I have also mentioned this story on many occasions.
The baby is four years old and loves candy. Mother is afraid that her child will eat too much sugar, so she strictly controls the amount and stipulates that she can only eat two tablets a day. Children often wake up and can't wait for their mother to bring him candy, and often pester their mother for more after eating two pieces. Parents stick to the principle, don't give it any more, and put the sugar cone in a high place so that children can't reach it.
But one day, my parents found that the sugar in the sugar cone was decreasing. After careful observation, they found that there was an extra stool in front of the cabinet where the sugar cone was placed, and the sugar cone was moved, so they understood. Although this little guy is clever, he doesn't know how to destroy the evidence after moving the stool and climbing into the cupboard to secretly get the candy. This discovery surprised parents. The original intention is to let children eat less sugar and learn to control themselves. From this point of view, children's self-control has not only failed to develop, but also has the bad habit of counterfeiting.
Instead of criticizing the child immediately, the parent began to reflect on his own management of the child and realized that he had to change his ways and communicate with the child. Instead of exposing the fact that the child stole candy, she sincerely apologized to the child, saying that you love candy so much, but your mother always forgets to give you candy every day, so the baby has to chase her mother for candy every day, which is not good. It's still like this in the future. The baby will take care of the candy tube by himself and get it when he wants to eat candy, okay? When the child listens, of course he is happy and says yes. Mom says you can fix the candy cone yourself, but mom still doesn't want you to eat more. I've told you the disadvantages of eating too much sugar. Would you like to eat two tablets a day? The child said yes.
So the mother handed the cone to the child confidentially, and the child was both excited and surprised. This is something that the mother never dared to let him touch before!
Mom opened the sugar cone and said, let's count how many pieces are left, and how many days are left to eat. My child and I counted, and there were 20 pieces of candy. Mom said that these sweets are enough for you to eat 10 days, and then mom will buy new ones. Then safely give the cone to the child. A few days later, the mother quietly counted the sugar in the sugar cone and found that the child really didn't eat any more.
This case shows that parents can achieve several educational effects as long as they change their methods. One is to control the amount of sugar children eat, the other is to cultivate their self-control, and the third is to prevent children from lying and cheating.
On the surface, it's just a change in one sentence and one method. Behind it is a complete change in educational thinking-parents quit the role of supervisor and controller, give their trust back to their children, and let them gain the power of self-management.
This decentralization will inevitably arouse children's inner sense of self-esteem and responsibility. The two practices of parents are essentially different, which is the difference between education and anti-education. Then the child will be completely different in this matter.
What better way to show respect for a person than trust?
Being respected is human nature, and distrust is a typical manifestation of disrespect.
A child who has no chance to control himself can't learn to control himself.
It is difficult for a child who is not trusted and always wary of being a thief to develop the qualities of honesty and self-esteem.
It is very simple for parents to transfer the power of managing sugar cones from their own hands to their children, but it is an educational event. It tells children that you can be your own master.
Some people may say that in the case of cone, the parents' method is effective because her children behave better and know how to cooperate. If it is my child, give him the candy cone and let him take care of it himself, and he can finish 20 pieces of candy a day-I believe this is the case, and I also believe that if a child breaks his word and has such low self-esteem, there must be a reason.
What is certain is that children's nature is good and self-esteem is innate. A child who lacks self-esteem is not born with a lack of self-esteem, but his self-esteem has been severely smoothed out in previous lives. Parents' disrespect for their children's behavior is the external cause of injury.
In real life, no parents will admit that they don't respect their children, but their behaviors and concepts are deviated. The deviation between his ideas and behaviors stems from the lack of consciousness in two aspects: one is the lack of psychological basis of "respect", that is, trust; The second is that he hasn't found a way to achieve "respect". I didn't know that what would lead him to this road was an unexpected signpost: freedom.
Freedom-in education, the importance of this word is irreplaceable; But in life, words are the easiest to lose! Rousseau once sighed: "People are born free, but they are everywhere in chains."
Especially at present, because we have been keen on discipline and strictness for many years, "freedom" is still a strange word for many people. Especially in education, people mistake control for education, but they don't know that every control is a thick or thin rope, which wraps around children every day, leading to psychological dysfunction of children. Bound children will eventually become insane, timid, rebellious and irritable, full of lies, rigid and narrow-minded, and so on, all of which are possible symptoms.
Almost every little thing in a child's growth can be a good or bad educational event in the feeling of freedom or not. Sticking to the wrong education always comes at a price, and any kind of repeated mistakes will not leave traces.