Forcing children to say hello can only be counterproductive.
I made a personality assessment at work, and the test results showed that I was introverted. My colleagues who worked with me for several years were surprised. They think I'm completely introverted. But I know that I was an introverted and shy child since I was a child, but after work, I learned to use some social skills to ensure that my personality will not become a shortcoming in my career. Therefore, I can talk about a lot of business, but I am definitely not a person who likes to chat with people or "get acquainted" with strangers. Many times I prefer to be alone.
Even now, I am still a slow-witted and introverted person. This is my innate character, and I can't change it easily. What can be changed is that I have learned many skills to prevent my personality from affecting my normal life and work.
Little d's personality is very similar to mine. She can talk to us for a few miles at home, but as long as she goes out, she stops talking, let alone the basic etiquette of greeting people. Because I know my own personality, I also understand little D, but I always feel that children's personality is very malleable. Instead of letting little d experience self-transformation again and again like me when she grows up, it is better to help her improve now. I talked about this idea with Xiao D's pediatrician and cognitive teacher, and they all suggested that I take her out more, saying that seeing more people can improve.
So, as long as I go out, I keep reminding Xiao D to call and say hello. Every day, whether I take her to the supermarket to meet the cashier, walk into the building to meet my neighbors, or go to the park to meet other children, I will say hello to Xiao D. ) "I didn't expect that these two words not only didn't have any magical effect on Xiao D, but made Xiao D somewhat disgusted. I clearly see that every time I meet someone, before I can speak, she has turned her face away and her eyes are empty. She told me in body language: I've had enough!
Parents' role models are the best role models for children.
One weekend night, I was sorting out my old computer and dug up many photos of my previous trip. My husband and I both like traveling very much. One year we went to 25 countries. I took my husband to see these photos with great interest. My husband looked at them and said, "Do you remember that we always quarrel every time we travel, and it's always the same reason?" How could I forget? Every time I travel, I need to ask for directions. My husband always feels that I should "exercise" my introverted personality. He always said, "Ask this man." But I really don't like it, but I can't recognize it, so I find various reasons to shirk it. Every time, I get into trouble for this. At this time, I was angry at my introversion and annoyed that my husband didn't ask me, so they quarreled.
Looking back on this experience, I suddenly found that what I do to little D every day now is to act as a husband! Little d is like me in character and temper. If she could talk, she would probably have a big fight with me.
The next day, I took Xiao D to the supermarket to buy food. When checking out, little d turned and left again. In the past, every time I checked out at the counter, my conversation with the cashier would not exceed four sentences, and each sentence would not exceed three words, which were basically the words "hello", "good", "please" and "goodbye". In fact, Americans are naturally fond of chatting, but it is estimated that my indifferent expression and precious words have blocked their desire to chat, so every checkout process is quick and quiet. But that day, I didn't just say "hi" for the first time, but gave the cashier a smile and said, "How are you? Nice day, isn't it? How are you? Today's weather is very good. ) "In this way, I broke the deadlock with the cashier. While sweeping the vegetables I bought, she chatted with me, complaining that the price of blueberries has gone up again recently, lamenting the beautiful spring in new york, saying that the new hamburger restaurant in the community tastes good, and so on. Slowly, I found that little d turned against me. She looked at us with wide eyes for a long time.
After meeting my neighbors, I stopped to introduce myself, praised their dogs, and remembered many dog names, so that there were many topics to talk about dogs at the next meeting (new york people like dogs very much, and it's never wrong to talk about pets).
Later, we met 2-year-old Mia. Her mother's name is Jennifer and she lives in 97th Street. 3-year-old Ethan's birthday is coming soon. His birthday wish is to be a fireman. Three-and-a-half-year-old Amanda likes Elsa in Frozen best. I have gradually become the "king of children". Every time I go to the park, many children come to talk to me and say hello to little D. ..
Although these are not my favorite things to do in the natural state, I can completely deal with them with the social skills I learned before. In this way, I don't say hello to Xiao D anymore, and I take the initiative to talk to people when I go out every day. This kind of small talk is very popular in new york. One morning about eight months later, when we went downstairs, we met the doorman. That day, I was thinking about something and didn't stop to say hello to the doorman. Suddenly, a milky "hi" interrupted my train of thought-yes, it was the first time that Xiao D took the initiative to greet people! I thought I was hallucinating, but when I looked intently, I clearly saw Xiao D waving his little hand and greeting the doorman with a smile on his face.
From that day on, magical changes have taken place. As soon as Little D enters the elevator, he will greet the neighbors in the elevator with a smile. When every neighbor leaves, she will say "bye-bye" one by one. Sometimes when she sees passers-by on the road, she will wave her arms and say hello loudly when she is happy.
A few months ago, when she went out and saw someone coughing or sneezing, she would say, "white wine!" " "at that time, I felt very puzzled: no one at home drank liquor, how could she know the word'? I didn't know that she said "Blessyou" until someone returned her a "thank you" one day, which is exactly what I often say to strangers.
Now everyone in the whole building where we live knows her name is Dorothy, and the cashier at the supermarket at the door knows her age. Everyone who has met her says that she is a very smiling and friendly girl. But no one expected that she was so shy a year ago.
Parents can be themselves, and children can be themselves.
I always hear the feelings of many parents: they know a lot about parenting, but they still can't teach their children well. In fact, children are really not taught, but influenced by their parents. If you educate your child countless times, it may not work at all, but your daily behavior in small things has far-reaching significance to your child.
So, why should we learn the truth of parenting? Because we need to educate ourselves. On the road of growth, we have discarded or left many basic truths. The arrival of children reminds us to pick up these truths again and then reflect on our behavior. When we meet children, we meet a better self.
Have you ever complained that children don't like reading picture books? Please think about it. Do you always watch TV and brush your mobile phone at home, and only look like "reading" when reading picture books to your children? Do you complain about your child's bad temper? Please think about it. Do you usually raise your voice by eight degrees when you disagree with your family? Do you yell when you see your child make a mistake? Do you complain about your children's bad eating habits? Please think about it. Do you usually go on a diet, overeat or like picky eaters, but always let your children eat nutritious food that you can't eat yourself?
The principle of parenting is only the level of "skill", and the core of "Tao" lies in parents themselves. Without Tao's support, it is useless for parents to master more "skills"