Liu Shishi, who is now a "mother", often interacts with everyone through Weibo or variety shows. In the interview a few days ago, she talked about her step-by-step education method for her son:
She is more willing to let her son deal with the "stumbling" in life independently. She will not help the child clear the roadblock because of his injury, but will carefully comfort him: "Is it painful to stumble like this?"
This has aroused unanimous praise from netizens. Life is bound to be bumpy. What we can do is to learn to avoid bumps in the process of growth and learn from experience.
However, many parents around us can't do this. When a child falls down and cries, the first reaction is to immediately go over and pick him up, or even kick and bump his object.
But it is this little detail that sends a message to the child: it is all the fault of the outside world when I fall, and my father/mother will come to help me when I cry.
Over time, children will form a habit of crying when things happen, looking for reasons in others and never admitting that they have problems.
Parents love their children and have a far-reaching plan.
In Hunan Satellite TV's variety "Teenagers Say", a girl in Grade One of Senior High School stood on a high place and shouted at her father, "You are so cruel."
What happened? It turns out that in order to temper her daughter's willpower, dad designed a summer training program for her daughter with good intentions:
Get up at 5: 30 in the morning, run 2000 meters in the morning, throw the ball and jump rope after running, no less.
Not only that, the breakfast at home is also contracted by the girl, requiring at least two dishes and one soup, and even the lunch at noon is cooked by her.
When her father asked her, "Is it difficult to study or military training?"
The daughter replied: "Learning is not bitter at all, but military training is bitter."
The father said with a smile, I hope my daughter will keep doing this for three years and then for another 30 years.
In the interview at the end of the program, the father explained that such a plan was made during the summer vacation to let the children know that learning is not the hardest compared with others.
Let children practice, in order to strengthen their physique, let children learn to cook, and let children understand their parents' difficulties.
For example, in the American drama "House of Cards", it said: "There are two kinds of pain, one is meaningless and will only increase the torture; The other makes you stronger. "
In the long run, considering her long-term future, it is really meaningful to let children experience what they should experience.
Let children hone themselves bit by bit in life and study, face every ups and downs and setbacks, and be "tough" on the premise of ensuring their personal health.
Reconciliation with failure
Cruelty to children is not to stand idly by, but to teach her how to reconcile with failure, just like the bump problem mentioned at the beginning of the article, which often happens when children are young.
A parenting expert shared the story of "rubbing pain on a small bench":
When her daughter was hit by a small bench, she just walked slowly over, gently held the child, gently kissed her daughter's pain and comforted her: "The pain will soon stop and the baby will not cry."
When the daughter's condition is better, take her to the small bench to rub the pain like her and tell the small bench that "it won't hurt soon."
In doing so, it is not to let Xiao Bench stand on her opposite side and become a bad person who "harms" her, but to make her a friend who shares joys and sorrows, and should understand each other and coexist and prosper together.
Teacher Wu Zhen, the founder of Youjia Education, once said in the topic of parent-child relationship:
How to harvest a good parent-child relationship? I summed it up as four, four, no:
1. Don't use your emotions and efforts to "educate" children, but use your wonderful life to influence children;
2. Don't be afraid of children's emotions. Teach children to know, express and manage their emotions.
3. Don't instill truth in children, give them time and opportunity to know the world and draw their own truth;
4. Children are not required to make mistakes, but to accompany them to experience, experience, think and grow.
Falling down is never terrible.
The terrible thing is that you regard it as a scourge and avoid it.
People live in the world and accept the storms of nature. This is the basic law.
Shadow, like light, is the wealth of life.
Only by facing it bravely, dissolving it, surpassing it and reaching a settlement with it can we remain calm and optimistic in the face of any setbacks.
If parents are evaluated on a scale of 100, maybe 60 is the best parent.
They will neither ask their children to respond to their own needs and make the right choices at all times, like parents with a score of 100, nor be self-centered and ignore their children's needs at all times, like parents with a score of 30.
Appear when the child needs us, silently guarding behind him; At other times, retreat behind the scenes and give children enough room to grow up; Accept the growth of children at an appropriate time, and then quit the stage of children's life.
This may be the best parent-child relationship and the best failure education.
May every child be treated well!