So, what is the "Tao" of family education? President Wu put forward four iron law theories in the book "The Principal Accompany You as Parents", and made a perfect interpretation of "Tao". These four iron laws are: relationship is more important than education, example is more important than words and deeds, and growth is more important than achievement. I'm sure you will see it.
First of all, relationships are more important than education.
Pedagogy is first of all a study of relationships, and there is no education without relationships. First of all, we should have a good relationship with parents, teachers, students and home schools. This relationship is not in the secular sense, but a relatively free, harmonious and respectful relationship.
Let's talk about parent-child relationship first. If the parent-child relationship is harmonious, parents are willing to listen to their children's voices and parents are willing to listen, family education will be effective. On the other hand, if the parent-child relationship is tense, parents often beat and scold their children, which leads to their rebellious mentality. At this time, the effect of any clever education method is zero.
Let's talk about the relationship between teachers and students. As the old saying goes, "Be close to your teacher and pay attention to your way". Only when students respect and like the teacher will they believe what the teacher teaches and their children's grades will be good. Many wise parents consciously establish the authority of teachers and tell their children to "listen to the teacher". However, very few parents often accuse teachers in front of their children for no reason, which leads to children's distrust of teachers, and teachers have no authority in their eyes. This method is not desirable, nor is it good for children.
Finally, talk about the relationship between home and school. Parents and schools are naturally allied, because their purpose is the same, that is, to educate their children together. However, the relationship between home and school in reality is not satisfactory. A serious and responsible teacher is usually strict with his children. Under the current system, this is a big risk. Of course, strict discipline does not mean corporal punishment, and there are various ways of discipline.
However, some parents don't understand the teacher's intention and think that the teacher is deliberately against their children, so they take various ways to find trouble with the teacher. Educational management institutions often take the evasive approach to deal with teachers. This method seems that both parents and children have gained certain benefits, but in fact, it is the children themselves who are ultimately hurt. Because this will make children become arrogant, lawless and ignorant. Who will dare to discipline such a child in the future? There are three institutions to educate children, family, school and prison. Without the correct discipline of family and school, there is probably only one future for children.
It can be seen that relationship is more important than education, and relationship precedes education. It doesn't matter, there is no education.
Second, example is more important than words.
In life, this phenomenon often happens. After school in the afternoon, children go to the study to do their homework, and parents watch TV in the living room. Occasionally, when a child peeks in the living room, the parents will shout loudly, "What are you looking at? Hurry up and do your homework! "
If the child is still young, it may be just dissatisfaction, but it is also "Cao Cao in the heart and Han in the heart"; If the child is older, he may retort: "Why can you watch TV!" Parents are often speechless.
Confucius said, "It's just and not ordered; His body is not right, although he does not obey. " The above situation shows that parents don't understand the truth that "example is more important than words". Because children don't listen to what you say, but watch what you do. He sees your every move and remembers it in his heart.
At this time, the best way is for parents to turn off the TV immediately, then take a book or magazine and quietly accompany their children to read. If you don't like reading, you can do some housework without affecting your child's study.
The family is a large-scale "copier", parents are "originals" and children are "photocopies", which are copied from "originals" to "photocopies" all the time. Although children have strong imitation ability, they have poor discrimination ability and will follow their parents' good habits and bad habits. Therefore, parents, as their children's first teachers, must be cautious in their words and deeds, set a good example for their children, and avoid getting their children into bad habits.
Take my daughter for example. After she entered junior high school, she entered adolescence. She is tall and strong. The biggest change for her is that she started talking back to us. I say one word, and she has ten words to wait for. Her mantra is "Why can you do this?"
To be honest, as a father, I think I had a good relationship with my daughter before, but my daughter was still a little rebellious. I was inevitably depressed at first. However, after learning the knowledge of psychology, I understand the characteristics of adolescent children and feel relieved. The most important thing is that I understand the truth that "example is more important than words".
So, I made a change. I should not only pay attention to my words and deeds, but also be good at listening to my daughter's voice and respecting her point of view. Slowly, my daughter's rebellious mentality became smaller and smaller, and our parent-child relationship became harmonious again. I think my daughter's change is related to my understanding that "example is more important than words".
Third, growth is more important than achievement.
Under the current education system, the selection of talents mainly depends on scores. Although there are some drawbacks, it is a fairer system until there is a better way. Therefore, it is understandable that many parents set a goal for their children to get high scores or even full marks. However, if parents fall into the "achievement-only theory", ignore their children's healthy and happy growth, and cultivate their children into "nerds", it will not be worth the candle.
In a class, only a few children always get excellent grades, while most children can grow up well, although their grades are not excellent. Because the purpose of education should be to cultivate the basic qualities of children's all-round development, such as mature mind, sound personality, noble moral character, healthy and happy attitude towards life, lifelong learning ability, good habits, good communication skills and so on. These qualities are difficult to show in the results.
We should understand that knowledge is not as good as ability and ability is not as good as quality. A survey shows that there have been 1000 college entrance examinations in the past 30 years, and no one has become a top talent, and his performance is far below expectations. This shows that good grades do not necessarily mean strong ability, and knowledge is not as good as ability.
Some parents only pay attention to their children's grades and neglect their moral cultivation, which leads to many tragedies, such as the Ma Jiajue incident. Although this is only an example, it fully shows that ability is not as good as quality, and morality always comes first.
Fortunately, the motto of my daughter's school is "filial piety and lifelong companionship", and the training goal is to make children have both ability and political integrity. Therefore, the students trained in this school not only have excellent grades, but also have high moral character. Such students are also more adaptable to society.
In a word, growth is more important than achievement. For parents, cultivating a healthy and happy child is far more important than a cold score.
Fourth, I believe I will see it.
In our daily life, we will see this phenomenon. A toddler fell down. If his parents encourage him to get up by himself, he will get up slowly. If his parents help him at once, then the next time he falls, he will lie there motionless, waiting for you to help him.
This is what you believe. Magic power, if you believe it, you will see that it is a positive psychological suggestion and an upward strong belief. If you believe that a child can do it, he can really do it. If you don't trust your child, he can't perform for you. Of course, you can't aim too high. You should set a reasonable goal, a goal that a child can achieve by lifting his feet. This can not only stimulate children's inner potential, but also avoid losing confidence because they can't achieve their goals.
There is a famous experiment about the story of faith in pedagogy and psychology, which is called "Rosenthal effect", also called "pygmalion effect". Professor Rosenthal, a famous psychologist in the United States and China, came to the classroom of an ordinary middle school, randomly circled the names of several students, and then told the teacher that these students were very clever. After a while, he came to this school again and was surprised to find that the children he chose developed rapidly in intelligence.
I think it is precisely because the teacher is convinced of Professor Rosenthal's words and often encourages those children, which has a positive influence on them. Children's self-confidence is greatly enhanced, and they begin to demand themselves by the standards of excellent students. Slowly, they really became excellent students.
In fact, every child is unique and may be gifted in some ways. But this requires parents and teachers to have a pair of discerning eyes, have great tolerance for a unique child, be good at discovering his strengths, believe that he can do it, and constantly encourage and cultivate him so that he can truly become a genius in a certain field. On the contrary, if parents and teachers regard a unique child as an alternative, only see his shortcomings, constantly attack and dig at him, and make him lose confidence, he will really become a fool. Every child can be a genius. You believe, I believe, you will see.
These four iron laws of family education complement each other, cooperate closely and are indispensable. Dear parents and friends, if you are confused about family education, try these four iron laws, and I believe you will gain a lot!