In the era of two children, many only children on the Internet threatened their parents and refused to have a second child. How should two children be educated? How to make Dabao and Bauer live in harmony? How do parents get along with Dabao? -this has become a topic of distress for many parents. In fact, before parents worry, we should think about why Dabao is so exclusive to Bauer's birth. What did parents (or others) do to make Dabao feel such a sense of crisis? The first is verbal violence. Many people like to say to Dabao, "You are going to have brothers and sisters. If you don't obey, your parents will like your brothers and sisters and don't like you. " "You have a younger brother and sister who share the property of your parents." Secondly, many children come into contact with and see that other parents like to say to Dabao, "You are brother/sister, you have to let your brother/sister." If Dabao still refuses to let Bauer go, his parents will use verbal violence or physical violence. Therefore, in the eyes of children, siblings are a threatening species, which will make children feel unsafe and anxious because of siblings. So children can't accept their brothers and sisters happily. After Bauer was born, all family members must go through a process of readjustment, the pace of life will be revised, and grandparents may come to help. Bauer occupied all the energy and resources of his parents, and the balance of the original family of three was broken, and life fell into short-term chaos. In the chaos, everyone may have some anxious emotions, and these emotions may be invested in Dabao. Some of Dabao's original habits may be regarded by parents as "adding chaos" and "not sensible". These experiences will make Dabao feel that he is not valued and loved. Naturally, Dabao will attribute the reason to Bauer, who took away the love of his parents and grandparents and became hostile to Bauer. So how does Dabao express his anxiety? Usually, they don't express it with words, but with actions. For example, Dabao is more inclined to pester his mother, deliberately bully his baby, and even decline his self-care ability and ask his parents for help. When Dabao has these behaviors, his parents are also anxious and angry, subjectively criticizing education, but they can't give Dabao the most needed care, which leads to great trauma to his psychological growth. Children will think that "I am not good", "I am not cute" and "I am an unloved person", so that children will have various psychological and behavioral problems in adolescence. First of all, parents should know that even without Bauer, Dabao will go through three special periods in its normal growth and development, during which it will be very rebellious.

The first rebellious period is 2-3 years old. During this period, self-awareness germinated and began to form their own ideas and attitudes. In action, they often use "beating people" to express their disapproval and opposition. Linguistically, you start to say "no", everything is "no", and doing and not doing is "no" It is normal to "compete" with Bauer during this period. If parents guide them smoothly, children will be separated from their parents consciously. In this process, children feel the joy of separation from others, thus establishing and deriving their own excellent personal qualities;

The second rebellious period is 7-9 years old. They think they are "a little grown-up, no longer children" and like to oppose their parents in everything. Adults say east and he goes west. On the other hand, they are very dependent on adults, unreasonable, crying and delicate. The appearance of Bauer in this period will make Dabao have a lot of emotional reactions, and parents should also guide him correctly. Secondly, parents should also understand the psychological characteristics of Dabao and Bauer. Philip virile, a famous American psychology professor, believes that "the order of family ranking is a very important factor in the formation of personality." The competition and countermeasures between brothers and sisters to get parents' emotional attention are the main factors in the formation of adult personality. "Because the boss is the first child of his parents, he has experienced a period of exclusive parental care and is highly valued by his parents. I hope the boss will take over the family business. Parents' love for the boss is not doting, but stricter love. So bosses are generally very responsible and kind. However, parents generally do not expect the youngest child to shoulder the heavy responsibility of the family. The smallest living environment is less stressful, and the rules and regulations, or rules, are much less than those of the boss, which is more relaxed. So the youngest child is smart and creative. Flexible thinking ability, ability to get along with others, lack of perseverance, self-centered, used to asking for help. Therefore, when there is a conflict with Dabao, Bauer is better at mobilizing his parents to help him, such as grabbing toys. Bauer learns to cry and let his parents help him grab them.

Third, parents should also reflect on the relationship between their emotions and their children's upbringing. Parents are under greater pressure in today's society, but they also have higher expectations for the quality of life, such as family relations, marital feelings and parent-child relations, hoping to get more warmth. When the reality fails to meet their expectations, they will be disappointed, and then they will have some bad cognition about themselves and others, which will affect their emotions, which will naturally transfer to their children. Therefore, parents should control themselves and prevent negative emotions unrelated to their children from affecting their happy growth. Finally, parents should see the benefits of two children living together. For example, two children take care of each other and play with each other. At this time, parents can get rid of the day-to-day life of "looking after children" year after year and do something they like. Dabao can enjoy the sense of accomplishment and responsibility as a boss from Bauer. Bauer was cultivated and trained by his brother and sister since childhood, and his intelligence was developed earlier, and he also learned something in the process of playing, so his personality is usually more flexible and cheerful, and he knows how to get along with people better. Even quarreling is a process of learning how to fight for your rights and negotiation skills. Suggestion:

1. Parents should pay more attention to Dabao's emotions, let Dabao express his emotions and thoughts as much as possible, or let the boss be spoiled sometimes, so that he can be trained to pay attention to his own thoughts and emotions and feel that his parents respect his thoughts and emotions; For the youngest, we should also let him bear some responsibilities and pay attention to cultivating his independence. Don't always think he is young and force the boss to let him do everything. This kind of interaction is best left to the two children themselves, with little parental intervention.

Parents should cultivate their children's sense of responsibility and let them know what they are responsible for. Don't forcibly intervene in children's quarrels, let children learn to fight for and give up some rights in this interpersonal relationship.

3. Don't overemphasize the "differences between men and women", don't label children with gender prematurely, but highlight the advantages of each child, sincerely praise them and moderately frustrate them.

4. Dad should spend more time with his children. Fathers with children can reduce mothers' anxiety, make mothers feel stable and let children grow up in a harmonious and happy family environment; The focus of dad's participation in children's growth is to take children to play more, rather than finding problems and asking children to correct certain behavior habits.