Congratulations on having a pair of children! Very enviable. Now simplify your question. All problems will be solved as long as you teach your son well.

Give more encouragement.

Give more encouragement in children's growth. Just because a son does something wrong doesn't mean everything he does is wrong. When he does well, give him timely encouragement.

Work-study (as a way of receiving education)

Don't give children ready-made money, but you can reward them for doing something right. They can be allowed to do "work-study programs" at home, and there are rewards for doing one thing well.

extracurricular books

But there is nothing wrong with extracurricular books. Don't stop them from reading. After all, it can be a source of knowledge.

Don't treat one as chalk and the other as cheese.

Obviously, your daughter is doing better than her son at present. If I were your daughter, I would also complain about you. She didn't do anything wrong, but you let her suffer the same "treatment" as her brother for the so-called fairness.

Sleep separately

Try to sleep separately. The children's room doesn't need to be too big, and it's not easy to clean up if it is big. These problems cannot be solved by sleeping together. Why not sleep separately?

Older children

If I have two children, I only teach the older one. I believe the older one will take care of the younger one.