good life, I am not afraid that I will not live.

Are you singing "Mom loves me again"?

No, I'm singing Farewell to My Son.

b？ Your son is dead?

No, I can't live.

b？ You are dead?

Yes, I died. I was killed by my son.

b？ Son killed Lao zi? Never heard of it.

Shh-keep your voice down and don't let the police know.

B that's weird. Don't you want to avenge your death?

A: No. My son caused such an unfortunate event because he loves me. He used a knife to express his love for me, but it was a little too deep.

B Is there such love?

Of course, because my son is different from yours, but he is one of 10,000 sons in Qian Qian. My son is not as good as yours, but he is still a very good son among countless sons. Therefore, a son is always a son, and cannot be compared with his son's Lao Tzu and his son's Lao Tzu. Therefore, the son of Laozi is much more important than his son's Laozi at any time.

B stop. The son is Lao zi, Lao zi is a son, and so are you.

How can you be so indifferent to each other?

Didn't you just say that?

I mean, families nowadays usually only have one son, and some don't even have one. Therefore, sons are extremely important in the family. Sons are generally the center of the family, so it is necessary to strengthen the education of sons. The ancients said: if you don't teach, you will be guilty, if you don't teach, you will be lax, and if you teach, you will be lazy. Therefore, every son has the right to education; Every Lao Tzu has the responsibility of strictly educating his son. Therefore, it is every father's unshirkable responsibility to strengthen the education of his son.

B Then how did you educate your son?

When my wife was pregnant, I used modern scientific means to conclude that the fetus was a boy.

So what is a daughter?

A In short, he is a male citizen, so I will play music for prenatal education.

B what music?

A music that can strengthen male consciousness, the name is unknown, but it is very powerful.

B, you learn.

A (Learn the music quoted by crosstalk chess in the movie Chase)

B (covering his ears) God, aren't you afraid of damaging your son's nerves?

A not afraid. My son has the heroic spirit of eating iron urine, drinking gold and silver, being the only one and never peeing.

B don't have eight legs.

As soon as my son was born, I gave him adult education.

What is adult education?

A is to treat him as an adult education. Make psychological and ideological preparations for his early maturity, early adaptation to society.

B what kind of education have you received?

First, A cultivated his economic consciousness and prepared for his future market economy. I'll let him know RMB first, in all denominations. Pick up a hundred-dollar bill and say to him, "Good son, you must remember that this is what people call an old-age ticket. The most valuable. When you grow up, you will get countless such big tickets.

B Your son got the message and blinked?

He grabbed the money and put it in his mouth without looking.

Well, you're lighting a lamp for the blind-it's a waste of wax.

A: No. This is an important action that my son understands and understands. He ate it in his stomach and melted in his blood. He will definitely put it into action in the future.

B I hope I don't have diarrhea.

After A established his economic consciousness, I also established his self-defense consciousness. Let him know about knives, guns and sticks Tell him it's a knife, and its only advantage is that it can put the person you hate to the ground so that he can't lie down.

b？ Aren't you teaching your son to kill?

No, it's not murder. This is self-defense. This is a necessary tool for our hero to show. Of course, because our national conditions do not have the level of owning a pistol and adding dollars, we can only educate our son to add RMB to the dagger at present.

b？ You want to train your son to be a modern butcher.

A non-toxic, not a husband. Why are you so uncivilized! I think your way of Confucius and Mencius is too poisonous. It must be cleaned with detergent.

B I is closed. However, I hey hey. ...

How are you?

B I is alive, but you are dead.

A to die for the benefit of his son is a fair death. Heavier than Mount Tai.

B maybe. Even if it's not that big, no one will weigh it.

A there is no scale, just know it yourself.

It's called a mouse climbing on the scale hook,

What does A say?

B claims to be from.

A that's right. Now everyone is for me, and I am for me. The important thing is to call yourself. When my son was just talking, I trained him to lie.

b？ Lying? Never heard of it.

A You're a frog in the well. You've never seen the sky. The frog just came out of the eggshell, making a fuss. I tell you, now is the era of developing commodity economy. As the saying goes, no one is unscrupulous. No fakes, no business. Therefore, it is necessary to educate children to comply with this requirement and conduct lie training.

B how do you train?

A Start with the simplest lie training. Conduct false enlightenment training.

Which lies are simple?

Lies are the opposite of truth. So let him be sarcastic first For example, if you have eaten, and people ask you, you say you haven't eaten. By analogy, it can have an immediate effect.

B Let me ask you, can you answer sarcastically?

A let me be a son for once? Well, my son is much more noble than my father anyway.

Have you eaten?

(burps) No, no.

Did you get dressed?

A (looking at herself) didn't wear it.

Do you have parents?

A: No.

Can you talk?

A no.

Are you great?

I am not a thing, and neither are you.

B I thought you said you wanted to be sarcastic.

A has received such strict training. My son's level of lying has improved rapidly.

B what's the performance?

For example, my wife gives him pocket money. I asked him, did mom give you money? He calmly said that he didn't give it to him. I have to give him another copy. He didn't want to go to kindergarten, so he said the teacher was ill and had a holiday today. On New Year's Day, I bought a painting for my son and asked him to give it to the teacher. After work, I asked him if he had given the painting to the teacher. He said he sent it. I asked again, what did the teacher say? He said the teacher said thank you. I am glad to hear this news, so that the teacher will take good care of my son. A few days later, when I was looking for a book, the painting was actually in the bookcase. I asked him why he lied to me.

What did your son say?

The son smiled and said meaningfully, isn't an apprentice who can surpass the master a good apprentice?

b？ It can also rise to the theoretical level.

A: I am like a mute marrying a wife. I am too happy to speak. I jumped up and hugged my son's doll head and said loudly, I see, you are really my son, my father's good son, my baby son, my ambitious son, my ambitious son, my ambitious son, my ambitious son, my ambitious son, my unrestrained son, my ambitious son, my arrogant son. ...

B in a word, in a word, as far as the president is concerned, the son of a big bastard.

You are forbidden to slander my son. Or I'll let my son beat you up.

Let your son hit me? Preschool son? Didn't you let fleas eat tigers? Look at me. No, he has a long neck.

You dare not. Don't you dare touch my son with me around. I look at you with a stick. Then let my son hit any of your weakest parts. Until I knock you down and step on it, so that you can never turn over.

b？ Are you helping your son fight? You're such a son-

A what?

B dog leg.

Of course, otherwise why do you call your son little emperor now? Can this dog be inferior to the emperor? Remember, a son can only get out if he has the support of Lao Tzu. very scary

How did you raise your son?

Didn't I tell you? To train your son's self-defense consciousness, isn't it? For example, my son was beaten by Mingming next door. I called him out and asked him why he hit my son.

If he didn't call, what if your son lied?

It doesn't matter whether A hits or not. Anyway, you can assume or assume that he called. In this way, you can train your son through live targets.

B How did you train him to bully children?

This is not bullying, this is training. I asked him why he hit my son, and the boy was frightened. I always say I don't play, but I don't want to play with my son. Because he often grabs his bubble gum. I snapped, he hasn't finished yet, you are talking nonsense. I saw you slap my son twice, and you dare to say you didn't. I told my son to keep an eye on him, you go up and fight, and if he dares to do it, I will be rude to him. Hearing this, the son jumped up, kicked and beat, bit and scratched like a little lion, and beat the living target wide and wide for mercy. After many rigorous trainings. My son dared to teach every child a lesson while I was away, and he soon became the king of children in our pockmarked alley. And there is a tendency to rush out of the alley and run to the whole city. I was so happy that I hugged my son around my neck and danced and sang: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, there are rosy clouds in the sky and king of the children in the ground. As long as the father and son are closely United, they will definitely beat the baby. Hey hey hey hey hey. ...

Stop singing, the other children and the whole family have come to get even with you.

A settlement? What is the bill? Who did I piss off? Who dares to get even with me?

Your son hit my son.

My son hit your son? What a joke. As far as figure is concerned, your son is taller than mine; In terms of strength, your son is older than mine; In terms of age, your son is older than mine; Mentally, your son is more poisonous than mine. Only your son can beat my son. How could my son hit your son?

You ask your son to call.

Ouch. Heaven and earth conscience. You listen, you listen. How can I support my son to hit people? This is purely an international joke. Sneak into this world. Whoever wants his son to beat other people's children will die a natural death. Go out and hit a car, cross the bridge and fall into the river, explode by plane, derail by train, get bitten by a mad dog halfway, and come home with AIDS imported from abroad.

B it's no use cursing again. My son is your son. Where did the wound on his face come from?

Private www.pangdan.com/dabing/ was wounded by my son? My son caused all the injuries in your family? Did my son make that scar on your grandfather's face, too? Heaven and earth conscience. This good man knows nothing. Kindness is the liver and lungs of the donkey. To tell you the truth. The wound on your son's face was bitten by a dog. I don't know what I would have bitten if I hadn't seen the dog driven away. Instead of rewarding me, you framed my son for calling.

You are talking nonsense.

A piece of crap? You are talking nonsense. Even if you are right, where is the witness? What about the physical evidence? Who can prove it? Without proof, you were framed. The crime of framing shall be sentenced to fixed-term imprisonment of not less than three years but not more than ten years. If the circumstances are serious, it shall be sentenced to life imprisonment or even death.

B you, you are unbelievable. Lawsuit you for such a trivial matter? It's not disappointing that you're not afraid of shame. I'm scared. Forget it, we can afford the loss. Just know who you are. Can't you hide if you can't afford to be provoked? Mingming, go away, and don't pay attention to this rudeness in the future.

It's good. Just know what kind of person I am in case you don't know.

B Then who are you?

One, look.

B unreasonable?

No, I want to reason with you today.

B extremely selfish?

No, I am willing to sacrifice everything for the benefit of my son. Even my life.

B So what kind of person are you?

A can't guess?

B can't guess.

A: I am HIV-positive.

B HIV? Oh, my God.

Anyone who touches me will die a natural death. In this way, who is afraid of who, who dares to provoke me?

Is that still a person? Why must a person be afraid? When people are afraid of you, you also lose the care, help, friendship and love you are most proud of and deserve.

Don't lecture me Although you have friendship and help, you have no deterrent and no strength.

B me? I would rather be a lovely tojo hideki without strength than a formidable tojo hideki.

A You are really uncivilized, an old dogma and a laggard of the times.

I am uncivilized and old-fashioned, but I am still alive, and you are dead, as light as a feather.

A (crying) does not hit the face, and swearing does not expose shortcomings. Why don't you choose which pot to open? Don't think that I hate my son because he killed me. On the contrary, I will miss my son forever, but I have a great regret.

B what?

A can't climb all over the floor and let his son ride.

B is really a slave.

A: I can't do it if I want to. My son has an economic mind since he was a child. When he was still wearing pants, he knew that big money was more than small money, and more money was better than less. So, he doesn't spend a little money, he only spends a lot of money.

What are big money and small money?

A this is a special term for my son to engage in economic activities since he was a child. Small money refers to small face value, and big money refers to large face value. My son only spends a lot of money, not a penny. You must buy a chocolate bar with a hundred-dollar bill, but you can't give any other money. Otherwise, he will roll around, throw my shoes into the street, throw stones at the glass and scold my wife and grandmother.

b？ You spoil your son so much that you won't kill or set fire when you grow up?

Shh, keep your voice down. The public security bureau is investigating this case these days. Don't let anyone know. For the safety of my shoes, for the safety of my glass, for the safety of my wife and grandmother, I give him more than five bills every day.

How much can your son spend?

A My son has to buy snacks at least three times a day, each time 100 yuan.

B Where did you get so many hundred-dollar bills?

A change, because he developed a good habit of thinking.

What are your habits?

A hundred-dollar bill is money, and nothing else is money.

b？ You are really well trained.

A Of course, this is all the result of my emphasis on early education. In order to cultivate my son's awareness of big money, I go to the bank to exchange big money every day.

What did he do?

One day, when my son came back from school, he said that he was passing by the station and saw his grandmother coming with a lot of things for us to pick up. I asked him to watch the door, so I went to pick up the station with my wife.

B is back?

I didn't see a single shadow. When we came back, our son was gone, and even the 1000 yuan for the washing machine in the drawer was gone.

b？ Is your son lying to you?

A: He used one of the 36 schemes. ...

B what's the plan?

Divert your attention.

B Then go and find it.

A We mobilized all our relatives and friends to look for it all day, but we couldn't find it. In the evening, my son was helped back by two waiters in the hotel. He staggered, his eyes were straight and he was foaming at the mouth.

b？ What happened? Did the gangster rob the money and beat up again?

No, you underestimate my son's ability. He was drunk.

B what? Drunk? Isn't your son under ten years old?

What's there? Wine makes heroes brave and food makes cowards full. You got it? Gan Luo is twelve years old, and my son is a hero at the age of nine, so he is ambitious but not old.

B really can't afford to raise and teach well. It's all my father's fault. It's all because of your good education.

Of course, he wants to sneak in After he lured us from the mountain to the mountain, he took a thousand dollars, took a taxi with several buddies, ate a meal at the Yingbin Hotel, played all the games he was interested in in in the Children's Paradise, and booked a private room at the hotel for more than 200 yuan, ready to play until he finished eating and drinking. This is my son's three-light policy.

B a little more civilized than the Japanese.

A certainly.

However, the Japanese won't kill their father.

That was a complete misunderstanding. How else can I not blame my son? When my son grows up, although he hasn't read any books, he is still very popular in society. Very rich. Although no one in the society is afraid that he hates him, he is still very kind to us. Give me thousands of dollars a year, can I have such a capable son?

B I'm not as lucky as you. I want to live a few more days.

A Ten days ago, I went to the provincial capital on business and the bus broke down halfway. I am staying at a friend's house. He runs a clothing factory and is a famous local rich man. Their whole family went out and asked me to watch the door. In the middle of the night, I was awakened by the noise in the room. I looked up and saw a masked man touching my bed with a knife. I just shouted "thief". He stabbed me in the chest with a knife. Before I lost consciousness, I only heard the most intimate and moving voice, and it was also the most beautiful and moving voice-

What's that noise?

Answer? It's dad!

b？ You just let your son kill you?

No, that's not murder. Can only say that the measures are excessive.

B really flooded into the Longwang Temple. Dogs bite Lv Dongbin, tadpoles eat frogs and scorpions eat lice. ...

My son buried me with the grandest, warmest and most tragic ceremony in the world, insisting that the public security organs catch the murderer and mobilize his brothers to make unannounced visits to avenge me.

B It's really a thief shouting to catch a thief, the rabbit is sad to death, the weasel pays a New Year call to the chicken, and the crocodile eats people and tears. ...

A bunch of incompetent policemen can't solve such a big murder case anyway. I was so happy to hear it under the grave, singing it with my hands and feet and singing loudly to six boards-

B what to sing?

Only sons are good in the world. ...

Stop singing.